How much time do we spend on our children?

09 Apr 2012 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Children Time! The experts all say that the best thing to spend on your children is your time. Nevertheless, toys have become a substitute for time spent with children today.  How much money is spent on children’s toys each year?  How many parents do you see who try to buy their kid’s affections with toys?  Children are inundated with toys, video games, I-Pods, and countless other throw-away items. We bury our kids with an avalanche of toys and mindless distractions. The toys and the interest in the toys do not seem to last as long as the batteries.  Once upon a time, children if they were good got a special toy at Christmas or on their birthday.  Today, every day is toy day for kids.  I have seen friends who have children with so many toys you can barely walk through their houses.  Many motorcycle clubs have a ride each year called “Toys for Tots” to buy toys for any children who do not have enough. However, the real problem is too many toys for children. Too many toys and not enough time with our children!
Have you noticed that kids seem more angry (witness the increasing school violence) today.  They are certainly getting fatter (due in some small part to all the toys they have that prevent them from getting real exercise).  I see young kids riding down the street on motorized skate boards and motorized scooters instead of pedaling or pushing a regular skate board.  They are inevitably overweight or obese.  Computer sports games and other on-line competitive games have replaced real sports for many kids.  Of course, there are those kids whose parents are grooming them for the NFL or NBA or NHL and these poor kids get to go to so many sports events they lose track.  Followed by the inevitable coach parent, they will probably learn to hate sports as something that is a duty rather than something you can do for fun.  I wonder how many of these sport-aholic parents and children will appreciate exercise for exercise sake or will really enjoy the parent child time spent together?  How many of these would be Pro-Stars will still be in good shape when they are in their thirties or say fifties?
Regardless of how much we give our children or how many sporting events we make our children attend, the thing they will remember the most and that will have the most impact on their lives will be the quality of the time we spend with them.  Quality time is time spend interacting with our children. This does not mean watching TV with them or even going to their soccer games and baseball games. It is time spent relating to them and sharing parent wisdom, guidance and experience with them.  It is time spent camping with your children, roller skating, ice skating, skiing or playing tennis with them.  It is time spent reading a story to or with them. It is time spent helping them with their homework or doing chores around the house with them. It is time spent during the entire cycle of your children’s lives from infant to old-age.  Parent child time will change as they grow older but it does not diminish in terms of the quality of the interaction that is important. 
How much time do you spend doing things with your children, with your grandchildren?  Do you read to your children, play games with them, take walks with them?  How much quality time do your spend with your children versus just “busy” time?  What could you do to increase the quality of the time you spend with your children and with your family? Would this improve your life or their lives or both? 

The importance of family time in my life!

06 Apr 2012 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Family time is one of the most important times in our lives. It is the time we set aside for our children and our spouse. Sometimes it seems hard to “find” this time, but unless we make the effort, we grow old without really creating those essential bonds for a family.  When my daughter was young, I tried to have a fixed time each week to do something together with her. As she got older and had more friends it became more difficult to find the time each week.  Nevertheless, no matter how much we say we love someone, there is nothing like being there for them. 
The need to be there never ends.  One morning Karen got up at 4:30 AM to travel 30 miles to take her oldest daughter to the hospital for surgery. Julie, (Karen’s Oldest) was having a hysterectomy and Karen wanted to be there with her at the hospital. Karen asked her boss for the day off so she could drive Julie to the hospital and spend the day with her.  It would have been very easy for Karen to find an excuse: “It is really far to drive;” “I don’t have much vacation time left;” “There will be plenty of support at the hospital;”
“I will only spend most of my day sitting around.” Actually, all of these thoughts went through my head when Karen told me what she planned to do.  However, to Karen, this was a form of family time and it was the most important time in the world that she could spend with her daughter. 
In my second marriage, Karen and I fixed times to do something together as a family and to do something with just each other.  I am not always good at keeping this family time and it is not always “quality” time but as I look back, I would never give up these times. If there were one most important “time” in my relationship with Karen, it is this “family time.”  I think Karen and I have grown closer together and become more loving and intimate as time has gone by. Our family time and family meetings are still weekly events which we adhere to.  Sometimes they end up in disagreements or the discussion of unpleasant issues. The alternative is to ignore problems and just let them build up.  I have found that it is never one big issue that destroys a relationship.  It is the pile up of straws that as the proverb goes eventually “breaks the camels back.” Family time for me is not only time together, it is problem-solving time to improve our relationship.
Do you have a family time? Do you have a set time each week to spend together for fun and for discussion?  If so, do you find this time valuable?  If not, what would it take to create this time?  What would it take to improve the quality of your time together with your family?  Will you regret that you did not take this time in the years to come?  Can you start this week with more family time?  

