Aging Capriciously

Autumn – We have talked about fall and autumn as seasons and what that brings, but what about the autumn of our lives? When does that start? What would the seasons of our lives bring us? The winter, summer, spring and fall of life. In terms of years, lest us say that spring is 0-25, summer is 25-50, fall is 50-75 and winter is 75-100? If so, I am right in the center of the fall of my life. Will the fall of life be anything like the fall season? Will my skin change color and my hair fall out? I think my hair fell out about 25 years ago, sometime in my summer.

Physically, my body is not getting any better and my joints and muscles ache a whole lot more than they used to. Emotionally, I am now more stable, less volatile, more predictable, and less anxious about life. Spiritually, I can see more value in peace, harmony and the various virtues such as love, humility, patience and kindness. I would like to say that I feel more satisfied with myself in these areas and less prone to attack or defend myself against perceived slights. Are these conditions consistent with the autumn of our lives?

Where is the Piagetian scale for what happens to us after 25 years of age? Piaget described the following stages of development:

1.Sensor-motor stage: from birth to age 2 years (children experience the world through movement and senses and learn object permanence)

2.Preoperational stage: from ages 2 to 7 (acquisition of motor skills)

3.Concrete operational stage: from ages 7 to 11 (children begin to think logically about concrete events)

4.Formal operational stage: after age 11 (development of abstract reasoning.

Thats it folks! There are no stages for us as we grow through the summer, autumn and winter of our lives! Here is an opportunity for a new scale. It could even lead to a book on “The Stages of Aging.” Perhaps, the autumn and winter of our lives have similar crisis points that we all share in common in terms of spiritual, emotional, mental and physical development. I suspect there are common stages we will all progress through and that our developmental stages do not end at age 11 or even age 25.

We will all continue to face new challenges and new opportunities for growth.The autumn of our lives will see us cast off some of the old and used leafs and prepare for new growth that will inevitably come. What season of life are you in? What leafs do you need to get rid of? What new growth do you think awaits you?

Making up time! It’s very frustrating to try and make up time. We try to make up time when we have spent too much time on one task and then have several other tasks to complete. Like a game of follow the leader, we rush to make up time just as when we get too far behind the leader. If you have ever ridden in a group of motorcycles, you know this phenomenon very well. The farther you get behind the pack, the faster you must go to catch up. If you are a slower rider, you alternate between getting behind and then hurrying to catch up again to the pack. For many of us, life can seem like a big game of “catch up” because we are forever getting behind and having to catch up again. Can we make up the time we have lost?

When the plane leaves the gate late, will it make up enough time in flight to get us to our next flight or appointment on time? Can I make up the time I lost this morning by driving a little faster or taking a shortcut to work? What can I cut out or cut down on today to make up the time I need for that project that is due Monday? We are constantly trying to figure out how to make up time. What if you had a big box of “make up time?” Whenever you got behind, instead of rushing and strategizing, you would only need to go to your box of “make up time” and take out how much you needed. It would sure make our lives less crazy.

I wonder how many days “making up” time takes off our lives in terms of added stress and worry. What if you said: “The hell with making up time, I will resolve never to worry about making up time again?” This could be harder to stick to than a diet. Maybe such a resolution would help, maybe it would not. It might just create another source of stress in your life. Nevertheless, I think it helps to look at the “cost” of making up time. It is never free.

Are you continually making up time in your daily life? Does it create stress and panic for you? How could you manage your life so that you did not need to make up so much time? What would be different about your life if you did?

“Sunrise, Sunset, swiftly flow the days, one season following another, laden with happiness and tears.” If you have seen the play or movie “Fiddler on the Roof” you are familiar with this song. I recently went to a wedding where they used this song as part of the ceremony. It is a very poignant song that brings reflection to our lives and our children’s lives. The words tell the story of growth, aging, change and separation. Tevye wonders as all parents do:

What words of wisdom can I give them?
How can I help to ease their way?

If only our children would follow our advice and heed the lessons we have tried to teach them. We want to help them to avoid the errors we have made and keep them safe from the pain and disappointments we have faced. We might be able to do this if we could stop time, keep them home with us and never let them grow up, but that is not to be. We know in our hearts that our children, like ourselves, must find their own way and suffer their own mistakes. They must go out and face the world. We must watch as they grow older and hope that we have prepared them to avoid at least some of the many traps we fell into.

