Four Old People Talking about Aches, Pains, God, Death, Dying and Aliens

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If you are old, you might not want to read this.  If you are young, you probably won’t care about this story.  Years ago, I decided I hated to listen to “old” people or any people for that matter bellyache about their aches and pains.  I swore that when I got old or older or whatever comes when each month passes by, I would never sit down and importune anyone with my medical stories.  As we age, our number of trips to doctors, dentists, and optometrists increase exponentially.  Many of these visits recall vivid pictures of blood, surgeries, diagnoses, CAT scans, MRIs, and Ultrasounds.  To the storyteller, these episodes are a significant part of growing old. To the listener, (unless it is your mother) they are generally boring as hell.

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So today, I find myself sitting on a patio at the Dock Restaurant in Stillwater overlooking the St. Croix River with two dear friends and my wife Karen.  I am drinking a draft amber ale.  Karen has a glass of tea.  Jane has a coffee, and her husband Roger has a draft IPA.  The server is giving us time to decide what we want to order.  I know from the start that I will have their Walleye sandwich.  Karen orders a BLT.  Jane also goes for the Walleye sandwich and Roger orders a Reuben sandwich.

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As we sip our drinks and await our food, we watch the boats on the St. Croix River.  Large and small speedboats, houseboats, canoes, kayaks, and a great big old fashioned side paddle wheeler can be seen meandering back and forth from out vantage point.  The temperature is near 90 degrees, but we are in the shade of a large umbrella.  We are also sitting right next to the river where a cool breeze is blowing over us.  We could not be happier or more comfortable.  Four retirees with enough money to eat out every so often, pay our bills and spend a Friday afternoon perusing the Stillwater tourist and antique shops for things that we do not need.

Suddenly out of the clear blue sky, Roger says “My hip has been giving me some trouble lately.”  Roger is an avid bicyclist who at the age of 81 can no longer drive due to an eye condition called Macular Degeneration.  He stays in trim shape by bicycling everywhere.  You do not need a drivers license to drive a bicycle.

Jane laughs and says, “heck, every day, I have a pain somewhere.  If it isn’t here it is there.  I think they will only get more frequent as we get older.”  Karen notes that she has been having back spasms for the past few months, but her recent senior exercise class is helping her cope with them.  I bring up my knee pain which seems to come and go.  “Sometimes it takes several months to deal with the pain, but I keep trying new remedies.  I think it is very much a trial-and-error process.”

Roger rejoins, “It won’t really matter what you do, you will never get back to where you were when you were younger.”   I reply that I have no illusions about getting back to the younger John.  “I still think we do not have to accept all the problems that come with aging as inevitable. I think too many doctors see an older person presenting symptoms of pain and tell them ‘Well, you are old so you should expect that you will have some pain as you age.’  I don’t expect that I will have a life without pain, young or old but I know that some pains can be treated and others I must live with.   But don’t write me off before you know which is which.”

Karen switches the subject to some recent bites that she has received out at our campsite.  She attracts bug bites like Kim Kardashian attracts media attention.  Mosquitos, hornets, wasps, deer flies, chiggers and more all love her smooth delicate skin.  I try to stick close to her when we are outside.  From experience, I know that they will go to her first.  I guess I give up my husbandly protection when it come to bug bites.

I step out of myself for a minute to survey the four of us sitting at a table taking turns talking about our various aches and pains over the past ten years.  Here I am doing exactly what I said that I would never do.  Trading stories about medical issues mostly associated with growing old.  Roger is 80.  Karen will be 79 in July.  Jane is 75 and I will be 77 in September.  We are all college educated but in many ways none of us was ever really prepared for the travails of old age.  I remember hearing years ago that we age like “Fine wine.”  This is a load of BS.  More realistically we age like bananas.  We grow squishier and squishier and eventually get black spots then turn totally black and attract flies.  Finally, someone throws us out as we are no longer edible or useful.

images (1)I come back into myself and say, “Let’s take a walk.”  It is a beautiful day and a beautiful town, and everyone likes the idea.  We pay our respective bills, head to the bathrooms, and meet outside.  I suggest we walk the path alongside the river to PD Pappy’s than turn left onto Main Street where we can walk by the various tourist shops.  We head to an old antique store that we last visited almost a year ago to the day.  We spend a good hour or so in the store.  We see oodles of things that bring back memories from our childhoods, our old dreams and our wish-we-had-done that pasts.  We leave having bought nothing except a wistful yearning for the “Good Old Days.”  Pre-Trump.  Pre-Covid.  Pre-Climate Change.  Pre-Divisive Partisanship.  A time when we could still believe in the American Dream.

