Aging Capriciously

“I am making time today”. You have all heard this expression and no doubt used it yourself. Have you thought about what it means? Is it accurate to say we are making time? Is time like a piece of furniture, product or some baked good that we can assemble or create out of nothing? If it were, would we be able to store it or reuse it? It would be wonderful, if whenever we needed some time, we could go to our kitchen, mix some ingredients and make some time. How long do you think time would keep? Do you suppose we could refrigerate it?

Such nonsense you are thinking. Making time is not like baking a pie. Making time is different. When you make time, you simply put some other things aside and that’s how you make time. You forego some other activities, opportunities or tasks. However, then you are not really making time, you are simply re-ordering time or re-prioritizing your time. It would be more accurate to say “today I am forgoing some activities so that I can” (add whatever you would rather do). I am making time to play with my children, to work on my drawing, to help my friend move, to spend some time meditating.

It is not easy to “make time.” It is very difficult to re-order our schedules and to put aside some of the things we must do and make room for new things. Making time is a little like making room in a cluttered attic. While you could throw some things out, it is easier to keep trying to stuff more things in and not throw anything out. Maybe that’s why we are all busy. We are unable to do a good job of “making time” by throwing some old things out. We don’t do a good job of prioritizing.

What if you could throw more old things out? How many old time wasters and useless time activities do you have? What could you throw out today to make more time? If you could re-order all of your time priorities, what would your life be like? Could you just try it for a day? See what happens. Take at least one piece of time out of your attic today or this week and throw it away.

Do you remember the song that went: “I’m a slow lover?” In the movies, all love making seems to go on forever, despite the fact that it really occupies only about 1 or 2 minutes of screen time. However, the lovers generally start in the late evening and are still making love in the twilight hours of morning. Well, love making is still one of those things that seem to be best going slow. How many people want a “fast” lover? Of course, there are those days and times when fast love making has some merit. Nevertheless, what is less conducive to romance than watching the clock? Even fast love making requires a loss of time consciousness.

Making love by the clock has not become fashionable yet. Our chronic excuse of “no time” does not play well when it comes to love making. However, love making is something that as we get older we often discover that we must schedule. When we lead a hectic and busy life, some things easily get left out. There may be psychological imperatives for love making, but seldom are the physical imperatives so urgent that time cannot be a barrier to a good love life. As with all else in a relationship, time, money and love making must all find their proper balance.

Karen and I have been married now for over 20 years. A while ago we attended a weekend Marriage Encounter. There were 23 couples at our weekend who ranged from engaged and due to be married in two weeks to one couple that was married for 42 years. I was somewhat skeptical about the value of a weekend talking about love and romance. After all, I have never been a shy person and I have always thought I was open to any idea and discussion. What I found really opened my horizons. Despite the weekly family talks with Karen, we both noted that there were many aspects of our lives that we had not shared. Some of this was due to time constraints. Problems seemed to dominate our weekly agenda and we seldom had time to talk about the “other” stuff. Stuff like how we like to do things sexually and how we like to be touched or held or talked to. We have now decided to balance our “problem” time with more discussion about ourselves and life in general.

Do you have a balance in your love life? Do you spend enough time nurturing your love life? Are you able to find the time to take love slowly? How do you keep your balance in this area? What would it take for you to find the balance that you need to have a more satisfactory love life?

Where have all the Minute Men gone? The term “Minute Men” refers to those revolutionaries during the American War of Independence who purportedly could be ready to fight in a minutes notice. If you think about that, it is quite a remarkable feat. Can you imagine a soldier in our armies today getting ready to fight with one minutes notice? Can you imagine anybody of today doing anything with one minutes notice? Getting ready to go out to dinner – 2 hours, Getting ready to go to work – 1 hour, Getting ready to go camping – 4 hours. Maybe getting ready to go shopping might be accomplished in one minute, but the shopping itself would be good for ½ day.

