What is the true meaning of Christmas? Does anyone really know?

15 Dec 2025 74 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , ,

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It is around this time of the year that many of us start asking the question “What is the true meaning of Christmas?”  I am sure that for those who do ponder this question, your inquiry is no doubt prompted by an assortment of stimuli.  For example:  Black Friday, Cyber Monday, shop till you drop lists, Toys for Tots, Christmas countdowns, gift rages, children meltdowns, commercials, jingles and endless exhortations to buy that special gift that will truly show someone you love them.

I must be humble.  Many have tried to answer this question before me.  I am nowhere near the first nor do I assume the last who will ever tackle this issue.  Thus, I offer my opinion where no doubt many wiser than I have gone before me and many wiser will go after.  However, if I merely offer you some fresh insights into this age old question, I will have accomplished my goal.  Perhaps I may see things in a slightly different perspective than all the wise people who have already treaded on this question.

I am going to break the key question “What is the true meaning of Christmas?” into three parts or three sub-questions.

The first sub-question is “Why do we celebrate Christmas?”  The answer to this question is obvious.  A man named Jesus was born on or near this date in the time of the Roman occupation of Israel.  He is alternately revered as a great prophet, the son of God, the Messiah or a humble man with a simple but profound message.  Many who respect him honor his memory on December 25 each year.

The second sub-question is “What should we celebrate at Christmas?”  The most common means of celebrating the life of a great person is to remember what they stood for.  Jesus IMHO stood for two major ideas which were radical in his time.  The first major idea was to “Love Everyone.”  This meant that you needed to love your enemies as well as your friends.  Easy to love your friends said Jesus, much more difficult to love your enemies.  The second major idea was to “Forgive Everyone.”  Again, not just forgiveness for your friends and relatives but also for those you hate and your mortal enemies.  Thus, at Christmastime, Christians and those who wish to venerate Jesus of Nazareth should be celebrating both Love and Forgiveness.  We see many manifestations of the love at this time of the year but much less focus on forgiveness.  The truth of this will be more evident when we look at the third sub-question:  “How do we Celebrate Christmas?” 

“How do we celebrate Christmas?”   How do we take the two major ideas that Jesus stood for and remember them.  Each concept could be honored in a variety of ways.  The primary way that we seem to express the idea of Love is through the giving of gifts.  We can give gifts of the spirit or gifts of the world.  Gifts of the spirit express our love for others by giving some of ourselves.  We give some immaterial expression of love to others that we care about.  We might choose to spend time with a loved one or simply help them out with a project or task that needs doing.

We also give physical or material gifts.  These include toys, gadgets, technology, clothes, jewelry etc.  Material gifts express our love by transferring our money into presents for others based on their perceived wants and needs.  It is quite common to see gifts given based on wants but needs are less frequently factored into the gift giving equation.  One could posit a hierarchy of gift giving, going from easiest to give to most difficult.  I think it would look something like this:

  • Material gifts based on wants (easy)
  • Material gifts based on needs (more difficult)
  • Spiritual gifts based on wants (difficult)
  • Spiritual gifts based on needs (very difficult)

It is not always easy to distinguish between wants and needs, particularly when dealing with children who often confuse the two.  The good parent should be able to tell the difference, but all too often parents are more interested in simply satisfying their child’s wants rather than dealing with their child’s needs.  The Love of Jesus becomes a love focused on completing a shopping list of wants.  Little attention is spent on needs while even less time is spent on spiritual gifts.  It is easier to buy a gift card than to spend time with a friend or loved one.

How do we deal at Christmastime with the second major idea that Jesus promoted, the idea that we should Forgive others?  This idea does not seem to have seriously entered the panoply of displays that we see or that are observed at this time of the year.  Somehow, Forgiveness gets forgotten at Christmas time.  A cynic might wonder if it is not because this is the hardest idea to implement.  Can you imagine sending a beautiful gift of flowers or jewelry to someone you loath and detest?  Can you imagine spending time with someone you hate or giving some gift of the spirit to someone you dislike?   I suggest that such demonstrations of Forgiveness would be unusual for most Christians as well as non-Christians.