What is Prime TIme for you?

05 Apr 2012 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

We are all familiar with the concept of “Prime time.”  According to Wikipedia, Prime
Time is defined as “the block of time with the most viewers and is generally where television networks and local stations reap much of their advertising revenues.”  Thus for some, Prime Time is where the most money can be made.  
However, what if we thought of Prime Time as a kind of Angus Beef time, in other words the choicest time of the day or our lives?  Just like there are different cuts of beef denoting the value of the beef, we could have different cuts of time such as: Standard time, Choice Time, Select Time and Prime Time.  Choice Time would be a lower grade of time.  Work time and time spent on activities that were necessary might be Choice Time.  Select Time would be time that we can select to do what we want with.  Select Time can be play time or relaxation time or time which we just spend in front of the TV. Prime Time is the most special time of the day. It is the premium time we spend.  It is the time that is richest in flavor and value. It is the time that you would least want to give up. 
My Prime Time is the time I spend with my spouse when we both come home from work. It is the time that I spend with my grandchildren and the time I spend with my best friends.  I am never sure whether my other times will be fun or worthwhile.  The time I spend with my loved ones transcends being fun or worthwhile.  It is a prime part of my life. 
What is the Prime Time of your life?  Do you regard Prime Time as ongoing, or do you feel you have already “tasted” it?  Can you enjoy Prime Time every day of the week or do you just have a few days of Prime Time each week?  Do you have enough Prime Time in your life?  What can you do to have more Prime Time in your life?  

Brother, can you spare some time?

04 Apr 2012 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

I have some “left-over” time today.  Like left-over food, if I don’t use it, it will probably spoil. You cannot save left-over time too long, since something will inevitably come up to take it away from you. We get left-over time when we finish something sooner than we thought we would.  I may budget four hours for a project but instead it only takes three. I now have 1 hour left-over. If I don’t save this time, I will surely be able to use it up right away.  Left-overs are one of life’s many blessings to us.  Do you know anybody that does not like left-overs?  It is so much fun to go back down to the refrigerator after all the company has left and find left-over turkey or chicken or a roast to pick on. 
Left-over time can be equally wonderful. We all love to have time left to spend on something that we did not plan or did not anticipate.  It is all too rare these days to find ourselves with left-over time.  Of course, if you get to the airport and find out that your plane was delayed, you might be at a loss as to what to do with your time.  At this point, there is no refrigerator to store your left-over time in.  Many people plan for such delays and creatively find uses for left-over time. Much like some good cooks can make more interesting second meals out of left-overs, some people find very novel ways to spend their left-over time. Take a trip to an airport sometime and look at all the ways that people spend their left-over time.
Left-over food always seems to taste better when you eat it then when it was cooked.  Do you think “left-over time” gets better when you can put it away and bring it out later to use?  Does time age well or does it go stale very quickly?  How long can you keep left-over time? When do you ever have “left-overs” for time?  If you finish something today in less time than you had anticipated, what will you do with your left-over time today?  Are you creative with your left-over time?  Maybe we all need to start finding a better way to have “left-overs” for time and more creative ways to spend it?   

