The 58th Running of the Greatest Race in America

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Ladies and Gentlemen, we are glad to see you here today for the 58th running of the Democratic Presidential Primaries presented by corporate donors and major international lobbyists.  We have a formidable field gathered this year for what portends to be one of the greatest showdowns of all time.  The winner of this race will go on to face the unbeaten stallion “Liar in Chief” in a match race of two miles on November 3, 2020.

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We are showing the largest assembly of competitors in the history of this race.  We have almost two dozen contenders for this high-stakes contest.  The stakes are high since only one horse will go on to face “The Liar in Chief.”  The odds-on favorites for this elimination race are currently Crazy Bernie, Pocahontas and Sleepy Joe but dark horses abound in this field of twenty-five hot-blooded contestants.  There are several bad actors who just might throw the leaders off their pace.  Each of these runners has a history of agility, speed and spirit.  There are only one or two maidens in the field.  At this time, no contestant can conclusively be ruled out, but you can look at the following chart to see the odds given by the bookmakers.  Racing forms are also available for those of you who want more history on each horse.

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Today’s race is a 1 ¾ mile flat oval.  The track today is dry and fast with an even surface.  This track tends to favor horses with more stamina and endurance.  It is a beautiful day here with an expected high of 80 degrees and sunny skies.

Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise as the famous Darth Vader Group sings our national anthem.

The “Call to Post” and “Riders Up” have been sounded and the horses are now beginning to head to the starting gates.  In addition, to the large field you will notice as they parade by the stands that we have more diversity of saddle cloth colors here than we have ever seen before.  We have browns, blacks, pinks, blue, green, khaki, rainbow, yellow and lots of whites but still reds.  Speculation exists that Pocahontas is part red but others dispute this claim.

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Crazy Bernie is loading in post position 12.  Pocahontas is in post position 4 and Sleepy Joe has loaded with the inside track in post position 1.  Sleepy Joe is considered a Frontrunner so post position 1 will play to his strengths.  Crazy Bernie is considered a Closer who likes to let the other horses get out in front and then sneak up when the time is right, so position 12 will play to his strengths.  Pocahontas and the other mares in the race are mostly filling the inside positions as many still see their strengths as pushing the stronger stallions.

“Race Fans:  The 58th Democratic Primary.  They are in the gate and they are off.”

A great start.  Very Nasty, Pocahontas and Snowwoman all flashing early speed coming out of the inside.  Pocahontas in the lead and clearly setting the pace as they make this long and dramatic run to the Clubhouse Turn.

At the first turn, its Pocahontas, Very Nasty and Snowwoman followed by Allred E. Neumann, A Flake and A Horrible Mayor.  Twelve lengths off the lead and coming on the inside is Sleepy Joe and off the pace is Crazy Bernie trailing the pack.

Racing for the far turn is Pocahontas, Snowwoman and Very Nasty.  Very Nasty now dropping back.  Very Nasty now trails by six lengths.  As they round the turn, sixteen candidates are effectively out of this race.  It’s clear that they underestimated the strength and stamina that this race would take.

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Coming up strong on the backstretch is Sleepy Joe.  Sleepy Joe has passed Very Nasty.  Sleepy Joe is trailing Pocahontas by three lengths.  Snowwoman has gone to the outside but is losing her speed.  With 1/8 mile to go, it is Pocahontas, Sleepy Joe and Very Nasty.

Now with a strong move coming up on the inside is Crazy Bernie.  Crazy Bernie is making a bold run up the rail.  Crazy Bernie has passed Very Nasty and is now following Pocahontas and Sleepy Joe.  Very Nasty is falling back.  Snowwoman and Very Nasty trail by fourteen lengths.

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As we near the finish line, Sleepy Joe is losing the pace.  Looks like it’s going to be a race between Crazy Bernie and Pocahontas.  Crazy Bernie and Pocahontas are running neck and neck.  With only fifty yards to go, it is Pocahontas and Crazy Bernie.  Ladies and Gentlemen, it is going to be a photo finish.  But wait!  Pocahontas appears to be pulling up.  She is pulling up!  She has let Crazy Bernie take the lead.

It’s Crazy Bernie in first, Pocahontas in second followed by Sleepy Joe at the finish line in this 58th Presidential Primary.

Wow, what a race.  There are going to be a lot of questions at the Pocahontas Stables after this race.  Why did she pull up?  Did Pocahontas come out too soon?  Can a mare really handle the heat?