So “What is the true meaning of Christmas?”  After dicing and slicing this question what are we left with?  A short summary of the main points that I have made to address this question might help:

  • We celebrate the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, a great prophet, teacher and to some God
  • Jesus’s mission and purpose was to teach us Love and Forgiveness
  • We attempt to celebrate his concept of Love during the time we think he was born
  • We substitute gift giving for more substantive displays of Love or more difficult expressions of the concept
  • We leave out or neglect Jesus’s concept of Forgiveness

Perhaps this Christmas, we can all try to GIVE more Forgiveness.  If there is a “True Meaning of Christmas”, if Jesus were alive today, I am sure he would be most pleased if we all spent more time trying to love our enemies as well as our friends and to forgive those who “Trespass against us.”  

Time for Questions:

What is your “meaning” for Christmas?  How do you celebrate the birth of Jesus?  What could you do more of this year to truly celebrate his message?  What can we do to help make Forgiveness part of the Christmas message?

Life is just beginning.

“How many observe Christ’s birthday!  How few, His precepts!” ― Benjamin Franklin

“And in despair I bowed my head;
“There is no peace on earth,” I said;
“For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
the Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!”
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

My Final Will and Testament – These Are My Unfulfilled Desires – Reflection #14

02 Dec 2024 3 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Two years ago at my 40th Demontreville Retreat, one of the exercises that the Retreat Master gave us included a particularly challenging set of thoughts.  The worksheet for the activity was labeled as “A Testament.”  I took the worksheet and instructions home with me.  It had fourteen tasks or reflections to complete.  I did not desire to complete them during the retreat.  It is now over a year since this retreat, and I have almost completed the mental and emotional effort necessary to write all fourteen reflections for my “Testament.”   This reflection will finish the task that I started several months ago.

To Recap Somewhat:  The worksheet started with these instructions:

“Imagine that this is the last day of your life on earth.  In the time that you have left, you want to leave a ‘Testament’ for your family and friends.  Each of the following could serve as chapter headings for your “Testament.”

This is the final reflection.  It is Number 14 on the worksheet. 

  1. These are my unfulfilled desires:

The following unfulfilled desires are in no particular order.  I have waited a long time to compose this last reflection for my final Testament.  I struggled with how to say what I wanted to say without seeming like I was expecting any sympathy or support.  I neither look for nor desire any support.  At my age, I have been through enough self-reflection and counseling to know that I am not going to change my mind.  You see it is not a mind thing at all.  It is a feeling thing.  Try as I might, I still cannot shake these feelings.

I knew that I would not feel-good writing this reflection because it sums up too much of my life.  I grew up hard and I gave back hard.  I do not know if I would do anything different if I had a second chance.  The world has always been a hard place for me.  I had the feeling all my life of being a “Motherless Child.”  The last thirty years of my life were based on my hope that I could and would make and see a difference in the world.  The recent US elections have shown me how wrong I was.  I have not given up but I have little faith in the outcome.

Here than are the three major areas of my unfulfilled desires.  I hope to make a case for how important these are for you as well as they are for me.

  1. To leave the world a better place than when I entered

Years ago, I did not care one iota for this goal.  I was only concerned with making money, being successful, getting rich and having an enjoyable time.  People who are Baby Boomers like me all say that they knew where they were when JFK was assassinated.  Fact is, I have not a clue where I was.  Sad to say, I did not care about his being assassinated.  I was not interested in politics and did not see that it had anything to do with my goals or desires.  Politics was so far out of my stream of consciousness that I had no desire to vote or be involved.

When I joined the military in 1964 at the age of 18, I wanted to go to Vietnam to kill communists.  My right-wing father had instilled in me the thought that communism was bad and all commies deserved to die. Despite three tries to get to Vietnam, I never left the United States.  However, during my last two years in the service, I met many returning Vietnam vets.  The real scoop that these returning vets gave me on the war completely turned my ideas around.  I realized that the war was immoral and unjust, and that we were killing many innocent people who wanted to live the same kind of life that we did in the good old USA.  Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness seem to be universal goals.  My military experience taught me this truism.  I became increasingly politicized over the following years.

There are many ways to make a difference in the world.  For years, I split my goals.  On the one hand, I wanted to make as much money as possible and on the other hand, I wanted to make a difference in the world.  I finally arrived at the point in my life where money was no longer a primary goal and making a difference was everything to me.  The feeling that I was helping others to live the life of their dreams.  I realized that the biggest obstacle to peace and prosperity lie in changing systems.  Dr. Deming used to say “Put a good person in a bad system and the system will win every time.”