The older I get, the less I know?

03 Apr 2012 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

The older I get, the less I know.  Isn’t it supposed to work the other way around?  A friend of mine, Jerry, gave me this quote from Bertrand Russell the other day:  The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.”  The Greek philosopher Socrates was once proclaimed to the wisest man in the world. The day before he died, Socrates declared that he knew nothing. On that same day, the Oracle at Delphi was asked “Who is the wisest man in the world?”  She replied “Socrates is the wisest man in the world.”  This was reported back to Socrates who said “When I was young, I knew everything but now I know nothing.” The Oracle, who was never wrong, was asked “How can Socrates be the wisest man in the world when he knows nothing?” She replied “Only the wisest man in the world would know that he knows nothing and have the courage and humility to admit it.” 
So we go to school to learn many facts and figures.  We study history to learn the story of humanity, we study physics to learn the theory of the cosmos, we study biology to learn how animals grow and develop and we study science so we will know how the world really works.  We learn more and more and are deluded into theories and opinions and positions. We become more and more certain that we are wiser and smarter. The more degrees that are conferred on us, the smarter we are supposed to be.  In reality, we begin to suspect that all of these facts and data bits are not really helping us to become smarter or wiser.  The older most of us get and the more learned most of us become, the more we suspect that there are no truths to the world.  We begin to see that there are always more truths behind the truths that we think we have found.  Our profundities become curiosities as we get older until at some point they wither away and become obsolete.  How many theories have you seen that were proven wrong?  How many times have you had to eat humble pie because something you were absolutely positively sure about was proven conclusively wrong? 
I remember seeing a picture in the paper the other day of a man accused of sexually molesting a young girl.  He was accused of pedophilia and charged with a felony offense.  I took one look at the visage staring out of the paper at me and promptly proclaimed “If there were ever a guy who was a pedophile, he sure is.”  A few weeks later, a more complete investigation proved him completely innocent of all offenses and the young girl admitted that she made the story up for some unknown reason.  I was beyond having egg on my face.  You would think that at my age, I would have learned to avoid rush to judgments.  I can make no excuses for my blatant stupidity. 
For the last few weeks, the media circus has been focusing on the Trayvon Martin case. It seems every day we are confronted with some new facts that support a change in who the media wants us to think is guilty.  Trayvon initiated the encounter. Zimmerman initiated the encounter, Trayvon provoked Zimmerman.  Zimmerman stalked Trayvon. Trayvon was a good kid.  Zimmerman was loved by all of his friends.  Trayvon was a racist.  Zimmerman was a racist.  Tapes, witnesses, photo enlargements, medical information, acoustic information, video tapes, the entire gamut is presented daily with one expert after another telling us what they think.  Each day it appears we know more and more about less and less.  What are we doing here folks?  Are we indicting racism? Are we selling papers?  Are we voyeurs to some weird witch hunt?  Are we looking for the truth?  Are we taking sides so we can become right? 
Trayvon s death is tragic. It is a loss to his family and friends and society.  I have never been “stalked” to the extent that many Black people are but I have had many friends who have told me about situations wherein they were stalked or profiled because they were Black.  It is always embarrassing for me to hear these stories.  I wish we lived in a nation where this could never happen, but I don’t and it does.  Somehow though, I think Trayvon’s death could be a catalyst to help change some of this outright racism. I keep thinking and hoping that this young man’s life and death will not be in vain.  If we can somehow get pass this media circus and any calls for revenge, there are lessons here that we need to learn.  If you remember the famous story Rashomon, you may be more liable to realize that we may never have any truth to what really happened between Trayvon and Zimmerman.  However, the lack of truth and certainty does not mean that there are not lessons to be learned here. 
I think many of you are also appalled by this show that seems to be playing out in the papers and television.  I can only hope this is not the forerunner of more cases being played out in the media. If so, we will truly have become a Roman Circus instead of a civilized society of laws and courts and presumptions of innocence until proven guilty. 
What can you help do to overcome the types of bias and prejudice that the media often promotes?  How can you avoid your own “rush to judgment?”  What does it mean to “judge not others, less you be judged yourself.”  How often do we see the mote in others eyes but ignore the pole in our own?  What lessons can we learn from Trayvon’s death so that it is not meaningless?  