The happy part of Tevye’s song is also the sad part. We must watch as they grow from children to adults and separate from us by finding their own lives. All things change and all things stay the same. Our children are a reflection of us and yet they are unique. As time passes, they will become more like us and yet they will also become less like us. Their histories will become their own and their destinies will follow very different paths then those we chose or perhaps hoped they would choose. We know that eventually they will face tears and that is the hardest part for us to accept. Would there was someway to protect them from that, but it is not to be. Life brings both joy and sorrow and we are yoked together with our children in these events. For better or worse, their joys and sufferings will be our joys and sufferings.

What words of wisdom do you want your children to follow? What teachings that you gave them were the most important? What do you most hope they will listen to in the years ahead? What do you wish you could go back and change? Perhaps it is not too late. We can always keep trying to make a difference in the lives of our loved ones. Sometimes we will succeed. You only fail when you quit trying.

I ran out of time today. How many times have you run out of time when you were not even running? The clock seems to be relentless. No matter how fast or how slow we run, the clock just keeps going at its steady inexorable pace. It never falters or stumbles. We get sidetracked, delayed, circumvented, lost, confused, ignored, blocked and snowed in but the clock just keeps on ticking. I run out of time several times each day. If only we could turn the clock back when we needed to or slow it down somehow. But the clock is relentless and it holds us to whatever schedule is in our heads. I have to get to school soon and I only have twenty minutes but five things to do first. I have to get to work but I only have 45 minutes and I have to stop for gas. Can I make it? Will I run out of time?

Is there a secret to not running out of time? What if I buy the latest book on time management? Will it help me to find ways to avoid running out of time? Is there anyone who never runs out of time? Am I a hero or fool for trying to beat the clock as much as I do. If I could only get one more task done! Can I do it? Probably not, but I will try anyway. Oops, I just ran out of time, got to go to school now. Can you finish this for me? Can you tell the world how to avoid running out of time? Do you have time to help me? No! You just ran out of time too?

Beating time: what does it mean when we say that we are going to beat time? Is beating time like beating a dead horse, like beating notes, or like beating the competition? Can we beat time? Is time the ultimate chess player or poker player? The one gamester in the world who cannot be beaten? Is time the grandmaster of life?

What if I told you about a secret book: “One Thousand and One Ways to Beat Time” that I am writing? Would you want to rush out to buy it? Perhaps you would not need it. You may think you are already beating time when you multi-task. Are you more efficient and attentive when you try to do two or more things at the same time? Do you think people who drive and talk on their cell phones are safer drivers? Are they beating time? How about the drivers that weave in an out of traffic on a busy day; do you think they are beating time? My favorite people are the tailgaters who seem to ignore the fact that there are multiple other drivers in front of me and we are all doing more than the speed limit already.

We can save time by doing things smarter and more efficiently but is that beating time? The clock just keeps on ticking and ticking. What if I took a baseball bat to my clocks and beat the living daylights out of all of them? Would that be beating time or just killing time? Nothing seems to really define this idea of “beating” time. Somehow, time always seems to win. Death is the one inevitability in all of our lives. Rich or poor, genius or idiot, educated or uneducated, holy or unholy, we all have our deaths marked in a ledger someplace and no one has beat time yet.

What does it mean to you to beat time? Do you ever beat time? If so, please send me an email telling me how you do it. I would like to add your idea to my UPCOMING book: “One Thousand and One Ways to Beat Time.” At least then, I would have one idea to add to this book.

Racing the clock seems to be a common occurrence in our world today. We are all familiar with this phrase. In the movies, the hero or heroine race against time as the bomb ticks down or the villains’ ultimatum gets closer. Often lives are at stake and the race has a critical dimension. Solve the puzzle or the bomb goes off! In the Da Vinci code, the hero and heroine race from one puzzle to another as an assortment of evil characters race after them. The drama comes from the clock ticking down as we race madly from one moment to another.

