Finding Fame, Fortune and Success:  Paths to Misery or Happiness?

01 Oct 2026 13 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , ,

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I have adapted an Osho (A noted Indian Mystic and Guru) story as follows:

Once upon a time there was a young boy named Vince who lived in Minnesota.  Every weekend when his chores around the farm were done, Vince would take his canoe out to one of Minnesota’s 10,000 lakes with his best friend and they would spend the afternoon fishing.  Somethings they would catch crappies, sometimes bluegills, sometimes even a walleye.  Sometimes they would not catch a single fish.  Striking out did not bother them one bit.  They were content just to be out on the lake together on a beautiful Minnesota summer day.

They would sit in the canoe casting their rods and talking about many things.  They would talk about school, parents, girls, and sports.  Often they would share their dreams and talk about what they wanted to be and do when they grew up.  One day Vince saw a large jet airliner going over head.  As he looked at the plane he said, “That’s what I want to be when I grow up.  I want to be an airline pilot and fly all over the world. That is my dream.”

Years passed and Vince followed his dream.  He became an airline pilot for what was then Northwest Airlines.  Later, like many other airlines they merged and became United Airlines.  Vince was a lead pilot for a jumbo passenger jet.  He flew numerous routes that took him all over the world.  He flew to China, Japan, England, France, and many other places.  He was one of the best pilots that Northwest had.

Twenty or so very busy years passed.  One day Vince had a flight that took him back to Minnesota.  He started from Paris, flew over the Great Lakes and was coming down from Northern Minnesota to the Minneapolis/St. Paul Airport.  As his plane began the descent into the airport, he looked out the left side of the plane and noticed two young boys in a canoe fishing on a lake.  The scene brought back many happy memories to Vince and his eyes started to mist up.  He asked his co-pilot to take control for a minute while he cleared his eyes.  His co-pilot asked Vince if there was anything wrong.  Vince replied, “No, nothing wrong.  Just saw something that reminded me of my past.  One day I dreamed that I would be a pilot.  Now I dream that I am back on that lake with my best friend again.”

There is an old saying that goes “Be careful of what you ask for, you might get it.”  Of course, no one pays any attention to this bit of wisdom.  Imagine all the people who buy lottery tickets each day.   Now try to imagine any of them saying, “I better be careful, or I might win the lottery.”  We all want fame, fortune, and success.  We set goals that force us to live in the future and we forget how to live in the present.  Osho says that we can never be happy unless we can be happy for no reason at all.

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Some of you have read the story about my six friends and I who put together a “last man standing bottle” fifteen years ago.  Ken made a case for the bottle.  Jerry bought a name plate for the bottle with each of our names and birthdates engraved on it.  I bought a bottle of 120 proof Old Grandad while on one of my trips to Bardstown, Kentucky.   Ken, Jerry, Dick and Brian have since died.  There are three of us left.   Tony, Tom and myself.  All now living in different parts of the USA.  

Jerry was put on hospice care ten years ago.  I had been to visit him several times and he always joked about going to hospice care too soon.  Doctors had told him that he had only a few months to live.  Jerry outlived their original estimates.  One Friday afternoon, I received a call from Dick who had recently called Jerry.  Jerry was not doing well, and the charge nurse told Dick that Jerry would probably not make it through the weekend.  I have been wanting to stay away from any medical facilities due to the recent Covid surge, but I decided to mask up and go see Jerry.

I arrived at the clinic.  I was told I could make a compassion visit, but general visitors were not allowed.  I was advised to go to the main desk and see if it was okay with the unit for me to come down.  I received an approval and headed down to Jerry’s room.  The nurse on the unit met me at the door.  She knocked on the door to Jerry’s room but did not receive any response.  She went into the room and Jerry was asleep.  She woke him up and informed him that he had a visitor.

I walked into the room and Jerry was not looking very good.  He could barely open his eyes or even move.  His body was bloated, and his skin had dark splotches all over his chest, stomach, arms, and legs.  I said hi and he replied, “Hi John.”  I told him that the coffee guys (some of whom are on the “Last Man Standing” bottle) all said hi and that they all wished him well.  This was somewhat of a fib.  Truth be told, Jerry was not well liked among some of the guys.  He seemed to enjoy making fun of and humiliating other people.  Over the years, this took a toll among the men.  Not many of them cared enough about Jerry to make a visit to see him.

