Aging Capriciously

There is no time that is better than fun time.  Most children would not have a problem with this statement.  When we are young most of our time is fun time. The older we get, the less fun time we have.  Fun time is spontaneous, unstructured and not goal driven.  I get a laugh out of the corporate saying: “We work hard, but we play hard.” That is an oxymoron.  Play and fun are not about hard or about accomplishing anything.  Hard is a macho concept that denotes a phallic reference that often seems to take ascendancy over the feminine in society. Thus, working hard and playing hard are more to be valued than playing soft or working soft. When did you ever hear anyone extol the virtues of playing soft? 

Well, if you want to work hard, that’s good, but don’t play hard.  Playing hard destroys the essence of play. I look at all these young children playing in these league sports and wonder what their lives will be like growing up without any real play time.  All of their time seems guided by misguided parents who either through ego or greed think their kids will play big-league sports or get a free ride to college on an athletic scholarship. As my friend Ken noted, many of these parents think parenting is about showing up at all of their kids numerous league games and “conference” playoffs. They are not teaching their kids anything about play or about living their own dreams. 

Play is about freedom and spontaneity. It is going where you want to go, doing what you want to do and not having to answer for the results.  Retirement is the oasis of play that many people dream of.  People wait years for retirement so they can do what they want to do. Retirement is future play time for adults.  Once we retire, we can become as little children again. Can you imagine wanting to have a “hard” retirement.  I would much prefer my retirement to be soft and leisurely.  I want to take long walks in the woods, smell more flowers, kick more cans, take more long naps and get in as much unproductive time as I can get in. We all need to have more fun time.  We live in a work-alcoholic world driven by time clocks and computers.  Perhaps, there would be less stress and less crime in our society if we all had more time for fun.  I know there would be less road rage.  

How much time do you have set aside for fun today?  Do you take time each day just for fun?  What do you have to do to have more fun time in your life?  What would your life be like if you could play more and work less?

“Summertime, when the living is easy.”  This line from the musical “Porgy and Bess” by G. Gershwin seems to always resonate in my mind when the warm breezes start blowing the cold weather away in Wisconsin. We all love summer.  For many of us, it is a time of vacations and connotations of freedom from school and work.  However, why does the song say the living is easy?  I think it is because summer seems to bring that association to mind despite the fact that it is not now nor probably ever was easy.  Nevertheless, we think of the lushness of fresh fruit, vegetables, the farmers market and long days and nights.  It does not matter that we may work all summer, the dream is still there of “easy living.” 

As we get older, many of us will think back to our childhoods with fond summer memories of doing nothing but playing baseball, grilling out, fishing, swimming at the lake, camping with our friends or weekends at the cabin with our family.  Perhaps these are more traditional Wisconsin memories but no doubt you will have your own memories associated with summer time.  All over the world, people are in vacation mode during the summertime.  Perhaps you will spend your summer traveling to exotic destinations or simply taking a short trip to visit relatives.  Summer brings a longing for what we want life to have in store for us as we age.  Summer is a time of psychological retirement years before any of us will ever retire.  You might say summertime is practice for that time in your life when you really have retired.

However, now that Karen is retired and I am working less, we have seen first hand how easy it is to stay busy with one project after another. I think we don’t really want to retire, we really want to simply lead the life determined by our own choices and not guided by the “bare necessities of life.”  Summertime is a time of easy living not because living is ever easy, but because we make our choices on what we do and when we want to do them. At least that is our dream.  Are you living your dream?  I hear people using this phrase a great deal as I talk to more retirees.  Why did they wait so long?  Why not live your dream now? Its summertime and the living is supposed to be easy.  

What are your best summer memories? What did you once do each summer that is now simply a memory? What summer traditions do you still celebrate?  What do you hope your future summers will have in store for you?  

“Your time is running out” says the villain to the hero. How often have you heard this phase in the movies? Of course, we know that this is a lie. The villain’s declaration is just a cue for our heroine to spring into action. She will then surprise us with some type of unexpected near miraculous escape.  Perhaps, she will fool the villain into talking long enough so she can manage her escape. You know how villains like to explain their entire rationale for their villager.  This comment on time may be the most common phrase or at least one of the most common in all of theater. It is so melodramatic that authors can not refuse to use it. 

