Aging Capriciously

Life is short, eat desert first. I don’t know who said this and I actually don’t care. If the world can be divided into those who never eat their desert first and those who sometimes eat their desert first, I am definitely in the “never” group. I have always identified with the ants in the Aesop tale about the “Ants and the Grasshopper.” It is funny because I am almost compulsive about having to do my work before I can play. It does become compulsive when you are a workaholic and you cannot even play after you have worked, since of course, your work never ceases. Do you know anyone like that?

My younger sister Sheri (one year younger than I) died several years ago. She died of cancer most likely induced through her three packs a day smoking habit. I am sure that Sherry was a compulsive worker and in the “never” group when she was younger and healthy. However, once her prognosis was a certainty and she began the countdown to her death, she changed many of her lifelong habits. She would actually go to a restaurant and start with desert. This was appalling and unthinkable! Regardless of the fact that she had less than a year to live, how could she possibly start with desert first. However, the more I thought about it, the more I could see the logic. Why save room for desert, when you don’t have to worry about saving anything?

To be honest, I have never started at a restaurant with desert first. Maybe I am too worried about chucking it all and joining the grasshopper by spending my days in frivolity and play. I go on vacation and even continue my daily routines of exercise and diet. In my mind, I am thinking “why throw out all of my daily work for a week of debauchery?”

Nevertheless, we all need to eat desert first at least occasionally. If there is a time for everything, then there is certainly a time for letting go and just having fun. Putting desert first is symbolic of letting go and throwing conventions to the wind. How often do you eat desert first? When was the last time you just let go and threw out your daily compulsions? How compulsive are you? What would happen if you were less compulsive? Would your life be happier or better balanced?

Cell phone time versus wrist watch time! Have you noticed that fewer people seem to be wearing watches these days? Perhaps this is truer for younger people. When I question my students about this, they point out that they do not need a watch since they are carrying a cell phone. When you think about it, cell phone time is more accurate than most watches. Most watches are self-set and most cell phones are linked to the correct time via satellite connections. Thus, the younger generation should have more access to accurate time than a generation that relies on wrist watches. Have you thought about the implications this could have for the way we view the world? Will the younger generation view the world more accurately and objectively than the older generation? Will lateness and tardiness become a thing of the past?

Soon, most cell phones will be GPS enabled and then no one will be able to get lost. One by one, our excuses for missed appointments and arriving late are being destroyed. With news and vital information and even advertisements arriving via cell phones, the younger generation will be linked to the world in ways that we would never have dreamed possible years ago. What will all this linking and being wired in mean for our brave new world? Will the next 100 years be as dynamic and volatile as the last 100 years of human history? Will events and history happen at an even more rapid pace? Will the new generation be able to save the world from the mistakes of the past generation? Tune in next week for the next episode and find out!

Do you carry a cell phone or wear a watch? What do you rely on for time? Which generation do you belong to? How has your view of time changed over the past few years? Are you more or less conscious of the time in your life?

If I had a time machine, my time machine would not sit idly in the garage. I would be soaring through the past like an eagle soars on the winds. I can think of hundreds of places and people I would visit. Imagine, the past becoming alive again and us being able to be a part of it. Each day would be a new adventure as I traveled back in time to relive the major events of history. I would visit dinosaurs, see the Roman Empire at its peak and have supper with Alexander the Great when he was still a young teenager.

Do you believe in time machines or that we may someday be able to visit the past? There are dozens of movies in which time travel has been the main theme. Think what the world would be like if time machines became as common as the automobile. Yes, there is the troublesome “time paradox.” This paradox assumes that we could not live in the present if we went back and somehow changed our past. However, what if the time paradox was wrong and we could change the past and not affect the future. The very idea is a contradiction. Think about hundreds or thousands of people going back on a regular basis to change the past. People who wanted to change their stock picks, people who wanted to change their spouse, people who wanted to change foolish decisions that they made. What an interesting or crazy world it would be.

If time travel became common, we would need rules for traveling like we have rules of the road today. We would need red lights and stop signs for different parts of the time continuum. A mandatory rule instead of “don’t speed” would be “Just go back and look.” How many people would obey the rules? Right! About as many people as obey speed limits and stop signs. Well, forgetting the time paradox, what if you could go back? Where would be the first place you would go back to? What if you could only go back in time three times? Like the genie, that only grants three wishes, your machine only has enough energy for three visits. Where would you go? Why? What or who would you most want to see? What would you change about the past if you could?

