children. | Aging Capriciously

I am reposting the following blog from a new friend of mine. His name is Brock McGoff. Brock McGoff is a men’s lifestyle and personal development creator who runs a YouTube channel, a TikTok account and several podcasts. He also sold two blogs and a watch site in 2023. He is a very talented individual who really know his way around the new media. This particular blog really caught my interest since for years I facilitated Men’s Awareness Groups in Minneapolis at the “Men’s Center” on Park Ave. My best friend Rev. William Cox was the director of the Center. We had many men who were suffering from loneliness, veterans trauma AKA PTSD, post divorce depression and of course for many Gay men, the social ostracism of living a different lifestyle.

The purpose of the Men’s Center was to support men. It was not to endorse misogyny or put women down. It was not to create a movement that worshipped being machismo. Along the road, I discovered the many problems that men faced in life which seem to be ignored by the larger society. Depression, fear of job loss, losing touch with their children post divorce. My M.S. thesis was “The Problems of Divorced and Separated Men.” I realized that many men did not get even joint custody of their children but back in the 70’s were expected to support them without the benefits entitled to a co-parent. Co-parenting did not exist in the minds of most divorce judges in those days. Anyway, Brock touches on a theme here which still has a great deal of validity for many men. I am sure you will enjoy his writing. Brock’s blog starts after this picture. All the pictures are from Brock’s files.

This week, I want to focus in on friendship.

Don’t worry, I still have some snacks for ya down below 😉

But the meat and potatoes of today’s email is about making friends.

Specifically, making friends as an adult man.

An adult man with a family and a job and financial obligations, and maybe a few hobbies to boot…

Back in the day…

Back in the day, you’d collect a handful of close friends during the first 20 years of your life. You know:

Kids who lived on your street growing up
Classmates from middle and high school
Your college roommates

Then, you’d keep most of these friends for the rest of your life.

The original crew: my older brother and our two best friends who lived across the street.

College pals on a cruise (we thought we were so classy 😂)

These days, though, everyone scatters. They move across the country for a job or spouse.

Even your new friends might relocate in middle age. It’s just normal now.

The percentage of men with six or more close friends dropped from 55% in 1990 to just 27% in 2021.

Psychology Today

It’s hard to make new friends. It takes time, effort and vulnerability.

But we need friends. Loneliness leads to depression, and social isolation can shorten lifespans.

Try this at home 👇🏼

When I moved back to Tucson, I was determined to make some dang friends.

As a busy dad, here’s what’s working for me right now:

About once a month, I invite 7-8 guys from my neighborhood over to my house for a beer or three (or water…it’s really not about drinking).

All different kinds of guys:

Dave is a retiree who’s lived on my street for 30 years.
Edgar is an accountant who moved in two months ago.
Eugene is my age and also has two young kids.

I provide a cooler, table snacks and background music. The back gate opens at 8p.

We hang out and talk for a couple hours, then everyone heads home.

This doesn’t come naturally to me. I’m an introvert. I’m uncomfortable at parties.

Me at social functions | Source: Giphy

But I’m forcing it. I’m making these gatherings happen.

And you know what? Most of the people I invite show up.

I think most people are just waiting for an invitation to hang out.

And, the more time we spend together, the closer we become.

We’re becoming friends. It’s amazing!

✍🏻 Your Homework

Host your own neighborhood hang.

Do it this week.

Go knock on some doors, or if you already have contact info, send an email/text.

Your place, Saturday night, 8p.

Maybe one guy will show up. Fine! Do it again next week.

Email me with your results…

Aging Capriciously