I came to believe that many systems in the USA needed changing.  The criminal justice system, the health care system, the education system, and the Fourth Estate were all broke.  I could see that they were so broken that it was not simply a matter of patching them up.  We needed to start from the ground up and craft totally new systems to reach goals for the 21st Century and not the 19th or 20th Century.  I believed that the only way to accomplish this was by finding leaders and supporting leaders who believed in the same goals that I did.  Obvious to anyone today, such a vision did not materialize.  Is it impossible?  Are all politicians sycophants and crooks?

Whether or not you voted for Trump, the saddest part about the American elections is that nearly eighty-nine million people did not vote.  This figure represents 36% of the countries eligible voting population.  How do we change systems when one third of the people are  against the changes needed and one third of the people do not give a damn?

I have tried over the years through writing, consulting, teaching, marching and protesting to make a difference.  It feels like trying to stop the tide from coming in with a bucket and shovel.  A futile effort that maybe makes one feel like they are doing something but in the end it is “All sound and fury signifying nothing.”  Perhaps a reason for depression or even despair but not good enough for giving up and quitting.  If I have learned one thing in life, it is that we really can never know whether or not we have made a difference.  Only time will judge my life and I am sure that I will not be around to see the verdict.

  1. To have taken better care of the people in my life

I have never been a “people” person.  Ideas were the stuff and building blocks of my life.  I would rather go to an academic lecture than a wedding or a birthday party.  I had no desire to see my grandkids play football  or baseball.  I never cared whether my parents showed up at my games so why should I bother going to watch any idiotic sporting events?  Too much time is spent on what I call the “Opiate” of the masses today.  I still do not understand how any intelligent people can suddenly lose their minds over a “home” game or a Super Bowl final.  God (If there is one) why cannot you save us from this malady?

Nevertheless, more empathy on my part towards the people in my life would have been nice.  I realize that I have intellectual empathy towards people, and I care deeply about poverty and injustice.  However, I lack emotional empathy that connects me with the person rather than the concept.  I would sooner go to a protest march than a funeral.  As Jesus said, “Let the dead bury the dead.”— Luke 9:60.

You cannot bring them back so why the fuss?  I now realize that funerals are not for the dead.  I did not have this insight when I was younger.  The past few years, I have helped to organize three “Celebrations of Life” for some close friends.  I was touched by how much each of these events meant for the surviving friends and relatives.  My regret is for the people that I neglected by not having this kind of emotional empathy many years ago.

  1. To have been a kinder and more generous person than I was

Growing up hard, I thought that all people should be hard.  Life should be based on facts and data and not wishes and dreams.  In more ways than I can tell in this short reflection, I was not kind to many friends and relatives including both of my wives.  AA has a point where you make an inventory of the people whom you need to apologize to or make amends to for some wrong that you did to them.  I have thought of this AA process many times but I would not know where to start.  I no longer remember many of the names of the people that I hurt.  I am not sure how I could contact them or what they would say.

Several years ago, I was on the Oprah Winfrey show as a guest.  Oprah had a show each year dealing with forgiveness.  I had written Oprah with my story about my relationship with my daughter Chris.  I was very mean and intolerant of Chris’s behavior when she was only a young child.  She had stopped talking to me after I left my first wife.  I did not write Oprah because I wanted to be on the show.  I wrote suggesting a show about parents and children who were alienated from each other.

I was subsequently called by an Oprah staff member who said that Oprah liked the idea and would I be willing to come on the show.  I answered NO!  That was the end of that or so I thought.  Several months later, the Oprah show again called me and asked, “Would I come on if my daughter also agreed to come on the show?”  I thought about this for a while and finally agreed to the idea.  Maybe ten years had passed between Chris and I without a word.  I hoped that maybe a public apology on my part would be enough to turn things around between us.

Prior to the show starting, I was in the iconic Green Room getting my bald head polished so as not to shine too much.  Oprah came in to visit me with her little dog.  We talked general pleasantries for a few minutes and then she warned me not to get my hopes up too high.  Chris had accepted her invitation to be on the show with me.  However Oprah cautioned that my apology and request for forgiveness might not be accepted.

I came out on the stage and my daughter sat opposite to me.  Oprah sat between us.  Oprah started by asking me what I did that I wanted to ask Chris to forgive me for.  I talked about my meanness, my emotional abuse, and my lack of tolerance for Chris.  I asked Chris for her forgiveness.  She said NO!  She did not forgive me and would not.  That was the end of that.