We talk about speed and the fast pace of life, but it takes us longer to do everything. Even instant microwave meals take four or five minutes to cook; and do you know anyone who really lets them sit for two to three minutes after they are done? We are in more of a hurry to do things, but we really cannot do anything very fast. When I was in the service, our motto was “hurry up to wait.” We are always hurrying around only to face gridlock on the freeway, traffic jams, crashed IT systems, lines at the checkout counters and unexpected cancellations.

There is pure irony in the fact that as we speed up, we actually slow down. I once took a course in motorcycle cornering at the Elkhart Lake Speedway sponsored by Keith Code’s Superbike School. Keith who was a former racer and highly respected for his training had a mantra. It went like this: “You must go slow, before you can go fast.” I have since been able to apply that mantra to other areas of my life. If you do not have the right technique or the right attitude, haste will only make waste.

What if we had a One Minutes-Person Society (open to men and women)? Would you join? What might an organization of people brag about being able to do in one minute? What do you do in one minute that you could brag about? Why?

I am just sitting here wasting some time. How evil! How unthinkable! How thoughtless of me! The idea of “wasting time” has a pejorative connotation. Of course, since time is one of the most precious commodities in society today, it has become almost criminal to waste time. (Refer to the reflection earlier where I spoke about the time police). However, what if we venerated and exalted people who really knew how to waste time? What if time wasters were the real heroes of our society? Can you imagine a group of people who have learned how to ignore time clocks and the other mandates of a culture driven and obsessed by time? What would these “time wasters” be like? Perhaps such time wasters might teach us how to be less driven, more relaxed and to take time less seriously. Why worry about tomorrow when it is hard enough to do anything about today?

All too many of us do not know how to relax. Check out the number of books on Time Management that are listed on Amazon.com. Thousands of books and we are more and more stressed out. Indeed, stress is one of the most common problems in our world. We see it reflected in alcoholism, road rage, domestic violence and heart attacks. If we were less obsessed with time, would we have all of these problems? What if we really learned to waste some time instead of always trying to cut corners and save time? Maybe the time wasters of today should be held up role models. I would like to see studies comparing people who were stressed versus people who were less stressed. I wonder which group would be healthier and happier. I would bet the less stressed out group would not be as concerned with time management or wasting time.

Do you ever allow yourself to waste some time? Can you relax if you waste some time or do you feel guilty about your extravagance? Do you try to work harder later to make up for your wasted time? When was the last time you patted yourself on the back for “wasting” some time? Take an hour and waste it today. Can you do that? Why not? What gets in the way of your just taking some time and doing nothing?

“Time is one of the four key rules. We must all set priorities.” I found this bit of authoritative advice in some guide to time management. There are literally dozens if not hundreds of books giving us advice on how to manage our time. I admit to being obsessed with time (hence this blog) but I would like to think I am not a slave to it. I have never thought of time as a “rule” or that I always need to be setting priorities. I probably set more priorities than I need to and I probably have too many rules in my life already.

Following advice from others and not thinking through our own needs, wants and desires can often lead us to become mindless automatons. As such, we become slaves to the opinions of the “experts.” Those noted seers who have all the right answers for others. However, have you noticed how often the so-called experts change their minds? If we blindly follow the advice of others, without applying our own tests and challenges, we risk losing our creative selves and our independence. This is not to say that we should not be open to opinions or advice or should not seek outside counsel. I would be the last person to advise you as such since I highly value the knowledge and wisdom that others have. Nevertheless, I like the Zen saying that: “If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.” The message I get from this saying is to process all knowledge through my own filter and to not accept anything blindly.

Can you take all advice on the subject of time and then filter it, process it and ask yourself, “will it make my life easier and happier or will it make my life more stressful and less satisfying?” What rules about times are you following that help you? What rules about time that you have are not helpful? What keeps you from discarding the unhelpful rules? Will life be any better for you if you hang onto these rules?

