Aging Capriciously

What if you suddenly found that you had only one week to live? I would not wish such news on anyone. We have explored this concept before in terms of life expectancy but let’s think about it again but with a single week in mind. Right now, how long do you think you have left to live? Hopefully, it will be a very long time. But what if you went from thinking you had twenty or more years to live and suddenly found out you had only one more week left on this earth? God forbid that should ever happen to you, but it does happen. Perhaps the possibility is one of the main reasons we all dread that annual visit to our doctor. We fear that we might hear some bad news. I recently had an MRI and a Colonoscopy within two weeks of each other. Both times, I was very anxious less I hear the dreaded news “you have cancer.” We all know someone who received this news but we don’t know how we will respond if the day comes when we hear it.

We would all trade for more time, but if you only had one week, how would you make the best of it? Even one week might be better than the sudden death that comes from an accident or other catastrophe. It is probably too late for those trips you never took or the time to spend with some friends and relatives. However, it might be enough time for some apologies and goodbyes or perhaps one last fling you always dreamed of. One week to spend. So many things you would want to do and so little time. No time to spend worrying about the life you wished you had lived. One week to conclude your business on this earth and wrap it up.

In some ways, it would be wonderful if we were all given a one week warning of our impending death. We might be able to use this last week very effectively. Would you opt for completing some things or would you choose to be more peaceful and contemplative? What are the most important things you would want to accomplish during your last week on earth? Would it be a week of doing or being?

Tree time! (I found this quote on a box of Celestial Seasoning Tea)

“I planted a tree next to the first house I owned, just a skinny runt of a tree….But when I went back there 40 years later, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The tree was towering over the house, the queen of the neighborhood. In the meantime, I’d become an old man. This was the first time, I ever really believed that the world will go on just fine when I’m gone…Ever since then, I’ve been living in tree time.”

There is no further explanation as to what is meant by “tree time” but the meaning seems pretty clear. The young man had aged and the tree had grown into its maturity. The tree would go on living long after the old man had passed away. The old man realized that life would go on long after he had died. Perhaps to the tree, nothing in the world had really changed very much.

I once remember seeing a Redwood tree that had been sliced open and a series of events had been inscribed on the various rings of the tree. You could look at most of history in the rings of a Redwood tree. Redwood trees can live up to 2000 years. A tree captures in a simple non-technological presentation (as opposed to a PowerPoint presentation) one half of the history of modern humanity on a slice of wood. It is hard to vision a simpler or more powerfully evocative depiction of history. The tree has been there and seen it all. Where human time is frantic, noisy, urgent and chaotic, tree time is solid, steadfast, peaceful and quiet. Tree time simply is without judging or reacting. While we all love flowers and the colors they manifest, can you really think of anything more beautiful or simpler than a tree?

What if we all faced life like a tree? What if we spent our time each day as “tree time?” How would our perspectives on life change if we thought and behaved in tree time rather than in human time? Would we still be as frantic and rushed? Would you still think that what you were doing was so important that nothing else mattered?

Sorry about Friday. Went to MBOTMA for the weekend. This stands for Minnesota Blue Grass and Old Time Music Association. They have a four day music fest every summer featuring some of the best blue grass and old time music bands in the country. This was our tenth year and it was the 100 anniversary of the birth of Bill Monroe whom many consider to be the father of blue grass music. Four solid days of music, workshops, dancing, family activities, camping and the best of all JAMS all over the place and all day and all night.

This year there were more young bands and more young kids then I have ever seen before. Amazing that 17 and 18 year old youngsters could play, sing and perform so well. By the way, the cost for all this including camping is 70 dollars. Probably the best bargain on the planet. I might add that there is no smoking or drinking in the performing areas, no fights and nothing is ever stolen. In fact, this year there was an announcement from the stage that someone had found a wallet on one of the trails.

So in honor of Mr. Bill Monroe, I have composed the reflection for today. This is based on one of the songs that I heard this weekend that Bill wrote and played. I loved it and of course it has to do with time. It is called “The Walls of Time.”

The “Walls of Time” is an interesting metaphor on time. The lyrics sing of a dead loved one and the promise to join her someday:

I hear a voice out in the darkness

It moans and whispers through the pines

I know it’s my sweetheart a calling

I hear her through the walls of time.

One can picture various walls and various structures that make a wall. Regardless of what you picture, walls separate us and compartmentalize us. A Wall of Time separates us as surely as a physical wall. Walls of Time separate generations and structure the entire history of the human race. Walls between generations make it difficult to communicate with the past. We have different life experiences that lead to different assumptions and even different stereotypes of the world.

Youth see the world one way and the elderly see the world another way. Those from one generation are indelibly stamped with events and happenings which color and prejudice their view of reality. A Wall of Time separates the living from the living and the dead from the living. We are all creatures of a time that will never happen again. The choices we make and even who we become are stamped by the time in which we are born. Some might even say predetermined by our time of birth.

What does it take to pass through the Wall of Time? Can it be done? Some believe that the dead can return or even continue to walk the earth. Have you ever been to a séance? Have you ever tried to communicate to a dead loved one? Many people say they have. However, none has yet proved that they can pass through the Wall of Time to communicate with anyone dead. Do you think it is possible? Can we pass through the Wall of Time to speak to the dead or the living? Can we even transcend the cultures and habits of the time period in which we are born?