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The subject of death and dying is next on our agenda.  As we walk, we discuss some of the various friends who have recently passed away.  A regular part of our lives is now friends and relatives who have gone to another place or simply become fertilizer.  Roger is a proclaimed Agnostic.  Jane is Jewish.  Karen a Lutheran.  I declare myself to be 75 percent Atheist and 25 percent Agnostic.  I suppose I am hedging my bets just in case a god really does exist.

In the past three months, Karen and I have been to three funerals of friends.  I just finished planning a “Celebration of Life” for my friend Dick who took his life in January.  We will hold the celebration next month in the park where we used to meet for coffee several times each week.  Funerals as any old person will tell you become ubiquitous in our lives.  I should mention that even though we never met them we are also deeply saddened by the death of so many ICONS from our lives who we have fond memories of.  This past month saw Tina Turner, Treat Williams, Daniel Ellsberg, and Cormac McCarthy pass away.  These four are only a few of the recent celebrities who impacted my life in more ways than I can describe in this blog.  Each of these four people (as have many others) raised hopes and expectations that the world could be a better place than it now is.

My good friend Bruce was working this week on a set of Advance Directives for his wife Perm who has had major health problems over the past ten years or so.  No one over seventy takes death for granted even though we all know it is coming.  How, when, and where are unknown for many of us but WHY is easily explained.  Perhaps we each have our own whys, but medical science seems to point to the inevitability of death.  Immortality is reserved for the gods.

images (2)As we walk down main street, Roger tells me that he has seen a show recently that looks at the symbolism in the Catholic Church with a deep sense of skepticism.  He asks me if I think the Catholic belief in Jesus would be much different if Jesus had been garroted or beheaded rather than crucified.  I confess that I have never thought about this question, but I do find it intriguing.

I reply that my thoughts on religion deal more with the issue of theodicy, meaning “Vindication of God.”  “Theodicy is defined as a theological construct that attempts to vindicate God in response to the problem of evil that appears inconsistent with the existence of an omnipotent and omnibenevolent God (See Theodicy, Wikipedia).”  I do not see how there can be any god associated with omnipotence, omnibenevolence, and omniscience when there is so much evil in the world.

Many theologians have tried to defend the idea of God by invoking a “Free Will defense” which argues that God is possible because of “man’s free will.”  I am still not buying this argument.  “Why”, I ask “would any benevolent God make smoking and drinking and gambling bad for us if he was also omnipotent?”  I have ignored war, famine, poverty, disease, and pestilence since these have not really impacted my life directly.  Nevertheless, these latter problems do not reflect well on the idea of an omnipotent God who loves humanity.

downloadIt is now almost three hours since we met for dinner.  We are talked and walked out.  I am ready for my afternoon nap.  Karen wants to get back to her sewing.  Jane is tired of listening to us and wants some peace and quiet.  Roger is still thinking about God and whether there is other life in the universe.  We both seem to have come to the same counter-intuitive conclusion that there is not.  We are all alone in the universe except for a few Martians left over from the great Martian cataclysm.

Today we have touched Mars. There is life on Mars, and it us us-extensions of our eyes in all directions, extensions of our mind, extensions of our heart and soul have touched Mars today. That’s the message to look for there: We are on Mars. We are the Martians!  — Ray Bradbury

The Alien from Outer Space – Captured in Utah

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As they walked into the large conference room, they saw the alien standing in the middle of the room.  It was about seven feet tall and about 3 feet in diameter.  The alien had what looked like four branches coming off a main trunk and four branches upon which the main trunk was balancing.  The bottom branches were probably legs and the top branches were waving in the air and might have been arms.  No head was apparent on the alien and it was impossible to tell if it had any particular gender.

