Aging Capriciously

Famous eulogies! Some eulogies are so memorable that they are forever etched into our minds and into history. Others will quickly be forgotten. Perhaps the most famous “funeral” oration of all time was not given at a funeral. Martin Luther King’s famous “I Have a Dream Speech” was about what Dr. King wanted said at his funeral. He had a premonition of his own death and drafted this speech as a sort of pre-eulogy that he delivered himself. It is surely one of the most moving and memorable speeches of all time. Today on his birthday, it is more than fitting to look at his words and to reflect on their meaning:

“Let us not wallow in the valley of despair. I say to you today, my friends, that even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow. I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed. We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal.

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.”

You may find the entire speech at: http://www.dltk-kids.com/crafts/mlk_speech.htm

Martin Luther King’s speech might inspire some of us to write our own eulogies. The point of creating your eulogy is not about becoming famous, it is about reflecting on the life you want to live. Someone said that dreams become goals only when you put a date on them. Well, hopes and wishes can become real too but only when you put them out as intentions and desires. If you want to be the person in your dreams you will have to form the intention to be that person. When someone else is giving your eulogy it will be too late.

If you have never written your eulogy or even if you have written it, go back and look it over again. Think about these questions again: What do I really want said about me when I die? What do I want people to remember me for? What would I say about myself if I gave my own eulogy speech today? What is memorable about my life that I would like history to remember me for? Now make a schedule to write your eulogy. When you have written it, the question to ask is “Can I live up to this?” If not, how do you need to change your life and when will you start with these changes? Martin Luther King would be proud of each of us today if we started living the dream that he proposed for humanity and America.

What do you have time for today? They say we can tell what a person values by where they spend their time and what they spend their money on. A church leader I heard speak once said that people will often exaggerate what they do for others or what they really value. He went on to say that a true and accurate picture of our values could be gleaned from our daily calendar and our check books. Where you spend your time and what you spend your money on would truly show you what your values are. This would be an interesting activity. For many of us, our espoused values would not match our actual values. Let us assume that our actual values where what we really do rather than what we say we want to do.

For many of us, the things we say that we value would not line up with the time and money we spend. What about you? Have you ever taken the effort to look at what you spend your time on and where the bulk of your money goes? What would such an examination of your calendar and checkbook say about your values? Would you be consistent with the values that you espouse to your children and friends?

Are you spending money on the right things? Are you spending time on the right things and the right people? If not, why? What stops you from being more congruent with your espoused values? What would it take for you to have a better match with those things that you say you value and how you really want to live your life?

“Wasted time is on my mind” – Song lyrics from the album “Wasted Time” by Black Dawn. Wasted time encompasses many things we do in a day. We can waste time by doing the wrong thing or spending time with the wrong people. We can waste time on the wrong goals. Increasingly it seems important to make the best use of our time. We all seem to have problems with having enough time so the time we do have becomes more precious. As we get older, we realize the value of time in all we do. We say we cannot afford to waste time, but inevitably we seem to have those days. Sometimes an entire day can feel wasted if we do not accomplish anything. Nevertheless, life is a series of unending cycles. Some days we waste more time than others, some days we will be more productive than others.

We are not machines that can reduce waste each day by small increments and get better and better until we achieve zero defects. As human beings, we will always be “defective.” That is part of the human condition. We will make mistakes, waste time and have days when we seem to be going backward rather than forward. The difference between the winners and the losers is what they do about these days. The winner learns from his/her mistakes and starts over. The loser gives up and simply quits. Wasted time is one of those migraines on the road to success. It is an obstacle to be overcome time and time again. It will never go away but we can get better at battling wasted time.

How often do you think about wasted time? What is wasted time? Wasted time for one person might be the most valuable time in the world for another person. What do you think is “wasted” time in your life? How much of this time fills your day? Why? What could you do instead of “wasting” time? What are the most productive uses of your time and the least productive? Can you let go of the least productive?