Maybe thirty or so more years went by with little or no communication between Chris and I.  About five years ago, I reached out to her with a text message when I came back to Minnesota.  She agreed to have lunch with me.  The first two hours went by with her telling me how much she disliked me.  The third hour something changed, and we had a most amiable discussion.  For the next four years, each time I came back to Minnesota, Chris and I met for lunch in Stillwater Minnesota.  We would have a long lunch to talk about our lives and what we were doing.  For about 3 hours once a year,  we have a normal father daughter relationship.

I am not sure if Chris has really forgiven me or not.  At this point, it does not seem to matter.  I have asked her to come down to Arizona to visit but she merely nods her head.  I have not told her that I am probably not coming to Minnesota anymore.  All my good friends have passed away.  It does not make sense to me to come up to Minnesota for a once-a-year three-hour lunch.  Not sure where our relationship will go from here.  I did get a Thanksgiving greeting from her a few days ago and that was something new.  A brief message that means the world to me.  

Conclusions and Finality:

Well, there are no conclusions to living until the real finality takes over.  My insights now will not fix the past for me.  Writing is not cathartic for me either.  I have gone over these thoughts more times than I can count in the past fifty years.  So why do I bother?  As with most writers, I hope to make a difference.  Maybe some of you reading my story will avoid the mistakes that I made.  If so, no amount of money or success could make me happier.

  • The good life is inspired by love and guided by knowledge: Bertrand Russell 
  • Life is about creating yourself: George Bernard Shaw 
  • Happiness depends upon ourselves: Aristotle 
  • Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving: Albert Einstein 
  • All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better: Ralph Waldo Emerson

Reconciliation Reflections

28 Sep 2024 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

I want to pose five short stories or episodes dealing with forgiveness and reconciliation.  Each of these brief stories has some questions for you to answer.  You can share your answers in my comments section, or you can simply write your answers on a piece of paper.  I would enjoy hearing your thoughts if you do want to share them.  So here goes.

  1. The Forgetful Husband

John is a good husband who forgot his wife’s birthday.

He is very sorry.

He does forgive himself.  He knows that he is not perfect.

Does he need to tell his wife that he is sorry?  Why?

Do you think she will forgive him?

What if she will not?

  1. Accidental Death of a Pet

Marsha was driving down a street.

Suddenly a dog ran out in front of her car.  She ran over the dog.

A man screamed “You killed my dog.”

The man was distraught.

What should Marsha say or do?

  1. A Young Boy Goes on a Killing Spree

Robert took a gun to school and shot five other students.

His mom heard the news on the television after Robert was killed.

The media soon showed up outside her front door.

What should his mom do?

What should his mom say?

  1. Forsaken Vows

A husband and wife took vows to love each other until death did them part.

The wife met an old flame at a high school reunion and went to bed with him.

What should she do now?

Should she tell her husband?

What should her husband say or do if he finds out?

  1. Lying Politicians

A United States Senator is up for a third term.

You voted for her twice.

She promised to only run for two terms.

This promise played a factor in your voting for her.

Should you vote for her again?  Why or why not?

Conclusions:

Many times, we see or hear about situations such as I have noted above.  They always happen to other people, right?  But what if you are in such a situation?  What would you do or say?  Is there a one right answer in each situation or will you hedge your bets and say “Well, it all depends.”  Then tell us what it depends on.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”– Maya Angelou

My Brother Billy: RIP

23 Mar 2023 22 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

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This is a short story with few characters.  It began ten or so years ago, but it did not end until February of this year, Anno Domini 2023.  It is but a brief waypoint in the relationship I had with my brother before he died on July 6 of 2022.  Before we begin my story, let me introduce the “cast” of characters.

William Paul Persico:  Younger brother to John Persico Jr.  Born on March 31, 1958.  Billy as everyone called him was almost twelve years younger than John.  Billy and John grew up in the same house, but their paths hardly crossed.  They shared little in common.  Billy dropped out of school in the 9th grade after staying back two years.  Billy’s main values: Drinking, smoking, drugs, and partying with his friends.  Later in life, Billy started to pay more attention to his son Jacob.  They shared some very special times together before Billy passed.

John Persico Jr.  Brother to Billy.  Born on September 17, 1946.  Joined the military in September of 1964 at the age of 18.  Hardly had any contact with Billy for many years.  Not much in common.  John’s main values: Education, hard work, and honesty.  Others might disagree with this rather positive outlook but hell, I am the one telling this story.