Jerry had few friends.  I tried to be a friend to Jerry, but it never seemed to be requited.  I called him.  Visited him often at his home.  Helped him with a garage sale.  Took him to some medical appointments in the Twin Cities.  Invited him out to dinner several times and every year when I got back from Arizona, Karen and I made a point of having him over for dinner.  Not once did I ever remember Jerry returning any of my calls, stopping by to visit or even saying “Thank You” for anything we ever did for him.  Nevertheless, while I stopped the frequency of my visits with Jerry, I never gave up on him entirely.  Perhaps paradoxically, I liked him.  

This day, it was clear that it would be my last visit to Jerry.  I felt sad for Jerry.  He never had much.  The paradox was that he was one of the most intelligent men I have ever met.  Before his illnesses, Jerry was an avid reader who could discuss many of the great writers with exceptional insights.  As his disease progressed, he read less and less and eventually gave up reading entirely.

I asked Jerry a few questions about his sister and other visitors.  Something I said elicited the reply, “Now and forever, mumble, mumble, mumble.”  “Jerry, I could not hear the last part of that.  You said, ‘Now and forever’ and something else.  Could you repeat it?”  Jerry replied, “Now and forever, all I ever wanted was a little attention.” 

I was somewhat surprised at his comment.  I left a short time later.  I doubt I spent more than 15 minutes with Jerry the whole time.  I gave him some water and asked if he needed a nurse.  He was barely awake, but he declined any offers for help.  I told him goodbye.  I did not want to imply that it would be goodbye forever so I included the comment that I would be back after I returned from my vacation, and I would stop in to see him again.  I do not think this will ever happen.

I thought about Jerry’s comment on my way home.  Was his comment about “now and forever” some sort of delirium or was he actually reflecting on a core component of his life?  Was Jerry’s obnoxiousness and insults simply a way for him to get attention?  At this late stage in his life, was he lamenting his inability to get the attention that he so desperately desired?

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I began to wonder if a need for attention is the primary reason that most of us want fame, fortune, and success.  Rich people, famous people, celebrities all get more attention than the average person.  Think about all of the school shooters that you have heard of.  It seems that the main purpose for their rampages is attention.  There are many people who fiercely desire their five minutes of fame even if it means they get it by anti-social efforts.

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The irony is that fame, fortune, and success never bring happiness.  The more of these things you get, the more you want.  More is never enough.  More of things never satisfies.  Then the day inevitably comes when you are no longer famous.  Your money no longer buys you attention.  Your success is no longer newsworthy.  Your fame now evaporates like the morning mist.  Can you point to anyone whose fame and fortune brought them happiness?  We are brainwashed into thinking that wealth, fame, and success are stepping stones to happiness.  If only I am noticed and get attention from others, I will be happy.

To be honest, I am much like the person who buys the lottery ticket.  I have never had fame, fortune, or great success.  I have never been a great student, a prize-winning athlete, a rich business owner or won any medals or awards. 

Years ago, I read all the books I could get my hands on to teach me how to be rich, famous, and successful.  Despite all my learning and education, I never rose above being an average guy with an average income and an average life.

Perhaps, I should be more grateful.  I have been very lucky. I have had a great life.  I have traveled widely.  I have many friends.  I married a wonderful woman and I have always been able to pay my bills.  What would my life have been like if I had become rich and famous?  My thoughts tell me that I would never have lived as happy a life as I can now point to.

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However, telling myself that is a little like someone telling me that I should be glad that my lottery ticket did not win.  Somewhere inside me is a yearning for the attention and admiration that I feel fame and fortune would bring me.  Something inside me desires to someday be “above” average.  I want to be on center stage and have all the spotlights on me.  I want to read in the morning papers, how great and talented I am.  John “The New Mark Twain.”

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I try to counter the above negative thoughts by reminding myself that I am really blessed.  I can walk down the street, and no one notices me.  I have enough money to be comfortable but not have to deal with hundreds of people who want more money from me because they think that I am rich.  I have a loving wife who loves me for who I am and not for my money or looks.  I have seen the world without a body guard.  I am healthy and would not trade my health for all the money in the world.

