Aging Capriciously

Do you have time? How often are you asked that question? Have you ever really thought about what it means? Of course, you say “I know what it means.” However, do you really? When people ask you if you have time, are you being asked for space, for a priority, for help, for support, for money or something else? What is it that they want your time for? In some respects, it is a silly question, since of course you have time. The real question is do you have time for them. Even more to the point, is the issue of whether your priorities and expectations match up with their priorities and expectations? Do you have time to walk their dog? Do you have time to help them with their report? Do you have time to watch their children?

We are asked this question many times a week. What goes into your decision to “make” time for others? Do you make time for people you really like or for people who you think have influence over you? Whether or not we have time will often depend on how important something is to us or how important we view our relationship with the person asking for our time. We are all very busy people, but we will take the time to help those we really care about or if the issue is something we are very interested in. The answer “no, I don’t have the time” more likely means that it is not important or interesting to me. The time I am willing to give to others can have a very ego-centric aspect to it. I give time not because I have it but because I want to. Of course, at work, if my boss asks me, I will probably have time since I want to keep my job.

Who do you really make time for? Are you selfish or generous with your time? Do you have time for those with power over you or for those whom you love? Are you giving your time to the right people?

Time has often been the theme or plot of many stories. Days repeating themselves, people living life over again, people being born in the future etc. Time travel has been a very popular theme. Several movies have been made involving the concept of traveling back or forward in time. Often the plot involves the futility of trying to change the future or the negative effects from trying to change the past. This creates what could be called the “time paradox.” If you could go back and change things, then why would you need to go back in the first place? Another dilemma time travel poses is how anyone could be alive at two places at the same time. Inevitably, the person going back discovers the futility of trying to change time. In Déjà vu, Denzel Washington was able to surmount the time paradox and successfully changed the future. Of course, it is not explained how he managed to exist at two places at the same time, but the movie is very entertaining.

Some movies have dealt with the theme of “stuck in time” as in the movie “Ground Hog Day.” In this movie, the main character Phil (played by Bill Murray) is a weatherman assigned to cover Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney Pennsylvania, where every year a big to-do is made about whether or not the ground hog comes out and sees its shadow. The outcome of this ritual is said to determine how much longer winter will go on. Bill is a disillusioned self-centered individual with a very cynical outlook on life. By some stroke of fate, he finds that he keeps waking up and reliving Groundhog Day over and over again. We surmise that he must keep repeating the day until he is able to get it right. He must develop a likable and lovable personality. The proof that he has changed lies in his ability to win the heart of a local woman played by Andie MacDowell. The character Phil is not only given a second and third but even gets a fourth and fifth chance to live his life over again and to get it right.

Now you might think that Phil was lucky and you never get such luck but you would be wrong. Each day we get up, we have another chance to get it right. Each day is an opportunity for a new beginning and a new start. You have to make a choice. Will you keep doing the same things or will you change your life. How often have you wished you could change the past or keep repeating it until you got it right? What is one thing you would like to go back into the past to change? What if you could change it? How would your life be different today? The choice is yours to make.

“The problems of today versus the problems of tomorrow” is a choice we face each day. Whether to deal with the reality of life staring at us this morning or to deal with those issues that will be more important in the future? That is the real question. It is very difficult to put off fire fighting or problem fixing (short term) in order to do problem resolution or problem prevention (long-term). Dr. W. E. Deming, one of the great business leaders and thinkers of the Twentieth Century often used this phrase about the “problems of today versus the problems of tomorrow.” He counseled business leaders to run their organizations by balancing the problems that confront them on a daily business with the long term strategic issues that the organization needed to address for survival. One of his favorite comments was “putting out a fire in the hotel, does not improve the hotel.” When you think about it, as necessary as it might be, putting out fires rarely improves ones long-term position in the world.

This bit of Deming wisdom is something I try to use to manage and improve my own life. Merely focusing on today’s problems does not prepare me for the future or any real growth. It is easy to live day by day and not plan, not save and not grow for the future. How many people do you know that will not be able to afford to retire? How many people do not put money aside for their children’s education? How many people have finished their college education and never gone back to school for any further growth and development? How many people have a diet or exercise plan that they really follow?

If you are only living for today, what will your life be like tomorrow? There was a story I often told about the man/woman saving the drowning people who were coming down the river and had fallen in. He stopped pulling people out and someone said: “You can’t quit now there are still people coming down.” He replied: I am not quitting, I am just going up river to find out what is causing so many people to fall in.” There comes a time when you must stop putting band-aids on life or when you must get to the root of the problem. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. You will always have to deal with short term crisis. But if your life has no room for the future, you will just keep on having these crises. This goes for money, relationships, marriage or children. The best relationships all take time to build for the future. The issue is not how to do one or the other, the issue is how to do all.

What do you need to plan for the future? What problems in your life need to be solved immediately? How can you balance your problems of today with your problems of the future? What future problems are you ignoring or not planning for? Why? Who could help you with these problems?