“One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble.” These words are lyrics from the musical Chess. The song was written by Murray Head. The words bring back memories of hard nights and humbleness that we have all encountered in our lives. Are there any of us who have not partied too hard, only to regret it the next day or who have burnt our candles at both ends only to get our fingers burnt as well? Hopefully, with age comes maturity and we gradually learn to be more humble in our expectations of what our bodies can endure. On the other hand, perhaps it is simply that our bodies wear down and we can no longer subject them to the abuse that we did when we were young.

Today, two drinks can get you a DWI and cost you much money, jail time and even your job. Perhaps, we could all learn more humbleness by watching and learning from the mistakes of those who have gone before us. Sadly, it often seems as though people all want to make their own mistakes and suffer the consequences rather than sip from the Fountain of Wisdom. The Fountain of Wisdom is the repository of knowledge and experiences from those “hard men” who have gone before us, only to be humbled by the realities of life. We should all drink daily from this fountain but most of us are not humble enough to do so. The philosopher Santayana said “Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it.” All too many of us will repeat the past because we are too proud to listen to others. The next time you think you are a “hard man”, think twice before you are humbled; as the saying goes: “Pride goeth before a fall.”

What do you remember from your “humbled nights?” When was the last time, you had a night you would rather not remember? When was the last time you stayed out all night or drank everyone else under the table? Do you still think you are a “Hard Man?” Can you take the council of elders? Have you learned how to avoid bad experiences by listening to the wisdom of those older and wiser?

A good reputation is more valuable than
costly perfume.
And the day you die is better than the day
you are born.
Better to spend your time at funerals than at parties.
After all, everyone dies —
so the living should take this to heart.
Sorrow is better than laughter,
for sadness has a refining influence on us.
A wise person thinks a lot about death,
while a fool thinks only about having a good time.

Ecclesiastes: 7:1-4

I was listening to a sermon on Sunday which had to do with Ecclesiastes 5. I could not resist reading more and came upon the above bit of wisdom. I had to read it twice before it finally made sense to me. At first I thought it either sarcastic or just plain morbid. Who wants to think that laughter is worse than sorrow? Don’t most of us want to have a good time? Who would rather go to a funeral than a party? What does the writer mean that sorrow has a refining influence on us?

The more I reflected on these words, the more I realized the wisdom of the author. Our times are now full of people who think only about having a good time. The common person today wants to have it ALL NOW and furthermore feels entitled to it. Once upon a time, it seemed only the young had such grandiose notions of their rights and entitlements. Today, it is equally the old and young. It is no longer a generation definer. Old and young alike want more and want it now. They know their rights but sadly have no clue or idea as to their responsibility. Perhaps we need more signs or information so people can understand that as Sister Giovanni once told me “John, there are no rights without responsibilities.” Parents, students, teachers, lawyers, politicians and just about everyone in our culture today knows their rights but how many could tell you what their responsibilities are?

By the way, this is not a class thing, not an ethnic thing, not an age thing, not an income thing and not an education thing. Young and old, rich and poor, educated and uneducated, all clamor for their rights. Rights without responsibility are the sine qua non of “having a good time.” It is the proverbial free ride through life. Work easy, rest a lot and get rich. It used to be that getting rich meant: hard work, education and good moral values. Today the path seems to be more often through one of the following:

• Sue someone
• Win a lottery
• Get a government subsidy

Recently, you could add “get discovered” by some TV reality show to the above list.
Maybe it is not such a bad thing to think that “we can have it all and not get hooked.’ On the other hand, maybe a better guide to life would involve finding a balance in how we spend our time. What if we spent as much of our cultural and social time on responsibilities as we did on rights? I can only dream:

• Crime would plummet
• Students would respect their peers and teachers
• Road rage would disappear
• Politicians would all be honest
• Greed and avarice would become things of the past
• The old would respect the young and vice versa
• People would spend as much time on politics as on sports
• Eggheads would be as valued as Jocks

Well, I just woke up from my dream. Pure fantasy. I am afraid the clock will not go back and as the writer from Ecclesiastes said in the next verse:

“Don’t long for ‘the good old days.’ This is not wise.” Eccl 7:10

What will it take to restore the obligations of responsibilities to our national conscience? Will we be able to get people to think more about death and less about having a good time? Do you feel that we have a problem here? Do you know your social, ethical, and moral responsibilities to others? How many of the people around you do? Do you value your soul as much as your possessions?