My takeaway from my visit to Jerry was how much I wish that I could have left him with the five minutes of attention that he wanted.  The saddest part about Jerry’s life is that he could never let go of this need.  He acted as though by being cantankerous and il-tempered he would satisfy this need.  I think it cost him a great deal of the happiness that was always there for his taking. 

We all respected his intellect and admired his reasoning abilities.  Each of us in our own way tried to overlook his insults and criticism.  It is tragic that he never realized how much his talents really meant to the rest of us.  We all knew that Jerry was one of a kind.

PS:  

Jerry died early in the morning on the 13th of September in the year 2021.  If there is an afterlife, I hope Jerry finds the happiness, attention and recognition that he sought.  This is one of mine and Jerry’s favorite pictures.  Jerry had a great sense of humor.  He and Wilma posed for this picture at his garage sale a number of years ago.  It is of course a take off on the classic American Gothic.  Jerry liked it so much, he blew it up and kept a picture by his bedside.  This is how I want to remember Jerry.  A man of intelligence and humor.  

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Why Democrats Lost — and What They Must Do Next

24 Aug 2025 15 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Robert Reich and I have at least one thing in common.  He hates bullies and so do I.  In his most recent book, “Coming Up Short”, he talks about how he had to deal with bullies because he was so short.  My dad was 6’4” tall and could often be a bully.  I had enough abuse from him growing up that I also came to hate bullies.  I had many fights when I was younger where I defended either myself or equally often other people physically against bullies.  Robert Reich points out that one major reason for Trump’s popularity is that he is a Bullie’s Bully.   Millions of Americans who have been bullied by an unjust system of economics, education, justice, health care and government see Trump as their protector or even savior.  Reich notes:

“A large portion of America has felt bullied and harassed for decades. They’ve worked their asses off but haven’t gotten anywhere. Employers have fired them without cause or notice, made them into contract workers without any security or rights, spied on them during working hours, and otherwise treated them like children.

They’ve been bullied by landlords who keep hiking their rent. By banks that keep adding large fees to whatever they owe. By health insurers and hospitals that charge them an arm and a leg. By corporate grocery monopolies that push up food prices.

Many of them voted for Trump because he promised he’d be their bully. He blamed others — immigrants, people of color, transgender people, foreign traders — for what they endured. He thereby found scapegoats for their deep feelings of powerlessness, vulnerability, and shame. It’s one of the oldest of demagogic tricks.

Democrats could have put the blame where it belonged — on monopolistic corporations and billionaires that abused their wealth and power by taking over our politics.

Democrats could have demanded higher taxes on big corporations and the wealthy to pay for childcare and eldercare. Tougher antitrust laws to break up monopolies. Labor law reforms that made it easier for workers to form unions and gain bargaining power. Universal health care. Strict regulation of big banks so they couldn’t shaft average people. And an end to big money in our politics.

But they have not — not loudly, not with one voice, not with the clarity the people need to hear.” — Robert Reich 8/24/25

The 2024 election is already being dissected in books and think-tank reports, but the clearest story is this: Democrats misread the electorate as well as deserted the electorate.  Caught up in arguments over gender identify, abortion rights and WOKE manifestos, the Democrats preached to a crowd with more important concerns on their minds.  Jefferson said that Democracy was a rule of the majority with a concern for the minority.  Democrats have reversed his message.  They now practice a rule for the minority with little or no concern for the majority. 

They believed that campaigning on democracy and abortion rights would be enough to hold the White House.  Those are vital issues, but voters were telling pollsters something else — they were worried most about the price of groceries, rent, and gas.  In swing districts, immigration and border control loomed even larger.  By downplaying those concerns, Democrats left the playing field wide open for Republicans.

Validated voter studies show that turnout favored 2020 Trump voters.  Younger and non-white men — groups Democrats once counted on — swung toward Republicans in significant numbers.  Many of these voters wanted practical answers on wages, security, and fairness.  They didn’t get them.

So, what must Democrats do if they hope to regain the House, Senate, or Presidency?  Three steps stand out.  

