Last year at my 40th Demontreville Retreat, one of the exercises that we were given by the Retreat Master included a very challenging set of thoughts. The worksheet for the activity was labeled as “A Testament.” I took the worksheet and instructions home with me. It had fourteen tasks or reflections to complete. I did not desire to complete them during the retreat. It is now almost a year since my retreat, and I have decided to make the mental and emotional effort necessary to complete this “Testament.”
I am going to complete one or two reflections every other day for the next few weeks. I would love it if you would do these tasks along with me. If you would like to share your thoughts, that would be great, but I am not expecting anyone to do so. I would like to know if you find any benefit in completing these activities.
The worksheet started with these instructions:
Imagine that this is the last day of your life on earth. In the time that you have left, you want to leave a “Testament” for your family and friends. Each of the following could serve as chapter headings for your “Testament.”
- These are the Convictions that I have lived by.
I do not like the sound of the word Convictions. I think I have lived by too many Convictions in my life. There are of course two somewhat very different meanings that can be attached to this word. Dictionary.com provides the following two definitions. Let us look at these for a second.
- A formal declaration that someone is guilty of a criminal offense, made by the verdict of a jury or the decision of a judge in a court of law: “She had a previous conviction for a similar offense”
- A firmly held belief or opinion: “She takes pride in stating her political convictions”
Regarding the definitions, one can see where a person might have some anxieties about the first association of Conviction with jail and prison. I assure you that this is not where my anxiety comes from. I am pretty sure it stems from the second definition. “A firmly held belief.” When I look back upon my life, I have had too many firmly held beliefs. Behind my back, I know that I have been called “A know it all” many times. I am still a very opinionated person as any of my readers can probably attest. However, I would like to think that seldom if ever do I get into robust arguments any more with other people. I even gave up trying to convince Trump supporters who include veterans, evangelicals, businesspeople, college graduates, relatives, and friends that Trump is a total scumbag with no morality or ethics.
I am trying hard to find any Convictions now that I am so dedicated to that I let them rule my life. All of the great quotes, aphorisms, metaphors, analogies, theories, and ideas that I know of would fill an old encyclopedia Britannica. But not one that I can think of would I waste five minutes defending. I think that there are pro’s and con’s to everything in life. For every up there is a down. For every night, there is a day. For every light, there is a dark. For every right, there is a wrong. Perhaps, Ecclesiastes comes as close to a Conviction as I want to live with today.
“For there is no lasting remembrance of the wise, just as with the fool, seeing that both will be forgotten in the days to come. Alas, the wise man will die just like the fool! So, I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. For everything is futile and a pursuit of the wind.” — Ecclesiastes 2
Is the above a Conviction or is it simply a belief? Not sure it even matters. Everything we do is blowing in the wind.
One story I like very much was told by OSHO about a mighty king who died. This King believed that he was the greatest King on earth and also that he was the greatest King who ever lived. The King died and found himself in the realm of the Golden Mountains. These mountains were higher than the Himalayans and more vast than the entire Asian continent. Here the King met the Caretaker of the mountains. The Caretaker gave the King a magic pen and told him that he could write his name in the mountains. This was permitted because he was a mighty King. A few days later the King came back to the Caretaker and complained, “I have walked for many miles through the Golden Mountains and everywhere I went to sign my name, some other person had already signed their name. Who are all these people?” The Caretaker replied, “These are all the other mighty Kings before you who died.”
- “Convictions are more dangerous foes of truth than lies.”
- “Tolerance is the virtue of the man without convictions.”
- “Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.”
I would rather live by a set of virtues and values than a set of convictions.
Next Reflection:
- These are the things that I have lived for.
Aging Capriciously 