I have decided to buy a Grandmother clock! You mean you have never heard of a Grandmother clock. Why should this concept seem strange? Particularly in this day of equal rights and political correctness, maybe clocks should be more neutral or maybe we should create a Grandmother clock, at least in the interest of fairness. I was curious if anyone else had thought of the idea of a Grandmother clock or if I was just a “Johnnie come lately” so I looked up Grandmother clock on the Internet. I found over 28,000 hits and the following definition: “Grandmother clocks are usually considered to be a smaller floor clock measuring 80 inches or less. Grandmother clocks are perfect for smaller rooms, hallways, landings and smaller foyers.” I even found Grandson and Granddaughter clocks.

The next question I had was “how come I have never seen or heard anyone talk about Grandmother, Grandson and Granddaughter clocks?” Oh well, that’s a question for another day. It’s nice to know that everyone can have a clock. Do you suppose uncles, aunts, nieces and nephews, not to mention father and mothers also have clocks? Well, go ahead: “Make my day and look it up on Google.” Go ahead and tell me that I am really out of step. I suppose there are clocks for names too; like John clocks and Peter clocks and Mary clocks and Emily clocks. Maybe that could be a line of business: “Name clocks.” Each type would be somewhat different and would be unique to the individual name.

My John clock would be made out of diamonds, platinum, gold, rubies and sapphires. It would be ten feet tall and would tell analog time. The numbers on the face would be diamonds, rubies and sapphires. The hands of the clock would be silver and the pendulums would be made out of solid gold. The case would be made of ebony and the face of the clock would be made of non-endangered ivory. My clock would always run fast. Can you design a clock for your name? What would it look like and what would it be made out of? Would it run fast or slow?

October is the tenth month of the year. Our primary association with October is fall and the leaves turning colors leading us into the bleaker season of winter and snows. There are several quite memorable holidays in October including: Halloween, All Hallows Eve, Oktoberfest and Día de los Muertos, or Day of the Dead. Some of these holidays celebrate a continuation with life after death. The Aztecs and other Central American tribes celebrated a Day of the Dead since they viewed death as a continuation of life. Instead of fearing death, they embraced it; to the Aztecs, life was a dream and only in death did they become truly awake and alive. In countries that celebrate Halloween, we can see a similar association with the spirit world as manifested in ghosts, vampires, goblins and witches.

Oktoberfest of course is another story. The first Oktoberfest took place in 1810 in Bavaria to celebrate the marriage of Prince Ludwig and Princess Therese. It has since evolved to become known as one of the largest beer drinking parties in the world. Numerous places now host “Oktoberfest” days complete with lots of beer, German sausage and polka music. In Minnesota, Oktoberfest may occur in September since by October it might be too cold to sit outside and enjoy a pitcher of beer. By the beginning of October, our leaves will be at the peak of their colors and by the end of October, the leaves will have mostly fallen and we will be counting the days until our first snow storm. Of course, this year Karen and I are in Arizona for October and will not be back until the beginning of April. The images are very different down here but the holidays and traditions remain the same.

October seems like a month to start thinking about hibernating and winding down before the winter begins. It is hard to describe the eerie beauty of the MN woods in October once all the leaves have fallen and before the snow has turned. If we are lucky, we get what is called an “Indian Summer” where we get a few extra days of really warm summer like weather before the cold crashes down on us. We revel in these days, for we know, we will soon become like hobbits and take to our abodes to succor the warmth. We will have our supply of fireplace wood amply stacked for the long dark cold winter months to come. The gales of November will soon follow the gremlins and goblins. Many people no longer wait until after Thanksgiving to put their Christmas lights up. Halloween has become the new marker as the day to start putting lights up and even begin the annual Christmas shopping season.

Why do things seem to keep happening faster and faster and earlier and earlier? Why is Halloween now a major holiday in so many parts of North America? What does October mean to you? Do you connect with your departed ancestors? Do you look forward to the changing colors or simply can’t wait to get to an Oktoberfest party? Do you start thinking about Christmas or do you put it off until after Thanksgiving?