However, what do you think you would do if your doctor said this to you?  Perhaps at your next physical, you doctor tells you that “your time is running out.” Would you simply think of the metaphor of an hourglass with the sands of time running through it or would it strike a more essential chord of your being.  I am going to guess the latter.  You would want to know how much time you had left. You would want to know how you could escape this trap.  If there were no way out, eventually you would start wondering how you should spend the rest of your remaining days.  Suddenly time and its effective use would become the most important priority in your life.  Many of us would drop the nonessentials and focus on only the truly important things in our lives.

Karen’s mother died from breast cancer and she has always had a fear of this form of death.  We often joke about who will live longer, and she has repeatedly said “Oh, you are so healthy and active, you will live forwever.”  I seldom if ever am sick. In 13 years of teaching at Globe, I had only taken one sick day. In my 11 years of consulting before Globe, I had never taken even one sick day.  Imagine, our surprise when I was diagnosed with prostate cancer two weeks ago.  I told Karen “See, I beat you again and I was right again.”  Sort of sick humor I guess.  I know few men die of prostate cancer (could I be the first?) but the idea of having cancer and of hearing my doctor say “The bad news is you have cancer” is not what I expected to hear.  I mean, I have always been so healthy how could these f——– germs attack me.  I would think they would pick on a smoker or drinker or someone who is always sickly.  I watch my diet and my food.  Oh, well, that’s the way the diagnosis goes.  I want to live my life like my friend Harold who when he was dying said “I have no regrets.”  What a great inscription for my tombstone.  

Ironically, whether your doctor or a villain says it to you, it is a hundred percent true fact that time is running out for each of us each day.  Do you know anyone who ever said “my time is running in?”  Do you know anyone who knows the hour of their death?  Maybe, you should think more about your real priorities each day before it is too late, before someone else tells you that your time is running out.  Perhaps, you should be asking yourself today “What really does matter to me?”  

Do you spend more time doing what matters or do you spend more time on the nonessentials?  What would you change in your life if you were suddenly confronted with the fact that “Your time is running out?”  

Tempus Fugit:  The expression was first used in the verse Georgica written by Roman poet Virgil: Sed fugit interea fugit irreparabile tempus, which means, “But it flees in the meantime: irretrievable time flees.” (Wikipedia). Two thousand years have past and sadly, no one has yet learned to retrieve time.  Time is a precious and scare resource that is valued and sought after but that becomes more important later in life.  As one grows older, the law of supply and demand enforces an increased value for time.  Time is to the elderly as money is to youth.  Yet, where money can be retrieved, time cannot.  I can lose a fortune but if I waste ten years of my life, I can never recover the spent time.  Who would not want to find the Fountain of Youth?

Time clocks are synonymous with the industrial revolution.  Prior to industrial work, people thought of time as more cyclical. Time clocks went hand in hand with factory or machine and assembly line work.  The concept of a “Time clock” is an oxymoron.  Aren’t all clocks, time clocks?  The industrial revolution was a period when brawn became more valued than brains.  It was more important to measure the amount of time that a person worked (and this was equated with productivity and quantity) then the quality or creativity of their work. The information age and knowledge age has reportedly ushered in a quantum change in how we view and value work. Today, creativity and innovation have become highly prized, at least in word if not in deed.

On hears today that quality, creativity and innovation are the cornerstones of success in the 21^st century business world.  Nevertheless, we still see managers who are more concerned with the time clock as a measure of productivity than anything else.  How long did you work today is often more important than how much you accomplished or what new ideas and innovations you could come up with. We talk about allowing workers to telecommute, yet many managers express the view that: “how will I know what they are doing or if they are really working?”  “Well, perhaps they will not get their job done and then you would know!”  We may live in the knowledge age, but the industrial era mindset is still dominant in many workplaces.

It often takes a generation before minds catch up with new technology and paradigm shifts. We have 21^st century needs and technology still driven by 20^th century minds and concerns. Companies that cannot make the change are destined to go the way of the dinosaur.  The same might be said for managers who cannot change their mindset.

What do you value in your workplace? Do you measure how much your employees contribute, including ideas and innovations or are you measuring how long they work and how many hours they put in?  Do you have the power to change things?  If so, when will you go from the 20^thcentury to the 21^st?   When will you start treating your employees like knowledge workers rather than machines?     