QVNIMTE2NDI3MjA2The color of its trunk was somewhere between blue and green as its hues ebbed and flowed.  One minute it looked blue and the next minute it looked green.  The most striking feature of all was in the middle of its trunk about five feet above the floor.  It had a large round eye about 9 inches in diameter.  There was no mistaking it as an eye since it included a large red pupil, a green cornea, and a yellow sclera.  The pupil was about two inches wide and the cornea was about four inches wide.  The eye seemed to follow every movement in the room and when you looked at it, the alien seemed to be able to look right through you as though it was reading your mind.

I was surrounded by news reporters, army officers, soldiers with guns at rest and what were obviously many government officials.  This was what the human race had been waiting for.  An alien had been captured and was going to speak to the world.  I had been brought to this well guarded room in Washington D.C. after I had agreed to speak about my purpose in visiting a planet they called Earth.  The major tv networks had all been alerted and were on deck to broadcast whatever the I had to say to the entire world.  News reports said over two billion people had found some way to listen to my talk.

I calmly surveyed the inhabitants of this room who were only a small part of the inhabitants of this planet.  I had been surveying them for 100,000 years but they were not aware of this fact.  They soon would be.  I looked out over the gathering with some amusement.  Shichak is the name that I chose to use with these humans.  They would never have been able to pronounce my real name.  But my name is unimportant.  What is important is what I have to say to the inhabitants of Earth.  At my other visits to Earth, I always observed for some weeks than returned to my home planet.  This time I did not fly away.  My captors did not realize it, but I came to this room entirely voluntarily.  I could have destroyed all of them and a great deal of their planet with a single twist of my antenna.  I chose to stay until I had delivered my message.

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My spacecraft which could travel at warp drive speeds between the galaxies had encountered some minor difficulties.  I had intended to land briefly and repair the ship.  After landing in a remote area of Utah, my ship had been seen by a local paramilitary group which surrounded the space craft.  They threatened to open fire with some high-powered projectiles unless I came out of the craft.  Years earlier I would have ignored them, but I sensed that the weapons they had could do some serious damage to my ship.  I had been seen many times before, but I had quickly opened an invisibility cloak and returned to space.  This time would be different.  After making my decision, I left the vessel to deliver a message to this species that I was certain would surprise and astound them.

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In less than 24 hours, my captors had taken me from the Utah forest to a police station in Monroe, Utah, to a government office in Provo, Utah and to an Army base in Bluffdale, Utah.  It was not only my appearance which surprised all who met me but even more surprising to them was the fact that I spoke perfect English.  I have the ability to speak the language fluently of any species on the planet Earth or any other planet in the universe.

At each site that I was taken to, I indicated that I would only talk to the President of the United States of America.  Finally, I was put under heavy guard and taken in a military cargo plane to Washington D.C.  During my trip, I had been passed up the line from privates to colonels to generals to Army secretaries and finally to this room where the President of the United States of America and the rest of the world waited to hear what I had to say.

It was time to speak.  The President had arrived with his staff and were seated.  I made some bugle like sounds to get everyone’s attention.  They were quite surprised but quieted right down.

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I spoke, “I did not come to your planet on a mission of peace.  Neither did I come on a mission of aggression.  I come as an observer.  I have been observing you for nearly 100,000 years.  I have made many trips to your planet.  Several times in the past, my ship has been spotted by your people.  One other time, I was forced to land and effect some repairs.  My ships have varied in size and shape from ovoid to saucer shaped.”

“I come from a planet my people call Zanist.  It is 7,000 light years away in another galaxy.  Our planet is over twenty billion years old.  Our people refer to themselves as Zanes.  As you calculate your lifespan, the average life of a Zane is about 200,000 earth years.”

