Aging Capriciously

Daytime! You wake up in the morning and the first thing you think is “It’s daytime, I have a lot of things I want to do today.” Or perhaps you think “Another day, I wish I did not have to go to work.” For some of us, daytime is exciting and energizing. For others, we just want to turn the alarm off and go back to sleep. I prefer to think that daytime marks the start of a new day with new challenges and opportunities. It is a chance to realize my hopes and dreams. I know that for some, daytime brings fears and maybe even more pain and dread. It may be the continuation of a bad dream that they do not know how to get out of or a bad story that started the day before and does not seem to end.

Perhaps our difference in perspective lies in the element of Hope. Hope is a gift that “gives vision to the mind, strength to the will, courage to the heart, and endurance to the body.” (My Daily Bread, by Anthony J. Paone, 1954, Confraternity of the Holy Blood) With hope, we can look forward to the possibility that we can change, our lives can change, others can change and the world can change. Hope is the belief that things can be better today than they were yesterday. It is the belief that we can make a difference in the world. Hope means that I can change my dreams into reality. It is never too late to start to hope. Hope will carry you through the times when life seems hopeless.

What does daytime mean to you? What role does hope play in your daily life? When you wake up in the morning, how do you feel about starting a new day? Is it exciting and energizing or fearful and painful? Do you believe that you can and will make a difference today? What would it take to put you into the category of people who greet each day with excitement and enthusiasm? Are you happy to continue with your present outlook on life or do you want to get more out of life? How can you start? Where can you look? Who could help you in your journey? How can you find more hope in your life? What or whom could help you to renew the hope that you may have lost?

There is no shortage of time poetry or poetry about time. The website http://www.poemhunter.com/poems/time/ has many excellent poems on time. You could spend hours reading the wonderful poems about time and its effects on people’s lives. I recently borrowed some ideas from this poetry and wrote Karen a poem on time for her while she was in Phoenix visiting our daughter. She told me when she returned that it was the first time that anyone had ever written her a poem. I thought that was sad since we have been married now for over 20 years and neither I nor anyone else had ever written her a poem. I think everyone should have a poem written for them at least once in their lives and the subject of time is a good place to start.

If you peruse some of the poetry at this website, you will find some excellent ones but some that are just okay. I think it is like that with anything. We have good stuff and we have average stuff and some bad stuff. However, we let the outstanding scare us from attempting because we say “Oh, I could never write that well.” Well, you might be able to or you might not but it really does not matter. Not everyone will be a Tiger Woods or a Michael Jordan, but that should not deter anyone from playing golf or basketball; likewise with writing poetry or a book or doing anything else. There is always room in this world for more creativity, for more poetry, for more stories.

If you don’t start now, then when will you start? Write your loved one a poem today, just for them. Write it about time or about anything else that is special for you. Give it to them and see what they think. You don’t have to be a great poet, but who knows, maybe you are.

September is the ninth month of the year in the Gregorian calendar and one of four Gregorian months with 30 days. September is my favorite month of the year. For me, September is the beginning of fall. Autumn is well underway by the beginning of September and by the middle of September the leaves will soon start changing. Technically fall does not begin until September 21st, but we all know that the real end of summer is on Labor Day.

In many parts of the world, summer ends when students head back to school (They are already back in Wisconsin and in Minnesota will head back tomorrow). The fall weather and temperatures are perfect (for me anyway) and I love the changing colors of the landscapes. I love the cool crisp air and the beauty of the trees, shrubs and falling leaves. I love the many fall flowers and the bright red Sumac bushes. The flowers and red bushes are soon complimented by the Oaks, Maples and Popular trees which will contribute bright yellows, oranges and reds to the panoply of colors. The leaves have an almost ethereal quality as they float to the ground and cover it in a rich collage of hues and tones. However, when the leaves start gently falling, the end of fall comes too soon for me.

