There are going to be those of you who will say that the title of this blog is preposterous. A few years ago, I would have called “Bullshit.” Funny how aging changes ones perspective. I asked four friends all over the age of 70 what they thought about my proposition. They all nodded sagely and said that they agreed 100 percent. I then went to my spouse Karen who as a Home Care nurse spent many years working with the elderly. I expected her to deny my proposition. I was quite surprised when she also agreed. I asked her why. She explained as follows:
“I spent forty years working as a home health care nurse. Most of my patients were elderly. I think I helped many of them lead better lives. However, when I look back, I can see that I did not really understand what they were going through with the aging process. I only realized it when I had to go through it myself.”
In January of this year, I decided to stop running the mountain trails that I had been running four or five times a week for the past 12 years. I had fallen many times and six months earlier I had a fall and broke my finger. I still ran for the next six months but suddenly I could just not bring myself to go up the mountains running anymore. I experienced both pain and pleasure with this decision. In some ways, it felt like a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders. On the other hand, I missed the challenge and excitement of running rocky mountain trails. I decided to stick to the flatlands and less rugged running trails.
I mentioned this to some running friends of mine. One of the younger ones asked me what I had done to prevent falling or to somehow adjust my attitude so that I could continue running. I explained that over the years I had started running with knee pads, elbow pads, shatterproof glasses, and hand guards like roller bladers used. I had the best trail running shoes that I could afford. He asked if I would be willing to look for some new ideas so that I could return to the mountain trails. I told him that I appreciated the offer but that I was finished with running rocky mountain trails.
Upon reflection, I realized that his attitude was like what many of us elderly experience from a wide range of sources. From doctors to other “expert” advice givers, younger people assume that much of what afflicts the elderly is simply a state of mind. How often have you heard any of the following”
- You are only as old as you think you are.
- Aging is an attitude.
- Age is just a number. Life and aging are the greatest gifts that we could possibly ever have.
- Aging is just another word for living.
- Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.
- As soon as you feel too old to do a thing, DO IT.
- Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years.
The above quotes may be inspiring. They may be motivating. They may sound profound. However, there is an element of denial in each of them. A little like the quote “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Something missing is the element of empathy. We may not all be tough. We may have lived a wonderful and useful life. However, like a beautiful flower we all reach the end of our journey in this world. Many of us may reach this end without ever really knowing “What kind of a person we should have been.” We may be too sick, too fragile or simply too old to “Just do it.”
We are told that we can stave off aging by yoga, senior fit exercises, strength exercises, cardio exercises, good diet, and nutrition. We should give up smoking, overeating, and drinking. All these suggestions are useful to some extent. However, none of them will stop the aging process. Aging is a process by which the body gradually loses its energy. The cycle of life is birth, growth, and decline. No species of animal or plant that ever graced this earth has escaped this cycle. For some of us the cycle is shorter than for others. Inspiring motivational quotes will not help you to avoid this cycle. Nor will the many over the counter remedies for aging. I did find this advertisement for five ways to look younger which exemplifies what my message here is. I am dubious of the “modern solutions” that they suggest to combat aging.
“With the right solutions and strategies, we can lessen these signs (of aging) and stay looking our youthful best for longer. Here, we’ll explore five key challenges men face as they age and the modern solutions available to help combat them. — 5 Things That Make Men Look Old And What You Can Do To Look 10 Years Younger
Aging is not combat. There is a reconciliation that must inevitably come for all of us. I once thought this was something to be avoided. I now realize that only by embracing the inevitable can we live our last years on this earth with a sublime equanimity that would make Buddha proud. We are going to age. We are going to decline. We will eventually succumb to death. We can live our life to the fullest with a paradox that we must accept. The paradox is that we should never give up, but we should also be prepared to let go. The two processes are never black and white. We need to hold on as long as we can, but we also need to gradually let go. Life has always been a trial of balancing complex and competing priorities. Aging presents us with one last trial. You can go raging into the night if you like, but I would prefer to walk steadily towards whatever awaits me after this life is over.
For some very poignant and moving pictures about aging, I have found none better than those by Tom Hussey. The following link will take you to some of his pictures. They will touch your heart.
Aging Capriciously 