Time stood still! When I was young there was a movie called “The Day the Earth Stood Still.” It was about an alien and his robot partner who came to earth. They came to warn us that we needed to stop our wars and our petty squabbles or we would be destroyed as a menace to the universe. Whenever I think of this old movie, I think of the phrase “and time stood still.” I am not quite sure of the connection anymore. However, what if time did stand still for a day?

What if for one day, all of our petty bigotry and animosities towards other people, other religions, other countries and other political persuasions would all stop. What would the world be like if one day; no one was killed, injured, raped or assaulted in any act of violence. What would the newspapers, TV’s and radios say at the end of the day? At what point in the day, do you think anyone would start to notice the difference? What would the world be like without violence for one day? Would this day be remembered as the “day TIME stood still?” Would we feel any different the next day or would we just start the violence all over again?

“I am making time today”. You have all heard this expression and no doubt used it yourself. Have you thought about what it means? Is it accurate to say we are making time? Is time like a piece of furniture, product or some baked good that we can assemble or create out of nothing? If it were, would we be able to store it or reuse it? It would be wonderful, if whenever we needed some time, we could go to our kitchen, mix some ingredients and make some time. How long do you think time would keep? Do you suppose we could refrigerate it?

Such nonsense you are thinking. Making time is not like baking a pie. Making time is different. When you make time, you put some other things aside and that’s how you make time. You forgo some other activities, opportunities or tasks. However, then you are not really making time, you are simply re-ordering time or re-prioritizing your time. It would be more accurate to say “today I am forgoing some activities so that I can” (add whatever you would rather do). I am making time to play with my children, to work on my drawing, to help my friend move, to spend some time meditating.

It is not easy to “make time.” It is very difficult to re-order our schedules and to put aside some of the things we must do and make room for new things. Making time is a little like making room in a cluttered attic. While you could throw some things out, it is easier to keep trying to stuff more things in and not throw anything out. Maybe that’s why we are all busy. We are unable to do a good job of “making time” by throwing some old things out. We don’t do a good job of prioritizing.

What if we could throw more old things out? How many old time wasters and useless time activities do you have? What could you throw out today to make more time? If you could re-order all of your time priorities, what would your life be like? Could you just try it for a day? See what happens. Take at least one piece of time out of your attic today and throw it away. I will bet it will help you to control your live and live more peacefully.

Do you remember the song that went: “I’m a slow lover?” In the movies, all love making seems to go on forever, despite the fact that it really occupies only about 1 or 2 minutes of screen time. However, the lovers generally start in the late evening and are still making love in the twilight hours of morning. Well, love making is still one of those things that seem to be best going slow. How many people want a “fast” lover? Of course, there are those days and times when fast loving making has some merit. Nevertheless, what is less conducive to romance than watching the clock? Even fast love making requires a loss of time consciousness.

Making love by the clock has not become fashionable yet. Our chronic excuse of “no time” does not play well when it comes to love making. However, love making is something that as we get older we sometimes find we must schedule. When we lead a hectic and busy life, some things easily get left out. There may be psychological imperatives for love making, but seldom are the physical imperatives so urgent that time cannot be a barrier to a good love life. As with all else in a relationship, time, money and love making must all have their proper balance.

Karen and I have been married now for over 20 years. A while ago we attended a weekend Marriage Encounter. There were 23 couples at our weekend who ranged from engaged and due to be married in two weeks to one couple that was married for 42 years. I was somewhat skeptical about the value of a weekend talking about love and romance. After all, I have never been a shy person and I have always thought I was open to any ideas and discussion. What I found really opened my eyes. Despite the weekly family talks with Karen, we both found that there were many aspects of our lives that we had not shared. Some of this was due to time constraints. Problems seemed to dominate our weekly agenda and we seldom had time to talk about the “other” stuff. Stuff like how we like to do things sexually and how we like to be touched or held or talked to. We have now decided to balance our “problem” time with more just good discussion about ourselves and life.

Do you have a balance in your love life? Do you spend enough time nurturing your love life? Are you able to find the time to take love slowly? How do you keep your balance in this area? What would it take for you to find the balance that you need to have a more satisfactory love life?

Where have all the Minute Men gone? The term “Minute Men” refers to those revolutionaries during the American War of Independence who purportedly could be ready to fight in a minutes notice. If you think about that, it is quite a remarkable feat. Can you imagine a soldier in our armies today getting ready to fight with one minutes notice? Can you imagine anybody of today doing anything with one minutes notice? Getting ready to go out to dinner – 2 hours; Getting ready to go to work – 1 hour; Getting ready to go camping – 4 hours. Maybe getting ready to go shopping might be accomplished in one minute, but the shopping itself would be good for ½ day.

