Thank God its Friday! Where can I find a Fish Fry?

24 Feb 2012 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Friday, Friday, too much to say about this day!  Black Friday, Freaky Friday, Good Friday; Casual Friday, Unlucky Friday! Can you believe a chain of restaurants, a god and more songs than I could list named after this day?  Friday, is derived from the Anglo-Saxon form of Frigga, the Germanic goddess of beauty.  Frigga was the goddess of love, marriage, and destiny. She was the wife of the powerful Norse god Odin, The All-Father.

If there were a magic day, it would be Friday. You know the reason why too, don’t you?  The last day of the week, payday, the day that three day weekends begin on and a holy day as well.  The Easy Beats sing:  “Monday, I’ve got Friday on my mind.”  We can all identify with that song, since many of us start thinking about Friday as soon as we are headed to work on Monday. Even those of us who love our work, often look forward to this last day in the week, the day before our weekend break begins and frequently the day we begin it on early.  In Japan, Friday is Kin-Youbi: “Gold Day” or “money day”, and in many Asian cultures, paydays are on Friday (Wikipedia).  Friday for others has often been associated with the dreaded pink slips.  Instead of getting paid, you receive your layoff notice.  Love it, hate it, dread it, fear it, you cannot ignore it.
Ever since I was a little kid, Fridays meant fish to me.  Of course, the Catholic tradition was to eat fish on Fridays.  In New York, it was canned tuna fish.  When we moved to R.I., I was ten and I discovered Fish and Chips.  When I was older, I caught my own lobsters.  I went into the Air Force at 18 and it introduced me to  Wisconsin at the Osceola AFB.  In Wisconsin I discovered the Friday night “all you can eat” Fish Fry and have been a frequent habitue of these ever since.  Now that I am in Arizona, I have found almost as many Friday night Fish Fries as in Wisconsin.  Some are good, many are bad, few are great.  My all time favorite place and the one that most stands out in my mind is Jake’s Valleys Tap between Prescott and Ellsworth Wisconsin.  They were so good, they were listed one year as the best in the entire Twin Cities. After that you had to stand in line an extra hour.
What do Fridays mean to you?  Have Fridays more often been good to you or bad?  Do you anxiously wait for each Friday or do you take your days one at a time?  What do you like most about Fridays?  What if we had a four day week and skipped Fridays? How would you feel about that? Would you miss your Fridays?

The Importance of Good Timing

23 Feb 2012 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Timing is everything.  How often have you heard this comment?  It implies that success goes to the person with the right timing.  If you watch a good athlete, you can see the importance of timing over factors such as strength or power.  A good golf swing is an example of this.  Some sports are power sports and require less skill than sheer strength.   Skill sports like golf, tennis, fencing and karate may require or put more emphasis on timing than other sports. Nevertheless, it is hard to imagine any sport where timing is not important.  Great comedians must have perfect timing or they will find their jokes going right over the audiences head.  Photographers talk about the importance of timing in getting those great pictures. Business is full of opportunities that are time sensitive. Today, you may have an opportunity to make a fortune and tomorrow it is gone.  Good business opportunities will always be seized by someone else, whose timing is better.
So, how do we get our timing to be better or is it all just luck?  Can we improve our timing? The answer is yes, but it takes practice and patience. Great timing comes from practice and repeated failures. It takes time to get great timing.  People are not born with great timing, it is something we develop.  The person you envy because of their great timing is someone who is practicing their skill or activity on a regular basis. When you see someone in good shape at 80 years of age, do you think they were born that way?  I will bet my last dollar, they worked at staying in shape by watching their diet and by making sure they got plenty of exercise.  They put lots of time into it and they did not just get lucky. Too often we ascribe success to luck. Luck is factors beyond our control. Happily, success is within our control and has less to do with luck than it does with practice and hard work.  Good timing is a result of both practice and hard work. Read the book “Talent is Overrated” by Geoffrey Colvin and you can learn about the concept of “Deliberate Practice.”  This is not exactly what the term would suggest.  It involves a great deal of practice but a focused set of practice exercises that depend on your skills and abilities and the specific tasks you want to master.  These techniques work in business, music, sports or chess. 

Amazon: Talent is Overrated

Where do you need better timing in your life?  In what areas, do you feel that your timing has been weak or off the mark? What skills or activities do you want to be better in?  Can you make a schedule to practice these skills?  Do you have the patience?  Can you find the time to improve your timing?

The Yin Yang of Fat Tuesday and Ash Wednesday!