The Start of April

02 Apr 2012 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Yes I know it is April 2nd and not April fools day but did you ever think about what an interesting way to begin a month.  Imagine beginning a month on a joke?  Did you ever wonder where this tradition came from? Why is it okay to “fool” people on this particular day of the year?  Did you know that although many countries in the world share this tradition, the origin of it is still quite disputable.  Some say it began as a means of fooling people as to the beginning of the real year while others see it as connected to the crucifixion of Jesus.  Nevertheless, it is a time of hoaxes and trickery.  You can amuse yourself by going to the site called “April Fools Zone” and see what cool pranks you could have played on your friends. 
Of course, many of us are perhaps more concerned about our taxes then “fooling” around.  For some, April is when the IRS must be paid.  If you are like I am, you start trying to itemize all of your receipts and keep your fingers crossed that you will not owe the government any money.  Karen and I like to think of our “tax refund” as a kind of a down payment on our vacation for the upcoming year.  No refund, no vacation. 
April also means showers and flowers.  As I run along the trails I can find many wildflowers blooming now. Yesterday I found something called an Anemone Americana, see above picture.  They were all over the trails and very interesting. Karen picked one for me to identify and I found it on a website in about 2 minutes. Amazing the power of the web to help us find anything these days.  I also came home with a total of eight ticks to Karen’s two ticks..  Despite checking before we left the trail, I found four inside my shirt when I came home and another two inside my pants.  Are they getting smarter and sneakier or did my six months in Arizona allow me to forget how to spot them? We finally just tossed all of our clothes in a pile and put them in the washing machine.  

What does the month of April mean for you?  Are you a trickster or do you habitually get fooled? Have you ever played an April fools joke on someone?  Are you done with your taxes yet or do you wait until the last minute?  Do you think you will get a refund?  What will you do with it when it comes?  

Down the River of TIme

30 Mar 2012 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

While driving back from Arizona, we were listening to classical music on Public Radio when they said they were going to play a piece called “Down the River of Time.”  Both Karen and I noted the title and almost simultaneously said that would make a wonderful metaphor for a blog.  Since most of my blogs on time deal with metaphors, (Do you remember the difference between an analogy, a simile and a metaphor?) we thought it would be a good subject for a blog. 
Of course, the most obvious metaphor for this topic is that we are all on a river of time.  Some of us are on long rivers, some of us on short rivers.  Some of our rivers are very rocky, shallow and rapid and some of our rivers are deep and wide and placid.  Perhaps some of us are on rivers with many twists and turns and they may go from placid to wild and rough.  Other rivers we are on may have unexpected obstacles that arise causing us to suddenly capsize.
If you have spent your life on a wide tranquil river, it would be very difficult for you to appreciate anyone coming from a rough whitewater style river.  The converse is also true.  Maybe that is why it is difficult to walk in anyone else’s shoes.  We are all on different rivers and it is hard to understand the perspective of someone whose river is one we have never paddled.  At this point, you might say “Well, I disagree, life is simply one vast river and we all have rocks and logs and whitewater to manage.”  Maybe so. 
When we are very young, our parents do the paddling for us. As we become teenagers we decide we want to paddle alone.  Some of us go to school to learn how to paddle and navigate.  Perhaps learning a language helps us to navigate foreign rivers.  Some of us leave our first river and go far away to try a new river.  Many of us will switch rivers in our lifetime and attempt more challenging ones.  As we get older, the paddling gets harder and we need to rely on others more for help.  Eventually, there will come a day when we are too old and infirm to paddle anymore.  At this point, we may have to depend entirely on someone to do the paddling for us.  Some of us will have a difficult time letting go of the paddling chores.
You might ask yourself today what kind of a river are you on now?  What kinds of rivers have you navigated in the past?  Have you had many rocky or obstacle strewn stretches in your river?  Have you ever capsized but managed to get back in?  Do you have a lifejacket in the boat with you?  Are you paddling solo or do you have a partner?  Have you become a better paddler over the years? If not, why?  What will it take for you to continue down the River of Time and continue having fun and enjoying the ride?  