I should mention that I was born in September and of course my birthday will bring some treats. However, I would still love the fall with or without my birthday. Many people do not feel the same why that I do about the fall, particularly in Minnesota. Karen does not enjoy September nearly as much as I do. She did not like getting up this morning when it was 47 degrees and she regrets the acorns that are already starting to scatter on the ground. She says she can only think that when fall comes, winter will soon be here.

In some parts of the world, fall lasts somewhat longer than in Wisconsin. Weather-wise, we have a two month fall that covers September and October. Never mind that the calendar says fall ends on December 20, it really ends right after Halloween. By then the colors are over and most of the leaves need to be raked up. Not to mention, we generally have snow long before the “end” of fall. Well, in four weeks, we will be headed to Arizona so I will miss the winter but hopefully catch most of the fall up here.

What is your favorite month of the year? Why? What is your favorite season of the year? Do you enjoy each season or do you have a special season you look forward to?

What is free time? Students, people on seminars, people at retreats and people on tours are often told that they will have such and such time as free time. We assume this means we can do anything we want with our time. However, even if we could really do anything we wanted to with this time (highly unlikely), would the time really be free? Did you not pay for the tour or conference in the first place? If so, then you paid for the “free” time that you are getting. Time always costs us something.

Generally, we are overjoyed at getting free time, since if we put the cost aside, we are more grateful for the chance to spend it the way we want to. Time that is under our control is often more valuable to us than money that is under our control. In an ideal world, both would be under our control but in real life we are constantly juggling time and money. Neither of which are free or totally under our control.

Getting free time is no more likely than getting free money. It is funny that we seldom expect to get free money, but we take for granted the idea of free time. This just shows how little we value time until we really need it or until it is in short supply. What if you were told: “now you are going to have some very expensive time to do what you want to do today? It is not free but it is very precious.” Would this change what you would do with your time? Would it change how you felt about the use of this time? So what are you going to do with your free time today? How often do you get any free time? How much would “more’ free time be worth to you? Would you buy some if it were for sale?

Sleepy Time tea is a commercial tea made by Celestial Seasonings. Celestial Seasonings calls this tea “Sleepy Time” because it is mostly comprised of chamomile. Chamomile is an herb that has natural properties which promote restfulness and drowsiness. It is an aromatic tea with a pleasant fruity flavor that goes great with honey. When I drink this tea, I think of the Hobbits from Tolkien’s famous stories. The Hobbits were very peaceful people who lived in the Shire and were just happy to stay home and smoke their pipes and drink their tea. Well, on a cold winter’s night in Minnesota when the temperature is 15 degrees BELOW zero; that is a wonderful thing to do. Kick back in a big old recliner in front of a roaring fire with a good book and a nice cup of Sleepy Time tea.

Can you think of a better way to spend a winters evening or even a summers evening for that matter? Just sitting in a big recliner chair, reading a good book and drinking a wonderfully soothing cup of tea! No place to go, no goals to complete, no project deadlines to meet, no team meetings to get to! Just let the wonderful herb work its magic and before you know it, you are off to a nice warm bed and a very deep and relaxing sleep.

This is not a commercial for tea, but for a way of life that all too many of us forego for the stress and rush that we call the modern world. We dream of a retirement that might look like the way the Hobbits live every day. However, as soon as we are retired, we fill our days up again with volunteer activities, clubs, and other stress producing tasks. How many people do you know who are retired and say “I’m busier now than when I was working?” We don’t know how to be a Hobbit and most of us will die before we learn. If you are retired, you should have a least a few Hobbit days in your schedule. If you are not retired, you probably need these days even more. Try building some Hobbit days into your calendar.

Can you just see back and relax? Buy a cup of chamomile tea and see if this helps you. Chamomile tea is natures answer to the frenetic producing caffeinated drinks that are dominating the market today. Would you rather be a Hobbit or a caffeine addict?