22 Feb 2012 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Went to bed last night and realized it was Fat Tuesday.   Wondered why I forgot since Fat Tuesday is also Mardi Gras.  I love Mardi Gras. Who cannot? A bacchanalia of feasting, partying, wine, women and song!  (Okay, let’s throw in some hunks and studs for the women) Everything we hope we find in heaven right here on earth! So when I awoke this morning, I thought well today is Ash Wednesday.  If ever there were opposites, then Ash Wednesday and Fat Tuesday would quality.  A great example of one of the Yin and Yangs of the universes and just think, they occur back to back.  So I thought, well let’s treat everyone to a dual blog today and make up for my remiss yesterday in one fell swoop.  By the way, somehow yesterday was my all-time single highest day for readers.  I am left perplexed since frankly I thought of yesterday as sort of an average blog.  I cannot say I was terribly excited about it.  So if it were not the blog, was it due to it being Fat Tuesday or some other arcane reason?  Since you might have read my blog, I would be interested in your theory.  You can post it in comments section.  Well, okay so let’s talk about Mardi Gras and Ash Wednesday. 
I may have some qualifications for talking about these since I lived in Woonsocket, R.I. from my tenth birthday to my fourteenth birthday and went to a Catholic boarding school.  My favorite nun was Mother Findoca, who routinely rapped my knuckles and the back of my head.  She might have just cared about me more than anyone I have ever met except Karen and my mother.  I would throw my first wife Julia in this group except I am no longer on her Christmas card mailing list. Anyway, Woonsocket was the only town in the USA to hold a Mardi Gras festival besides New Orleans.  (Or at least that is what I was always told) Thus, at an early age I was exposed to the Mardi Gras tradition.  Can’t say I was much into wine, women and song at this age.  In fact, since third grade I had never opened my mouth to sing.  My third grade (public school) teacher had told me to shut my mouth and to not even open and close it.  She said I hurt her ears.  I have never sung a bar since that day.  I can appreciate very deeply what effect a teacher can have on a young person.  I can only hope that I have never had that negative effect on any of my students. 
Okay, so my second qualification is perhaps being Catholic (The first living in Woonsocket).  Catholics believe very deeply, although I don’t see it as much done in the flesh as in the spirit with the idea of Lent and forty days of fasting.  Wiki says this about Lent:
During Lent, many of the faithful commit to fasting or giving up certain types of luxuryas a form of penitence. The Stations of the Cross, a devotional commemoration of Christ’s carrying the Cross and of his execution, are often observed. Many Roman Catholic and some Protestant churches bare their altars of candles, flowers, and other devotional offerings, while crucifixes, religious statues, and other elaborate religious paraphernalia are often veiled in violet fabrics in observance of this event. In certain pious Catholiccountries, grand processions and cultural customs are observed, and the faithful attempt to visit seven churches during Holy Week in honor of Jesus Christ heading to Mount Calvary. 
 
