Aging Capriciously

Collecting stuff is a pastime for many of us. Actually, it might even be an obsession for some of us. We shop till we drop. We shop on weekends, we shop on vacations and we shop on holidays. In fact, shopping has become a holiday of sorts. We shop and shop and shop. The result is that we collect so much stuff that we now routinely have garage sales and flea markets just to get rid of the stuff so we have more room to collect more stuff. I have noticed that many of my friends (now facing retirement) are trying desperately to “de-clutter” by getting rid of stuff. Amazon is full of books touting how to organize your stuff, while E-Bay is full of stuff that people are trying to get rid of (at a profit of course). We may be moving from an upsizing home economy to a downsizing home economy.

When we are young, we want more and more stuff. Then, either because of age or space, we finally get to the point where we are inundated with too much stuff. Stuff begins to rule our lives. The amassing of so much stuff creates a problem. Just like companies that have too much inventory, many of us have too much stuff. We spend time storing it, insuring it, moving it, maintaining it and finally trying to dispose of it. You cannot even take old computers to the landfills any more without paying a fee. It would be nice to think that all of our old stuff could be recycled and that it would not end up as simply polluting the environment. Alas, I doubt this is yet happening on a large enough scale.

Why do we collect all of this stuff to begin with? Are we amassing some treasure? If you think collecting stuff is profitable, think again. Most of us would have been better off putting our money in a retirement fund or the stock market. Stuff usually sells for pennies on the dollar if you can sell it at all. Do we simply collect stuff to have the most toys or to keep up with the neighbors? In a designer society, is stuff the ultimate status of success?

Amassing stuff becomes a habit. It can actually become addictive. My wife and I still look at stuff and want some of it. We are drawn towards it like moths towards a flame. Antiques, collectibles, nick knacks, art, motorcycles, toys, games. You name it, we want more of it. Fortunately, we both realize that 1) We don’t need it and 2) We have no place to put it. Our attitude towards stuff has changed as we have grown older. Why did we collect so much stuff in the first place? Why amass so much stuff that we don’t need and has little or no value to anyone else? We laugh at packrats as they attempt to collect stuff for their winter nests. In reality, we humans are the greatest packrats of all time.

How much stuff do you have that you don’t want or need? How much of your life and time is dedicated to collecting, protecting, maintaining and disposing of the stuff you have collected? What if you had less stuff and more time? Would you be happier? Stuff is the enemy of time. Can you set up a frugal rule or a rule to de-clutter? It will make your life simpler and more satisfying in the long run. Stuff can never replace time and people.

Antiques hold a special allure for some people that I could never understand. Why would anyone want to buy someone’s old junk? Ancient items that people often bought out of necessity. Go to an antique store and it is full of things that our parents and grandparents gladly would have thrown out if they could have afforded anything better. Nevertheless, the growth of EBay and the thousands of antique stores that surround us are testimony to the allure of old items. And it is not just kitchen and household items.

Just look at the number of classic car shows that occur each weekend during the summer. Cars that never ran well, cars that broke down frequently, cars that had the gaudiest styles imaginable will all be lined up along city blocks. Throngs of admirers will saunter among the cars while the proud owners will sit in lawn chairs watching the people muse over their cars. How many times will they hear “I had one just like that when I was growing up?” Of course, most of these “antiques” are in much better shape now then when the aging baby boomer owned it. Newer engines along with updated electronics have probably made them much more reliable than when they were built.

As the baby boomer generation grows older, so does its fascination with nostalgia and all things old. Antiques are simply one way of reconnecting with the past and of fulfilling dreams that we missed in the years gone by. Nostalgia is defined as “a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one’s life, to one’s home or homeland, or to one’s family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time (dictionary.com).” Old objects are valuable because they connect us to what we remember as either an earlier or simpler or happier time. Time has a way of erasing the bad (perhaps more realistic memories) and replacing them with a dream of what our past should have been like.

Do you dream of living in the past? Do you ever get sentimental over “bygone” days? Have you ever bought an antique? What is your favorite antique? Why? Have you ever wondered what meaning it had for you? What in your past would you like to bring forward into your future? What would stop this from happening if you wanted it to? It is very interesting that despite our frenzy with progress and new development, a certain part of each of us will always be “stuck” in the past.

I love a rainy day. I don’t need to justify that “April showers bring May flowers.” While many people moan and groan about rainy cold drizzly days, I actually revel in them. Something in me feels peace and tranquility on a rainy day. For years, I simply accepted that I enjoy the “dreary” days that put most people off. My friends and spouse think me crazy because I will greet the rainy days of spring and fall with the same alacrity that they greet the sunny warm days of summer. Something in my nature loves the way that time moves on a damp rainy day. Whether it is simply drizzling or a full blown thunderstorm, there is something on those days that my soul resonates with.

After years of feeling out of sync with other people, I decided to try and figure our why I feel such affinity for a rainy day. The explanation I came up with had to do with my father’s rules about how I could spend my time. On “nice”days, I was supposed to go outside and play. On “bad” days, I could stay inside and do whatever I wanted to or nothing at all. I could hear my father saying to me “get your butt outside, it’s too nice to stay inside.” I found this insight rewarding since I could now understand a childhood rule that governed how I spent my time and indirectly what I could do and not do. Rainy days were “bad” days, so I got to spend my time doing what I wanted to do. Nice days (sunny and warm) I had to go out and do chores and go out and “be busy.” On rainy days I could curl up inside and read a good book and not have to do anything or go anywhere. Time and rain were intimately related. I became a lover of rain because it meant freedom and all the time to spend as I wanted to spend it.

I am now free to break this rule whenever I want to. Insight conveys power. Nevertheless, I still love rainy days, but every so often, I choose to do nothing at all on a nice SUNNY day. I chose to reverse my father’s rule. Understanding our hidden rules about time can be a liberating experience. Do you know what your hidden rules are about time? What messages do you tell yourself about how, when and where you can spend your time? Where did you get these messages? What messages that you received have kept you from doing things you would like to do? Are you free to break your rules now when you want to? What would help free you from rules that don’t add any value or meaning to your life?