Hamlet posed his existential quest for life with the famous phrase “To be or not to be, that is the question.” I woke up this morning wrestling with a somewhat different question. I wanted to go back to sleep. It was too early to get up. It was dark and cold. I did not want to leave my nice warm bed but something inside of me was in war over the question of whether I can make a difference or not in the world. Am I a fool and charlatan or a man with meaning and purpose? You might say it was my pessimist side fighting with my optimist side. It seemed more like my nihilist attitudes battling with my existentialist attitudes. Or perhaps it is my cynicism versus my somewhat subdued optimism. I will simply call these two voices “Doom and Gloom” versus “Hope and Possibilities.” The struggle between the two voices went as follows.
Doom and Gloom: You have nothing to live for. Your life is a waste. You have screwed up more things than you have made right. No one cares what you think. You are not making a shred of difference in the world.
Hope and Possibilities: If you quit now, what were all your struggles and efforts for? You must believe in yourself; you can make a difference.
Doom and Gloom: Show me any of your successes. Do you have a single win in life that you can feel proud of or that you can say really changed the world or made a difference?
Hope and Possibilities: Do you remember what Mother Teresa once said “I am not called on to make a difference, I am called on to have faith.” You may never know if you are making a difference in the world but like buying a lottery ticket if you don’t buy one you can never win.
Doom and Gloom: You have about as much chance of making a difference in the world as you do of winning the lottery. Nobody cares about what you think or say.
Hope and Possibilities: History is made by people who did not give up. Look at all the people who made a difference by their examples. Jesus, Socrates, Mandela, Rosa Parks.
Doom and Gloom: It goes without saying that you are no Jesus or even a Rosa Parks. Many of the people that you mention were martyrs. Do you aspire to make a difference by being a martyr?
Hope and Possibilities: I have been willing to take risks all of my life. I have stood up for people. I have stood against bullies. I have risked any reputation or career advancement to stand up for integrity and morality. No, I do not want to die for what I believe. I would like to live a long and happy life. But I will not change my beliefs to pacify or to conform to what others want to hear.
Doom and Gloom: That is why you will never be successful in making a difference. No one wants to hear your political diatribes and rants. Your opinions are like raindrops on a duck’s ass. People just want to be happy, and you are trying to make people unhappy.
Hope and Possibilities: Probably true. Over the years, I have said many things that people reject or that they think are even stupid ideas. I have been guided by a desire to change how people think and what they see. Einstein once said that “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” I have tried to think out of the box. I see the world so different than so many people I know.
Doom and Gloom: And what did this get you? Converts? No, enemies, loss of friends, arguments, disillusionment. There is also a saying that goes “Insanity is defined by doing the same things and expecting different results.” You my friend, are bordering on insanity. Your blogs and writings have not made one bit of difference in the world.
Hope and Possibilities: I have about two thousand readers each month who look at my blog and many of them have left positive comments.
Doom and Gloom: You are preaching to the choir. You are not reaching the people who will make a difference in the world. You have a small fan club. You do not get as many hits on your site in a month as Kim Kardashian gets in one hour on her site.
Hope and Possibilities: If you want to hurt someone, you really know how. If I make a difference with one person, I want to believe it makes my efforts worthwhile.
Doom and Gloom: Sure, go ahead and keep telling yourself that myth. You know you would really like to have more people listen to your ideas and to help support some of them. Over the years, I have seen so many ideas come from your feeble brain and to date, I have not seen a single one of them adopted by anyone with the power or influence to implement them. Ideas by themselves cannot make a difference. You need power and action.
Hope and Possibilities: You are depressing me. I want to say that you are wrong. I am losing this battle. I am not sure that I have anything left to say that could change your mind.
Doom and Gloom: Maybe it is about time that you wake up and smell the roses. If you need a purpose or goal in life, perhaps it is time to pick something else. Time to stop being a Boy Scout. The world will little care or long remember anything you say here.