Lent (Lent(Latin: Quadragesima, “fortieth ) lasts for forty days and forty comes up many times in the bible with many significant events from the Hebrews wandering in the desert for forty days to Christ fasting for forty days. The most significant event in Lent for me was figuring out what I could give up that really would not upset my life too much and going to church on Ash Wednesday and getting smeared with ashes.  I could then parade around prominently until my ashes either wore off or were washed off.   I thus looked like a real penitent at least for a few hours.  My “fast” would not usually last more than a few days and then be totally forgotten.  Since I usually gave up something I did not care too much about, it really did not matter much when I forgot it anyway. 
I am sorry if I sound sacrilegious and like a heathen (this last was one of my mother’s favorite expressions) but I never really got a sense that it mattered that much what I gave up or how long I did.  I ponder the Muslim tradition of fasting and think about how much more esoteric and serious it seems than the Christian tradition of Lent.  Do you really know many penitents who go and wonder in the desert for forty days or who truly fast for forty days.  If so, perhaps there would be many more thin people around.  I suspect you are saying “this idiot, doesn’t he realize the symbolic importance here?  I guess I am thinking that without the deed, the intention leaves something to be desired.  Every year at my Jesuit retreat (27 of them now) I am reminded that words without actions, intentions without efforts are only half of the battle.  How many people do you know that truly undergo forty days of fasting or at least some real sense of deprivation?  
Well, turning to a happier more pleasant subject, Fat Tuesday is the last day we are supposed to be able to have any fun, since we are all going to be deprived of such luxury for the next forty days.  This of course will only happen symbolically for most of us, but perhaps even thinking about the possibility entitles us to a night of debauchery.  Anyway, most of us are more up these days to debauchery than deprivation.  So Mardi Gras is a “legal” day to go overboard with those true evils that you will then put off for the next 40 days.  According to Wiki:  
Mardi Grasis French for Fat Tuesday, referring to the practice of the last night of eating richer, fatty foods before the ritual fasting of the Lenten season, which begins on Ash Wednesday; in English the day is sometimes referred to as Shrove Tuesday, from the word shrive, meaning “confess.”[6]Related popular practices are associated with celebrations before the fasting and religious obligations associated with the penitentialseason of Lent. Popular practices include wearing masks and costumes, overturning social conventions, dancing, sports competitions, parades, etc. Similar expressions to Mardi Gras appear in other European languages sharing the Christian tradition.
If you have never been to a Mardi Gras party, you are missing out on a very fun event.  Of course, you must put out of your mind that it is all a prelude to forty days of deprivation.  It might be difficult to really have any fun if you had this on your mind all night.  I was sort of surprised yesterday that there no mention of Mardi Gras or Mardi Gras parties at my local coffee shop hangout.  My Arizona City coffee shop is where all the news that is fit to print is usually bandied about.  I was somewhat surprised that there were no local events since it has become common now to find people all over the US celebrating Mardi Gras. In a more serious vein, what can we learn from fasting or some form of self-discipline such as giving up a luxury or something that is really meaningful to us?  The answer I believe is a lot.   
We live in a society which from TV to IPAD to cellphone beseeches us to overindulge.  Go to the grocery store and look at the magazines on the rack.  Most of them will have some ultra-thin models touting a new six week weight loss regimen.  Open the magazines and page after page will have visuals of the greatest most fattening foods imaginable.  A few pages will tell you how to substitute mangos for margarine or salsa for catsup but most pages will also contain the hot fudge sundae brownie nut desert topped with low calorie whipped cream.  Did you know a DQ medium blizzard has about 850 calories?  That is half my BMR calorie rate for the day.  Go to McDonalds and have their deluxe breakfast without syrup or margarine and you have just had 1090 calories for the day.  You now have to get through lunch, snacks and supper and stay under 1000 calories, good luck.  Keep paging your magazine and you will finally come to the one page headliner article where “Rebecca Romijn” talks about how she lost 40 pounds in six weeks for her next movie.  Sometimes, the headliner has had five kids and may even be forty years old.  Rebecca is actually 39 this year.  She fortunately has the luxury of air brushing which the rest of us do not.  Perhaps, Hollywood stars could give up air brushing for Lent. That would be interesting.  
True fasting, which I have engaged in every Wednesday for the past 29 years, although some Wednesdays were better than others has helped me with a sense of self-discipline as well as a modest means of controlling weight gain. I usually limit my calorie intake to 1000 calories every Wednesday and try to stick to simple low calorie foods.  The past year I have to confess that with moving from MN to Wisconsin and Arizona, I have been off my fast.  I thought it would be very easy to resume but it has not.  I keep making a commitment to start again but each week it seems like something comes up.  I will still tout the benefits though at the cost of being counted a hypocrite. 
If you have never fasted, it does not really have to be food you give up; perhaps it could be shopping or something else that you routinely engage in.  For many, alcohol or smoking might be good things to try to put aside.  A true fast is not easy and should not be easy.  The point of fasting is self-discipline.  A side benefit is the sense of identity and empathy it provides us to with those less fortunate.  When you can have anything almost any time you want it, you forget what it is like to have less or not to be able to have at all.  
Today being Ash Wednesday, what can you give up?  Impatience, yelling at other drivers, criticizing your employees, lecturing your children or spouse!  Perhaps, your fast could involve adding something rather than subtracting?  What if you tried doing a good deed every day for someone for the next 40 days?  What if it were for your community or someone you did not know.  As I write this, my wife Karen is off to the food shelf where she will spend three to four hours helping to distribute and load food into peoples trunks who need help with groceries.  She will come back with a sore back but proud that she could give the time to help others in need.  What can you do for the next forty days to sacrifice?  In the long run, you will be the one who really benefits. 

Do you have the time or is that what you really want?

