Aging Capriciously

Linear time is the means by which most of us think of time. We count our time from when we are born to when we die. We measure history as a series of events beginning with the first in recorded history to the most recent. By definition, by usage, by convenience and by all the other ways we measure time; it would appear to flow in a straight line and in only one direction. The direction is from the past to the future.

However, what if time were not always linear? Have you ever noticed how “time flies” when you are having fun or enjoying yourself? When this happens, time no longer seems to be linear. It is experienced as more of a happening. A happening is something that seems almost without measure or without the ability to sense any “flow” of time. During a “happening” events and time merge and we do not notice time passing by. Depending on the event, it could pass by in a flash or it could seem like it was standing still. A moment can sometimes seem like an eternity and an eternity can sometimes seem like a moment. When you are having fun, you do not notice time passing nor can you measure your fun in terms of minutes and seconds. Imagine someone telling you to have fun for 30 minutes or so and then stop.

Some of us might wish we had more of these happenings when time was non-existent. How many of you would like to stop the clock or get off the train someplace where no one knew or cared what time it was. Do you ever get tired of tracking the seconds, minutes, days, weeks, months and years of existence? What if there was no such thing as time? Sadly we would not have a recollection of some of the great moments in life. How often do you look back at past happenings and treasure them as timeless. We only wish they had never stopped or could be repeated again and again.

What if today could be a day without time for you? What if you did not have to think about time even once today? Could that possibly happen? Can you imagine a “timeless” day? If it was, what would your day be like? What would it take to help you to forget time today? What if you lived one second at a time and did not worry about the past or the future? Would your life be better or worse without time?

FedEx has become one of the largest corporations in the world by expediting the packages that we send and receive. The United States Postal Service (USPS) left a wide open gap in the market by being more hum drum about the time it takes to send and receive packages. Little did the Postal Service realize the increased priority that people were placing on time! This created an incredible opportunity that was fulfilled by both FedEx and United Parcel Service. In today’s market place, someone will always jump into an opportunity and fulfill it. Products and services can always be: better, faster and cheaper. Faster is one of the three prime factors that can confer a competitive advantage. Time is money and money is time.

How many opportunities do you think are still out there in respect to time? If you could think about it differently, do you think you might find a great opportunity? I believe there are hundreds if not millions of opportunities still waiting for the wise entrepreneur in the area of time. Time is the most important item that anyone has and yet while we measure the Gross National Product (GNP) in terms of products and services, there are no measures for “GNT” or Gross National Time. We measure Per Capital Income but there are no measures of PCT (Per Capita Time). PCT could tell us how well as a nation we are doing in respect to managing time. Time is one of our most valuable assets but we can continue to act like it is of less importance than capital or products.

How much per capital time do you have each week left over after all your “chores” and work is done? Are you a rich person or a poor person in regards to time? Do you have more time than you need or do you have less? How could you find more time in your life for the things you really want to do?

No Time! No Time! A woman I worked with once passed me by in the office hallway and when I started to say “Good Morning”, she held up the palm of her hand facing me and loudly proclaimed: “No Time”, then continued to walk on by me. I thought she was very rude. I could not believe that anyone could have such manners or be in such a hurry that they simply could not reply to a “Good Morning.” The phrase “No Time” has become a sort of mantra for modern life. We have all heard the excuse used for lack of exercise, poor diets, failure to take better care of our health, our friends, our spouse and even our children. Who is not busy today or who would admit to not being busy? It is a status symbol to be so busy that we do not have time for anything. Are we so busy making a living that we have no time for making a life?

I thought about the above incident quite a few times in the past years. Recently, I had some second thoughts about her behavior. Instead of judging her; I have thought about the stress in her life and wondered if I do not often treat people the same way, albeit with different tactics. I might not loudly proclaim “No Time”, but I do it in more subtle ways. I don’t listen to what people are saying; I brush off other’s problems with no response; I do not take the time to spend with my friends or loved ones; I retreat to the TV or a book when I don’t want to spend time with people and I can find myriad excuses to avoid people when I want to. In my own way, I am keeping my time and not sharing it with others. I am just not as direct as my fellow co-worker was.

How often do you say “no time” to friends, kids, relatives and even your spouse? Do you have “No Time” today but you think you will have it tomorrow? How often are you “out of time” for your loved ones or the things you really enjoy doing? When will you have time? Tomorrow may be too late.