Time to till the garden for love and friendships?

29 Mar 2012 1 Comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

“Grow old along with me; the best is yet to be.”  This was a poem that my first wife found when we were just married. I loved the poem and in some sense it embodied what I felt married life should be about.  There were many times during our marriage when I thought about this poem.  We ended in divorce after 16 years.  I was never sure why the marriage ended.  We fought, loved, laughed and suffered through ups and downs with money but none of these things ended the marriage. I once added up all my theories on why the marriage ended and I came up with 32 theories.  Many years later, I came up with a new theory and decided that all the old theories are bunk.  For years we saw each other and I considered my former wife a friend.  However, we have since drifted apart and for perhaps the same unfathomable reasons that the marriage failed, the friendship has since faded away. 
I am left with the poem and while I still think about it a great deal, it now is more related to my second marriage and the hopes and dreams I have for it. What a wonderful thought that we can share life together with another person and expect that the best of life is still to come. I am facing old age and looking towards the last 20 years of my life. Yet, I can more easily believe the words of this poem today then when I was young. I now realize that relationships are not made in heaven, they are made on earth.  Relationships are like flowers and gardens.  They must be nurtured and pampered and tended daily with loving care.  There will be weeds and dry days and floods and tornados.  Rabbits and other critters will intrude on your garden and eat your flowers.  A garden is not fixed in stone. Each year requires renewed effort to bring out the best in it. Our relationships are a lot like gardens.  If you continue working on your relationships, they will only get better and better.  If you think that your garden will take care of itself and never need replanting or watering, you will soon find that your garden is nothing but weeds and stones. 
Do you have faith that your relationships with your friends and loved ones can be better or do you just take them for granted?  Do you believe that your life will get better and better if you keep improving it each day?  Do you think your life might also be like a garden?  What could you do to improve your relationships or your life today? What challenges could you take today to make your life more interesting or more fun?  What parts of your relationships with your loved ones need watering or replanting? What weeds do you need to remove in your relationships?

What are your priorities today?

28 Mar 2012 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Sorry about yesterday. It was a 650 mile driving day that got us from Muskogee Oklahoma to Osceola, Iowa.  Stayed at a Casino hotel last night.  They had a Prime Rib/Crab Legs special in addition to their regular all you can eat buffet. I had six pacific oysters raw on the half shell, crab legs, snow crab claws, stuffed clams, mussels and shrimp in addition to a great piece of prime rib.  After we ate, we “joined” the casino and get free 5 dollars worth of play each on our casino cards. I parlayed mine on the penny slots into 20 dollars and left Karen to see if she could make us more. She lost her five dollars but managed to return an hour later to our hotel room with 18 dollars and change. So we at least paid for one buffet courtesy of the slots.  As you can see, we are not big gamblers. Big eaters more than big gamblers.  So today we arrive home and begin six months in Wisconsin. I hope to continue this blog until at least July but after that I am not sure if I will continue. I think my creativity and energy will need to change to something different.  I guess it is a matter of changing priroities which is the subject of this blog today.  Lets talk about priorities and what they mean to us.