We often hear the comment from someone getting older that they are “Aging like fine wine.”  Well, yes, wine does gets better with age, but sadly, the human body does not. My joints and muscles are no longer as flexible as they once were. My body does not recover as fast from aches and pains as it once did, and I no longer dream of playing football on the weekends or any rough contact sports for that matter.  My body seems to be aging more like cheese.  It is getting softer and moldier around the edges.  It might still be edible but it is not as fresh as it once was.  The good side of this issue is that my brain is more nimble and astute than ever. (IMHO) 

The body will inevitably deteriorate, (even with plastic surgery, knee and hip replacements etc.), but the brain does not necessarily age the same way. Studies have shown that IQ can remain the same throughout one’s life, if you keep “exercising” the brain by reading, studying and learning. Now of course, the body will stay in better shape as well if you keep up with some exercising.  However, no amount of exercising is going to keep the body in the same shape as when we were 21 or younger. 

Then we come to the soul and spirit. Here is where age can really excel over youth. Through experience and moral exercise, we can all become better then we were. We can continue to grow spiritually and morally throughout our entire lives. We can leave this earth as better people. We can give back to the world some of what we took from it. However, this also requires exercise. It requires exercise of both moral and spiritual values.  It requires moral and spiritual discipline. You will not grow in either area if you do not take the time to practice skills that lead to moral and spiritual development.  The virtues of faith, hope, charity and love must be practiced daily or they atrophy like old moldy cheese.

What exercise do you get each day?  Do you exercise morally and spiritually as well as physically and mentally?  Which areas do you need to concentrate more on?  Are you aging like a fine wine or like moldy cheese?  What do you need to do to perk up your aging process? 

A few days ago I received an email from a reader named Karen who lives in Australia or “down under” as many refer to the country.  Karen noted that her two teenage sons had found my blog useful for some of their school work and that some of my subjects were interesting to them.  Her older son is a senior in high school and has been studying the idea of “belonging.”  She suggested that I write on the subject of “belonging” and how it fit with time or perhaps just write on the topic as a new series of blogs.  I told Karen that I would think on this some as I used the “incubation” method of developing material.  I usually get an idea, put it on a notecard and let it “gestate” for a few days and then see if the muse of creativity visits me. 

One of my best ways of getting ideas for this blog has been to reflect on the idea while I am jogging.  So yesterday I did about 4 miles while thinking about the idea of “belonging.”  What does it mean? What are the ramifications?  Does the concept have the same meaning to people as it does to things?  What about how it applies to land and other legal titles?  My name belongs to me.  My house belongs to me.  My car belongs to me.  My property belongs to me.  My children belong to me.  However, my wife does not belong to me nor can I buy anyone like I buy a new motorcycle or a new coffee pot. 

Ownership is intimately related to “belonging” as is the idea of responsibility.  We are responsible for those things that belong to us. Thus, we are responsible for our children until they are adults and then they no longer belong to us.  We are not responsible for our relatives or our friends or our spouses and we would not say they belong to us. However, many people, (more men I think than women) act as though their spouses belong to them.  Some people have a perverted idea of what a marriage license or in other cases even a relationship means and they quite literally start to act as thought the other person they are in a relationship with is someone they own.  They attach the idea of belonging to people as though they are chattel or some type of product that they can buy, sell or trade.  How many times have you read some comment like “If I can’t have her, no one can.”  Each day the newspaper (at least in the USA) has some story about a guy who either murders his former wife or murders his estranged wife because “she left him or wanted to leave him.”  When I say this is a perverted sense of “belonging”, I think it is perverted because it carries the ideas of ownership to people.  It assumes that we own people like we own a product and that we have exclusive rights to their time, affections, attention and even bodies.  Should such “property” decide to “terminate” the relationship, it is a catalyst for feelings of betrayal, anger, jealousy and even hatred.  “If I can’t own them, if they no longer belong to me, I will see that they no longer belong to anyone else.” 

Here is where the idea of time comes in.  We get married and we promise to remain faithful until “Death do us part.”   Those who take the idea of belonging to extremes take this idea to mean that never can the other person “belong” to anyone else.  Their affections and body belong to only one person and that belonging is for perpetuity.  No one has a problem with this idea when it comes to things or property but when it comes to people; most modern cultures tend to regard the idea of anyone belonging to another as at best out of date and in many cases as simply sick.  I noted above that children are an exception.  It is often heard “who does that kid belong to?”  Children do belong (at least in a legal sense) to parents, guardians or foster care but this ownership only lasts until they become an adult.  After some legal age of responsibility, children no longer belong to their parents and any parent who continued to refer to their children that way would be thought of very strangely.   