21 Feb 2012 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Do you have THE time?  This question once distinguished those who had a watch from those who did not.  Today, anyone can just as easily answer this question with a cell phone, IPAD, GPS or car.  We simply need to observe the time and state it in either Greenwich Mean Time or 24 hour military style.  One could be somewhat facetious and say “Well, it depends on what time you want?”  When we ask for the time, we are usually only requesting chronological time.  We assume that the person making the request only wants to know what time of day it is.  But what if they really want to know something else?
What if they wanted to know the time they had left to live?  What if they were looking for the time that the world had left to survive?  What if they wanted to know how long you were really going to stay with them?  In marriage vows, we say “until death do us part.”  None of us knows how long that will be or whether it will really last that long. The fact of the matter is most marriages barely last ten years. Yet we make a commitment to stay with the other person as long as we live.  In reality, it means as long as we still feel like we love them.  We make commitments of time that are impossible to live up to since we do not really know THE time. We cannot say how long the world will survive or how long we will survive. We cannot even say how long we will love anyone.  Times change, feelings change and we change. The most we can say about time is what time we think it is right now.  The future of time remains murky at best.
The next time someone asks you if you “have THE time,” try replying with “Well, yes I have it and if I give it to you, what will you do with it?” Alternatively, “Do you really need it?”  Or, “When will I get it back?”  Or, “What time are you referring to.”  This sounds nonsensical, but the point here is not to take words for granted.  They could mean many other things.  As Alice in Wonderland was told, “Do not presume to know what words mean.”  
Do you assume too much when others speak?  Do you try to check out the meaning of words and feelings?  Do you think that you know the meaning of the words without validating your assumptions?  What if you checked out the meaning of words more?  Do you think it would improve your communication skills?

What! Another Presidents Day? What’s the big deal?

20 Feb 2012 4 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Once upon a time I remember we celebrated George Washington and Abraham Lincoln’s birthdays on separate days.  Perhaps my memory fails me but I don’t remember when or why they were combined into one President’s day.  I do remember thinking that somehow both of them got the proverbial “shaft” since we are now not celebrating a person’s birthday but celebrating a “group” or a concept rather than honoring good old George or Abe.  Actually, I never had much use for George as I thought of him as more the jock warrior type and less of a thinker.  I reserved my admiration for Thomas Jefferson who I thought deserved a day of his own.  It is hard to fault good Old Abe as he freed the slaves!  Nevertheless, even Abe has come in for his share of criticism as many say he really did not care about the slaves but only keeping the union together.  And of course, George had more slaves than he could count thus tarnishing his image in the eyes of many.  So why celebrate either George or Abraham? 
I don’t have time to fully defend either George or Abraham, but let me say that I have read a great deal about both of these men in the last twenty years.  The two greatest decisions ever made in the history of this country were made by George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.  Without these decisions, this country would not exist nor would it stand as an icon of freedom and democracy to the rest of the world.  I will argue with anyone on these points and challenge you to read as much as I have on the lives of Lincoln and Washington and see if you do not reach the same conclusions.  I have read many criticisms of George and Abe and though they have some merit, they overlook the good that these men did, a good that justly warrants a day for each of their remembrances and most certainly their status as two of the greatest men in history and certainly our two greatest presidents.
What were these decisions?  George Washington was the greatest hero on earth in his day.  His victories over the British made him the most famous and most popular man on the face of the earth and certainly in America.  George was nominated and elected President of the USA.  After serving his first two terms and eight years in office, he was asked to run a third term.  You have heard it said that “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupt absolutely.”  It takes a strong man, perhaps even a godlike man to turn down power, but that is what George did. The populace wanted to elect him ruler for life.  Some wanted to crown him king.  George recognized that accepting this title and power would have a corrupting effect. Few men in history have turned down such a gift but George did.  Many Americans forget that it was his precedent setting decision that set us on a true path to democracy rather than a dictatorship even if under George it would have been a paternalistic one.  It was not until 1947 when congress passed the 22nd amendment that two terms were officially established by law as the limit for any president.  Many other presidents followed George’s precedent but only George turned down the opportunity to have become ruler for life.  There are many other decisions that George made that you should know about and if you have the time today, at least go to Wikipedia and read about his time as president.  I guarantee your esteem and admiration for this man will increase tenfold.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Washington
 