In our daily lives, we may be racing from one event to another. We feel the same stress and have the same pressures without any real catastrophe awaiting us. We race to work, we race home, we race to school, we race to complete our projects on time, we race to the movies, we race to the game and then we race to get to bed before it is too late, only to get up in the morning to start racing the clock again.

For many of us our lives are one big race. Why do we do this? Why incur the stress and anxiety of racing the clock? Do we really enjoy this kind of race? Have we become habituated to “racing the clock?” Is it so common for us that we don’t know how to live our lives without the pressure or experience of this race? Do we really enjoy these races? Do these races provide vicarious excitement for an otherwise dull or boring life? Are we forever doomed to be racing the clock? Heaven forbid! Heaven forbid!

There must be a way out of these rat races. What do you think it is? How can you get out of your races? Can you pick and choose the races you enter? Which ones cost you stress and give you no payback? Which ones are fun and are worth the run? Who makes the choice whether you run or not? Think about it today and look at the races you entered against the clock. Which ones are really worth the running? Who won you or the clock?

Calendars are one of the most interesting ways that we mark time. Calendars can tell us the past, the present and the future. I keep three calendars in our house besides those on my desktop computers. There is something about a physical calendar with its pictures and permanence that computer programs seem to lack. Granted, there are many virtues to Outlook and other software calendar programs. However, I still like to put my post-it notes on one calendar, mark my bills on another calendar and on the third calendar, I mark the time and type of exercise that I have done each day. At the end of the month, I sum my bills and my exercise time and put them in an Excel spreadsheet. I use these various tools as a way of tracking and keeping on track with the most important things in my life.

My calendar with post-it notes is almost a duplicate of my desktop calendar but I still like to look at this calendar each day. With the post it notes, it is very easy to simply take an appointment with me or move it to another day. My “post it notes” calendar helps me keep track of what I want to do now and in the future. I put appointments, planned trips, ideas for things to do and future vacations on this calendar. Thus, while two calendars track things I have done, my third calendar tracks things I will do. Each year, I love to go out and buy interesting calendars. I usually buy three or sometimes four calendars as I like turning them each month and seeing the new pictures or sometimes the information that is on calendars. This year I have a Lonely Planets travel calendar, a fantasy calendar by Luis Royo and a calendar with pictures of butterflies. The Lonely Planet calendar has over 200 pictures of different places and countries and provides a way to dream about new places to visit and see.

My calendars are a very active part of my life and I don’t mind spending thirty or forty dollars on them each year. I can also deduct some of them as a business expense. Calendars can be depressing if all they do is mark the passing of time. Calendars can be very helpful when we are counting the days to the beginning of a new event or something we are eagerly looking forward to. Do you have a calendar? How do you use your calendars? Do they help you to manage your life, look forward to exciting times or simply mark the passing of days?

Do you want to become a “Time Millionaire?” A Time Millionaire has learned how to wisely invest time and get more back than most of us would believe possible. Investing time is a lot like investing money. You cannot make money if you do not invest money. You may make a salary each week, but no one ever became a millionaire on just a salary. If you want to make a great deal of money, you must invest money and of course, that means taking a risk. A good business person is willing to take “prudent” risks. The same applies to getting more time in your life. You must invest time to make time. The time that you get each day is your “salaried” time. You will never become a “Time Millionaire” on just your weekly “salary” of time. You must invest time to make millions in time and that means taking a risk. The risk is that your time investment might not work out and you will not receive the extra time you hope to have earned.

Have you ever noticed that successful people seem to be able to accomplish so much? They seem to have more time than the rest of us. Their secret is that they have learned the ins and outs of “time investing.” Most of the rest of us just hoard our time. Hoarding time is like putting your money under the bed. It will not do you any good there. You must spend time to make more time. What you spend your time on is the key. It is the principle that applies to what you spend your money on. If you spend your money on buying frivolous things, you will not make money. If you spend your time on frivolous pursuits, you will not make more time. How can time multiply? The same way that money multiplies. Other people will lend, give or sell you their time and the multiplier effect works the same way with time that it does with money.

