“Tomorrow’s another day” is the famous comment from Scarlet O’Hara in “Gone with the Wind.” This was perhaps one of the most powerful and dramatic endings to any story ever told. Most of us were touched by these words and few who have heard them will ever forget them. Have you ever wondered why these words were so powerful? Why do they touch us all somewhere deep in our soul? I believe it is because they blend an element of self-forgiveness with recognition that each new day is the possibility of a new beginning. Self-forgiveness is evident, because Scarlett is not going to spend a great deal of time in self-recriminations. She is simply going to start over again.
The new day “tomorrow” represents for Scarlet is a new start to life. It is her resurrection and her birth. Each day we can choose our life, our goals and our behavior. The simple but powerful phase “tomorrow’s another day” allows us to be reborn. It allows us to become free of the past and to start a new beginning. Each day of our lives offers us this possibility, if like Scarlet we are willing to grasp it. We can have a new life or we can have an old life. We can continue on the old path that we have chosen or we can find a new path. Each new day can be a risk but life is a risk. Without risk there is no change and no chance to live more fully. We wake up each morning to a new set of choices. Each choice offers opportunities and each opportunity has its own set of risks.
How many of us do not realize the inherent possibility that tomorrow brings for us? Do you see each tomorrow as a new beginning or as more of the same? What will it take to help you realize the hidden possibilities in each new tomorrow? Do you start each day with a sense of joy at the opportunities it presents? Why not?
We shop till we drop. We invoke our privilege to use our money as we want to. We make holidays out of holy days where we spend our time hunting for bargains and sales. Greed has now become a sacrament. Greed is no longer evil. Greed is holy. Greed is the American Way of Life. Millions of Americans adore the wealthy. The story of Lazarus holds no credibility – Luke 16:19-21. Nor does the story of the Rich Fool – Luke 12:13-21. Money is sacred and those who have more are worshipped by Americans and exalted as better people and better leaders. We elect millionaires and billionaires to Congress and even the Presidency on the sole basis of their acumen at having stored up wealth.
Kindness is number four of my seven essential virtues for leading a happy and successful life. Every Thursday I start my day with the following prayer:
There were few heroes when I was growing up who could measure up to my standards for clear and unemotional thinking. I grew up with a father who demanded toughness. My father’s motto was not to “get even” but to “get one up.” If someone hit me, he taught me to make sure that they would never think of hitting me again. My father was 6’ 4” tall and had been a professional boxer with a 21 and 3 record. He taught me fighting skills at a very young age. My neighborhood taught me to disregard the “rules of boxing” and to fight with whatever I had to win. I could easily protect myself and few people would bother me. Somehow, I became a protector for those kids who were less aggressive and who were picked on by the ever pervasive bullies. I kicked more bullies asses then I can count. I was always proud to help the underdog. Paradoxically, these traits did not make me more compassionate but made me harder and tougher.
Through hardness and toughness I began to forge a wall that nothing could get through. Sentiments, compassion and empathy were increasingly blocked out by my need to be tough and to not take any shit from anyone in the world. Each episode where toughness prevailed was another brick that helped to build my wall higher and higher. I never thought I would get married but after getting my first wife pregnant, I “did the right thing” and married her. It was the manly thing to do. My dad had always taught me to take responsibility for my actions and my baby Chris was a direct result of my actions.
One day we were in a grocery store just before Christmas. An apparently legless man pushing himself along on some kind of a wheeled board was inside the grocery looking for some money. I walked by him with Julie (my first wife) and ignored him. My wife turned back and started to give him some money and I said: “Shit, don’t give him any money, he can probably outrun me. I will bet he is just a fakir.” She gave him the money anyway and replied “What if he is not?” I never forgot that comment. I am not sure why my first wife married me. She once said that she thought all people had feelings and emotions until she married me. We subsequently divorced but I have to say that I probably owe my life to my first wife. She cared for me when I was suicidal and she always looked after me when I was hurt or needed help. Through her, I began to see what compassion and kindness were. This journey has continued with my second wife Karen who is one of the most considerate and most compassionate spouses anyone could have. Every day I learn something about kindness from her.