Now we come to Honest Abe.  Did he really return a few pennies that he was overpaid?  Much more important I think is the issue of his motives for the civil war.  Yes, he fought the war to preserve the union.  But would there have been a war to fight if not for the question of slavery?  Everything in the man’s past, in his actions, in his speeches and in his writings cried out his hatred for slavery.  Listen to some of his words on slavery:
“Slavery is founded in the selfishness of man’s nature – opposition to it, is his love of justice. These principles are an eternal antagonism; and when brought into collision so fiercely, as slavery extension brings them, shocks, and throes, and convulsions must ceaselessly follow.” The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln edited by Roy P. Basler, Volume II, “Speech at Peoria, Illinois” (October 16, 1854), p. 271.
“What I do say is, that no man is good enough to govern another man, without that other’s consent. I say this is the leading principle – the sheet anchor of American republicanism.” The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln edited by Roy P. Basler, Volume II, “Speech at Peoria, Illinois” (October 16, 1854), p. 266.
“In the first place, I insist that our fathers did not make this nation half slave and half free, or part slave and part free. I insist that they found the institution of slavery existing here. They did not make it so, but they left it so because they knew of no way to get rid of it at that time.” The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln edited by Roy P. Basler, Volume III, “Lincoln-Douglas Debate at Quincy” (October 13, 1858), p. 276.
“Now, I confess myself as belonging to that class in the country who contemplate slavery as a moral, social and political evil, having due regard for its actual existence amongst us and the difficulties of getting rid of it in any satisfactory way, and to all the constitutional obligations which have been thrown about it; but, nevertheless, desire a policy that looks to the prevention of it as a wrong, and looks hopefully to the time when as a wrong it may come to an end.” The Collected Works of Abraham Lincoln edited by Roy P. Basler, Volume III, “Lincoln-Douglas Debate at Galesburg” (October 7, 1858), p. 226.
All of these quotes are at least 7 years before the Emancipation Proclamation and several years before the onset of the civil war.  How anyone can deny that Lincoln was 100 percent against slavery and totally committed to ending its spread and abolishing it as an institution is beyond me.  Yes, he played politics and yes he did some things that were more expedient than moral but that is the nature of politics.  There are those who voted for President Obama and are now dissatisfied with his tenure because he has also been expedient and political.  Such people are either fools or helplessly naïve.  Shame on them for denying the virtues of others because they do not measure up to their standards!  It is easy to win the football game from the bleachers or to perform the high wire act from the circus stands.  Get up off your butt and take a stand against injustice, hatred and bigotry.  Stand up and speak out against the racists, nativists, hate mongers, anti-immigration people and see what it takes to be brave.  I have a t-shirt which says: “We don’t need an anti-immigration policy, we need a fair immigration policy.”  The majority of Americans endorse this concept but the people we have elected today would rather build walls and fences than create a fair and just immigration policy.  The issue here is not just one of economics but also of social and legal justice.  It will not be solved by racial hatred and discrimination.
The job to create the greatest democracy on the face of the earth was started and set on the right path by such men as Washington and Lincoln.  These were men who made tough choices and had the courage and conviction of their choices.  We honor them best by continuing to build the greatest democracy on the face of the earth.  Today on Presidents day, let’s remember that the job is not done.  We still have battles to win against hatred, prejudice and discrimination.  We honor George and Abe by picking up their mantles and asking how they would have proceeded.  What would Abe and George have done about the issues we are facing today?  Are we acting in their honor or in more narrow sectarian paths?  Are we making decisions based on fact and love for others or are we basing our decisions on prejudice and self-interest?

What if you had a second chance to change time?

17 Feb 2012 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Good Morning!  Before you say “thank God it’s Friday”, here are some thoughts on time to take you to the weekend. Time has often been the theme or plot of many stories and movies.  Days repeating themselves, people living life over again, people being born in the future etc.  Time travel has been a very popular theme. Several movies have been made involving the concept of traveling back or forward in time.  Often the plot involves the futility of trying to change the future or the negative effects from trying to change the past. This creates what could be called the “time paradox.”  If you could go back and change things, then why would you need to go back in the first place?  Another dilemma time travel poses is how anyone could be alive at two places at the same time.  Inevitably, the person going back discovers the futility of trying to change time.  In Déjà vu, Denzel Washington was able to surmount the time paradox and successfully changed the future.  Of course, it is not explained how he managed to exist at two places at the same time, but the movie is very entertaining.
Some movies have dealt with the theme of “stuck in time” as in the movie “Ground Hog Day.”  In this movie, the main character Phil (played by Bill Murray) is a weatherman  assigned to cover Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney Pennsylvania, where every year a big to-do is made about whether or not the ground hog comes out and sees its shadow.  The outcome of this ritual is said to determine how much longer winter will go on.  This year we were told that we will have two more weeks of winter although apparently there was a challenge from a competing groundhog somewhere else.  
Phil is a disillusioned self-centered individual with a very cynical outlook on life. By some stroke of fate, he finds that he keeps waking up and reliving Groundhog Day over and over again. We surmise that he must keep repeating the day until he is able to get it right.  He must develop a likable and lovable personality. The proof that he has changed lies in his ability to win the heart of a local woman played by Andie MacDowell.  The character Phil is not only given a second and third but even gets a fourth and fifth chance to live his life over again and to get it right. 
Now you might think that Phil was lucky and you never get such luck but you would be wrong.  Each day you get up, you have another chance to get it right.  Each day is an opportunity for a new beginning and a new start.  You have to make a choice. Will you keep doing the same things or will you change your life. How often have you wished you could change the past or keep repeating it until you got it right?  What is one thing you would like to go back into the past to change?  What if you could change it?  How would your life be different today?  The choice is yours to make. The past is really always present. 