“The sun that heats our solar system is dying.  It has been dying for many years.  We developed interstellar travel capabilities nearly a million years ago.  When we realized that our planet was doomed, our leaders decided that we should seek out another planet to inhabit.  Many scouts were sent out to find a new home for our people.  I found your planet over 100,000 years ago.  It was perfect for us except for the fact that a new species was quickly evolving, and you were that species.  We were not sure whether you would survive.  Many other species on your planet have rose up only to disappear in a few centuries.”

“We have what you would call a prime directive.  We do not interfere with the development of a sentient species.  Many on our planet were not sure that humans were sentient.  It was evident from early observations that you were brutal and cruel to other species as well as each other.  Nevertheless, our ethics prevented us from interfering with your development.”

“I was selected to monitor your planet in the event that you did not survive or that you annihilated yourselves.  This latter possibility seemed the most likely given your aggressive tendencies.  I returned after the ice age to find that you had managed to survive.  I watched many battles over the years where I thought you might destroy each other: the Three Kingdom Wars, the Mongolian Wars, the European Wars and two World Wars.”

“Finally, with your development of nuclear weapons, we were sure that you would self-annihilate.  We were quite surprised when you did not.  With my observations on this latest visit, I think it might be close to the end for your species.  Your current disasters due to your destruction of your environment, global warming, and climate change will be your death knell.  Your planet will survive but your species will probably not.  I take no joy in this observation.  My role is simply to observe and to report when your planet will be ready for us to occupy.”

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“We will be able to fix your planet and return it to its former healthy state.  We could tell you how to do this, but it would be a waste of time.  It is apparent that you understand what you need to do but you lack the desire or will power to do it.”

“That is all I have to say.  I am returning to my planet.”

As I spoke these words, I observed one of the military people talking to several of his subordinates.  I could read his mind and see that he was intent on preventing me from leaving.  It was his intention to place me in some sort of a cell.

Milley-talk“You have taken my space craft to one of your many military bases.  Some of you wish to stop me from leaving.  That is impossible.  I have no desire to harm any of you.   I have already repaired my vessel and it is back in orbit.  I will go to my ship.  Perhaps you will see me again in the future if you survive.  I doubt it.  Goodbye.”

“Beam me up Scotty.”  A little phrase I learned from my visits to the planet Earth.

The alien’s colors gave off a burst of blinding light forcing all the participants to close their eyes.  When the gathering opened their eyes, the alien was gone.  A grave like silence blanketed the room.  Reporters, government officials, military people and the President of the United States of America were all speechless.  The first words that everyone at the gathering heard were, “Does anyone know what’s for lunch?”

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Thinking about Immigration, Part 3: Living in the Path of Illegal Immigration.

Six months of the year I am what they call a “Snow Bird.”   Karen prefers us to be called “Winter Residents.”   We live in Arizona City.   It is south of I-8 and just west of I-10.  It has been a major corridor for coyotes, drug runners and illegal or undocumented immigrants. There is hardly a week that goes by that we do not have coffee shop stories of found pot bales, abandoned vehicles, spotters hiding in caves and illegal’s coming to homes asking for water or food.  These stories are supplemented by our almost daily observations of border patrol vehicle searches and regular high speed police runs. One of our visitors commented that she had never seen so many police vehicles in her whole life as in our area.

Caution Ilegal immigrantsLast fall, one elderly resident who lived out in the desert was found murdered in her home. Nothing was missing but no suspects have been found. There are many folks in my area who will not venture out in the desert without being armed and there are many areas where you are warned to stay clear of.  I routinely jog in the Casa Grande Mountains and while relatively safe, there have been drug busts and roundups of drugs and illegal immigrants within the past few months.  A short time ago, I found a rifle with a telescopic sight and a sawed off butt behind a cactus.  I turned it into the police station where they were not too concerned about it. To date, my biggest danger while jogging has been a cactus that is known as a “jumping Cholla.” These things seem to magically find a way to get attached to you and their barbs are quite painful.  I have had at least six attacks by them during the past few months.