I disagree with Shaw. I am getting older and I still respect and uphold the values of our Founding Fathers, but I refuse to live in a gated community or allow a homeowner’s association to tell me what color holiday lights to put up. I am not a believer in mincing words but I respect the rights of minorities and anyone else to be referred to as they want to be referred to. I respect the rights of Indians to have their ancestor’s graveyards not dug up for commercial or even academic reasons and I respect their rights not to be depicted as silly mascots for some college team. Trump and his supporters believe the US has become too PC. They blame minorities for this. They would like to live in a land where it is ok to call a Black person a nigger since we call Italians wops and French frogs. A Black person they argue has a double standard or they apply a double standard for Blacks and Whites. The bottom line of all this double talk is not too much PC but a lack of empathy and compassion and kindness towards others.
Yes, there are extremists who want to take Huckleberry Finn out of the library just like there were Popes that knocked the genitals off of statues in Rome. But if you have any empathy or even the slightest understanding of culture and history, you will be less apt to say “My father didn’t own any slaves.” That is a little like replying to a woman who was raped “Well, I did not do it.” To which I can now hear someone replying, “Yes, but no Black people alive today were slaves, so why should they be so upset?” Yes indeed, why should they be so upset? If you are serious about looking at a reason, please regard the following article:
The people that we will remember in our lives and who make the most impact on our lives are not the rich and famous. They are the people who most cared about us and looked after us. They were kind and loving towards us and somehow showed that we meant something to them and to the world. They may have been our fathers or mothers or an aunt or teacher or perhaps a close friend. How much money they had or how successful they were did not make a difference to us. Indeed, what they gave us could not have been purchased by money. Money doesn’t touch us but kindness does.
Our second scenario involves going to church service. At the end of many services, the minister (Do Rabbis and Imams do this?) will wait at the door and greet the outgoing parishioners. Do you?
Our third and final scenario finds us on our ubiquitous freeway system wending our way to some appointment that we will probably be late to if the traffic stays so slow. Do you?
I thought I would start the year of 2021 off with a positive slant. Namely, some things we can all do or practice to be better people. However, before anyone should pay any attention to what I am about to say, there are several questions they must ask themselves. I would advise you that the veracity and hence credibility of an author is critical to your acceptance of what the author is trying to sell you or convince you of. Do not buy an argument from someone who cannot be trusted. Think about the comment that “If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.” An uncritical acceptance of any idea is dangerous to your own integrity and responsibility. Hence, the questions I would want answered (If I were you) would be as follows: Who is this writer to say what the “greatest” virtues for a human are? How did he come up with these Seven Virtues? What is the difference between a virtue and a value? Is this an important difference or is he about to sell me another new religion?
I would like to answer that I am a seeker of truth and knowledge. I am very opinionated, often highly judgmental and have frequently been accused of being a “know it all.” Many people would write my opinions off as being too liberal while others would say that I am too rational. I place great value on being logical and trying to stay open to many possibilities. I have been studying philosophy and religion since I was eighteen. I have no degrees in either. But the number of books and articles and stories that I have read number in the hundreds. I have attended many different worship houses and types of religious services. I was brought up as a Catholic until I rejected its teachings at about the age of 10. When no one would give me a good answer for “Who made God?” I more or less decided that most religions were based on superstitions.
Given that one could easily comprise a list of ten or perhaps one hundred important virtues, why do I believe that my seven are the seven greatest and most important? How do I have the audacity to make such an assertion? I might have been sitting under an apple tree one day, or perhaps simply thinking about life at one of my yearly silent retreats at the Demontreville Retreat Center, when I compiled a list of seven virtues. While I truly “value” these ideas, I understand them more as virtues than values. I will address this difference later. I decided that I want to live by these virtues. Each day for the last fifteen or more years, I have selected one of these seven virtues to help guide me through the day. Whether it is patience, kindness or courage, each day I start by reflecting on this virtue and trying to make it a part of my life.
The danger in this discussion lies in your taking a sectarian or religious approach to my writings. I assure you that I am not a religious person. I may be a spiritual person but I do not think of myself in either of these categories. I am an agnostic who wants to live a better life and help build a world that is a better place to live for future generations. Living by these seven virtues is one way I believe I can contribute to this goal.
If I have satisfactorily answered the questions that I posed above respecting my integrity and credibility, I will now set off to address each of my Seven Virtues and explain why they are so important and the difference that I think they can make in our lives. Look for my virtues over the next several weeks in my blogs.