Well today Karen reminded me that time does not always have to be serious. We need time to do nothing, time for fun and time when we are not thinking about time. Relaxation is a very important part of life. Studies show that people who are more relaxed and less stressed live longer. Many of these studies also show people who are wealthier and more successful live longer.

The richer lived longer, and the richer they were, the longer they lived. But more importantly was the relative wealth or success that the rich were enjoying. In the United States, while rich states have twice the wealth as others, they don’t have better health overall. But within each state, the richest people seem to live longer than the poorest. In other words, relative economic rank is what matters in determining how long we live. (Dan Sewell Ward, 2003, The Library of Alexandria, http://www.halexandria.org/dward081.htm)

The rich live longer because it is less stressful to be successful than unsuccessful. How often do we see that someone has committed suicide because they “feel like a failure?” You do not often hear of people killing themselves when they have just succeeded at some difficult task. Stress has also been shown to lower white blood cell counts and lead to lower immunity and greater susceptibility to a wide range of illnesses. Chronic stress is a causative factor of diseases of the cardiovascular system, including hypertension, stroke and heart disease; a compromised immune system can lead to infections, allergies or even cancer; and gastrointestinal conditions such as ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome. (Health Topics, http://www.50plushealth.co.uk/index.cfm?articleid=428 ).

Relaxation can reduce stress by substituting play and fun for worries and pessimism. When we relax our body recharges and we develop renewed resources for coping with life. Each of us has only has a finite amount of coping energy. When we drop below a certain level, we experience increased stress and an increased inability to cope with the daily traumas of life. We need to recharge our psychic batteries or we will experience a meltdown.

So let’s make today a time for fun. What can you do for yourself that will be fun? No matter how busy you are today, try to find at least one thing that will be your treat for being so productive on all those other days. Do you regularly treat yourself to a day of fun? How often each day do you build some fun into your day? Do you think you are Superman or Superwoman? Do you want to live longer and happier? When will you start relaxing more?

“If we cannot do everything at once, let us do one at a time.” – Thomas Jefferson. For some of us, starting anything is an overwhelming task. We are bogged down by the complexity of the project and do not know where to start. We fail to remember that all great journeys start with the first step. How many times have you heard that phrase? By now you are probably sick of it! However, if it fails to inspire you, then what will? Rome was not built in a day! A stitch in time saves nine! Haste makes waste! All of these aphorisms are just little tricks to help us remember that we can’t do it all at once.

Anything worth doing takes time may be another cliché but it is also an iron law of the universe. Tiger Woods practices more than 10 hours each day. Wayne Gretsky, Jean Claude Killy, Valentino Rossi and many other great world champions all started when they were less than five years old. If you link genetics, an early start and much time spent in practice, you have a formula for success. Wal-Mart started in 1954in Bentonville, Arkansas, a town most of us never heard of. In 1985, most of us had never even been to or heard of a Wal-Mart. By 2005, it was the largest corporation in the world – an overnight success?

All too many people look for luck to make their day. They hope to win the lottery, strike it big at the local casino or score on some big class action lawsuit. Waiting for luck is the greatest waste of time I can think of. We make our own luck. Were Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, two of the richest people in the world lucky? Did they get their money in a crackerjack box? If you want to get lucky, start by putting one foot forward and then follow it with the other. If you want to have a great life and a great adventure, start now.

What is one thing that you can do today that will start you on that great journey? Pick one thing today that and do it. What is the next step that you can take on your great adventure?

Here is one of the most useful thoughts about time that I have ever heard:

“Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? But strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all things will be given to you as well. So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” – Matthew 6:25, 33-34

It does not matter whether you are Christian, Moslem, Jewish or even an atheist. The above reflection helps us to put our life in perspective. We worry, worry, and worry about things that we cannot control.

Another thought about time, that I always find useful is from the Alcoholics Anonymous book: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” – The Serenity Prayer of AA.

What do both of these thoughts tell you about time and about life? Are you too concerned with the future or the past to live your life today? Do you worry about things before they happen? Are you a worry-wart? Are you trying so hard to control life to prevent anything bad happening that you have no room for the good to happen? What if you lived your life more in the present? Do you really know what you can control and what you cannot control? How can you get more balance and start living more in the present? Would you be happier if you could?

