Pro-Christian Group Swarms Bible Bookstore to Destroy New King James Bibles:
When asked why, the group’s leader answered, “Because we don’t believe in all this ‘new’ business. We only want old bibles to be sold. We never met King James anyway.”
Man Kills and Eats Pet Parrot:
“I killed him because he called me a ‘stupid’ Trump supporter. Trump is not stupid. I am going to buy another parrot that will vote for Trump.”
Students Run Wild on Campus as Protests Soar Across the USA
Students at McKinsey University were seen running to catch a bus after their graduation ceremony. “What’s the fuss” one student said. “Can’t we even run on campus anymore? I swear I am not Anti-Semitic.”
Possible Alien Spacecraft Spotted Landing Near Homes in Scottsdale, AZ:
Closer investigation showed the spacecraft to be a remote-controlled toy spaceship from Mattel being operated by a five-year-old girl. The young girl was arrested and taken away in hand cuffs despite proclaiming her innocence of any intended space invasion.
Woman Observed Performing Potentially Obscene Sex Acts in a Downtown Phoenix Park.
Witnesses say that she was doing something strange to a Barbie doll. When approached, the woman threw the Barbie doll in a garbage pail and fled. Officers are on the lookout for an eighty-year-old woman with a Barbie doll purse.
Biden Loses First Debate to Trump:
Four out of five Trump supporters say Trump will trash Biden in a debate. When asked why, many replied “Because Sleepy Joe will fall asleep in the first five minutes after listening to Trump say how great he is.” “We really do think he is great.”
Americans Leaving for Greener Pastures as Inflation Rises Again:
Many Americans are buying a new shade of weather resistant green grass for their lawns. Rumors have it that it can be used in salads instead of lettuce. Chefs say it makes a great Caesar salad.
Kim Kardashian Does It Again!
Kim Kardashian and several other famous celebrities were seen eating at the well-known Per Se restaurant in Manhattan. Kim was wearing one of her naked see-through look dresses. She reportedly was miffed that most patrons focused on checking out the menu.
Dr. John Persico Wins the Nobel Prize for Literature:
John dreamed that he won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2025 until his wife woke him up in the middle of his acceptance speech. “Let me sleep,” he said, “It’s not every day that I win the Nobel Prize.”
The National Enquirer was Awarded the Pulitzer Prize for Journalism and Truth Telling this Week:
The headlines of the National Enquirer contained news of its pending Pulitzer Prize. The story was written by five of its leading writers who were subsequently fired for telling lies. They were then rehired and given raises.
Shocking headlines have become the norm or new normal. The media specialize in well-rehearsed talking points that come from on-high in corporate headquarters. “Protestors are funded by Hamas” is echoed repeatedly by high paid shills for the media who call themselves journalists. “Antisemitism is rampant among college university professors” shriek other headline news liars. “If we don’t stop Russia in the Ukraine they will soon be over here to invade Disney Land” is a frequent threat published by all the major news outlets. “We need more money for defense” is a never-ending plea that benefits the military and the manufacturers of bombs and bullets.
As we attempt to ignore these absurd, threatening, and shocking headlines, the efforts of marketers to come up with new bait to hook us continues nonstop. Each day brings more and more bizarre and misleading headlines. We may want to opt out of the media blitz that bombards us via the TV, the radio, the internet, cellphones, emails, social media, and text messages, but it is an almost impossible task.
Someone said, “You can run but you can’t hide.” You can run from the news, but you can’t hide from it. From the shores of Montezuma to the hallowed hallways of the Supreme Court, the news will get you. They want you to be depressed, unhappy, miserable, and hopeless. But don’t worry too long. They have the fix for your unhappiness. The answer is in the next commercial. Buy it now, pay later and find true joy. Happiness is buying. Happiness is owning. Happiness is selling the junk that no longer makes you happy and buying new junk which will succeed where the last junk failed.
Be sure to buy a big gun. You will need it for protection to make sure that the Democrats, communists, liberals, gays, immigrants, feminists, student protestors, Arabs, Russians, and others don’t sneak in at night and take your junk away. Actually, just to be on the safe side, buy two big guns.