GatedThe picture I am trying to paint for you, coupled with the fact of the ongoing drug war in Mexico, which is only about 120 miles from our front door (47,000 deaths and counting), is designed to give you some idea of the context in which many Arizonians find themselves.  Gated communities, suspicion of neighbors, fear of criminal break-ins and an overall worry about the poor economy, housing foreclosures, and jobs (Arizona has led the nation in many of these problems) gives rise to a citizenry which is far from tolerant of anyone coming over illegally into this country. There is a great deal of fear in the nation as a whole ever since 9/11 and nowhere I think is it more evident than in Arizona.  Fear and tolerance do not go hand in hand.  However as Ben Franklin noted “Those who would give up their freedom for safety will soon find they have neither.” It is difficult to counsel this advice though when neighborhoods cannot be made safe and people are afraid that they will become victims.  So what does this have to do with stopping illegal immigration?  Let me turn the clock back to help answer this question.

Migrant farm workersIn 1963, I was sent to an Air Force station located in Osceola, Wisconsin.  Coming from the East coast, I could not have told you where Wisconsin was if my life depended upon it.  Furthermore, to be dropped into the middle of “Dairy Farm USA” was a major culture shock.  Nevertheless, I adapted by marrying a woman from Thorp, Wisconsin and having my daughter Christina born in Osceola.  Life was good for me in the service but money was short.  I found local employment doing migrant farm work and obtaining a part-time job (to supplement my military income) at a local nursery called Abrahamsons.  It was at this place, that I had my first meetings with Mexican farm workers.  Each season, Abrahamsons’s would bring in workers from Mexico to work at the nursery. The work involved digging, balling, burlapping, loading and then digging to replant trees for wealthy buyers in Edina and the Twin Cities.  It was hard work.

Chart-farmWe dug trees and loaded them from 6 AM to often after 9 PM at night.  I was paid one dollar per hour.  I do not know what my Mexican counterparts were paid because they could not speak English.  I could not speak Spanish and my bosses warned me to never discuss salary with the other workers. Thus, I spent my days working in the fields, sharing food but no conversation with the other workers.  Believe me when I say there were few local non-Hispanic people applying for these jobs.  I have since been to other areas of the USA including Mackinac Michigan and Door County Wisconsin, where they rely on immigrant workers to provide services to locals and tourists. To say that illegal or legal immigrant workers are taking jobs and bread from the mouths of Americans is a shallow and false bit of rhetoric.  I have heard it said that if these undesirable jobs were not taken by immigrants then the wages would go up and USA workers would then apply for them.  This bit of fantasy ignores two possibilities: 1. The work could go overseas to even lower wage workers or 2,  The Law of Substitution says that other higher value added services could replace services that become too costly.  In any event, I have yet to see the “older” immigrants from America who are now second generation citizens clamoring for these hard dirty and low paying jobs.

bracero statesSo year after year, from the middle 40’s to the late 60’s, immigrants came over from Mexico and South America on a seasonal basis.  Each year millions of these Bracero program workers would come and work in the USA.  Most would go back home after the work was over.  Some would apply for citizenship and stay in the US. The Bracero program favored Hispanic workers (there did not seem to be many Canadians or Europeans looking for farm work) and it seemed to create a rather orderly and neat influx and outflow of labor seasonally needed by US employers.  Then the program was changed.  Barred from working seasonally and denied access to work permits, many Mexicans and other Latinos took the easy road.

Illegal yes, enforced no.

US-Mexico_border_fenceThat is until 9/11, when all hell broke loose.  Never in the past 100 years had USA citizens felt as vulnerable as after 9/11.  Fearing for an influx of terrorists and watching unparalleled amounts of drugs crossing the border, we reacted to our fears by passing the Patriot Act, by beefing up Homeland Security, by building Border Walls, by making it a felony to repeatedly try to cross our borders, by greatly expanding the Border Patrol and by building large detention centers in the Southwest.  My county Pinal is often referred to as “Penal County” and has numerous detention centers to house drug runners and detainees awaiting deportation. The number of anti-immigration bills started to proliferate state by state as the Federal government seemed impotent to deal with the crisis.  Citizens armed themselves and formed watchdog groups to police our borders with Mexico.  No one really seemed worried about those Canadians.  I suppose ever since prohibition was rescinded, the Canadians have stopped smuggling whiskey across the border and are less of a threat to the US.