Stay Tuned for the match race between two old stallions for the President of America Sweepstakes.  Winner takes all in thirteen more months.

Writers Note:  

My skepticism and humor may be lost to some people.  The “nicknames” for the horses are names that our esteemed leader has bestowed on some of the Democratic candidates.  Since race horses generally have interesting names, I chose to use his “nicknames” rather than the actual names of the candidates.  If you are offended by my brand of humor, well just delete me from your blog list and accept my humble apologies.  Brands of humor can be like fish.  Not every fish is everyone’s delight. 

The main point of this blog is (in my mind anyway), the way this whole primary thing seems like a race rather than a process to select the best candidate.  It is orchestrated for TV to sell ads more than to inform the American public.  If you think these debates are informative, than I am happy for you.  I think the entire process is a waste of money and an ineffective way to select someone to run for the Presidency of the United States of America. 

 

Autobiographies from the Dead – Ed the Soldier

For the next several weeks, my blogs are going to consist of “autobiographies” written by some very special people.  They have one thing in common.  They are all dead.  Some have a burial place and some were simply discarded like pieces of trash.  Their stories will be told by the deceased themselves.  They cry out from the fields, rivers and graveyards to speak.  I have heard their cries.  They want me to tell their stories to you.  They want you to know what their living and dying was for.  This week, Ed will tell you the story of his life and death.

Ed the Soldier

My soldier squadI was brave and loyal.  I gave my all for the corp.  I was taught to respect and obey authority.  Right or wrong, it was my job to follow orders.  I never questioned my assignments.  I never questioned my Sargent or my Captain.  As was said in the famous poem, “mine was to do or die and not to question why.”   I am looking now at my body and those of my nine squad members.  We had one medic, three guys with M-16’s, one guy with an MGL-140, one guy with a Barrett .338 Lapua Magnum, one guy with an MPIM/SRAW rocket, one radio guy or in this case a radio gal, Sarge our Squad Leader and of course me also carrying a good old US issue M-16 along with a bunch of grenades.

Iran_Iraq_War_Dead_SoldiersIt looks like my arms and chest have been shot full of holes.  However, I think it was the two bullets that caught me in my brain which finished me off.  My head looks like it was stuck in a meat grinder.  Most of my squad does not look much better.  There are a few guys minus heads, some missing legs and others missing body parts.  A good jig saw puzzler could not put us all back together again.  I can’t believe the number of bullets that hit us.  One minute we were joking around and the next minute it sounded like a Fourth of July celebration.  The difference being that we were the targets and the bullets and rockets were lighting us up instead of the sky.  What happened to our vaunted Intel?

recruitingI enlisted right out of high school.  I did not want to go to college and I could not think of anything else to do.  I went down to my Army recruiting office and was scheduled immediately with an appointment.  I did not have to wait long.  About thirty minutes later, a well-dressed very sharp looking soldier came out of an office to greet me.  “Son” he said, “You have come to the right place. We will fix you up so that you can serve your country and really make a difference in the world.  Do you want your parents and friends to look up to you?  Do you want to be get laid more than you could ever dream possible?  Do you want to be a real hero and not some phony cardboard actor hero, then just sign right here.”

“My boy, you have just saved the free world.  Welcome to the US Army.” 

After basic training, they said I had been selected for a tour in Iraq.  They said it would be easy soldiers with chidren 2duty.  It would just be some mopping up operations and nothing really tough.  The really tough stuff had been done months before.  And besides that, the “ragheads” could not shoot straight so we had nothing to worry about.  Each day we went out on patrol to a different village or a different part of the same village.  They all looked alike.  Some of the Soldiers with childrenlocals seemed friendly, but most just ignored us.  Kids would come over and ask us for candy or cigarettes when they would see us walking.  We were taught to trust no one but after a while you got to know certain kids and you would give them candy or sometimes some money.

The women really kept to themselves.  You hardly ever saw any on the street and if you did they were always covered from head to toe.  We were not allowed to have any alcohol as it is illegal in Muslim countries.  There wasn’t much to do all day long soldiers on reconexcept when we were on patrol.  Most of the fun we had was out in the villages.  We loved to play pranks on each other.  On one patrol, one of the guys had hid behind a wall and as we started to walk by, he threw a dummy grenade at us.  We scattered like rabbits and waited for it to go off.  After a few seconds, we could hear laughter coming from behind the wall.  We soon realized that it was one of our guys.  He was laughing so hard, it gave him cramps.  It took us weeks but we figured out how to get even with him.  I guess we were always really wound up when out on patrol, so it was not hard to find something to break up the tension.  Often it would involve shooting at anything that seemed sinister or menacing.

