Well, now that I have got your attention, I will tell you a secret. I lied. This will probably not be the sexiest story ever told. It will however, be a slightly sexy story. The title seemed like a good way to get you to listen to my strange but true tale. Not many people will believe me but I swear it really happened. It took place, 20 years ago in the year 2255. Connubial sex had been banned nearly 150 years earlier in 2107.
I need to back up a bit as you must understand some mitigating factors. Most people of my generation today have no idea about why mutual sex was abolished. With hind sight, it may seem a little like throwing the baby out with the bath water. However, around the year 2090, war, terrorism and violence had become so common that everyone agreed something must be done about it. A group of the leading thinkers in the world formed a committee to see whether aggression could be stopped. They accepted the fact that most savage and brutal actions were committed by males of the species. Throughout history, men have fought wars over territory, money, power, fame and women. Men were responsible for most murders, robberies, rapes and crimes against women. The committee noted that the underlying drive behind male aggression was a preponderance of the hormone testosterone. A theory was proposed that if something could be done to reduce the amount of male testosterone, a corresponding drop in world violence would take place.
Working on the afore mentioned theory, several scientists soon located the gene for male testosterone. A simple means of genetically altering the chromosomes producing testosterone was subsequently found. Next, it was decided by a secret government committee that any female pregnant with a baby boy would be given an injection which would effectively neuter the gene that produced male testosterone. At first, it was tried only in California. The results were so positive that the practice soon spread to every state in the USA and eventually every country in the world adopted the method.
By the year 2100, war, rape, domestic abuse, assaults and road rage had become things of the past. The “new” male was peaceable, pliant, cooperative and extremely non-aggressive. The only problem was that the anatomy of a man that was not supposed to be pliant was now perpetually pliant. It was found that without the aid of testosterone, the male genitalia would remain more flexible than inflexible. Some looked for a cure for this problem, but having destroyed the genes that produce testosterone, there was now none available for any medicinal purposes. Even more detrimental to the reproduction of the species was the fact that most men no longer exhibited any sex drive or interest in procreation.
The solution was political rather than biological. The “Birth Act of 2107” decreed that any physical conjoining of men and women was illegal and immoral. The Supreme High Committee decided that since ancient methods of reproduction were now unreliable, the only way that women could have a baby was by artificial insemination. First, a prospective mother would need to file a permit for a license. Once having a license approved (the present birth rate was a critical factor in licensing decisions) a woman could then go to a birth clinic where she would be impregnated using a glass syringe. Male sperm was collected by harvesting willing males who were paid a fee for their production. Collected specimens were then sent to a national sperm bank to be cataloged and eventually matched with appropriate recipients.
Now as you know, life will always produce mutations. Genetic anomalies that defy the common strain of biology. And so, several years ago, a male baby was born with the genes to develop testosterone. His parents were not aware of this fact until he reached his pre-teens at which point his unique physical abilities were more than obvious. Unsure what the repercussions would be, his mother advised him not to tell anyone. His parents assumed that he could quite easily hide his sometimes-awkward condition from his peers and society at large. This strategy worked for many years. During this time, Adam tried to exercise his abilities as discreetly as possible.
Fortunately, or unfortunately for Adam, his unique proficiency soon developed quite a coterie of female followers. Upon hearing rumors of Adam’s prowess, many young women wanted to sample his talents for themselves. There was ample testimony that Adam’s skills in impregnating a woman was a much more pleasant way of going about the birth process then a glass syringe.
Before long, his neighbors noted the large number of nubile women coming and going from Adam’s home. Eventually, one of them (no one knows who) contacted the National Security Agency to report the strange situation of so many women showing up at Adam’s house. The agency sent an investigator who questioned several of the women before they entered Adam’s house. Each one simply said that Adam was a friend and that they were only visiting him.
The situation was reported to the Chief of the National Security Agency. He suspected that there might be more than just visiting going on. The Chief decided that he needed someone to infiltrate and get the goods on Adam first hand. He chose to seek a woman officer for the mission and was surprised when most of the female employees at the National Security Agency volunteered. He pondered whether he should select an agent based on seniority or attractiveness. Seniority was dictated by agency rules, but intuition told him that an informant might have a better chance of being accepted by Adam if they were attractive. He picked his most beautiful officer for the operation. Officer Eve was over joyed with the assignment and swore she would do her best.
Eve was outfitted with a tight-fitting jump suit and dropped off several blocks from Adam’s house. A spy bot was positioned outside Adam’s domicile complete with a video camera and communication with Agency headquarters. In about thirty minutes, Eve showed up at Adam’s door and tapped his door alarm. Adam went to the door and took one look at Eve. He had no hesitation about allowing Officer Eve access.
Several hours went by and monitors at the station headquarters began to think that something had gone wrong. Possible interruption of the operation was contemplated but the Chief felt that it was too soon to compromise Eve’s cover. It was decided to give Eve another thirty minutes and if she did not communicate during this time, they would assault Adam’s house. With less than ten minutes to go, much to everyone’s surprise, Eve suddenly walked out of the house looking quite cheerful.
“What the heck” thought the Chief and all the agency monitors. “No go ahead call or any interdiction messages from Eve. What had been going on during the five hours that Eve had been inside?” As soon as Eve arrived by at station headquarters, they would find out.
Eve walked in to the headquarters and was barraged with questions: “What happened?” “Are you, alright?” “What is this guy up to?” “What did you do with all that time while you were inside?”
Eve rather nonchalantly answered: “Adam loves to play chess. We had a great game of chess. He has invited me back to play again. I hope the agency will be all right with that?”
The Chief was very suspicious and decided to send another agent in. This action was repeated several times but the results were always the same. Female agent after agent came back marveling at the great game of chess that Adam played. Many other female agents offered to infiltrate Adam’s residence but finally the agency Chief reluctantly decided that they were spending too much time with too few results. The operation was aborted. The Chief went back to his paperwork and the agents found other work to do.
Approximately, nine months later, all of the security agents that had been used as infiltrators at Adams had applied for pregnancy leave.
Well, that’s the whole story. Everything I have told you is true although I am telling you twenty years after the fact. You see, I just heard the story yesterday. My mother Eve waited twenty years to inform me that I was born by a very old-ancient birthing technique known as consensual sex and that my Uncle Adam was really my father.
Oh! My name is Cain and I have got to go tell my brother Abel the story so that he knows the truth as well.
Time for Questions:
What if there were humans before the Garden of Eden? Do you think that sex will ever go out of popularity? What if everybody was celibate? Have you ever thought of being celibate? Why or why not? Would it be worth it to eliminate sex if we could eliminate violence, wars and murder?
Life is just beginning.
“Let’s make out, have sex, cuddle, and have a deep talk. Then let’s have sex again, go out to eat, go back home, watch a movie, put on some music and then have sex again. When we get up in the morning, I will make you breakfast in bed.”
Aging Capriciously 