I’m in a hurry but going nowhere fast! The fallacy of Multi-tasking!

16 Feb 2012 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

“The more I’m in a hurry, the more I tend to worry.”  I remember these lyrics from a song many years ago.  The more I’m in a hurry, the more I tend to worry.  This makes a lot of sense if you think about it. When you try to go fast, you frequently end up putting things in the wrong place or forgetting to do something.  For the past few years, multi-tasking has been pushed as a sort of panacea to our productivity and economic problems. If we could all learn to do things faster and to do several things at one time, we would be more efficient and productive.  We could then compete better in the global market place.  I hope I do not have a surprise for you if I tell you that “lack of multi-tasking” skills is not the cause of our present economic problems.  Lack of innovation has more to do with it than lack of skills. 
Recent research confirms my opinion.  The more we do, the dumber we do things. We do not concentrate and do an effective job when we try to do several things at one time.  We don’t watch TV and write well. We don’t play cards and monitor our children well and we do not drive and talk on cell phones well. We are also not very innovative when we are focused on how much we need to do or how fast we need to do things.  We all know these facts from our own experiences.   Then why don’t we give up this mania that seems to afflict us with multi-tasking and doing things faster, faster, faster.  I remember Keith Code from the California Superbike School when I took his 3 day course in cornering.  He kept advising us over and over “You have to learn to go slow before you can go fast.”  Hardly any of us on the race course at Road America wanted to hear the word “slow.”  We bought our superbikes to go fast not slow.  It took several years for Keith’s message to sink in.  I have learned in the interim that it applies to swimming and skiing as well.  I am sure it applies to many other aspects of our lives. You can probably think of some.  I would love to hear your lessons. Feel free to add your experiences in my comments section.
I have realized that when my pace speeds up and when I get going really fast, I am more worried that I will forget something or do something wrong. Generally, I am right. Going too fast, results in mistakes and doing things over. How many times in the morning when I am getting ready for work, do I end up walking back up my stairs because I forgot my phone or something else? The moral here should be that if we slow down, we will have less worry in our lives. At least, there might be some opportunities for less worry.  Slowing down will not reduce all the worries in your life, but if speed kills, then you will have dying sooner as one less worry.  Think of the deaths on the highways that could be prevented by less hurrying and taking life a little bit slower.  Not only would you get there in one piece but the drive would be a great deal less stressful.  You might even start finding things to be more fun.
Are you a freeway speed demon?  Are you worried about getting to work on time?  Would it help you to worry less, if you could take more time to do things? What is one thing you can do more slowly today? Try it and see if at the end of the week you do not feel less stressed.