This is a story about an older woman who had watched her life fly away and did not feel that she had really lived it. When she turned sixty, she started thinking “Well, I will have about 20 years to live and I really want to make them count.” Therefore, she went out and bought 365 marbles for each year she would have left to live. (365 marbles x twenty years). This seemed like a lot of marbles but she put them in a big bin in her house and each day, she took one out and put it in her pocket to think about. The years continued to go by and she said the exercise became almost a habit, until one day she reached in the bin and noticed she only had 365 marbles left, exactly enough for one year. From here on out, her attitude started to change dramatically. Each marble she withdrew took on increasing significance.

The days and marbles continued to go by, but not without her trying to live each day to the fullest. Before she died, she said the activity made her aware of how precious each of our days really are. We take them for granted until we only have a few left. Some of don’t even realize this fact until it is too late. How many marbles do you have left in your bowl? Do you count each day as a blessing, or can you hardly wait until it is tomorrow? Do you throw away your week days and live for the weekends? The marbles don’t know the difference between Monday and Saturday. Will it be too late before you start living?

He marches to a different drummer. We all know someone who fits this description. Often, we might like to be that person. The person who seems true to themselves, who sets their own cadence, who charts their own path, goes their own way and is oblivious to time and other constraints. Imagine, a person living in our society today who did not care about time or who set their own time to live and do things. We might either believe that it was impossible to manage by one’s own time or we might envy such a person. A person who sets time by their own clock in modern society is an anomaly. Would he or she be someone who was out of place or someone who did not fit in? Or would they be a true entrepreneur of time – a free spirit in a world demanding instant time gratification.

Answer your phone, answer the door, answer your email, don’t forget the appointment, where is my cell phone? In a clock oriented society, we must all march to the seconds, minutes, and incessant ticking of the clock. Time to go to work, time to go home, time to wake up, time to eat, time to play, time to sleep, time to watch TV, time for fun, time, time, time, the most incessant drummer of all. How many of us are constantly marching to the beat of the time drummer? Have you ever wanted to march to your own beat? What would it take to put time aside? Could you do it for one day? Could you pick some days to live by your own schedule each month? Do you save these days for the weekend? Are you ever off the clock? What would your life be like if you could go off clock more often? Why not?

Time consuming generally means something that takes a great deal of time. To consume means to eat, so something that is “time consuming” literally eats our time. Have you ever made a list of time eaters? Probably they will be different from time wasters. We have already seen that time wasters generally have little or no value, However, time consumers may have a lot of value but they still take a great deal of time to accomplish. It is time consuming to paint your house, find a new babysitter or complete your B.A. degree. Nevertheless, none of these things is a waste of time. There are so many time consuming activities that we could do and that would add value to our lives.

How can we get over the hurdle that these large consumptions of time present? We have so many things do to; it is hard to spend a large amount of time on any one activity or effort. Time consumers bog us down and force us to ignore other time activities that will be screaming for our attention. I was amazed to read that Truman Capote spent ten years writing and researching his novel in “Cold Blood.” It simply amazes me that someone could spend ten years on such an activity. Of course, his effort was well worth the time spent. How long should we invest in one activity? How can we tell when a time consumer really will be worth the effort? Is there any way to measure the value of time consumers?

If I could save time in a bottle,
The first thing that I’d like to do
Is to save every day till eternity passes away,
Just to spend them with you. – Jim Croce (Time in a Bottle)

How often do you want to spend time with someone, but it just passes away? Then you think that you wish you could have saved time and spent more of it with the person then you had. However, eternity just passes away and you never spend the quality time you were hoping to. The problem happens because we are living in the future and not in the present. In the present, time is a gift that we have and we can not save even a single minute.

So who can you spend more time with this week that you have been putting off seeing because you had no time? Who would it cause you the most regrets if they died and you had not shared another moment of eternity with them? What is more important today then spending time with them?