Customer Service (CS): Hello, this is American Bank serving True American Patriots. Whom do I have the pleasure of speaking to today?
Me: Hi, my name is John Persico, and I am calling about a lost credit card.
CS: Could you please verify your account with us. I need your name, address, telephone number, last four of your social security number and your secret pass code.
Me: John Persico, 2034 Abbitt Avenue, South Phoenix, 85117. Phone is 520-671-4583 and last four of my SS is 2245. My secret pass code is 9867453287.
CS: Could you also verify your date of birth; month, day, and year.
Me: 09/17/1946
CS: Thank you, Mr. Persico. We see that you have an account with us. What can I help you with.
Me: Well, my wife and I just came back from a vacation, and we seem to have lost one of our credit cards.
CS: Do you know the number of your credit card?
Me: Are you serious?
CS: Don’t worry, I can look it up. Do you know the date of issue?
Me: Sometime in the past four years I would guess.
CS: Great, I think I have located the number. Do you know where you lost the card?
Me: Well, we left Phoenix two weeks ago for Cape Town, South Africa. From there we went to Johannesburg and from there to Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe. When we left Victoria Falls, we went back to Phoenix by way of Zurich, Switzerland. Then we went to Newark, NJ and finally landed in Phoenix. I think it was either lost or stolen somewhere between Zimbabwe and Phoenix.
CS: Oh, I thought you said it was lost?
Me: Well, I guess it could have been stolen. What’s the difference?
CS: If it was lost, we have our lost credit card department. If it was stolen, I must send you to our stolen credit card department.
Me: What do you mean “send” me? I thought you were going to handle it.
CS: I am very sorry, but I will have to route you to the right department. Do you want stolen or lost?
Me: I will take lost.
CS: Please stay on the line while I forward you to our Lost Credit Card department. Thank you very much for your time. Would you mind filling out a brief survey concerning the service you received today?
Me: Maybe later. I would really like to get this card issue resolved first.
CS: I understand, please stay on the line.
Lost Credit Card Dept: Due to the large volume of lost credit card calls, there will be a minimum delay of twenty minutes before we can connect you with a lost credit card service provider. Would you like to stay on the line, or we can give you a call back?
Me: I will stay on the line.
TIME DELAY: Twenty-five times I am asked if I still want to stay on the line. Meanwhile I am listening to some of the worst music I have ever heard in my life.
Lost Credit Card Operator (LCCO) Hello, whom do I have the pleasure of speaking to?
Me: My name is John Persico. I am calling about a lost credit card.
LCCO: I would be happy to help you with this issue. Can I have your name, address, phone number, last four of your Social Security number, date of birth and your secret passcode?
Me: I gave all that information before.
LCCO: I am very sorry, but I must ask you again as we are a different department.
Me: Okay, Okay. Jesus, I can’t remember my name. I think my address is 2034 Abbitt Avenue, South Phoenix, 85117. Phone is 520-671-4583 and last four of my SS is 2245. My secret pass code is 9867453287. My date of birth is 09/17/1946. Oh, Oh, I just remembered my name. It is John Persico.
LCCO: Thank you, Mr. Persico. How can I help you?
Me: I lost my credit card or perhaps it was stolen and ……….
LCCO: Did you say stolen?
Me: No! No! No! I did not mean stolen. I am sure it was lost.
LCCO: Do you know where you lost it?
Me: I haven’t a fuckin clue!
LCCO: Well, it generally takes between ten and fifteen business days before we will reissue a new card to you. Perhaps your old card will turn up. You can call us back after ten days and we will process a new card for you.
Me: I would like to do that now. Can you make an exception. We have many of our auto bill pays on this card. Our phone company has already rejected our monthly cell phone payment. I need a new card to reestablish this account, or I will not have any cell phone service.
LCCO: I am very sorry for your inconvenience. I can forward you to our Exceptional Claims Department and they will be happy to help you further.
Me: No, please do not forward me. Isn’t there some way that I can get a new card sooner than two weeks.
LCCO: Please hold the line while I check with my supervisor on that question
TIME DELAY: Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep
Me: Are you still there? Is anyone there?
Phone: Please hang up and dial again, you are no longer connected.
Goodbye!
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Aging Capriciously 
Oct 19, 2023 @ 12:37:08
How do all these corporations, financial and otherwise, get away with this crap customer service. It’s not the fault of the poor shmucks doing the job, they’ve been put in an impossible position by the asinine rules they’re constrained by. So they end up spending their days dealing with justifiably irate customers. And we wonder why we have mental health issues!