March- the third month of the calendar. When you think of March do you think of the Ides of March, the March Hare or the “March” of time? In Minnesota, March is a time of iffy weather. March is often the last gasp of winter and it can be the snowiest month of the year or it may bring warm weather and an early spring. There have been a few years of late (most likely due to global warming) where I have even had my motorcycle out for an early run in March.

March 21st is (at least officially) the first day of spring. However, few in Minnesota expect to see flowers blooming yet. We will be getting the old ice houses off the lakes and putting away the snowmobiles. March was originally the first month of the Roman calendar because the winter months of January and February were unsuited for warfare. Military campaigns could begin as soon as the weather was suitable for “marching.” Today when March rolls around, we start thinking that summer cannot be far away. For many of us, particularly those who like to do things late, tax preparations will need to be finished before the April 15th deadline.

Many other Minnesotans will be returning from their winter sojourns to Florida, Arizona and Texas. These “fair weather” Minnesotans are called “snow-birds.” Snow-birds fly south about January or December each year and return when they sense the last days of winter are over. Minnesota probably has more snow-birds than any other state in the US. Not a bad way of living if you are rich or retired or have a portable job. For the rest of us, we must endure and hope that March is really the harbinger of warmer weather. Still, none but the foolish will put their snow throwers in storage yet.

What does March mean to you? What holidays, festivals or traditions stand out most for you in March? What do you do in March that makes it unique for you? Is March the beginning of your spring or the beginning of your fall? If you live in the southern hemisphere, no doubt you will have a different set of associations and expectations for fall.

“Synchronicity is a word coined by the Swiss psychologist Carl Jung to describe the temporally coincident occurrences of a-causal events.” (Wikipedia). In common language, this means that two things seem to both happen together that are unrelated. Often, we have the distinct feeling that while they may seem unrelated on the surface, there is more than coincidence at play. Some people might say they were preordained and some might say it was predestination but none would simply call these events simply random or lucky.

When things happen that seem to be beyond possibility and beyond all coincidences we wonder if other forces are at work. Statisticians might scoff at this idea (are we positing divine intervention or a psychic phenomena?) but most of us have had something happen that we cannot just write off to chance. The day when you have just been notified that you lost your job and the phone rings with an offer of a new job. Or the day when you were just ending one relationship and someone new comes into your life. Or the day when you were down to your lost dollar and suddenly you find that you overpaid on your electric bill and are due for a rebate. Many people believe that these are not random events and that there is a definite “synchronicity” to the world/

What if things in the world were more predestined then we would like to believe? Some people believe our deaths are written in a book somewhere and that no matter what we do or how we live, we will meet our maker on a fixed day. An interesting story is called “Appointment in Samara” that deals with this subject. In the story, a man’s effort to escape his fate is futile. What if your efforts to escape fate were futile? Suppose many events and occurrences were preordained or fixed in a cosmic clock, how would that affect your life? What if you did not have as much control as you thought you had?

What events in your life do you think you have less control over? Does synchronicity play a role in your life that you have not acknowledged? Is life a balance between those things you can control and those you can’t? Have you found the right balance in your life?

According to one theory of time, events mark time. Without events, there is no time. We measure time by births, deaths, disasters, significant milestones etc. But is this all that time really is, the passing of events? Sometimes it seems this way as we count the weeks by each day passing and the months by each week passing and the years by each month passing. The seasons pass and soon our brief lives are over. The historians tell us what has been significant and what is worth remembering.

However, do we really only measure time by the passage of events? What if we stopped chronicling our bios, happenings and daily events? What if we could simply forget them as soon as they passed? Have you ever dwelled on some event long after it was over? Or, kept repeating some problem or issue in your mind? Some people can do this all their lives. We might tell them to “get over it” and move on but they are stuck in the event. They are still living in high school or college or with their first love. These individuals seem to be unaffected by the passage of events. They have found the one significant event for them and they want to stay with it forever. We all know somebody who fits this description. They cannot seem to move on with their lives. The big event might have been a tragedy, a touchdown pass or a fantastic vacation, but they will relive this over and over again. To some degree, we all do this. There are key people and events in our lives that we will never forget. However, we all must move on at least some of the time to continue growing and developing. To stay in the past is to relinquish the opportunity for new pleasures and new adventures. The past is safe though and the future is uncertain. That is what keeps many people stuck. Who wants to take the risk associated with moving forward and embracing the unknown?

How do you deal with the flow of life? Are you sometimes stuck in the past? Where are you stuck? What do you need to do to move on with your life? What events or issues can or should you forget and just let go of? What is holding you back? Are you afraid of the future?

