Aging Capriciously

Tom Sandoval addressed the jaw-dropping drama that he and longtime girlfriend Ariana Madix called it quits over infidelity.

The “Vanderpump Rules” star made a conscious effort to remain silent after news broke he and co-star Raquel Leviss were having a “full-on affair” — but decided to finally speak out Friday night.  —- ‘Hated’ Tom Sandoval addresses Ariana Madix split amid cheating claims by Nika Shakhnazarova, March 4, 2023 | 4:58am

Before I saw this headline on my Google consolidated news channel, I must confess that I had never heard of Tom Sandoval, Raquel Leviss or Ariana Madix.  Over the years, I have “jealously” noted that major movie stars (For example, Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley) with drop dead gorgeous girlfriends or wives always seem to cheat on them with equally beautiful drop dead gorgeous girlfriends who are no doubt dating other famous movie stars.

Now for “common” guys like me, having a girlfriend like Ariana Madix would be like “let’s say” owning a Ferrari.  Not a chance in a lifetime that I ever will but it is still something to dream about.  By the way, to my female readers, I am sorry that I cannot write a blog that might sum up some of your fantasies, but it is beyond my writing skills to put myself in your shoes.  The only thing that I might say is that perhaps many women would like to write a blog about a guy that does not cheat on them.  If so, I would suggest that you do not look for inspiration in Hollywood.  The saying that a man’s penis and his brain cannot both operate at the same time seems largely true for much of “mankind.”

So, I saw this headline this morning and immediately wondered if Tom was leaving a decrepit homely looking girlfriend for better waters or if my imagined “Law of Cheating” held true.  Was his new illicit girlfriend just as beautiful but no more beautiful than his old girlfriend?  I had to test my hypothesis, so I Googled pictures of both.  You can make your own mind up by scanning the pictures I have posted of each woman.  I think my “Hollywood Law of Cheating” is still valid.  But this is not really the issue.

The real issue is why a seemingly intelligent man like me (I hope somewhat intelligent anyway) would even care about Sandoval and his exploits.  I know we call some of these headlines click-bait and I keep telling myself to ignore them.  After all, I really don’t care about British Royalty, the Kardashians, Zombie TV shows or the trysts of Hollywood actors and actresses.  I have a hard enough time trying to avoid the latest news dealing with crooked politicians, greedy real estate developers and lying lawyers to last me the rest of my life.  Short though that might now be.

I have an idea that might help us to avoid these clickbait useless stories.  We need a schema for categories of news stories.  Such a schema would help us to prioritize what we could or should read and when.  Might I suggest the following as a start:

Category One:  Local news that might directly impact your safety or wellbeing or the safety or wellbeing of your loved ones.

Category Two:  Local news that might impact you or your family either socially or economically.

Category Three:  National news that impacts you or your family in any meaningful tangible way.

Category Four:  International news that you might be able to do something positive about in terms of aid or humanitarian assistance.

Category Five:  News about subjects you are interested in like science or history.

Category Six:  Social, Economic or Political news that you cannot change or do anything about.

Category Seven:  News about sports or entertainment

Category Eight:  News that includes gossip about other people whom you have never met and or likely to never meet.  This includes British Royalty, the Kardashians, and most movie stars.

The way you use these categories is as follows.  Just like you have a meal with a balanced diet of carbs, fats, proteins, and nutrients, you would select your daily diet of news based on a balanced news diet.  For example:

Monday:  Two helpings from Category 1.  One helping from Category 2.  One helping from Category 3.  One helping from Category Seven.

Tuesday:  Two helpings from Category 2.  Two helpings from Category 3.  Two helpings from Category 5.  One helping from Category Eight.

You get the idea?  A balanced diet of news with some allowance for “junk food.”  Junk food being anything in Categories Six, Seven or Eight.  Such a diet would help many Americans focus on what is important.  You can start by cutting out my list of categories and keeping this list close by your TV or favorite news source.

Now that I have helped you to think about the important things in your life, I am going to go back to reading about Tom Sandoval, whoever he is.

By the way, I would not trade my spouse Karen for all the glamorous movie stars in the world.  Happiness lies not in what we can buy or what is skin deep but in character and personality.  I can not imagine growing old with anyone else by my side than Karen.