“Its only 4 AM!” Says Karen in what must seem the middle of the nigh to her. “Sorry, I am awake.” Say I. The former dialogue has often occurred between Karen and me. I tend to be a morning person. I love to get up early and begin my day. Karen is a night person. She loves to sleep late and stay up late. She cannot understand that anyone would want to get up at 4, 5, 6, 7 or even 8 AM. Thus, on those occasions when I arise earlier than she can conceive anyone wanting to, I often hear: “What time is it? You’re not really getting up!” Well, I am getting up early and I love it.

Sometimes it is just so much fun to be up before the world starts to move and no one is out and about. Maybe it is because I love to watch the sun rise or maybe it is because I love to do things and can hardly wait for a new day to start that will be full of new adventures and exciting things to accomplish. The way one views the world may have a lot to do with how one greets the day. On the other hand, maybe it is how one views time. If time is precious, then starting out early means I can make the best use of it and that I will have extra time to do what needs to be done. Many would say that it is simply genetic. Some of us are larks, some of us are night owls, and it is all in our constitution. Night owls love the night time and greet the day with less than enthusiasm. Larks sing early in the morning but go to bed shortly after sunset.

How do you greet the day? Can you hardly wait to get up and start your day? Do you start your day slow or do you start it with a bang? Have you ever been up at 4 AM and started your day off? Would you rather wait until 10 AM and then start off slowly but surely? Do you honor your style or do you try to fit into a mold that others want you to?

Rocks and Zen and Time! Thirty years ago, I belonged to a Zen Monastery where twice a week I would go to sit Zen and meditate. Some of the people lived there and others were commuters like me. The master was a renowned Japanese Zen expert and we all felt he must truly be enlightened. One of the women who lived there told me that once when the master was going to travel back to Japan he asked her what he could bring back for her. She told the master: “I really love ancient and old objects and could you bring me back something very ancient.” When he returned, he had a present for her wrapped in a package and tied with a bow. She was very excited and could hardly wait to open it. When she removed the present from the package, her excitement dropped as all she found was a rock. She looked at the Zen master with great disappointment and all he said was “I thought you wanted something very ancient. This rock is more than 100,000 years old.” She then understood the message that he was trying to impart to her. Most of us are like this young woman. We think we know the real value of things, but often we are only concerned with images, names and brands.

Rocks are not valued by many people but they are truly old and ancient. Rocks are proof that time itself is not the major factor that decides the value of an object. The real value of anything is not in the name, the image or the age. Antiques are valuable because they evoke nostalgic memories or because they remind of us something that we associate with a better life. Time is one of the most precious things in the world, however we never realize the value of time until it is in short supply. How many of us wish we could only live a moment over again or retrieve some moment in time that was ill spent?

Does the law of supply and demand govern the value of time for you or does your time conform to rules of branding and imaging? How many people do you know who love to express their importance by being ever so busy and never having any time? Why do you value time? What in time creates value for you? Would you know a gem from a rock when it comes to time?

We have sometimes heard the phrase “The transient nature of being.” Is this just another way of saying that life is short and passes all too quickly? Transient means passing with time or of short duration. Being can mean living or existence. Thus, the phrase in one sense means to live a life of short duration. However, in another sense it implies a deeper more philosophical appreciation of life. To understand our transient nature is to accept that we are all just passing through one level of existence or being which we call earth and humanity. On another level, the possibility exists of many planes of existence which we may eventually or inevitably pass through. Each plane may exist for us as a transient phase but the entire process continues forever and is thus eternal and universal. Our life as we know it on earth may be transient, but our spirit and soul will live eternally and continue to migrate through these other planes of existence. This is one theory of life and afterlife. There are other possibilities.

Perhaps life is not transient and perhaps it is just a cycle of “from dust to dust.” Some of us want to believe in a life after death and others believe in reincarnation. However, many do not believe in either. For some, life ends with death and we simply return to the earth that created us. This latter view does not elevate humanity above the other creatures and species that walk the earth. People are just one element of the universe and no better or worse. Why should people have souls and be reincarnated if bugs and mice are not? It is because we have minds that we can create concepts like “transience” But what if transience only exists in our minds? Would we stop living or would we be more careful of the lives we live today? Think of the numerous people who throw their lives away everyday. Do you suppose they worry about transience?