The Soldiers of Company F

The Soldiers of Company F “Blues Platoon,” 3rd Assault Helicopter Battalion, 227th Aviation Regiment, 1st Air Cavalry Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, move forward, almost shoulder to shoulder, with live ammo while practicing team movement drills at an Advanced Close Quarters Marksmanship course at Camp Beuhring, Kuwait, May 13. The ACQM course is meant to sharpen the Soldiers skills before moving north to support Operation Iraqi Freedom.

The day we got it was like any other day, nothing unusual about it.  It was bright, sunny and warm.  We had an assignment to check out a village that had been quiet for some time.  We were on foot patrol.  Ten of us joking and clowning around.  Some kids had just run by and yelled “Go home Americans” at us.  We threw some candy at them and laughed as they scrambled to pick it up.  As we turned the corner of a street, we saw some quick movement in a doorway and some guys running across the roof tops.  We raised our rifles to fire but it was too late.  The grenades and RPG’s burst all around us and then the AK 47 fire started.  We never had a chance.  There must have been about fifty of them.  We never thought that there were that many bad guys left.  One by one we went down.  I never even got off a round.

I can see them now.  They are picking over our bodies.  They are taking cash, weapons, armor and anything else of value.  The little kids are there too.  They are kicking us in the heads or what is left of our heads.  I even saw one kid who I thought was my friend (I gave him many snicker bars) come running up and kick me in my head.   He then took out his wiener and pissed on me.   It seems like a holiday for them.  They are all so happy.  Like one big celebration.  They are laughing and patting each other on the back.  I can hear one guy in English saying:  “I guess these fucking Americans will go home now.”  Another one replied:  “Yeah, home or Jahannam.”

I know I was supposed to be a hero.  I thought I was making the world safe for democracy.  Where did it all go wrong?  Looking down at our bodies now, it does not seem like we really accomplished much.  It looks like they would have been happier if we had never come.  I guess I might be a hero when my body comes back to Ohio.  I never got laid either.

soldiers in casketsI can’t hang around here much longer.   I can’t bear the sadness.  It is time to leave.  I was brought up as a good Christian.   I am sure that there must be a reason for all this.  My pastor said “God’s ways are unknowable.”   I am going to go find God.  I am sure he can tell me what this was all for.

Time for Questions:

Do we fight for the right reasons?  Do we simply fight the wars that our leaders tell us we should?  Do we question whether we should fight or negotiate?  Are we fighting wars for gold or for justice?  Can we be proud that we are the “land of the free and the home of the brave?”  Are we fighting for the rights of humanity or for our own National pride?  Do you question authority or do you simply go along?

Life is just beginning.

The following excerpt is from “War is a Racket” by Major General Smedley Butler.  General Butler was one of the most highly decorated soldiers in WWI.  He won two Medal of Honor and at the time of his death was the most decorated Marine in United States history. 

WAR is a racket. It always has been.

It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable, surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives.

A racket is best described, I believe, as something that is not what it seems to the majority of the people. Only a small “inside” group knows what it is about. It is conducted for the benefit of the very few, at the expense of the very many. Out of war a few people make huge fortunes.

In the World War [I] a mere handful garnered the profits of the conflict. At least 21,000 new millionaires and billionaires were made in the United States during the World War. That many admitted their huge blood gains in their income tax returns. How many other war millionaires falsified their tax returns no one knows.

How many of these war millionaires shouldered a rifle? How many of them dug a trench? How many of them knew what it meant to go hungry in a rat-infested dug-out? How many of them spent sleepless, frightened nights, ducking shells and shrapnel and machine gun bullets? How many of them parried a bayonet thrust of an enemy? How many of them were wounded or killed in battle?

Out of war nations acquire additional territory, if they are victorious. They just take it. This newly acquired territory promptly is exploited by the few — the selfsame few who wrung dollars out of blood in the war. The general public shoulders the bill.

And what is this bill?

This bill renders a horrible accounting. Newly placed gravestones. Mangled bodies. Shattered minds. Broken hearts and homes. Economic instability. Depression and all its attendant miseries. Back-breaking taxation for generations and generations.

 

 

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