In the nick of time! There are still (I hope) some of us who remember those old time serials where the damsel in distress was saved by the strong handsome hero “in the nick of time.” Usually she was tied to a railroad track or to a log in a saw mill and screamed while her impending death came ever closer. Today, we might expect to actually see her cut in half by the sawmill blade or flattened by the freight train. We would call it reality cinema. Years ago, much more was left to the imagination in movies than is the case today. A nick indicates a very small unit, hence its use in conjunction with the concept of time. Dictionary.com defines the phrase “in the nick of time to mean: “at the right or vital moment, usually at the last possible moment.” The word derives from an older word “niche” which means a small part of something, as in a niche market. Thus, the phrase really combines too concepts, that of time and that of good fortune.

Another familiar example or case goes like this. An indigenous person (usually referred to as an Indian in the Old West) was about to scalp a settler (who was actually trespassing) when out of the blue, the US cavalry arrived “in the nick of time” to effect a rescue operation that obviously had not been well planned. Regardless that this may have happened many times, the settlers went on with their business as did the indigenous people. Can you imagine such a scene being played today in the movies? Time passes on and cowboy and Indian movies have become a relic of the past.

We still have last minute rescues; in fact, this idea is a staple of the cinema. However, the corniness of old screen rescues (not to mention the cast of villains) is today very different. Thus, while some things change with time, other things do not. In the nick of time is probably a phase with many more years of life left in it. When was the last time, you used this phrase or heard it used? When was the last time it had any relevance for you? Have you ever been “saved” in the nick of time?

One step at a time! You have probably heard this phase many times or variations of it such as: “Rome was not built in a day” or “The longest journey starts with the first step” or “Slow and steady wins the race.” It serves as a useful reminder for us not to try to “eat the elephant in one bite” or that “nothing worthwhile was ever accomplished overnight.” It may just be one of those rules we learn when we are so young that it has become part of the fabric of growing up along with fairy tales and other pithy sayings. Yet, if we all grow up with this rule embedded in our minds, then why do so many people think they can accomplish things overnight. Fame, fortune, friends, romance and countless material goods are pursued through a filter of instant gratification. We want these things and we want them now.

Have you ever bought and made “instant pudding?” Dr. Edward W. Deming (a noted quality improvement Guru) used this phase (instant pudding) to refer to his observation that managers always wanted new programs to work overnight. The program of the month reflected their ongoing search for some new program that could produce “instant pudding.” Some managers realize that they will need commitment and time to bring about change but many managers never seem to weary of their search for some new program that will instantly lower costs and improve quality.

Today, we find not only managers but an entire entertainment industry that depicts instant overnight success. This focus on American Idols and instant fame has the negative effect of allowing people to forget that hard work, practice and dedication are the chief ingredients for success. Instead, too many people seek success through lotteries, gambling, lawsuits and freebies that will require little effort or time. If Dr. Deming were alive, I am sure he would say our entire culture is obsessed with “instant pudding.” Is it any wonder, we need to keep reminding ourselves that one step at a time is the way to success. How soon we forget though. Walter Payton, one of the hardest working running backs in NFL history was asked what he would do over if he could play again and he replied “I would work harder.” Walter was also one of the most successful running backs in NFL history.

What have you put aside because it will take too long? Do you avoid certain goals because you don’t “have the time” or because the goals seem too far away? What could be different for you if you approached your life and goals “one step at a time?”

What if you could be anybody you wanted to for one day? What if you could be a queen, king or princess for one day? To live 24 hours in the life of someone you idealize or someone you see as regal in the world. To be someone who is exalted and loved by others or admired the world over. Who would this be for you? What would you do with your 24 hours if you could suddenly become this person? What fantasies would you live out? What do you think your day would be like? Would you simply step into their shoes and live the day as they might live it? On the other hand, would you try to step out further into the world and see how they would be reacted to if they were to live your world? What if the “King or Queen” came to your house and drove your car and walked down the street in your neighborhood and you were that King or Queen? What if the famous movie star (You of course) came home to visit in your town and went to all of those fun places that you like to go to?