First, make the economy the front page of their campaigns, with plain talk about jobs, housing, and cost of living.  Find people who can speak the language of the average American and not in a voice only understood by Ph.D. graduates.  I am often bewildered by the terminology that some of the Democrats throw out.  Yesterday, I learned that the new vocabulary for “homeless” people is now “unhoused” people.  Do the Democrats really think this is going to make a difference to the people living in cardboard boxes throughout America? 

When I look at the new head of the Democratic National Committee (Ken Martin), I see a man who exemplifies everything that is wrong with the Democrats.  If his bio on Wikipedia is to be believed, Ken never did a day’s physical labor in his life (At least not in any paid position.) What makes this an even more grievous fact, is that he was given this position after Harris’s loss to Trump.  I doubt a guy with his background has any clue about the problems of the working class in America.  By the way, I am sure Ken is a nice guy, a good husband and a good father.  But that is not going to get Democrats elected.

Second, develop a credible immigration strategy that pairs border security with fair reforms.  Like it or not, immigration has been a major issue for Americans because as Reich noted, both parties have demonized immigrants as vulgar, uncouth, criminals who only want to take jobs away from legal Americans.  This is not an unusual state of affairs.  Even Benjamin Franklin had his biases when it came to immigrants.  Many of these changed over time as Ben observed the habits and ethics of other immigrant groups to the colonies. 

I have said we need a “fair immigration policy” and not an “anti-immigration policy.”  A number of years ago (at least seven) I wrote a series of blogs on the subject of immigration as I could witness it down here in Arizona.  You might say that we are on the front lines of immigration and have a long history of immigration.  The land I now live on was once part of Mexico until the Gadsden Purchase in 1853.  Some of my neighbors have history going back to Mexico over two hundred years.  See my blogs:

Third, speak in everyday language.  Too often Democrats rely on insider jargon that alienates working families.  Like it or not, most Democrats have become associated with the idea of PC or political correctness.  I am no enemy of using terminology that minorities and others find more respectful and less insulting.  However, some of the PC efforts have become ludicrous and only help to make the Democrats laughing stocks and open to scorn from the very people they need to help support them.  Here are a few examples:

  1. The use of “people experiencing food insecurity”

In May 2025, a debate over language use within the Democratic party was highlighted by the Washington Post.  One specific example given was referring to individuals as “people experiencing food insecurity” instead of the more direct phrase “people going hungry” or maybe even people “starving to death”!

  1. The replacement of gendered terms like “spokesman”

The movement towards gender-neutral language has led to the replacement of many words to avoid implying a specific gender, regardless of the individual’s identity.  For instance, the term “spokesperson” is often used instead of “spokesman” or “spokeswoman.”  I have a problem remembering which words to use.  Should I say fireman or fireperson?  Should I say postman or postperson?  Should I say fisherman or fisherperson?  Of course I do not want to offend anybody, so the only answer is to say nothing?  Or should I check with each fisherperson first to see what they prefer?  How do you say fisherperson in Spanish?

  1. “Person of color” (POC) instead of “minority”

Some find the term “POC” to be an overly broad and imprecise label that lumps together many distinct racial and ethnic groups, despite its progressive origins.  I am concerned about this label since I have always thought that being a White person I had some color.  I realize that many people see White people as more pink hued than white, but pink is still a color even if I do not like the idea of being a Pink person. 

In Conclusion:

Democrats do not need to abandon values of equality and freedom.  They need to marry those values to tangible solutions that the average people can feel in their daily lives.  They need to drop some of the bullshit that makes everyone think of them as WIMPS.  They need to fight and not keep talking about “hands” across the aisle.  When someone punches me in the face, I do not hand them a rose.  If Democrats want a path back to governing majorities they are going to have to:

  • Walk like the majority
  • Talk like the majority
  • Act like the majority

As long as Democrats insist on being isolated people who live in expensive mansions and go to exclusive Ivy League colleges,  they will not have a chance to get back into power.  Don’t tell me about their good intentions.  As the saying goes “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” — Saint Bernard of Clairvaux (1090–1153)

 

The Rich Young Man and the Novice Nun

23 Nov 2024 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The following story was related to me in a much briefer format at my Jesuit Retreat in July of 2024.  The Retreat Master told this tale to show the virtue of generosity.  In the story that he narrated, it involved a beggar and a nun.  I have embellished the story by changing the nature of the characters and the activities somewhat.  I do not know where the original tale came from but if anyone has an inkling, I would love to receive the name so that I can give credit to the author. —- John P. 