Priorities, the average person spends 3 hours per day watching TV and less than one hour per week in any kind of regular exercise either physically or spiritually. Mark Twain said that the person who does not read good books is no better off than the person who cannot read. We admire people who accomplish great feats of skill, but do we realize how much time and practice went into these accomplishments. We are asked to help someone and we say “Sorry, I have no time.” We come to the end of the week and we wonder where all the minutes went. We look at our life and lament that we just do not have enough time to do what we need to get done.  How many times do successful people or people who are in good shape or people who have good jobs get told, “well, you are so lucky.”  Luck has been defined as “Where preparation meets opportunity.”  The unlucky do not see the preparation or the work that the “lucky” do. It all starts with setting your priorities and making choices.

The rich, the successful, the extraordinary people have the same amount of time we have. Every one of us wakes up each day with a new bag of minutes. The clock resets at 12 AM and we all start fresh with 24 hours. The average person leads an average life and wastes an average amount of time. The successful person does not waste a minute because they know that time is precious. Relaxation is important to each of us and needs to be included in our days, but excessive relaxation is a form of sloth and waste. It comes down to setting priorities. When I hear my students kibbinzing about the latest sports even they watched, I often asked them how will that help your careers? 

What did you learn from this week’s football game or the new TV series about sex and crime? How much do the latest “reality”show help you in your marriage or job or life goals? Which is more really important for your life? Do you fill your life with meaningless activities or do you fill it with activities that will enrich your life and those around you? Do you make choices that will create a great life for youself?  Do you set priorities and examine the time that you allocate to given activities or do you just let your time go by on whatever happens to grab you in the moment?  Do you aspire to be average or would you like to be above average in at least one area of your life? Are you willing to do what it will take to be above average? Do you wait until you really get lucky and hope each day to win the lottery?  Ask any successful person what they do to get lucky!

How can a few marbles help us to really live?

26 Mar 2012 1 Comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Lets start this Monday off with a story.  Since “once upon a time” is such a famous first line, I will use it this fine Monday morning to tell a little story I heard some time ago.  I loved this story, it resonated with me so much, I have shared it with many of my friends.  I think it is an inspiration for me and I hope it will help some of you today to really start living your life.  Many people are alive but are they really living?  
Once upon a time there was an older woman (Named Helen) who had watched her life fly away. She did not feel that she had really lived it. She was afraid to try new things and after her husband had died, she remained pretty much a recluse. She hardly went out and she sat most evenings in front of the TV set.  When she turned sixty, she started thinking “Well, I will have about 20 more years to live and I really want to make them count.” She went out and bought 365 marbles for each year she would have left to live. (365 marbles x twenty years). This seemed like a lot of marbles but she put them in a big bowl in her house and set the bowl on her dressing table.  Each day, she took one marble out and put it in her pocket to think about. 
The years continued to go by and she said the exercise became almost a habit, until one day she reached in the bin and noticed she could see the bottom of the bowl.  Out of curiosity, she counted the marbles and found that she only had 365 marbles left, exactly enough for one year. She was rather stunned for she still had not really started living her life.  She was still doing the same old things in the same old way.  Had the same experiences, ate the same foods, traveled to nowhere and had too many ho hum days.  However, stunned by the revelation that she indeed might have only 365 days on this earth, her attitude changed dramatically. Each marble she withdrew took on increasing significance. The days and marbles continued to go by, but not without her trying to live each day to the fullest.  She started to do things differently.  She took a trip, she met new people, she read some new books, she ate some new foods.  She started to risk doing things she was afraid to do before. She skydived, took a scuba diving class and even learned to ride a motorcycle.  
As fate would have it, she did not live the full 365 days.  Seemingly healthy she succumbed to a brain aneurysm about 15 days before the end of her “allotted” year.  However, before she died, she said that she had finally started to really live.  The activity of counting the marbles had made her aware of how precious each of our days really are. We take them for granted until we only have a few left. Some of don’t even realize this fact until it is too late. How many marbles do you have left in your bowl? Do you count each day as a blessing, or can you hardly wait until it is tomorrow? Do you throw away your week days and live for the weekends? The marbles don’t know the difference between Monday and Saturday.  Are you really living or are you waiting for retirement to start?  

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