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ABOVE PICTURE – JEANINE ON THE LEFT AND KAREN ON THE RIGHT.  HIKING IN FEBUARY 

Jeanine Persico:  Billy’s older sister and John’s younger sister.  Born on August 30, 1951.  Spent thirty-five years working for Social Security.  Received early retirement.  After her mom and older sister Sheri died, she seemed to adopt Billy as a basket case that she needed to take care of.  Continually enabling him (In my mind at least) by giving him money and never expecting him to pay it back.  Jeanine’s main values:  Family, friendship, loyalty, compassion, and avoidance of conflict.  Jeanine is much like our mother.  A loving kind person who takes care of people.

Karen Y. Persico.  Wife of John Persico.  Born July 5th, 1944.  Karen had to listen for many years to my complaints about my brother’s perceived lack of positive attributes.  She was always kind to Billy when he called and once visited but shared my disapproval for his profligate lifestyle.  She never questioned or complained of any money we loaned to Billy.  Karen’s values: Family, frugality, hard work, education, and music.  She shows her love for others through her cooking, crafts, and music.

Linda Therrien:  Billy’s common law wife and companion for twenty or so years.  Born October 13, 1946.  Billy lived with Linda in a mostly loving relationship.  Two lonely outcast souls that seemed to find each other and as Judge Judy once said, “There is a cover for every pot.”  Linda’s values:  Unknown.  It will not really matter since Linda plays a very small role in this story.  Linda is a walk-on and walk right off in this story.

The story that follows has some roots in what happened after my mother Dorothy died.  She passed away on Feb 2, 1994, at the age of 67.  After Billy’s divorce, he had continued to live with our mom.  My sister Sheri who died on December 22, 2002, along with my sister Jeanine and I agreed to let Billy have the house if he paid the mortgage, taxes and maintained it in a reasonably good state.  It did not take long before we had to pay all of the former out of our own pockets as Billy remained unemployed and more interested in partying with his friends.  Billy was turning the place into a crack house for his druggie friends.  Sheri, Jeanine, and I met to discuss the situation.  We agreed to sell the house and split the proceeds four ways.

The practically non-existent relationship that I had with my brother went even further south after we sold the house.  He once said that my sisters and I got all the brains, and it was not fair.  He felt that he should have kept the house and that we could keep paying his bills.  I was living in another state and wanted nothing to do with him.  About the only time for the next ten or so years that I heard from him was around Christmas time.  I guessed he was angry about the house but I did not care.  The less that I heard from him, the happier I was.

Jeanine would fill me in on Billy’s various shenanigans which were always good for a laugh.  It seemed that he had little desire to do anything with his life except drink, drugs, and smoke.  The only time that I did hear from him was to borrow some money.  Jeanine routinely gave him money.  I was a more difficult touch as I did not feel any guilt over his lifestyle.  I did occasionally break down and give him some funds when I could afford it and did not expect to be paid back.  I had nothing to worry about on that score.

More years went by and sometime around the beginning of 2008, Billy contacted me and asked for a loan of $300 dollars.  It surprised me that he was so adamant about it being a loan.  He did not expect it to be a gift.  He assured me that he would pay me back in full before Christmas of that year.  I gave him the loan and reassured him that I did expect it to be paid back.  You can guess the outcome.

Christmas of 2008 came and went, and I did not hear from Billy.  I was angry and fed up.  I called him after the holidays were over to find out where my money was.   I received the excuse that he just did not have it and he was sorry.  I lost my temper and cursed him up and down.  But I was not through with him.  I went to the computer and wrote the meanest, cruelest letter that I have ever written.  I told him that if he had been run over and was dying in the streets and all it took was one cent to save his life, I would not give it.  I read the letter to my sister Jeanine.  Sheri my younger sister by one year had died of cancer six years before.  Jeanine did not say much at the time.  I put the letter in an envelope and mailed it to Billy and Linda.  At the time, I had no regrets.  I thought of it as a form of tough love or shock therapy.  I thought it might make a difference.  Why did I not have a real brother instead of someone like him, I often wondered?

Well, communication between Billy and I grew less and less frequent.  Considering it had never been frequent, it was more like hardly ever.  I reasoned that Billy had received my letter and was now even more angry than before.  Five or more years went by.  Christmas cards and Christmas calls did not happen between us anymore.  Then gradually, a call every six months or so would happen.  Karen and I started to send and receive Christmas cards to and from Billy and Linda.  I guessed that he had put my mean letter behind him and was attempting to move on.  I wanted to forget the letter and often thought of apologizing for it but just could not bring myself to do it.