Aging Capriciously 
May 01, 2024 @ 13:09:54
Congrats on the Nobel Prize, John! 😏😂
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May 01, 2024 @ 14:34:10
Thanks Jane, happy to take you to dinner with my proceeds if you are ever in Arizona. Actually, I would take you to dinner anyway. Do you ever leave for warmer pastures? John
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May 01, 2024 @ 16:17:17
We’ve been to Arizona a few times, but not for a long time. We loved exploring the canyons of the north and of course Sedona. We even spent a week rafting down the Colorado way back in 2002. But these days we’ll limit our time in warmer pastures to a week with our families at a Caribbean island, like this year in Martinique. But thanks for the dinner offer!
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May 01, 2024 @ 17:25:26
I love the Caribbean. If I had the money, I would be retired there. I think (outside of hurricanes) that it is my favorite place in the world. I have never been to Martinique but I would love to go there. John
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May 01, 2024 @ 18:03:48
And now you and Jane are just making me anxious! I truly enjoyed my mostly golf trips to Arizona and New Mexico and can honestly say I miss them. But with the heightened craziness, cost of travel and now our outrageous low dollar compared to yours it makes travel to the US too costly. Thus, we have looked at alternatives and will continue for the few years of travel we have left.
Oh yes, your blog! I used to enjoy watching NHL hockey and didn’t mind the occasional commercial but the past few years it has grown exponentially. The first time I saw ads scrolling around the boards I wondered what had happened before I realized this was only on TV. Now I regularly record the game and start watching about 15-20 minutes later so I can skip through most of the ads. But even then with the scrolling on the boards it becomes nuts! I totally refuse to watch a live show with ads anymore. And to add to the rant, when I do have to suffer through them I sometimes wonder what they are advertising!
I just read an article in the NY Times, Opinion | Are Smartphones and Social Media Driving a Teen Mental Heath Crisis? – The New York Times (nytimes.com) which is truly scary and shows the power of constant news and advertising.
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May 01, 2024 @ 18:24:14
Sorry Wayne, I suppose I added to your list of ranting “ads.” I think the world is getting nuttier and American style capitalism is IMHO adding to the woes and tribulations. I don’t think we were meant to shop 24/7 or until we drop. The commercialism and exploitation of our thoughts is through the roof today. I would love to go someplace where I can escape it but I do not know where that would be. Any ideas? Karen would probably never move though because her children all live in either MN or WI. I once thought that I would retire in Ireland. I feel in love with Ballyvaughan the month we stayed there in a little rented cottage alongside a nice dairy farm.
Sophia Comyns was the proprietress and a nicer woman could not be found. She brought us eggs and fresh bread every morning “NO CHARGE”. We heated with a peat stove. I looked at buying a small cottage there and I could afford it but not the upkeep. Not to mention, we never have gone back. Kind of a long way to commute to work and I had just turned 47 and was at the peak of my working career. I loved my job at the time. I wish that had lasted but all things seem to change. The only constant in life as they say. Thanks for dropping a note Wayne. Maybe I can make my next blog more cheery? John
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May 01, 2024 @ 19:55:50
Ach now no need for the cheery! I totally agree with everything you have mentioned and indeed there are times when my son’s cottage on Lake Superior is very appealing as they don’t have internet there. We have visited New Zealand a few times and I have always said if I had gone there when I was younger I would have stayed. Our crappy Eastern winters are getting the better of me and warm has become much more appealing. Lately, I have been thinking Bermuda where they have very moderate temperatures all year!
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May 04, 2024 @ 10:59:04
Wayne, if you find a great place in Bermuda, let me know. I will come visit for a year or so. 🙂 I definitely love the peacefulness of a small town. They can be an oasis from the helter skelter of these large cities. I think if I were younger I would have moved to the Galway Coast and lived in a little town called Bally Vaughn. Oh, well, we can live our dreams if there is a second time around. Course, that is MAYBE on two counts. If there is a second time and if we would get a choice. John
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