On another note, I hope your African adventure was a huge success.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 19, 2023 @ 14:04:23
Hi Jane, SA was wonderful. People, places, events, food were all exceptional. Had a great time. Thank you for asking. I thought of this blog since partially it was true. Our phone service was off when we got back to the USA and when we called they said our credit card was on hold. The rest of the tale is partially in my story with some make believe included. Mostly the make believe is from an assortment of like phone calls over the years. I am assuming that everyone will identify with my story. I agree that the providers are not to blame. My mentor Deming always said to blame the system not the people. His famous quote was “Put good people in a bad system and the system will win every time.”
LikeLiked by 2 people
Oct 19, 2023 @ 14:25:26
I’m so glad that your trip lived up to the billing. And, yes, I think all your readers will identify with your dialogue. I know I did!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 19, 2023 @ 14:53:23
Apologies John but I laughed at this the whole way through reading it 🤣 because it’s so true! Ironically Steve (husband) lost, or had his wallet stolen in Rome 2 weeks ago during our Italian cities tour. It had €100, 2 credit cards and his driving license inside! He was directed to the local Carabinieri who weren’t in the slightest interested, only to be directed to another department who took notes!
In your example I would have been apoplectic – which of course wouldn’t have helped at all 🙂
Sounds as though you had a great holiday.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 19, 2023 @ 18:05:28
Thanks Margaret. We had a wonderful holiday. I hope you did as well despite the theft. My article was intended to portray a composite of the BS that we often have to put up with these days. I rolled my recent card episode in with several other previous times that I have had to deal with large corporate bureaucracies. I am sorry to hear about Steve’s lost wallet. His problem is times 10 the usual hassle. I think I might shoot myself if I lost my drivers license. It is a good thing you did not have your passports stolen. I knew many people would identify with my problem. I think I could run for office campaigning against such foolishness. John
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 19, 2023 @ 15:36:15
Children can play “Musical Chairs” with many children with many chairs.
Congress cannot play Musical Chairs with only one chair.
Your article shows us how sometimes we do not even get a chair.
There is also no music. Thanks for inspiring me. Or maybe not.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 19, 2023 @ 17:59:14
Thanks for your comment.
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Oct 19, 2023 @ 17:25:47
Oh I feel for you! I hope my like helps you feel better 🙂 My thinking is… maybe an AI would have handled the call better ? :-)0
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 19, 2023 @ 17:59:22
Thanks Lin, I was somewhat spoofing the ongoing efforts of people who have to deal with these service problems today. My story was a combination of fact and previous experience. I guess you could call some of it creative fiction.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 19, 2023 @ 22:22:07
You have described my day during business hours for calling insurance, doctor office, bank…
“Let me transfer you to another department…”
Where’s the customer service?
I’m inclined to find it is a tactic
to keep customers like us frustrated
without any service rendered.
Then we have further aggravation
for the next phone call to Customer Disservice!
Socorro
P.S. I sent you an email.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 19, 2023 @ 23:05:14
So true for so many of us these days. What will or can we do about it? John
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 20, 2023 @ 08:19:13
Here’s a scary thought, Dr. J.
You were never speaking with a real live human being.
All the “people” you thought that you were speaking to were A.I.
And all the A.I. “people” you spoke to were just fucking with you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 21, 2023 @ 00:18:20
That is a scary thought.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 21, 2023 @ 01:35:36
And then there was the guy who lived in New Mexico and called to purchase tickets to a volleyball game in Texas. The customer service rep refused to sell them to him because he lived in New Mexico and they “don’t sell tickets outside the U.S.” He asked to speak to a supervisor, tried to explain that New Mexico IS part of the U.S., but the supervisor said, “Old Mexico, New Mexico, it doesn’t matter … we cannot sell you the tickets.” Aaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh! Tell me again what our schools are teaching???
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oct 21, 2023 @ 04:30:54
Jill, Good story. A little know fact is that for over a year I taught “Customer Service” skills to doctors and dentists at the University of Minnesota medical school . I developed some very fun ways to teach my clients how to empathize and have more concern for their patients. It was challenging work and but felt very rewarding. John
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Oct 21, 2023 @ 16:42:19
And a true story, from what I read! No, I had no idea … in fact, I didn’t know doctors, dentists, etc., learned such skills … some apparently don’t! I remember a surgeon many years ago who was known for throwing things … my sister-in-law was in the hospital, sharing a room with one of this doctor’s patients, when he came in, got angry about something or another, picked up a glass and threw it against the wall!
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Oct 21, 2023 @ 18:15:38
That is why it was so much fun teaching them. So many of them lacked bedside manner or any idea that patients were also customers. John
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Oct 23, 2023 @ 18:32:58
Just for giggles, this is from my friend in Arizona who is SO creative. I fell for it but he reassured me it didn’t actually happen like he wrote. They did have an issue after they got back to Arizona though. It is SO realistic and plausible. Enjoy N.
>
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Oct 23, 2023 @ 19:02:11
Thanks for the comment and compliment Nancy. Life seems to hand us all the creativity we need. John
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