Some people subscribe to a theory of life after death and others think it a bunch of hooey. What is your concept of being? Do you think life is too short or too transient? Do you think you will somehow be recycled? Will your recycled life be better than your present life? Why? What is going to make it better for you? What if you could live to 300 years of age? Would you live a better more fulfilling life? Why or why not?

Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) is the gold standard of time. It is the measure for time used around the world. GMT defines both time and place for the entire world. All time is measured relative to Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) and all places have latitude (their distance North or South of the Equator) and a longitude (their distance East or West of the Greenwich Meridian).

As the United Kingdom grew into an advanced maritime nation, British mariners kept their timepieces on GMT in order to calculate their longitude “from the Greenwich meridian”, which was by convention considered to have longitude zero degrees. This did not affect shipboard time itself, which was still solar time. Eventually, GMT became used world-wide as a reference for time as well as independent of location. Today we still talk about GMT time but probably not as often as we do GPS time. Global Positioning Systems are gradually replacing GMT as the standard by which we set our watch and cell phones world wide.

Think of the precision that has occurred in time setting over the last twenty year or so. Watches were once accurate only within minutes. Today, we set our watches and clocks to within seconds of the world standards for time. When you look at your cell phone, it is probably being automatically calibrated to a GPS time standard. You know longer have to worry if you watch is running fast or slow or needs winding. If I say I am going to call you at 5 PM, I can call you within seconds of this time and there is an excellent chance your clock or watch will say 5PM when I call you. This would have been unheard of ten years or so ago. You might be saying well “so what.” However, this precision allows us to coordinate millions of events world wide without losing minutes and seconds of wasted time. This translates to billions of dollars worth of savings in time and energy. In a global system, where time is increasingly more valuable than money, this savings of time is a wonderful benefit to modern life. Well, a benefit to some. For others, it is really a case of “who cares.”

Do you care? How concerned are you about time? Do you see time as a valuable resource or is it something that just ticks by without your giving it a care? Do you have the right balance for time in your life? Are you too obsessed with GMT and GPS time or not obsessed enough?

Finding time has become one of the great feats of human existence. How often do you hear someone say “I will have to find the time?” Where did they lose it? Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a lost and found desk somewhere? Anytime you needed to find time, for friends, for family, for exercising, for writing, for spirituality, you could just go to this desk and ask for some time. Perhaps, there could be a lending bank for time. “I need some time, what is your interest rate?” “The First National Bank of Time is happy to help you!”

If time is really so valuable, why don’t we have Banks for Time?” Imagine being the Rockefeller or Carnegie of time! If only we could find a way to save time and lend it to people who have more need of it. What would we charge for interest? Well, more time of course! People would have to pay back time with a time charge. If we had such lending institutions, it might help us address the critical shortage of time that seems to plague life today. Who among us has not had to find time? Well, you would always know where to find some, since the Time Banks would be happy to lend it to you.

Now perhaps you were hoping that I would give you some “secrets to finding time”; some tidbits that would make reading this blog worth the effort. Here is one little secret that being a wise and published author I could share with you- DRUM ROLL – Ta da Ta da! Here it is: “You can find all the time you want if you never lose it. Keep it under your pillow before you go to sleep and it will always be there in the morning.” I hope that helps. More seriously, if you want tips on finding time, buy the following excellent book: Take Your Time: Finding Balance in a Hurried World by Eknath Easwaran. It is available through Amazon.com in both new and used editions.

What would you do if you had more time than you ever needed? What if you knew you were going to live forever? What if you could speed time up or slow time down? Would a real Time Master be someone who had such control of time? Do you suppose this is the real secret of managing your time? Do you think it is possible to have such control over time? Do you know anyone who always seems to have time and still gets everything done? What do you suppose their secret is? Why not ask them sometime how they do it?