A hare and tortoise ran a race and we all know who won! This Aesop fable is probably familiar to most of the human race. The moral is that slow and steady wins over speed. Of course, this story grew out of a time when things were much slower than they are today. Would the turtle still win today? I am not so sure. What if the answer was no? What if speed were so important today that it did not matter how steady you were? Indeed, there are many areas of our lives where speed today is essential. Target Stores advertise their culture as “Fast, Fun and Friendly.” Notice that fast is the first “virtue” of working at Target that you must embrace. When was the last time your boss told you to take things slower? Times change and today speed has become increasingly important. Drive too slow on the freeway and you can get a ticket. The poor turtle today would probably get run over.

Nevertheless, the Aesop story still has a great deal of merit. Several studies have shown that we are really less intelligent when we attempt to multi-task. When we try to do too many things at the same time, we really do few of them well. Look at the most successful people in the world and you will find that they bring a great deal of focus to what they are doing. Success requires vision but it also requires focus. It is hard to find focus when you are trying to do three or four things at the same time. It is almost always an issue of finding the right balance in our lives. When do we need to multi-task and when do we need to really focus and do only one thing at a time? The Greeks understood the important of balance as it was written on the Temple of Delphi “All things in moderation.”

Can you really drive well and talk on the cell-phone? Are you always in a multi-task mode? When do you allow your life to go slower? Are you the proverbial hare that always loses the race? Where do you need to go faster today? Where do you need to go slower?

Patience is a virtue. A virtue is a character trait valued as being good. Saying that patience is a virtue also implies that patience is a good value. Indeed, many of us would like to have more patience in our lives. Patience allows time to flow without undue anxiety or anger. Patience alleviates stress in our lives. Patience cures road rage. A great deal of violence could be cured by a greater amount of patience in the world. All of the great prophets and leaders have shown inordinate amounts of patience. This is not to say that leadership always invokes patience. Sometimes leaders and prophets have demonstrated that even patience has limits.

So how do we get more patience? How can we become a more patient person? At my annual retreat, the Retreat Master spoke of those who pray for patience and complain that their prayers are not answered. He said “Praying for patience is like me praying to have muscles like Arnold Swartzenegger and then expecting God to just give them to me. I am here to tell you that you will have to do more than just pray. You will have to exercise to get muscles and you will have to exercise to get patience.” Furthermore, he went on, we are all given many opportunities each day to practice and exercise our patience. Think of the number of times each day you are upset or short with people whom you do not have time for. Think of the number of times you are in a hurry. Each of these is an opportunity to practice patience. Only by continuing to practice will you gain more patience.

The next time you are at a light and someone fails to move, take a minute to observe and practice patience. The next time you are at a long line in a grocery story, think about practicing patience with the coupon holder in front of you. The next time someone cuts you off on the road, practice patience. See how many times today you can practice patience. How many opportunities did you have? How many times did you succeed? Keep practicing. Practice makes perfect.

Timing is everything. How often have you heard this comment? It implies that success goes to the person with the right timing. If you watch a good athlete, you can see the importance of timing over factors such as strength or power. A good golf swing is an example of this. Some sports are power sports and require less skill than sheer strength. Skill sports like golf, tennis, fencing and karate may require or put more emphasis on timing than other sports. Nevertheless, it is hard to imagine any sport where timing is not important. Great comedians must have perfect timing or they will find their jokes going right over the audiences head. Photographers talk about the importance of timing in getting those great pictures. Business is full of opportunities that are time sensitive. Today, you may have an opportunity to make a fortune and tomorrow it is gone. Good business opportunities will always be seized by someone else, whose timing is better.

So, how do we get our timing to be better or is it all just luck? Can we improve our timing? The answer is yes, but it takes practice and patience. Great timing comes from practice and repeated failures. It takes time to get great timing. People are not born with great timing, it is something we develop. The person you envy because of their great timing is someone who is practicing their skill or activity on a regular basis. When you see someone in good shape at 80 years of age, do you think they were born that way? I will bet my last dollar, they worked at staying in shape by watching their diet and by making sure they got plenty of exercise. They put lots of time into it and they did not just get lucky. Too often we ascribe success to luck. Luck is factors beyond our control. Happily, success is within our control and has less to do with luck than it does with practice and hard work. Good timing is a result of both practice and hard work.

Where do you need better timing in your life? In what areas, do you feel that your timing has been weak or off the mark? What skills or activities do you want to be better in? Can you make a schedule to practice these skills? Do you have the patience? Can you find the time to improve your timing?