Smart business people invest with other people’s money. Smart time managers invest with other people’s time. Following are three keys to wise time investment. The first key is to learn how to ask other people for help. A smart time manager know when to aks others for help. A second key is to learn how to network and create more leverage from those you know and also those you don’t know. This key helps you build a larger network of people who may be smart investments. A third key is to generously give time to other people. This time will come back to you many times over when these same people will someday be happy to provide you with their time or help you later on.

Watching TV each week is not investing time. Helping a friend, going back to school, working on a part-time business, writing a book, learning to play an instrument are all good investments of time. When you invest time in worthwhile goals and in worthwhile people you will soon find your time multiplying. You will begin to accomplish more and more by spending less and less time. You will soon find you are becoming rich with time. You are on your way to becoming a “Time Millionaire.” You will someday have more time and accomplish more than you ever dreamed was possible.

How much of your time is spent frivolously each week? How much time are you spending watching TV or watching sports? How much time are you spending on good investments? How could you increase the amount of time you invest each week?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. How many times have you seen or heard this little phrase? It would almost be trite if it were not so powerful a thought. Did you get up this morning and think: “The rest of my life starts now” or “Today is a new beginning” or “I can start all over and lead a new life.” I would bet you got up, took a shower, got dressed, made a coffee and went out the door, praying for the roads to be good and that there is little traffic. You also made a note to try to get up a little earlier tomorrow. You have been making these notes for twenty years but seldom do they work, so you are now rushing to get to work on time. Thoughts of a new beginning or a new day are far far away. And so, a new day began for you, but NOT a new set of opportunities.

The opportunities are only there for the people that can take the time to seize them. We are often too busy rushing to even see the opportunities for a new life and a new start that surrounds us. We continue to live today exactly as we did yesterday and we wonder “when, oh when, will things chance?” Well, think about it, as someone once said the definition of craziness is “keep doing the same things and expect different results.”

When will you seize the opportunity to change your life, to see things differently, to begin a new day with new commitments, to improve your life and to begin the life you dream of living? If you keep doing the same things you did yesterday and the day before, nothing will change for you. Do you want to live a better live? Do you want to improve your life?

Then right now make a list of things that you would like to see different in your life. Do you want to travel more? Do you want to make more money? Do you want to have more love and romance in your life? Now from your list, prioritize the things that are most important to you. Take one thing today and make today the day that you start working towards that goal. Each week start working on one goal or one priority. Before you know it, you will be living the life that you want to live and not the one you HAVE to live.

Horny Time – Do you find it difficult to talk about sex? Most Americans seem to have a fixation with sex but a very difficult time to talk openly about it. According to Dr. Louann Brizendine, author of “The Female Brain,” men think about sex every 52 seconds, while women tend to think about it just once a day. Apparently, men are thinking about sex a great deal more than women. I believe this “finding” reflects a stereotype about men and women in a traditional orientation to sex. In our world today, symbols and elements of sex are ubiquitous. We are bombarded with an average of 1500 advertisements a day and many of these rely on the old adage “sex sells.” Both men and women are getting “sexier” regardless of how often each supposedly thinks about it.

Recent studies show that the older men get, the “softer” they get. Forty four percent of American men over sixty report having a problem with getting an erection. Men might be thinking about sex but a great deal but with many it does not go much further than that. Why spend so much time thinking about something, when we can’t do anything about it? Of course, with the right drugs, we can all become overnight sex studs.

On one level, we treat sex as a normal part of everyday life, but at a deeper level, we are still like little kids for whom sex is naughty and evil. We never quite get over those childhood messages about sex being bad. As adults, we think about sex, dream about sex and fantasize about sex. We watch movies where everyone has marathon sex bouts in which they go at it all night long and start over again in the morning. When most of us measure our reality against such fantasies, reality comes up short. Thus, we prefer not to talk about reality. We ignore it or pretend we don’t have a problem but the problem does not go away. Our sex lives seldom measure up to the Hollywood standard.

Problems that are not dealt with sometimes get better, but more often they get worse.
How much time do you spend talking about sex openly and candidly with your significant other? Can you talk about what you like and what you don’t like? What turns you on and what turns you off? Do you put time away each week or every so often to talk about sex? How would you rate your sex life? What would it take to improve it?