Hope and Possibilities: I guess this is where being an atheist is a liability. I cannot fall back on Jesus, God, Saints, Zeus, Odin or any other supernatural being for help or for divine intervention. I can only go on by faith in myself and by believing that whether or not I make a difference, I cannot give up trying. I may not be the best in the world but I won’t lay down and do nothing.
Doom and Gloom: The final words of a fool.
Hope and Possibilities:
“Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hundred and first.” ― Derek Landy
I finally slid out of bed after kissing my wife “good morning.” It was still dark and cold. I went into the bathroom to take my morning shower. My mood brightened considerably but I still have not resolved the battle with myself. I sometimes doubt that I ever will. I need to be grateful today for what I have. I need to help someone else and stop struggling with my ideas of success and failure. I need to practice love and gratitude and not whether or not I have made a difference in the world.
Aging Capriciously 
Feb 01, 2023 @ 09:19:30
You did a lot of thinking while you were deciding whether to get out of bed or not, John! 😏 First of all, I didn’t it ever got cold in your part of AZ! More importantly, as your fitting final quote says, you make a difference every time you make someone else feel better, every time you show that they matter. You make a difference every time you encourage someone else to feel good about themselves. You make a difference every time you show kindness to another human being, every time you smile pleasantly at a stranger. We don’t always know what positive impact we’re having on others, but that doesn’t mean it’s not happening. 😊
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 18:25:57
Thanks Jane, After I wrote this blog this morning, I made a phone call to one of my best friends. I called him yesterday but he did not pick up. He is 83 and in good health but he suffers from depression. When I last talked to him about three days ago, I asked him how he was handling the depression. He replied that it was fine as long as he took his meds. We discussed some of the world and I said I would call him again later this week. His wife answered his phone this morning. Clearly distressed, she told me that Dick had committed suicide yesterday afternoon.
I appreciate your comments about making a difference. I am glad that I was not waiting for Dick to reach out to me. I called him often to check on him. I thought my calling would stave off some of his despair with the world. He was not in bad health but you probably know how awful depression can be for some people. Getting old as they say is not for the faint of heart. John
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 18:37:59
Oh my God, John, I’m so very sorry for your friend and the pain he had to have been in, and also to the grief that you, his wife, and everyone else left behind is feeling. It’s always so hard to be as empathetic as we can but still not be able to take away that terrible pain experienced by those who suffer from severe depression. You should feel good about having continued to reach out. You made a difference.
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 18:55:31
Thanks Jane, it seemed ironic that I received this news after writing my blog. More like it would have precipitated my writing but it was an unwelcome surprise. I will post a sort of memorial blog to Dick. I wrote a story about him a while ago but I would reedit it before reposting. Some of it was funny at the time but might not be so now to his wife and friends. Hope you are well. Thanks for being there and I always appreciate your comments. John
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 20:00:16
🫶
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 19:58:18
That is so sad about your friend.
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 21:15:21
Thanks Jacob. Dick was a great guy. You would have liked him, John
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 09:57:47
A thought provoking post thank you John.
I think your last image says it all really – ‘be yourself, show it and care’ – which you do.
How about a third option, ‘Reality and action’?
Facing the obstacles presented to us and acting on them, if we are able to.
To be honest with you, I get tired of the blinkered ‘be positive people’. We need to see and deal with the negatives, try to get through them, instead of denying their existence. It can be dangerous to only see or look for the positives when all around us ‘attention’ is screaming out.
It’s not easy is it?!
I try to pacify myself by thinking it’s the ripples we leave behind. Those effects we have on others and on occurrences which we may not be aware of. The ripples we leave behind, not only with our loved ones but on all those lives we’ve touched.
I guess we’ll never know the extent …..
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 18:27:38
Thanks Margaret. I appreciate your words and your taking the time to share them with me. It means a lot. I don’t aspire for sainthood but I hope I will be remembered for trying to make the world a better place. John
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Feb 02, 2023 @ 02:39:49
John, how sad I feel having just read your message about your friend. Sounds as though you were caring and thoughtful, a good friend, calling to check on him. Very best wishes Margaret.
