There are going to be those of you who will say that the title of this blog is preposterous. A few years ago, I would have called “Bullshit.” Funny how aging changes ones perspective. I asked four friends all over the age of 70 what they thought about my proposition. They all nodded sagely and said that they agreed 100 percent. I then went to my spouse Karen who as a Home Care nurse spent many years working with the elderly. I expected her to deny my proposition. I was quite surprised when she also agreed. I asked her why. She explained as follows:
“I spent forty years working as a home health care nurse. Most of my patients were elderly. I think I helped many of them lead better lives. However, when I look back, I can see that I did not really understand what they were going through with the aging process. I only realized it when I had to go through it myself.”
In January of this year, I decided to stop running the mountain trails that I had been running four or five times a week for the past 12 years. I had fallen many times and six months earlier I had a fall and broke my finger. I still ran for the next six months but suddenly I could just not bring myself to go up the mountains running anymore. I experienced both pain and pleasure with this decision. In some ways, it felt like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. On the other hand, I missed the challenge and excitement of running rocky mountain trails. I decided to stick to the flatlands and less rugged running trails.
I mentioned this to some running friends of mine. One of the younger ones asked me what I had done to prevent falling or to somehow adjust my attitude so that I could continue running. I explained that over the years I had started running with knee pads, elbow pads, shatterproof glasses, and hand guards like roller bladers used. I had the best trail running shoes that I could afford. He asked if I would be willing to look for some new ideas so that I could return to the mountain trails. I told him that I appreciated the offer but that I was finished with running rocky mountain trails.
Upon reflection, I realized that his attitude was like what many of us elderly experience from a wide range of sources. From doctors to other “expert” advice givers, younger people assume that much of what afflicts the elderly is simply a state of mind. How often have you heard any of the following”
- You are only as old as you think you are.
- Aging is an attitude.
- Age is just a number. Life and aging are the greatest gifts that we could possibly ever have.
- Aging is just another word for living.
- Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.
- As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, DO IT.
- Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.
The above quotes may be inspiring. They may be motivating. They may sound profound. However, there is an element of denial in each of them. A little like the quote “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Something missing is the element of empathy. We may not all be tough. We may have lived a wonderful and useful life. However, like a beautiful flower we all reach the end of our journey in this world. Many of us may reach this end without ever really knowing “What kind of a person we should have been.” We may be too sick, too fragile or simply too old to “Just do it.”
We are told that we can stave off aging by yoga, senior fit exercises, strength exercises, cardio exercises, good diet, and nutrition. We should give up smoking, overeating, and drinking. All these suggestions are useful to some extent. However, none of them will stop the aging process. Aging is a process by which the body gradually loses its energy. The cycle of life is birth, growth, and decline. No species of animal or plant that ever graced this earth has escaped this cycle. For some of us the cycle is shorter than for others. Inspiring motivational quotes will not help you to avoid this cycle. Nor will the many over the counter remedies for aging. I did find this advertisement for five ways to look younger which exemplifies what my message here is. I am dubious of the “modern solutions” that they suggest to combat aging.
“With the right solutions and strategies, we can lessen these signs (of aging) and stay looking our youthful best for longer. Here, we’ll explore five key challenges men face as they age and the modern solutions available to help combat them. — 5 Things That Make Men Look Old And What You Can Do To Look 10 Years Younger
Aging is not combat. There is a reconciliation that must inevitably come for all of us. I once thought this was something to be avoided. I now realize that only by embracing the inevitable can we live our last years on this earth with a sublime equanimity that would make Buddha proud. We are going to age. We are going to decline. We will eventually succumb to death. We can live our life to the fullest with a paradox that we must accept. The paradox is that we should never give up, but we should also be prepared to let go. The two processes are never black and white. We need to hold on as long as we can, but we also need to gradually let go. Life has always been a trial of balancing complex and competing priorities. Aging presents us with one last trial. You can go raging into the night if you like, but I would prefer to walk steadily towards whatever awaits me after this life is over.
For some very poignant and moving pictures about aging, I have found none better than those by Tom Hussey. The following link will take you to some of his pictures. They will touch your heart.
Aging Capriciously 
Sep 17, 2023 @ 07:41:25
Like Karen, I agree with your observation(s) completely. Aside from what we can no longer do, there are the memories to cherish of all that we have done and the time to reflect on all that we have learned. It’s sad that people are so frightened of getting old. It’s a waste of time, and they miss seeing the positives of enjoying old age – should they be lucky enough to get there. But there is no doubt, as you say, that we don’t seem to have the ability to project ahead with that perspective. Nice job, John. I may have to give this topic a whirl!
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 07:56:07
Hi Jane, thanks for your thoughts. I would love to see your ideas on the subject. BTW, do you think you would like to do a new set of “Challenge ISSUES” for 2024. I enjoyed doing that with you last year. Your thoughts are profound and you are able to search out aspects of a subject in a very remarkable way and with keen insights.
As for the fear of growing old, that is a very good observation. I wonder if the media and Madison avenue are a source or perhaps cause of this fear? Perhaps just one factor? I certainly think often of what I used to do and sometime bemoan the fact that I cannot. On the other hand, like the song goes “Know when to hold em and know when to fold them.”