prohibitionSo let’s ask a simple question here?  Why do all of these illegals come to the USA? The answer is easy. Two reasons: Jobs and drugs.  I wonder if the solution to the problem seems as evident to you as it does to me.  First, legalize drugs.  Let the government tax them and let anyone sell them just like cigarettes, coffee and alcohol are sold. We have spent billions on a fruitless drug war and we have accomplished nothing.  Furthermore, in light of all the drugs that Americans take, it is a hypocritical war to begin with. It is a war waged by idiots and morons who keep our prisons, courtrooms, and lawyers sucking our taxes and wages for no apparent gain. It is perhaps the most ludicrous endeavor that has ever been created.  It makes Alice in Wonderland look like a reality show.  We have become so blinded by the anti-drug rhetoric that we no longer have the ability to see reality. What did we learn from Prohibition?  “THOSE WHO FORGET THE PAST ARE CONDEMNED TO REPEAT IT!” Banning alcohol did not stop the use of liquor nor did it curtail organized crime.  On the contrary, it gave organized crime the income and mandate to expand its power and territory and become even more powerful and dangerous. The same is true for the South American drugs, primarily pot and coke that we are trying to banish. The drug cartels have become so rich and powerful, they are immune to any efforts to abolish them.

bracero-program-poster-series_NTOkThe second reason illegals come over is to find work and to have a better standard of living.  To help others accomplish this, we need to create a new policy for temporary and migratory workers that represents the nature of work needed by immigrants and by employers in the USA. This policy needs to be fair and equitable but also realistic. The relationship we have with Mexico cannot be dictated by the relationships we have with Canada, Europe or any other countries. We need an equitable policy, but there is a difference between equity and equality.  A fair and just policy must create a win-win both for our nation and for the immigrants we give visas or sanctuary to.  There cannot be one size fits all for this policy.  Part of this policy must be humanitarian.  It is in our constitution and in our national charter to help others escape from tyranny, poverty and other calamities.  Part of our immigration policy must also be self-serving.  We need to help our country become stronger and to better meet the needs of competing in a global economy.  Realistically, we may have a cost attached to immigration.

Despite many arguments on the negative and positive costs of immigration, the best evidence to support a more liberal immigration policy is to look at our success as a nation over the last 250 years.  Can anyone doubt that it was immigration that built and fueled the development of this great nation?  We may need to balance short-term costs with long-term gains in a realistic immigration policy but a good policy needs to be slanted towards tolerance for immigration and not intolerance.

I have one final idea. Let’s take the development of an immigration policy away from the politicians and appoint a group of immigration experts from a wide range of viewpoints. Take twelve experts on this subject and put them in a room together.  Give them four weeks to hammer out a new immigration policy. When they are satisfied that such a policy is realistic and equitable, let them distribute this policy to the newspapers and Internet websites for a review by American citizens.  After four weeks of review, let there be a national referendum on the policy.  A plurality of sixty percent should be needed to pass. If sixty percent cannot be reached, the policy will be returned to the experts for further changes and amendments. Once a plurality of American voters has accepted this policy, it would be sent to the Senate and House for review and to become law.  Woe to them if they could not finalize this policy.

Time for Questions:

There are many things you can find wrong with my suggestions. I can hear all the reasons why these ideas would not work. The question I have for you is this: “Can you find any better ideas.” The definition of craziness is to keep doing the same thing and expect different results.  Maybe it is time we tried some new ideas; as Einstein said: “Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them.” We need to discard our prejudices and biases and see things in a new light. What do you think needs to be done?  When was the last time you wrote your representative to express your ideas?  When was the last time you went to a party caucus or actively worked to help elect a representative?  What could you do to help create a new and fair immigration policy for this country?

Life is just beginning.

“The interaction of disparate cultures, the vehemence of the ideals that led the immigrants here, the opportunity offered by a new life, all gave America a flavor and a character that make it as unmistakable and as remarkable to people today as it was to Alexis de Tocqueville in the early part of the nineteenth century.”  ― John F. KennedyA Nation of Immigrants