February is the month of Forgiveness

15 Feb 2012 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

This blog is about time and I want to think about the importance that dates and events have in our lives.  It is half way into February now but I hope not too late to consider the importance of this month.  Indeed, in some ways February could just be the most important month of the year for us.  Consider the following:  February was named after the Latin term Februltus, which means “a righting of wrongs.”  It is a month when we begin looking towards the end of winter and the beginning of spring.  We are now more relaxed since the holidays are long over, but it is usually too cold and wintry to do much outside unless you live in Florida or Arizona or some other warm place.  However, my thermometer says it is 37 degrees outside this morning in Arizona City so that is not exactly warm. With any luck though, it will be in the 60’s by mid-afternoon. 
So what can we do in February?  Well, maybe the idea of “righting wrongs” is a good use of our time. In the 12 Step AA program, one is expected to make a list of the people they have wronged and ask for forgiveness from these people; those friends, relatives or even acquaintances that we have hurt or taken advantage of in some way. We can all think back through the past year or years and think of something we did that hurt someone or something we did that we wished we could correct. Can you think of a better use of an entire month, then to make amends with the people who you have hurt, lost, forgot or even just not talked to in a long time?  There are 29 days this year in February, well only 14 left now.  But what if you picked 14 people that you wanted to ask forgiveness from or apologize to for something you did wrong. 
I will tell you a little story that might apply to many of us.  My ex-wife’s grandmother Rose was one of the nicest people I have ever met.  We spent much time with her on holidays and weekends whenever we could.  She lived and died in St. Paul, MN.  One day we were talking and I asked her if she had any siblings and what had happened to them.  Grandma Rose said “O yes, I have a brother who is about my age.”  I was surprised because she had never mentioned him before.  I asked her where he lived.  I assumed it was far far away and thus provided a barrier to keeping in touch.  She said “He lives on the other side of St. Paul.”  I was shocked.  I asked her why they were not in touch.  She told me that they had a big fight 40 years ago and had never talked since.  This was her only sibling.  Her parents, grandparents and most friends were by now long dead, but she still harbored this grudge against her brother and vice versa it would appear.  They were no more than 10 miles or a phone call away, but it might have been ages and eons for all that the distance mattered.  I was even more stunned but somewhat not surprised that Grandma Rose died several years later and to the best of my knowledge had never reconciled or even talked to her brother.  I suspect that he was not even at her funeral but what would it have mattered if he were?
As I tell this story, I am struck by a sense of sadness and futility.  How can we hold our grudges so long?  What does it do to us as humans and spiritual people?  I doubt if one of you can see any value in harboring grudges, vendettas, feuds or hostilities with others but how many of you have someone you know that you no longer talk to or someone you refuse to acknowledge?  What is the purpose, what is the meaning?
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.— Mahatma Gandhi
Resentment is like a glass of poison that a man drinks; then he sits down and waits for his enemy to die.—Nelson Mandela when asked why he was not resentful for his imprisonment.
If you have the desire to learn more about forgiveness, go to the following site:   http://www.forgivenessfoundation.org/inspiration/quotes/ You can learn a great deal about forgiving others on this site.  The book How To Forgive When You Can’t: The Breakthrough Guide to Free Your Heart & Mind by Dr. Jim Dincalci is well worth reading.  Each person we carry a grudge against is a festering sore on our own hearts and souls.  There may be people whom it is good to avoid, but forgiveness is more about us than others and taking care of our immortal souls. 
Who do you need to make amends with?  Who could you right a wrong with?  How about starting with one person today and see how it goes? Remember, you only have 14 days left in February so you should start soon.  Think of how much better you will feel.

Happy Valentines Day

14 Feb 2012 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!  Thank you for following my blog each day.  I love the fact that people (although mostly unknown are reading my writing.)  I hope they are bringing some ideas, joy, peace or happiness to your daily efforts. You are all my Valentines so here are some quotes that you can carry through the day.  I am substitute teaching at the High School here in Casa Grande today and I forgot to bring valentines candy for the kids.  Do you remember when you were in grade school or high school and traded valentines or sent secret valentines to someone you liked?  Do you remember getting a valentine and you could not figure out who gave it to you?  Perhaps you were one of those people, who like myself, no one ever gave a Valentine’s Day card to?  Good thing I have been married to Karen because this is one of her favorite holidays.   Here are ten quotes for you to help love someone more today:
If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.
A. A. Milne
Where there is great love, there are always wishes.
Willa Cather
Love is a game that two can play and both win.
Eva Gabor
Love is being stupid together.
Paul Valery
If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.
W. H. Auden
Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat.
Ben Hecht
We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another.
Lucretius
To love abundantly is to live abundantly, and to love forever is to live forever.
Henry Drummond
Love is the flower you’ve got to let grow.
John Lennon
Come live in my heart, and pay no rent.
Samuel Lover
http://www.brainyquote.com/specials/valentines_day/valentines_day_quotes.html#ixzz1mMX06oJj
Give a Valentine to someone you like today.  Give some candy or give a compliment or give some praise.  Today is a day to spread love.  It is the greatest gift in the world and it is free.  Think of someone whom you have not talked to in quite a while, surprise them with a call. Say Happy Valentine’s Day, I was thinking of you!  What will it take? A little time is all. 

What do forensics and time have to do with each other and our lives?