The idea of sex in our minds easily overrode any caution or concern about getting caught by her father. We arrived at her house. She lived out of town somewhat in Scituate which was a more rural area of R.I. in the sixties. When we arrived, Bob said “I will go in first and check things out. If it is okay, you guys can come in. Bob went inside the small average looking New England Colonial house with two upper dormer windows and came out a few minutes later. “OK guys” Bob said, “She is willing.” We all trotted inside the house to the first room which was a kitchen with a small table and four chairs. Dave, Tommy and I sat on the chairs and Bob headed up a small staircase. “I will go first” said Bob “and Dave is next. You and Tommy can decide who goes after Dave.” “Oh”, said Bob, “her name is Barbara and she likes to be called Barb.” No one challenged this order of affairs as it was taken for granted that since Bob had set this up, he had first dibs.
Jesus talked about the three classes of good people. The first class hears his message but has little time to do anything about it. The second class hears the message and when convenient they try to help others and spread the message of Jesus. The third class commits their body and soul to sharing Jesus’s message. The third class of men/women make a commitment to doing this year round and 24/7. For the third class, it is not a onetime thing or something to be done when they have time or are not busy. It is a lifetime commitment to share his message with the world.
The Joy of Christmas is a state of fulfillment, contentment and gratitude. Through the love of others who give selflessly of themselves, we can all be free to experience a Joy that cannot be bought or traded. It is one of the reasons that giving and not receiving is said to be the true path to happiness. During the holidays, we are excited about the chance to give to others. And nowhere is that feeling of giving more delightful than in watching the face of a young child receive something that we know they really wanted. However, Joy to the World should mean more than just giving toys to tots. There are physical gifts which we can give but there are also emotional and spiritual gifts as well.
I am frequently critical of all the toy drives that I see going on at Christmastime. Not just because I think most kids in America have more toys than they know what to do with, but because of the message that this sends. Why not I ask, have a “books for tots” drive? Why not give books for a present? Why is it always about toys? We become so narrowly focused that we lose sight of the larger picture.
Thus, Jesus did not come to replace the commandments but he did come to go beyond the commandments. God brought the commandments to Moses but the message that Jesus brought to us is in addition to the commandments. Jesus extended the Ten Commandments with a list that has come to be known as the Eight Beatitudes. A beatitude is something that gives one both happiness and blessedness. Jesus gave these Eight during his famous Sermon on the Mount:
I am continually surprised by so-called Christians who seem to revel in the Ten Commandments but treat the Eight Beatitudes as though they were bastard children of Satan. When was the last time you heard anyone wanting to put up a statue or sculpture or sign with the Eight Beatitudes on it? The Message of Christmas is the Eight Beatitudes. The Joy that Jesus wanted to bring to the world can only come by following the Eight Beatitudes. If you call yourself a Christian but you do not practice these in you daily life, then you are not spreading the Gospel of Jesus.
words of the Beatitudes go beyond any one religion. They speak to a way of being in the world and a way of treating other human beings. Just as I have found valuable teachings in other religions, I think more Christians should be willing to share the Message of Jesus in the Eight Beatitudes. Keep in mind though, that sharing this message will never work unless you also live by the message. You must be the change you want to see in others. Do you know what the famous Indian Chief Sitting Bull said when asked what he thought of Christianity? Chief Sitting Bull replied: “I have read your Bible and the religion seems good but I do not see many White people practicing it.”
On Tuesday and Wednesday along with my good friend Vic Ward, I attended the 52nd Nobel Conference which was titled: “In Search of Economic Balance.” It featured many illustrious and highly respected economists such as: Dan Ariely, Orley Ashenfelter, Paul Collier, Deirdre McCloskey, John List and several other well-known economists. After every lecture, there was a panel discussion where the speaker and several of the other economists had a chance to discuss and interact. Following these discussions, my friend and I debated, discussed and summarized what we thought were the most important points of each lecture. I attended eight lectures, six panel discussions and numerous discussions each evening with Vic.
On the way back from St. Peter, we stopped Jim’s Apple Farm when we saw a sign that said “Next exit, Minnesota’s largest candy store.” I bought several treats for Karen and the guys at the library in Frederic. Jim’s lived up to its billing. It may just be the largest candy store in the US. It is certainly the largest candy store I have ever been in.
Karen having spent thirty years of her life in Home Health Care is much better grounded and infinitely more knowledgeable than I am in this area. Many of the ideas in the conference sessions were basic for her but for me the opposite was true. I had my eyes opened and many of my concepts about conditions such as Dementia have now been thrown out the window. I cannot begin to describe how much I learned at this conference and how valuable the ideas were for me.
Aging Capriciously 