As you may have noted, the concept of “belonging” not only implies a sense of ownership but it also implies a sense of responsibility.  Things that we own are things that we are responsible for. I own a dog or other pet and I am responsible for that animal.  If my dog bites or attacks someone, I can be sued or fined for the offense. We are responsible to different degrees for the things we own and land infers a different responsibility than my ownership of a new car.  Many legal warranties will specify my responsibilities for my new car and of course there are any numbers of legal ordinances which specify my responsibilities for my automobile.  Who was it said that great “power brings great responsibility?”  I suppose it can be said that the more possibilities something has for hurting others, the more responsibilities the owner has.

By the way, I find two different definitions for the concept of “belonging” in the online dictionaries.  One implies ownership and the verb form implies classification.  The latter is an interesting concept that I may explore some other time. 

Be·long·ing (Noun)

1.     A personal item that one owns; a possession. Often used in the plural.

2.     Acceptance as a natural member or part: a sense of belonging.

Suffice it to say, I have been focusing on the first or noun definition.  In this term, “belonging” also implies a sense of time.  We only own something as long as we are alive.  Something can only belong to us as long as we live. We can put something in a trust, but that simply transfers ownership.  My car, motorcycle, house, property and other objects that now belong to me, will no longer belong to me after I am dead and departed.  They will cease to be mine.  We can’t take them with us.  Some of the Pharaohs apparently thought they could and their tombs were found with numerous possessions as well as corpses of their wives and slaves.  Back in Ramses day, a man truly owned his wife as well as other people.

 

Going back to the idea of time and “belonging” and ownership, it is interesting how many of us act as though these things that we own can be taken with us.  We hoard, acquire, shop, buy, accumulate but eventually we die.  Our “belongings” are now junked, trashed, sold or liquidated to make cash for someone else.  Those things we thought most precious for our lives now become someone else’s junk.  Note the many estate sales, where relatives are heard to say, “I can’t believe they had so much junk.”  One person’s treasures are another person’s junk. 

Things no longer belong to us when we die. We no longer have any responsibility for them.  You can’t take it with you but you can ruin your life thinking that these things that you own, these things that belong to you have some form of transubstantiation.  You can delude yourself into thinking that they can be changed into something permanent and timeless or that they have some sense of immutable value.  The only true value they have is to you. When you die, they may or may not have any value to anyone else.  They may simply go into the junk pile of history.  Discarded and forgotten along with most of the rest of the stuff that you have spent years acquiring. 

Next time you think that something “belongs’ to you, ask yourself why it is important to own anything?  Is life simply about acquiring more? Does he or she who has the most toys win? What do you really win?  Our lives are defined by those “gods” that govern our behavior.  If you live to acquire, what god are you worshipping?  Will he/she let you take it with you? What will be written on your tombstone that will survive longer than your possessions?  Perhaps the words: “It all belonged to him.” 

Thank you Karen for the idea for my blog today.  I hope your older son will take my ideas and play with them. I would love to see his paper or final project. It occurred to me that the second definition under Noun would create an entirely different perspective. To belong to something rather than something belonging to you is a very different issue.  Something more to think about.  

Stop wasting my time!  This is a comment that is frequently heard and seldom reflected on. What does it mean to waste someone’s time?  Does the person know they are wasting your time? What was the person doing that “wasted” your time? Is it like wasting food or wasting money?  When someone tells you something that you are not interested in, does it waste your time?  In a country where the average person watches more than 25 hours a week of TV, it seems preposterous that anyone could dare use a phrase like “stop wasting my time.”

We spend over 14 hours per week watching people hitting a ball, carrying a ball, throwing a ball and bouncing a ball in games that we call sports, but we do not consider this a “waste” of our time.  If sports and TV are not time wasters, then what qualifies?  The average time spent watching sports (2.3 hours per day) is seven times greater than the average time spent participating in sports (.31 hours per day).  Perhaps watching sports exercises one’s eyeballs?  So what does it really mean to waste your time?  Is this time when you are not doing anything?  Whose fault is that if you have nothing to do? 

If we were honest, we would admit that most of us waste our own time with silly meaningless activities designed to take our mind off living and perhaps really accomplishing something. We are each experts at ways to waste time.  TV, gambling, casinos, watching sports, newspapers, endless meetings, etc. are only a smattering of the myriad ways we waste our time each day. Wasting time is a very subjective concept, since what I think is very wasteful, you might think is very useful.  My ideas of what constitute a valuable use of time might fit your definition of “time wasters.” Nevertheless, we all have our own ideas of what time wasting means to us.