Aging Capriciously

Went to a wedding a short time ago and found some good advice at the church. I picked up a card in the pew and found an interesting comment on it. The comment on the card was from the web site: http://www.getpeace.org, and read: “The rest of the world is going at super speed, and few individuals take the time to be nice.” It went on to point out that we need to take the time to be kind to others. It helps them and it helps us. A few years ago, someone made the idea of “random acts of kindness” very popular. That had always appealed to me until I read the following: “Why random acts of kindness, why not systematic and intentional daily acts of kindness.” This makes a great deal of sense. Why should kindness be random in our society? Who was it that said “What knowledge is there that is greater than kindness.”

We read daily of “random acts of violence” but violence is not random in our world. Violence is daily and systematic. Violence destroys the fabric of society and of our lives. The only antidote to violence is kindness. Can we be more kind? Can we be less violent? What if today you took some time to be kind to a complete stranger, someone whom you did not know? How do you think you might feel after? How do you think they might feel?

At the end of today, come back to these thoughts of kindness and answer these questions: Where you able to be kind to someone today? Did you make a difference? Did you feel better? What if you tried to be kind every day? What if you programmed yourself for daily acts of intentional and planned kindness? Would the world be a better place if we all did that? Who will be the first to try?

Reflections on Time

Time and tide wait for no man or woman; an old saying that has been around forever. Despite this good advice, there are people who are forever waiting. In fact, some might argue that the world is composed of two types of people; the wait-ers and the do-ers. Wait-ers are people who hope that good things will come to them and do-ers are people that make the good things come to them. Wait-ers hope to win the lottery so they can buy the things they want. Do-ers go out and make the money to buy what they want. We all have friends who fall into these categories or habits. Friends who are waiting to take a holiday to another country, friends who are waiting for Mr. or Ms right, friends who are waiting for their ship to arrive. We eventually come to realize that they will be dead and buried before any of these things happen. One of the reasons why Nike’s motto “Just do it” is so powerful is the way it resonates with most of us at a primal level. We all want to be doers but many of us fall into the category of wait-ers.

Why do we wait is a good question? Why do we wait and wait and wait and wait? What fears stop us (because the answer to the first question is FEAR) from becoming doers? What can we do to overcome these fears? Psychologists would say that the first step is to overcome the excuses and denial and to admit our fears. Once we admit our fears, we can take the second step. The second step is to decide to do something about our fears. I was afraid of heights. For years, I admitted it but could not decide what to do about it. Finally, I decided to do a solo parachute jump. It took me nearly ten years but I finally did it on my 55th birthday. Since then, I am much less intimated by being up high. The third step is to decide what you need to do to overcome your fear. There are often many remedies, but which is the right solution for you. For me, it was to find a sky diving club, join them and take a class in sky-diving. The fourth and final step is to take action. Once I decided to take the sky-diving training and jump, I had to actually attend the training and then go to the school. I had to make several trips to the airport before I could jump because on two consecutive occasions the airport was closed for jumping due to bad weather. I almost gave up the idea but the third time was a charm. I was able to jump by myself out of the plane at about 5000 feet. Believe me when I say, I was scared to death. However as I floated down, I realized the beauty and unreality of the entire event. I actually relaxed enough to start enjoying it once my chute opened. Had I not taken action, the entire first three steps would be worthless.

Which are you, a wait-er or a do-er? We all are wait-ers in some areas of our lives. We all have fears that cause us to avoid or put off doing certain things. What are the events and activities that you put off? What are the fears you have to overcome? Can you practice these four steps or just take one of them this next year? What do you think would happen if you did? How do you think your life would be different? Life is waiting for you to start.

“Now is the winter of our discontent” is a famous opening line from Shakespeare’s Richard The Third Act 1, scene 1, 1–4. Whether or not as many have noted, the future King Richard was expressing joy rather than discontent is irrelevant. The major point here being that for many winter is a source of discontent. In Minnesota, winter is dreaded due to the cold, snow and ice storms. We have an inordinate amount of accidents during the winter months that plague drivers and slow the commutes down. We have about five months of winter compared to three months of summer. We even have a phenomenon called “Snow Birds.’ These are people who fly south every winter to live in Florida, Arizona, Texas or some other warm place.

However, for some winter is a wonderland of snow and ice and white vistas. It is time of renewal. A time when life retreats, days are short and you want nothing more than to sit in front of a warm fireplace with a good book until summer comes. Winter forces life to slow down. I have always loved winter; perhaps because I enjoy the outdoors so much. It is hard to describe the beauty of a snowstorm when you are out skiing in the woods and the entire landscape is like something out of a fairy tale. The snowflakes are gently falling and the pine trees are flocked with snow. You turn to see a great grey owl sitting on a branch perhaps watching you ski. Soon you notice a small group of deer simply walking by and ignoring you. A nearby trout stream with its deep blue water is winding its way through the snow covered pines and birch trees. The brilliant blue of the water sparkling against the snow and ice covered banks. The world is white on white with blue and brown contrasts. You notice the water gurgling and the sun beams dancing off the snowflakes. You are in the middle of a diamond like wonderland.

