Aging Capriciously

I work with a program called “I Could Be.”  It is a program for mentoring high school age students.  A student (mentee) is matched up with an older qualified person (mentor) for a program of exploration and discovery.  The mission of iCouldBe is to “Provide high school students with an online community of professional mentors, empowering teens to thrive in school, plan for future careers, and achieve in life.”  I am on my fourth student mentee.  The program begins at the start of each school year.  The student I was matched up with this year was name (Juan).  That is not his real name.  Neither of us are actually allowed to identify our real names or where we live.  This confers a needed degree of security for the students. 

At the start of the program, my mentee and I go through a series of introductory exercises to get to know each other.  Juan completed some questions and one pertained to what he wanted to be when he was older.  He said he wanted to be rich and famous.  I asked him what would he do with the money if I gave him a billion dollars.  He replied, “I would give it to my family so that they would not have to work.”  I was very impressed by his generosity.  I told Juan that generosity is a very good quality in a person to have.

I started thinking about the concept “Generosity.”  I did a search in my 1700 blogs and found that I had never directly addressed the subject.  Such an important subject and few if any words from me on how important Generosity is.  Ergo, I decided to write this blog on the subject of Generosity.  Lets start with a dictionary definition and then a WIKI definition so that we are all on the same page.

Webster’s definitions of Generosity include readiness or liberality in giving, freedom from meanness or smallness of mind, and a generous act.  This is the primary definition, emphasizing a willing and free giving of time, money, or other valuable things.

Wikipedia says this about Generosity:  Generosity (also called largesse) is the virtue of being liberal in giving, often as gifts.  Generosity is regarded as a virtue by various world religions and philosophies and is often celebrated in cultural and religious ceremonies.

One important thing to note is that generosity is not limited to money.  It may include time, material goods, jewelry or “other valuable” things.  Now we can have a secular version of Generosity, or we can have a sectarian version of Generosity. 

Sectarian Generosity:

Leans on God, scripture, spiritual duty, and the idea that giving transforms the soul.  Jesus said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.” — Acts 20:35 

Muhammed said, “The believer’s shade on the Day of Resurrection will be his charity.”  — Tirmidhi

Secular Generosity:

Leans on empathy, human dignity, and the belief that giving transforms society.  Albert Einstein, said, “A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depend on the labors of other men… and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received.”

Confucius wrote that, “The superior man is distressed by his own lack of ability, not by the failure of others to appreciate him; he seeks to give more rather than to receive more.”  — Analects 15:18

Both types of generosity are deeply moral.  Both alleviate suffering.  But they grow from different roots and flower in different ways.  In marketing we talk about the “target” audience.  This is not a concept endemic to philosophy or religion but hails from MBA programs in business schools.  Despite my anathema to strict application of business principles to either religion or philosophy, there is some considerable merit in considering this business concept in terms of secular versus sectarian. 

In a Sectarian community, we can talk about Generosity as it applies to those we know.  We can limit the largesse that we give to those in our inner circle, to relatives, friends and members of our immediate communication.  There is no prescription in most churches for being generous to those outside of our domain.  If I tithe, give to my church and help the poor whom I can identify with, I may be considered a very generous person.  There is no stigma in many religious groups if I don’t want to be generous to welfare people, poor people in other countries, undocumented immigrants or people of other race or other religions.  These exceptions would astonish Jesus who taught that being a follower involves welcoming the stranger, as demonstrated in Matthew 25:35: “I was a stranger and you invited me in”.  We might call these people “Fake Christians,” “Pretend Christians,” hypocrites, or simply selfish.  You would be wasting your time trying to open their eyes with such labels.  It would do no good since their core beliefs are unfortunately supported by those in their inner circle. 

In the Sectarian community, the concept of Generosity may not be much better off.  There are large numbers of non-religious people who support the arts, music, education and health care.  The caveat though is that the people they give the money to are deemed worth the expense.  The Sectarian community is proud to support a hand up and not a handout.  People who qualify and meet certain requirements can get some measure of Generosity.  Those who are not “eligible” are excluded from any Generosity.  It is easy to forget that many people are sick and disabled.  Thousands of people in the USA cannot climb up a ladder.  They are put into a pot labeled “undesirables.” 

So, what does it really mean to be generous?  This story is about a friend of mine named Frank.  It happened one day when we were both coming out of the local IGA store with our wives.  I call it the: “The Last Pair of Gloves”

The first cold front of December rolled into the Sonoran desert like an unexpected guest, sharp and biting.  Frank stood outside the IGA store, pulling his jacket close as he waited for Juanita to finish shopping.  Beside the entrance sat an old man, thin as the winter wind, a cardboard sign resting on his knees: “Anything helps.”

His hands caught Frank’s attention.  They were trembling—not from age alone, but from cold. His fingers were blotched white and red, exposed to the air with only a thin flannel shirt to cover his arms.

Frank felt for his pockets.  He had no cash on him—not unusual these days.  But he did have one thing: his gloves.  Soft fleece-lined leather, a gift from Juanita years ago.  He loved those gloves. They were worn just right, molded to his hands, comfortable in a way only time could produce.

He hesitated.

Inside the store, carols played faintly, muffled by the automatic doors.  People hurried by with carts full of holiday cheer.  Nobody stopped.  The old man’s hands kept shaking.

Frank stepped forward.

“Sir,” he said softly, slipping the gloves from his own hands, “you need these more than I do.”

The man looked up, startled.  For a moment, he didn’t speak.  He just stared at the gloves resting in Frank’s outstretched palm as if they were something far more precious than leather.

Then his eyes filled.

“I—I don’t know what to say,” the man whispered.

“Merry Christmas,” Frank replied.

Juanita walked out just then, her cart filled with groceries. “Where are your gloves?” she asked.

Frank smiled, his fingers already numb.  “Right where they belong.”

And as they walked toward the car, he told me later — that his hands began to feel warmer than they had in years.

Frank did not ask to see the man’s papers.  Frank did not ask the man to perform any reciprocal services for the gloves.  Frank did not decide that he was an “unwanted” immigrant and should be sent back to Mexico.  Frank did not ask what religion he belonged to, where he went to church or whether or not he believed in God or Trump.  Frank gave something up that was very valuable to him because he saw someone that needed it more than he did.  This is the essence of Generosity.  This is what Generosity is all about.  Generosity is more than tithing to your local church.  It is more than taking an angel off the giving tree.  It is more than buying toys for tots.  It is more than donating a turkey to the Salvation Army Christmas dinner.  To paraphrase Paul from 1 Corinthians 13:

“Generosity is patient, Generosity is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Generosity does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  Generosity always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Until we learn the real meaning of Generosity, we will have learned nothing about being human, being kind, being loving or being compassionate.  Generosity does not start with your family and end with your family.  Generosity is for the entire human race.  Generosity recognizes no borders, no race, no religions, no genders.   

Here are some quotes to think about: 

Warren Buffett

“If you’re in the luckiest one percent of humanity, you owe it to the rest of humanity to think about the other 99 percent.”

Mother Teresa

“It is easier to give a cup of rice to relieve hunger than to relieve the loneliness and pain of someone unloved.”

Martin Luther King Jr.

“Life’s persistent and most urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?'”

Kahlil Gibran

“You give but little when you give of your possessions.  It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”

Anonymous, The Holy Bible: King James Version

“Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.

Show your gratitude for life this Thanksgiving by giving to others without conditions who have less than you do.