As time goes by, we see the memories, places, events and dreams we have experienced pass through our lives as though we were looking out a window. But the memories of our lives do not simply pass by once never to return. They seem to travel by in an endless circle, where they come by again and again. Indeed, some come by more often than others. Many of these memories bring poignant thoughts of better days or happier times. Some bring remorse and sadness as we think of the mistakes and missed opportunities in our lives. Others bring regrets that we may have thought were long over. Memories can bring both happiness and sadness. The happy days of the past may also bring sadness as we wish we could spend time with our mom, father, siblings, or friends again. Alas, we cannot go back except in our memories. Certain events cannot be summarized with single feelings. Some of our memories bring back old questions which we still have not answered. What if I had only? Why did we? What did they do that for?

Hindsight is not always 20-20 as many times we do not have answers for our lives. Looking at the past, we may think of new reasons but we are never sure if they are the real reason or not. After my first divorce, I started looking for the reasons my marriage failed. Within a few years, I was up to 32 reasons. I began to wonder if they all caused my marriage to fail or perhaps it was only one of them. Which one was the big question? It took a few years for me to get over the quest for a solution. However, twenty five years after my first marriage ended, a new “reason” popped into my mind. I am not sure if this is the “real” reason or just a new reason. I am becoming reconciled to the fact that I may never know. This is a very hard position for anyone to accept. We want to believe that there is reason for everything.

Have you ever wondered why some memories seem to come by more frequently than others? What memories seem to repeat themselves in your life? Are they happy or sad? Are they moments of success or failure? Are they things you wish you could do over differently or would you do them exactly the same again? Maybe you can still do something about the past. What if it were not too late?

“Gee, I don’t have enough time to write in my time book today.” How often has that happened, that you scheduled something to do and then just did not have enough time to do it? Why does this happen? Obviously, it happens because something else comes up that we judge to be more important. Since it is more important, it has a higher priority for our time and goes to the top of our “to do” list. My sister unexpectedly came over to visit, the baby was born, the car broke down, I was fired, the sun came out, we had a blizzard, etc., etc., and etc. We can find a million reasons for not having time and there would still be more. Two things are undeniable here. The first is, we are making a choice and prioritizing our time. We have the option of not changing our schedules but it can be quite difficult to avoid it. The second is, “shit happens.” We cannot control the world, other people, or the weather.

When the unexpected arises, which it invariably will, we must be prepared to be flexible. We all know what happened to the dinosaurs. Actually, do we really know why the dinosaurs died? Was it because they were inflexible or did a big asteroid simply obliterate them? What if despite our best efforts to be “flexible” a big asteroid simply obliterates us? Well, please don’t lose too much sleep over this. It will change your schedule but that’s okay, because no one else will care.

Regarding your life, how often do you not have enough time? Is it a common or uncommon occurrence? What do you attribute this to? Are you in the flexible or inflexible camp? Do you take responsibility for your decisions or do you blame “events beyond your control?”

When someone tells you to “take your time”, do they really mean it? Or do they really mean: “I will be patient with you but you are keeping me waiting.” Perhaps, they mean: “Please do not rush; I will try to be patient.” However, is it your time or their time that is being taken when you “take your time? What time could you take anyway? Where would you take it from? Can you reach into a barrel and pull time out or pluck it out of thin air? If time is in short supply, perhaps you cannot just take time, you must pay it back. This assumes that a law similar to the law of conservation of matter and energy also pertains to time. Such a law would state that there is no extra time in the universe, but that it is merely transferred from one person to another.

I suspect people do not always mean what they say or say what they mean. Whenever I say “take your time”, I know it is an effort on my part to be patient. It becomes a good opportunity for me to practice patience. Sometimes when I am at an intersection and the car in front of me just seems planted, I think “Take your time.” I have been known to honk or get agitated. I once remember getting ready to really lay on my horn, only to notice a disabled license plate on the car. Other times, I have noticed very young or very elderly people in the car. I think, “what if it was my mother in the car or a young beginning driver?” I feel guilty those times when I have laid on the horn. What does it take to exercise a little patience and let them “take their time?”

When someone tells you to “take your time”; are you grateful? Do you appreciate that they are letting you take their time as well as your time? Do you always take your time or do you try to get your work done as quickly as possible? What are the advantages of taking your time? What are the disadvantages? Can you see pro’s and con’s to taking your time? Maybe the world would be a better place if more of us took our time. What do you think?