13 Feb 2012 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

The wily detective Columbo (played by the late Peter Falk as many of you will remember) is called to the crime scene in the wee hours of the hourly morning.  The pathologist has already examined the body.  Columbo has barely managed to grab a donut and coffee.  His trademark overcoat drapes his body but he has not yet pulled out his cigar.  He looks like he has had a bad night’s sleep.  Wearily he asks the examiner, “What’s the time of death doc?”  “No question about it, the victim died at exactly 12 AM.”  Columbo shuffles his feet a bit and then pulls out and lights his cigar.  He appears to be somewhat disconcerted by the entire crime scene and you know he is beginning one of his famous stories wherein nothing is as it appears to be.  He returns to the examiner and says “Doc, how come you are so certain of the time of death?”  Well, there are three reasons detective.  First, the temperature of the body would indicate an approximate time of death as 3 hours ago.  Since, it is now 3AM that would make the time of death, 12 AM.  Second, the coagulation at the bottom of the victims body would indicate a stoppage of blood flow at about 3 hours ago and finally, the wrist watch on the victims hand is broken and the time the watch stopped is precisely 12 AM.   Is that enough detective?”  Well, that should be conclusive right?  You can’t argue with forensics and science much less a broken wrist watch.  However, as you might have guessed, these seemingly incontrovertible facts only make Columbo more suspicious.  I can hear him thinking, “It’s too pat.”  
The major suspect (of course the victim’s wife) is forty years younger than her spouse and stands to make 40 million dollars should her husband pass away.  These facts, plus the fact that she was known to have a boyfriend on the side, (her husband hired a private detective to trail her and he has these very incriminating photos) point to her motive.  However, the time of death presents a major problem.  She was at a wedding as the maid of honor and had multiple witnesses (400) to testify that she did not leave the wedding until after 2AM.  Her boyfriend (a world famous forensic pathologist who was quite a stud) was also at the wedding with her and was known to have driven her home.  Since she could not have been at the wedding at 12 AM and also killed her husband, it would appear that she was in the clear.  This sets up the drama.  
How can Columbo overcome the time of death and substantiate his gut feelings (which are never wrong) that it was really the wife and her boyfriend and not a random burglar?   Well, that is where the additional knowledge of forensics comes in.  If you would like to know how they “staged” this crime scene to make it look like a 12 AM hit, send me an email, but I will bet that if you watch CSI or any of the documentaries about the Body Farm, you have already figured it out. 
So what do time and forensics have to do with each other?  The answer is obvious, the more clues we have about the time of death, the easier it will be to solve the problem of whom, where and why.  Time is a key factor in the toolbox of the homicide detective.  Time is a process that marks every stage of our lives, but we are often not aware of this.  We can get a sense when we look in the mirror or see an old picture of ourselves and we realize that time has marked us.   But there is another message here as well.  Facts can be manipulated and things are not always as they seem.  We might be old in body but young at heart.  Science does not yet know how to measure the reverse aging that happens as we get wiser and more mature.  We grow younger as we are more open to life and to the changes that life brings.   A quote by the famous General Douglas MacArthur goes as follows:
“Nobody grows old by merely living a number of years. People grow old by deserting their ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up interest wrinkles the soul…You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt, as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear, as young as your hope, as old as your despair.” 
The Columbo shows were always about the common underdog, somewhat bumbling detective (Columbo) who must pit his wits against the super-smart, super-sophisticated, ultra scientific Ubermenschen.  In the end, Columbo always outsmarts the smartest villains.  We all revel in their defeat since inside each of us is this sense of identify with the underdog.  We have all been tyrannized at some point by one of these super-smart people who seem to hold their superiority over us.  Colombo’s victories are victories for the 99% against the 1% and we love it.  We are the 99 percent and we do not have to be losers because we are not the 1 percent.   If you look at MacArthur’s quote, you can see that each of us has the potential to win our victories against life.  No matter how famous, rich, smart, successful or young you are, the meaning of life does not lie in doing or in having but in being.  It is by giving up our dreams and hopes that we lose the battle and not by growing old.  No amount of science or forensics can measure our success in this battle. 
Go on Netflix this week and watch an old Columbo show.  No commercials you know.  Have your ever watched Columbo or CSI?  What does the passage of time each day tell you about your life?  How do you measure the success you have day to day in living a life of your choice?  What could you do to find more ways to dream and hope and love?  Have you quit the battle or are you still in their pitching?  Try reading “Beyond the Body Farm” by Dr. Bill Bass and Jon Jefferson. 

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