Billy died at the age of 64 on July 6, 2022.  He had suffered from many illnesses primarily but perhaps not entirely due to his lifestyle.  According to Linda, he went into their bedroom to lay down and take a nap.  She went in later to talk to him and found him dead.

The story really begins here.  The stuff above is simply prelude. 

Jeanine:  Calls me on phone from RI to Wisconsin.  “John, Billy died yesterday.”

John: “How did it happen?”

Jeanine: “Just passed away.  They are calling it a heart attack and will not do an autopsy.”

Jeanine is crying and very distraught.  I reasoned it best not to go into any details at this time in terms of funeral or whatever.  Knowing Billy and Linda had no money, it would fall on Jeanine and I to take care of any burial expenses.  Some days go by, and I call Jeanine.

John: “What do you want to do about the funeral?” 

Jeanine: “I would like to have a regular church funeral and burial for him.”

John: “I am sorry that he passed but I am not willing to go for a big elaborate funeral and burial.  I will split a cremation and simple burial with you but that is as far as I will go.  I am not going to pretend that I am all teary eyed about his passing.” 

Jeanine: “I will get back to you on this.”

A few days later, and Jeanine calls me back.  Without talking to me she has made funeral arrangements and set a date for the service.

John: “Jeanine, I told you that I am not willing to spend this kind of money on such an elaborate funeral.  This is your show and your expense.  I am not planning to come out for the funeral.  Billy was less a brother to me and more just someone I knew in passing.  I am not going to be a hypocrite now and pretend to be all mournful.” 

I had discussed my response to Jeanine with several friends and asked each what they would do.  Most agreed with me and said they would set a limit on how much they would spend.  They all implied that Jeanine felt guilty and was making reparations by this funeral.  I did not feel guilty except for one thing.  The mean nasty letter that I had sent to Billy thirteen years ago.

I could tell that Jeanine was somewhat miffed by my response.  A certain distance seemed to come between us.  For my part, I thought she went overboard.  As things worked out, she did not have enough money to cover the gravestone that she wanted to put on Billy’s plot.  I sent her a thousand dollars to cover a portion of the expense.  It seemed to mend our relationship and in February of this year, 2023, Jeanine came out to Arizona to visit for a week.  The story continues from there.

Jeanine and Karen went to the health club the second day of her visit to work out together.  Upon their return, we have the following discussion.

Karen: “Jeanine wants to tell you something, but is afraid that you will be very angry.”

John: “Ok, I promise no matter what, I will not be angry.”

Jeanine: “Do you remember that letter that you sent to Billy many years ago?”

John: “Of course, I remember it.  I still regret that I never called him up to apologize for it.”

Jeanine: “Well, Billy never got it.”

John: “What do you mean he never got it?”

Jeanine: “You told me about the letter and I went over to Billy’s apartment each day to intercept the letter.  One day when Billy was not home, I went over and asked Linda if she had received a letter from you.  She said that it had just come that morning.  Billy had not seen it.  I asked her for the letter and told her I needed it and not to tell Billy about it.  Linda simply gave me the letter and I destroyed it.”

John: “Are you kidding me?  You were tampering with US Mail.  This is a serious offense, Jeanine.  For thirteen years, I fretted over sending that letter and whether I was going to apologize for writing it.”

Karen: “You promised not to be angry.”

John: “I am not angry.  I don’t know what to feel: relief, disappointment, gratitude, regrets.  It is just hard to believe this.  You waited thirteen years to tell me.  Well, it is all just water over the dam now.  I will never know what would or would not have made a difference in my relationship with Billy.”   

The End – Almost

The last few years of Billy’s life, he seemed to change.  I was noticing postings of his on Facebook and he seemed happier and more thoughtful.  He was taking time with his son Jacob and was engaged in other activities besides drinking and smoking.  Jeanine told me that he had quit drugs, drinking, and smoking and was trying to clean up his life.  I was skeptical and did not believe what I was hearing.  Jeanine often had rose colored glasses when it came to Billy.  With the advantage of hindsight, I believe he really was making an effort to live a real life.  I wonder if I could have been a better brother to him or how I could have made a more significant contribution to his life.  I wonder whether or not Billy’s not receiving the letter was a good or bad thing.  Mostly, I am glad that he did not.

“None of you believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself.”  ― Prophet Muhammad