“Just Give Me A Reason” Pink with Nate Ruess
I love the possibility that Pink raises in her song that a love which has gone cold can somehow be reignited.
But can we really learn to love again?
How many of us have had a love affair go south. A love that we thought was like no other. A love that would last forever! A love that caused all reason to go out the window and for which we would have sold our souls to the very devil himself. A love that friends and families said was meant to be and that would still be burning bright in the firmament when all the stars in the sky had long since dimmed. A match made in heaven itself that would never be seen again. No reason, no logic, no facts, no data, no statistics, no arguments, no evidence could convince us that we would not be with this person until the very end of time. But then something happened!
I’m sorry I don’t understand
Where all of this is coming from
I thought that we were fine
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear we still have everythin’
And it’s all in your mind
(Yeah, but this is happenin’)
Suddenly, the impossible becomes possible. The unthinkable becomes thinkable. Your worst fears become reality. Nightmares become day dreams. You are cheating on the other person. The other person is cheating on you. You are drifting apart. You don’t connect like you used to. You find yourself wishing you were with someone else. You are hurt. You are lonely. You feel abused. You feel neglected. They don’t care about you anymore. Things are different but you don’t know why.
You used to lie so close to me, oh, oh
There’s nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Oh, our love, our love
But can we really learn to love again?
You don’t know. They don’t know. The impossible is now probable. You have lost faith in the dream. “Grow old along with me” has changed to “I can’t go on any longer like this.” Caring has changed to neglect. Closeness has been replaced with distance. Love has been replaced with apathy. Everything seems hopeless. What could have happened to us?
Just give me a reason
Just a little bit’s enough
Just a second we’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
I never stopped
You’re still written in the scars on my heart
You’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
But can we really learn to love again?
Where do we start? We forgot what we meant to each other. We forgot how to care for each other. We forgot how much we once loved each other. How do we remember? Where do we find what we once knew? 
Life conspires to help us forget. I told you that I loved you a million times. Each time I meant it more than the countless times before. But one day, I stopped saying it. Something was happening but I did not know what. Nothing had prepared me for the day that I forgot that I once loved you. Now, my once and forever love is not even a distant memory. Where do I find the love that I lost? Can I find it in your arms or in the arms of someone new?
Somehow it seems easier to look elsewhere for our lost and forgotten love. Divorce is fast and easy. I lost something that now I cannot find. Easier to move on and start over again. Legions of counselors, psychologists, therapists and ministers could not put our love back together again. I simply want to escape the pain and the loneliness. I did not mean for this to happen. We seemed to be so happy together yesterday and then today, it was all over. Dreams shattered like a boat in a storm on a rocky shoal. It all happened so fast, I was overwhelmed. I am devastated.
Oh, tear ducts and rust
I’ll fix it for us
We’re collecting dust
But our love’s enough
You’re holding it in
You’re pouring a drink
No nothing is as bad as it seems
We’ll come clean
But can we really learn to love again?
I wish that it were really possible but I don’t know where to start. How can we go back when I don’t remember what to go back to? What is the cause? How do I solve a problem when I don’t know what the problem is? Like the boat on the shoals, I feel like I am being battered on all sides. I can’t go back and I can’t go forward. I want to escape and I don’t know where or who to escape to. Somewhere there must be a happy ending.
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, we can learn to love again
Oh, oh, that we’re not broken just bent
And we can learn to love again
But can we really learn to love again?
Maybe we can learn to love again but often I think it takes work and more work. Too many love affairs, marriages, romances etc. are based on a sort of nostalgic love. We hear of many people who have gone back to high school reunions and married a high school sweetheart. I think romance might be the start of love but it is only getting out of the gate. The real work comes, and it is work to keep a relationship together, after the fantasy of love forever starts to fade. No amount of dreaming, hoping or wishing can replace the effort that a good relationship takes to maintain. The Law of Entropy says that unless you put energy into something, it will devolve into chaos and randomness. Too many love affairs have gone this way. There is something sad about watching this happen, whether to a friend or to ourselves.
Time for Questions:
Why do we fall out of love? Was it really love in the first place? Can we bring back the feelings we once had for someone? Why or why not? Are you willing to do the work it takes to rekindle an old flame or to keep a flame burning? Can it really be rekindled? Is it all about wanting to or is it all about desire? Do you know anyone who has “learned to love again?” What did they do? Could you do this? Why not?
Aging Capriciously 
Jan 20, 2014 @ 14:33:10
Great blog and it poses a very good question. I do not profess to be an expert on the matter, but coming from someone who fell out of love at 29 and moved back home with her mother, only to have that love rekindled four years later and moved back home to her husband, I will say a big emphatic YES!! I visited a psychiatrist during this time as I was going through a bit of a depression. I will never forget what she told me. She said that love can be very fragile, and likened it to a porcelain vase that can break very easily if we are not careful. In some cases that vase can be reglued, and although it will never be like new again, and it may show the imperfections in a few places, it is like the love that was shared. It will never be the same, but it can be fixed. In some cases that vase is shattered beyond mending, and no amount of glueing will put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
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Jan 27, 2014 @ 22:01:59
Good metaphor.
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Jan 20, 2014 @ 14:39:03
Good metaphor Jeanine. I like the example.
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Jan 20, 2014 @ 15:51:26
Hi John – borrowing an inspiration from the gym that I think translates into many areas of life: “You don’t get what you wish for, you get what you work for” (making the assumption that you and your partner are willing to work toward the same goals).
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Jan 20, 2014 @ 16:57:24
Good concept Susan. I think too many people are not willing to go to the “gym” either in marriage or life.
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Jan 25, 2014 @ 15:47:15
Some times we fall in love and sometimes we fall in lust. Falling in lust doesn’t last. Sometimes we can’t tell the difference.
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Jan 26, 2014 @ 18:33:20
Thanks Ralph, Good point. Too bad there is not a foolproof method for anyone to use to tell. Might save a lot of pain and heartache.
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Jan 27, 2014 @ 21:59:08
I don’t think I have had any lust since Teenagehood. 🙂
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Jan 27, 2014 @ 10:40:03
It’s possible but it’s never the same..sometimes it’s better; sometimes it’s worse. Heraclitus, the greek philosopher of Ephesus, said it best..”you can not step into the same river twice”. 🙂
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Jan 27, 2014 @ 21:52:19
My favorite philosopher Heraclitus. Well, maybe Socrates, Thanks Fred.
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