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 08:04:09
I love your challenges, John. Sure, I’m up for it. I kind of think of my blog posts as self-imposed 1000-word essay assignments, which I love doing. I think you’re similar, except that you’re more of a 3000-word guy! 😏
Re perspective on aging, on this particular topic I’m inclined to think it’s an innate reflex rather than media-inspired. I can remember my granddaughter being horrified at my wrinkled hands when she was 5, and I can remember not being able to imagine my own grandmother as anything but an old lady, something I never expected to be! 😂 Re what I can’t do anymore, I watch the runners going by our house on the trail and am so grateful that I know how that feels, the joy that it brought me. I’m having hip replacement surgery on Thursday … do you suppose there’ll be renewed running life in me?! 😂
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 10:30:10
Jane, I wish you the best with your hip surgery. What you say about being grateful is so true. Best to remember the joy and move on with our lives. I must keep that thought in mind. I did a “walk” up the mountain today to celebrate my 77th birthday. I was somewhat wistful thinking that it used to be a run. I need to keep your attitude in my mind. Your comments on where the antipathy to aging comes from seems to me to hit the mark perfectly. I guess none of us ever expected to be old. I can’t even recognize myself anymore when I look in the mirror. BTW, did you ever see that collection of painting for old people where they looked at themselves in the mirror and saw themselves when they were young. Very moving. I am including a link for you.
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 15:25:04
Thanks, John. Yes, those mirror pics are very moving.
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 18:56:00
Jane,
Best of luck with your surgery and hopefully we get to see you when we visit Janet later this month.
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 20:26:16
Thanks, Wayne. Probably not this time; it’ll be early recovery days.
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 09:24:43
Excellent article. I feel better now! Gretchen
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 10:19:08
Thanks Gretchen, It was wonderful seeing you and Robert. We are enjoying Robert’s books. He is a very good writer and story teller. I enjoyed our conversations together. Our visit with you was the highlight of the summer for Karen. John
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 12:00:25
One of your best posts yet, Dr. J., in my humble opinion.
In my therapy recently for my work-related vicarious trauma, I told my therapist that I employ humor to hold the horror at bay. My therapist asked me, “What is ‘the horror?'” I told him, “Death.” I wasn’t trying to be clever or profound, just honest.
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 12:34:32
Thanks Majik, I have a very droll sense of humor and I need to work on it more. Here is one of my favorite poems.
Death, be not Proud (Holy Sonnet 10)
John Donne
Death, be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou are not so;
For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones, and soul’s delivery.
Thou’art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
And poppy’or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell’st thou then?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 14:26:33
A modern poet who my Karen and I love wrote a triumphant song along the lines of John Donne’s poem that you’ve posted here. The song is by singer / songwriter Matt Maher, and it samples a fourth century Paschal homily by St. John Chrysostom, whose social justice preaching I think that you would appreciate, by the way. The fearless saint preached, “Let no one fear death, for the death of our Savior has set us free. He has destroyed it by enduring it!” Maher’s song is entitled, “Christ Is Risen!” And as much as I believe all this, I can’t help but agree with the old Woody Allen line, “I’m not afraid of death . . . I just don’t want to be around when it happens!” https://youtu.be/IExdrZGQVeI?si=jMJ7l6_3lpUi8YSn
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 19:43:44
Nice song. Love the quote by John 11 25-26. One of my favorite. Thanks for sharing.
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 17:25:43
Absolutely agree 100% and I am only turning 60 next year! I wanted to start early and get myself ready for embracing aging 🙂 … I embarked on a solo journey arriving 4 days ahead of my sisters in the South of France. NO REGRETS!! I had the time of my life enjoying the sun, mother nature, walks, eating and having a beer by myself! I can’t wait to keep aging in the company of peace, happiness, gratitude and good health. Thank you for this validation.
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 19:38:51
Wow, sounds like one heck of a fun time. Sometimes it is great just going it alone for awhile. I hope you can enjoy every minute of your aging Lin. You have the right attitude.
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 18:57:51
Thanks for a very thoughtful article. I agree with your comments about the media but think that is driven by business wanting to make more money selling anti-aging stuff.
Definitely have to pass this along to a few friends and my kids.
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Sep 17, 2023 @ 19:37:20
Thanks Wayne. Let me know what they say.
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Sep 18, 2023 @ 12:14:54
I enjoyed your blog so much! Especially the, “Reflections”, at the end.I have seen pictures before using this theme, but never so many, and they truly tug at your heartstrings.
As for age being a number, we can all count, and my number is 72. Do I feel 72, lol, some days, but most days I look in the mirror, past the smile/ frown lines, and I see me, all 35 wonderful years of, “Me”! Lol
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Sep 18, 2023 @ 14:07:12
Thanks Jeanine for the comments. Karen cried when she saw the pictures. I look in the mirror and nothing shows up. What does that mean? 🙂
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Sep 18, 2023 @ 17:19:20
An excellent commentary. Keep on keepin’ on as Bob Dylan says but realize and accept that aging is inevitable.
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Sep 18, 2023 @ 19:04:46
Thanks John.
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