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Feb 02, 2023 @ 07:53:12
Thank You Margaret. Dick was a good friend. It was a sad day for both Karen and I as well as his family and other friends. I wrote a blog about Dick which I am going to repost from three years ago. He was a very remarkable person. John
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 10:06:36
Nice one, John. Many of us struggle with the same questions. But at the end of the day, we can make a choice. Yes the glass is half full, always. Hope is us.
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 18:15:05
Thanks Barry. A very nice thought.. John
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 11:35:14
Wow, sounds similar to my thoughts at time just more beautifully expressed. And by the simple fact people are reading this blog it means you are reaching people and making a difference.
Thank you for your time, energy and thoughts.
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 18:14:23
Thank you Wayne. I guess we just keep on trucking. John
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 13:49:38
Of course YOU can make a difference, John . . . and so can I . . . even at our relatively advanced age! https://youtu.be/oo7VlD66ISM
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 18:52:06
Never too old until we quit. I bought a t-shirt the other day with the quote on it that said “It is weird being the same age as these old people.” I always thought when I was growing up that I would never grow old. I guess I still feel that way.”
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 15:15:28
Your blog makes a difference for me (I’ve learned a lot reading it), and this post was exactly the thing to help me face my ongoing sense of uselessness and despair. Thank you. Thank you especially for not pretending you have all the answers, but for showing that you too struggle and get turned around, and then remind yourself to practice love and gratitude, and then show up despite your doubts.
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Feb 01, 2023 @ 18:57:37
Thanks Ginger. You made my day. I know that fighting any of our battles is ongoing but I am glad that for the moment I could help you with your sense of uselessness and despair. I hope you can always find something or someone to help you keep the wolves from the door. John
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Feb 10, 2023 @ 21:58:35
Oh MY!!! This is almost the exact same conversation that Me, Myself, and I have had on numerous occasions, usually first thing in the morning when I’m fighting to decide whether to catch a few more zzzzzs or get up and try to be useful. Many, many times I ask myself who I think I’m kidding when I say I’m trying to make a difference, to help people understand things, to help them see viewpoints they might not have otherwise seen. Then Myself pops up with the same language your Doom and Gloom uses, reminding me of my small audience and that most already think the same as I do.
Well written, John, and it’s good to know I am not alone in this never-ending discussion!
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Feb 12, 2023 @ 13:45:10
Thanks Jill, several comments noted how many of us actually do feel somewhat down when we seek to make a difference and it is difficult to tell if we are making any headway. I guess we just keep on plugging along and try to give each other a pat on the back every so often. Thanks for your pat today. You are not alone. John
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Feb 13, 2023 @ 00:35:42
And thank you for your pat as well, my friend!
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Feb 13, 2023 @ 12:23:39
I would imagine that many of us have thought about whether we are making a difference, and I keep hearing the song, “What’s it all about Alfie?”. I’m going way back now. I felt that I hadn’t done enough, or given back more than I’ve taken from this world, until I read the last part of your blog, and I am happier today because you made me realize that by caring, simply caring for and loving those who I care deeply for, may just be my biggest contribution. I hope it is enough, because it’s really all I have. 😄
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Feb 13, 2023 @ 15:25:24
Probably all any of us really have Jeanine. To love others as we love ourselves was Christ’s commandment. I will have to look up that Alfie song. I do not remember it. Thanks.
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Feb 13, 2023 @ 15:28:46
Jeanine, I never did know the words. Burt died last week and was a great songwriter. John
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Feb 14, 2023 @ 16:17:08
I just reread the full lyrics to that song John, and was surprised how much of it related to your blog. Thank you for taking the time to look it up. I know Bacharach died last week, but what I didn’t know, and a bit of a coincidence, was that he wrote that song. 😃
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Feb 15, 2023 @ 18:39:58
Heck of a story isn’t it. Not always a straight line or an easy jog to something that becomes
successful. John
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