We are in more of a hurry to do things, but we really cannot do anything very fast. When I was in the service, our motto was “hurry up to wait.” We are always hurrying around only to face gridlock on the freeway, traffic jams, crashed IT systems, lines at the checkout counters and unexpected cancellations. There is pure irony in the fact that as we speed up, we actually slow down. We talk about speed and the fast pace of life, but it takes us longer to do everything. Even “instant” microwave meals may take four or five minutes to cook; but do you know anyone who really lets them sit for two to three minutes after they are done?

I once took a course in motorcycle cornering at the Elkhart Lake Speedway sponsored by Keith Code’s Superbike School. Keith who was a former racer and highly respected for his training had a mantra. It went like this: “You must go slow, before you can go fast.” I have sense been able to apply that mantra to other areas of my life. If you do not have the right technique or the right attitude, haste will only make waste.

What if we had a One Minute-Person Society (open to men and women)? Would you join? What might an organization of people brag about being able to do in one minute? What do you do in one minute that you could brag about? Why?

“Tomorrow’s another day” is the famous quote from Scarlet O’Hara in “Gone with the Wind.” This was perhaps one of the most powerful and dramatic endings to any story ever told. Most of us were touched by these words and few who have heard them will ever forget them. Have you ever wondered why these words were so powerful? Why do they touch us all somewhere deep in our soul? I believe it is because they blend an element of self-forgiveness with recognition that each new day is the possibility of a new beginning. Self-forgiveness is evident, because Scarlett is not going to spend a great deal of time in self-recriminations. She is simply going to start again.

The new day “tomorrow” represents for Scarlet is a new start to life. It is her resurrection and her birth. Each day we can choose our life, our goals and our behavior. The simple but powerful phase “tomorrow’s another day” allows us to be reborn. It allows us to become free of the past and to start a new beginning. Each day of our lives offers us this possibility if like Scarlet we are willing to grasp it. We can have a new life or we can have an old life. We can continue on the path we have chosen or we can find a new path. Each path can be a risk but life is a risk. Without risk there is no change and no chance to live more fully. We wake up each morning to a new set of choices. Each choice offers opportunities and each opportunity has its set of risks.

How many people do not see or understand the inherent possibility that tomorrow brings for each of us? Do you see each tomorrow as a new beginning or as more of the same? What will it take to help you realize the hidden possibilities in each new tomorrow? Do you start each day with a sense of joy at the opportunities it presents? Why not?

“Its only 4 AM!” Says Karen in what most seems like the middle of the night to her. “Sorry, I am awake.” The former dialogue has often occurred between Karen and I. I am a morning person. I love to get up early and begin my day. Karen is a night person. She loves to sleep late and stay up late. She cannot understand that anyone would want to get up at 4, 5, 6, 7 or even 8 AM. Thus, on those occasions when I arise earlier than she can conceive anyone wanting to, I often hear: “What time is it? You’re not really getting up!” Well, I am and I love it.

Sometimes it is just so much fun to be up before the world starts to move and no one is out and about. Maybe it is because I love to watch the sun rise or maybe it is because I love to do things and can hardly wait for a day to start that will be full of new adventures and exciting things to accomplish. The way one views the world may have a lot to do with how one greets the day. On the other hand, maybe it is how one views time. If time is precious, then starting out early means, I can make the best use of it and that I will have extra time to do what needs to be done. Many would say that it is simply genetic. Some of us are larks, some of us are night owls, and it is all in our constitution. Night owls love the night time and greet the day with less than enthusiasm. Larks sing early in the morning but go to bed shortly after sunset.

How do you greet the day? Can you hardly wait to get up and start your day? Do you start your day slow or do you start it with a bang? Have you ever been up at 4 AM and started your day off? Would you rather wait until 10 AM and then start off slowly but surely? Do you honor your style or do you try to fit into a mold that others want you to?

Rocks and Zen and Time! Thirty years ago, I belonged to a Zen Monastery where twice a week I would go to sit Zen and meditate. Some of the people lived there and others were commuters like me. The master was a renowned Japanese Zen expert and we all felt he must truly be enlightened. One of the women who lived there told me that once when the master was going to travel back to Japan he asked her what he could bring back for her. She told the master: “I really love ancient and old objects and could you bring me back something very ancient.” When he returned, he had a present for her wrapped in a package and tied with a bow. She was very excited and could hardly wait to open it. When she removed the present from the package, her excitement dropped as all she found was a rock. She looked at the Zen master with great disappointment. He saw her disappointment and said “You wanted something very ancient. This rock is more than 100, 000 years old.” She then understood the message that he was trying to impart to her. Most of us are like this young woman. We think we know the real value of things, but often we are only concerned with images, names and brands.

Rocks are not valued by many people but they are truly old and ancient. Rocks are proof that time itself is not the major factor that decides the value of an object. The real value of anything is not in the name, the image or the age. Antiques are valuable because they evoke nostalgic memories or because they remind of us something that we associate with a better life. Time is one of the most precious things in the world, however we never realize the value of time until it is in short supply. How many of us wish we could live a moment over again or retrieve some moment in time that was ill spent?

Does the law of supply and demand govern the value of time for you or does your time conform to rules of branding and imaging? How many people do you know who love to express their importance by being ever so busy and never having any time? Why do you value time? What in time creates value for you? Would you know a gem from a rock when it comes to time?