Winter is a time of change. It offers a respite from the hectic pace of summer. During winter, I slow my routines down and I feel like there is more time to do things for myself rather than taking care of the yard, going on vacations, spending time with the relatives, etc. Winter is a time for reconciliation. It is a time for quiet solitude and reflection. Winter is when we can be reborn. What do you think of winter? Is it just a time you hope is over very quickly? Is it a time you look forward to? What could you do to make your winters more worthwhile and interesting? What activities would help make winter more exciting for you? Where could you go to renew yourself this winter? What hurts and fences might you find the time to mend? Can you make this winter a time of “Content.”

I am usually on-time. In fact, I generally arrive at appointments ahead of time. I loathe being late and like to arrive early to be able to “settle in.” However, I am not “in-time” as often as I would like to be. What does it mean to be in-time? In-time is most often thought of as a musical term as it implies being in rhythm with a beat or harmony. It can also mean to be in synchronicity (synchronicity is a very interesting concept which we will discuss later) with the world that is happening around us. In other words, I am in-time when I am aware of the life changes going on around me in society and the world. I am in-time with the present beat of life. I am living now and not in the past. I take part in the world that is happening today and I am not waiting for the future.

Being in-time is an essential musical skill which some people seem to have more than others. Great athletes as well as great musicians must possess this trait. Tiger Woods has a better sense of rhythm and timing than most other golfers. Great leaders and great politicians also have the ability to be in-time. They have their hearts and minds on the pulse of events and the heartbeat of the population. They resonate and play the themes that are demanded by life today and not yesterday or tomorrow. You cannot get elected if you are not in-time with the world and the people. The ability to be in-time is a very valuable asset. Why do some people have it and others do not? What does it take to develop this ability to be “in-time?”

The world is happening around us every day. The Amazon rainforests are being destroyed. Global warming is heating up the earth. Fish are being depleted. Wars are being fought over oil, religion, territory, ethnicity and greed. People are being bought and sold into slavery as commodities. Crime takes an innocent victim every second some place in the world. Are you in tune with what is happening out there or do you have your head buried in the sand? Are you part of the problem? Do you erect a bunker mentality and deny the changes in the world or are you part of the solution? Denying life is the first step to being out of sync with the world and out of sync with life.

Are you in-time with life? What difference would or could it make to you if you were? How much energy do you have for being in-time with the world? Does it feel hopeless? It certainly may at time.

February was named after the Latin term Februltus, which means “a righting of wrongs.” It is a month when we begin looking towards the end of winter and the beginning of spring. We are now more relaxed since the holidays are long over, but it is still too cold and wintry to do much outside. So what can we do in February? Well, maybe the idea of “righting wrongs” is a good use of our time.

In the 12 Step AA program, one is expected to make a list of the people they have wronged and ask for forgiveness; those friends relatives or even acquaintances that we have hurt or taken advantage of in some way. We can all think back through the past year and think of something we did that hurt someone or something we did that we wished we could correct. Can you think of a better use of an entire month, then to make amends with the people who we have hurt, lost, insulted or even just not talked to in a long time? It beats waiting for the groundhog.

Who do you need to make amends with? Who could you right a wrong with? How about starting with one person today and see how it goes? Remember, you only have 28 days in February (except on leap year) so you should start soon. Think of how much better you will feel when you have made peace with someone.

The fifth and final plan we all need concerns our spiritual development. “What doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world and suffers the loss of his own soul” (Matthew). Many of us worry about time and money. We worry about how we look and what people think of us. We worry about holidays, vacations, buying things, having the right image and having the right toys. What gets lost in our mad material rush for things and image is our immortal soul. We remember to put out the garbage but we forget our souls. Our souls will go on long after our body has aged and withered away. What is more important, how you look or how your soul looks?

The highest level of development is considered by many wise people to be spiritual. Without spiritual development, we wither and rot on the vine. We are hollow and shallow people without a soul. We can plan a budget and plan time for going to school, friends, family and exercise, but what will it all be for if we cannot put aside time to develop our soul? Thus, a plan to develop your soul might just be the longest reaching and most important plan you can have. Without such a plan how can you grow wiser and kinder and more just?

My spiritual plan is very simple. For others, it may be going regularly to church, mosque or synagogue. The core of my spiritual exercises is my daily spiritual prayer. Each day before I begin my activities, I recite a spiritual prayer and take five minutes to do a spiritual reading. This practice constitutes a sort of daily spiritual exercise for me. Every year, I attend a silent retreat at a Jesuit Retreat house called Demontreville. It is three days of spiritual reflection and prayer. The silence for three days helps me to get in touch with my inner being and to really reflect on where my life and my goals are. I have now attended over 25 of these yearly retreats. They have helped me to develop spiritually, morally and ethically. Every year, I look forward to my annual retreat as an important time for spiritual renewal and reflection. There are many spiritual exercises in the different religious traditions that can help you to develop spiritually. They can all offer you more joy and happiness if you take the time to practice them.

Are you satisfied with your spiritual and moral development? Are you doing something to help develop in these areas? Have you set aside time for your spiritual development? Do you have a concrete set of exercises and activities to help you grow spiritually? If not, when will you begin? Can you start by taking five minutes today for a spiritual reading from the Bible, Koran, Hindu Scriptures, Buddhist readings or the Torah? If not, can you simply read a good selection from a book on moral and ethical development? Five minutes each day that might change your immortal soul!

By the way, I am sorry I did not post these past four days but I was attending my annual retreat at Demontreville. It was number 26 for me and was very gratifying. I could not imagine what my life would be without taking the time each year for this reatreat.