Imagine if there was an EBay for being someone else for a day? How many people do you think would bid on the opportunity? How much money would you bid to be famous or important? Most of us would probably like to see what it was like to live like a king or queen for a day. Our day would probably pass very quickly, but I think it might contain many surprises. We see the glamour of nobility and stardom but we often do not see the hidden problems and difficulties. Hollywood is not about reality but about creating fantasies. We do not see the body guards or the constant tension from being in the public eye. We do not see the stress of being a public figure and of having thousands of people who want and even demand our time. Think of having to act or be on twenty four hours a day. Think of never being left alone to just wander or take a walk in the park. Think of someone always wanting to meet you or have you sign something.

If you did become this person of your dreams, how many fantasies do you think you could you live in 24 hours? (For instance, going back to your old high school to visit) What would they be worth? Would you really have to be this person to live out these fantasies or could your life be more of an adventure that it now is? How many of us yearn for stardom because our own lives are boring and routine? What would it take to transform the next twenty four hours of your life into an adventure or fantasy? Could this 24 hour fantasy transform the rest of your life?

“Once upon a time” there were – hold it – why do all these old stories always start with “once upon a time?” Is there something special in these words? Does the line evoke certain images for you or certain feelings? I think you will probably answer: “Why, yes it does.” Somehow, the words “Once upon a time” have the power and magic to take us far far away to strange fantasy lands where good is battling evil. And despite how dark it might seem for the hero or heroine, in the end, we know that the evil King, Queen, Witch, Warlord or Dragon, will be defeated and the good guys (or good creatures) will live happily ever after. How many fairy tales were you told when you were a child that ended “happily ever after?”

“Once upon a time” takes us to a world where good always trumps evil. Who would not want to live in such a place? “Once upon a time” is a much sweeter opening line than “And now the six o’clock news.” Faced with the evening news, who would not want to escape to a magic kingdom that was someplace far far away? It is interesting that during hard times, people seem to want more fantasy stories with happy endings to escape too. Stories like the Wizard of Oz and Mary Poppins were very popular during some tough economic and social times. We might call this escapism but it actually shows that humans can only handle so much bad news and after that we must have some happy news. Like the old axiom, “all work and no play makes Jane a dull girl”, it is likely true that all bad news and no good news makes us bitter and angry people. We must have fantasy and happiness in our lives or we shrivel up and become sour like old prunes.

What is your favorite story or fantasy land? Why? What dreams or fantasies does this story hold for you? Do you realize that none of these stories ever tells you what the time period was? The time they take place in is simply “once upon a time.” Where would you like to go now if you could go anyplace in time?

Play time (2). There is so much to be said about play time. The short entry yesterday only scratched the surface. Let’s spend more time on play time! Play is a time for relaxation, for recreation and for being non-goal oriented. If you look up the word “play” at http://www.dictionary.com , you will find nearly 100 different ways the word can be used. To attend a play, to play cards, to play a game, to play at something, to play music, etc. Most of our associations with play have to do with being non-work oriented and doing something that we regard as fun. We do not generally think of getting paid to play and there are not many jobs for playing except in the theater. If you were to be paid for playing, it would suddenly become task oriented and likely loose the element of fun.

During play time, time seems to disappear and we become much less aware of the passage of time. Play time is a time when we can forget time. We forget obligations, to do lists and demands on accountability. Time seems to fly by when we are having fun. You have probably noticed how fast weekends and vacations seem to go. When we play, we become so immersed in what we are doing that we do not notice or perhaps even care about the time that is passing by. There is some evidence it is important to have a time to relax and let the cares of the world be ignored. People who can play well and frequently do so will probably live happier if not longer lives. Most of us play well when we are children but as we become adults we forget how to play. We have to learn how to play again. We may become work-aholics as we age but you seldom see adults who are play-aholics. Can you imagine an AA group for play-aholics? That would be a group worth joining.

How well do you integrate play in your life? Does it happen for you on a daily, weekly or monthly basis? Do you get enough play time in your day to allow some of your stress to dissipate? Can you play and not feel guilty if all of your work is not done? How could you be even more playful in your life?