Once upon a time there was a young man named Ethan who was born into a very affluent family.  Ethan was brought up with all the goodies and toys that a rich family could afford.  Ethan was an only child to an elderly couple who could not believe their good fortune in having a son and heir in their later days.  To say he was spoiled would be an understatement.  He was the epitome of the privileged child who thought he deserved everything he got.  He treated the family servants like dirt.  Servants in his mind were not deserving of any respect. 

Perhaps because of his privilege, life was very easy for Ethan.  He did not bother to try to get good grades or worry about going to college.  Ethan expected to live with his elderly parents until they passed away and then the family fortune would be his.  However, life often has other plans for us.  Both of Ethan’s parents died in a private plane disaster.  Ethan was only twenty years old but their deaths did not really trouble him very much.  He assumed that he would now be rich and inherit their fortune.  Which is exactly what happened.

Now on his own, Ethan took to wine, women and gambling.  His father’s financial advisors tried to warn him that he was burning through the family fortune at a prodigious rate.  Ethan would heed no warnings.  The more warnings he received the more women he bought.  The more whiskey he drank and the more he gambled.  He thought nothing of buying a diamond ring or a new car for a girlfriend.  The new girlfriend would be tossed out of his mansion in a few weeks only to be replaced by a new gold digger. 

Finally, the inevitable happened.  Ethan’s advisors told him that he was broke.  Everything he thought he owned, cars, mansion, and boats would have to be sold to pay off his debts.  Ethan was astounded.  It took a few weeks, and an eviction notice before Ethan realized that he had no skills, no trade, no education and no money.  Indeed, he had no real friends either as he soon found out.  Attempts to borrow money from the bank and friends went nowhere.  He was on his own. 

Ethan went to a casino one night to see if he could win some of his fortune back.  He ended up stone cold drunk and tossed out of the casino when they found out that he could not pay his poker bets.  Homeless and penniless, Ethan hit the streets.  In the next few months, he learned to live in a cardboard shack and find leftover food by dumpster diving.  He learned to beg to get extra money for the gin that he was still addicted to.  The other beggars and street people hated his guts.  Ethan treated other homeless people as though they were inferior to him. 

In the area where Ethan now lived, there was a monastery.  Each day, the nuns would serve a hot meal, soup, or sandwiches to the street people.  These meals were served between the hours of 11:30 AM and 1:30 PM.  Whenever Ethan would go there, he would try to arrive as late as he could so that he did not have to associate with any of the other homeless people.  He regarded them as bums and still saw himself as superior to them. 

One day, Ethan arrived at the monastery too late for lunch.  He had fallen asleep under a tree in a local park and did not wake up until about 3 PM.  Nevertheless, he showed up at the monastery to try to get some food.  He banged on the door until a young novice nun opened the door.  “What can I help you with,” she inquired.  “Took your own sweet time to get here,” he belligerently replied.  “I want some food.”   “I am sorry,” Sister Regina said, “but the kitchen is closed, and we have no food prepared.”  “Don’t give me that bullshit, you have food, you are just too lazy to help another human being.  I thought your Jesus said to feed the hungry.  Well, I am hungry now and I want some food now.”    

Sister Regina thought about it for a minute but just then another Sister came to the door.  “Go away,” said the other Sister and “come back tomorrow at the proper lunch time.”  “No, that’s all right,” said Sister Regina, “I will try to find something for him to eat.”  She asked Ethan to “please wait here while I fix something for you to eat.”  Ethan agreed but warned her to hurry up as he was really hungry. 

Sister Regina went to the kitchen refrigerator and found some different lunch meats.  She located some bread and mayonnaise and made a nice cold cuts sandwich.  She grabbed a small lunch bag and put the sandwich in the bag.  Just as she was headed out of the kitchen, she noticed a candy bar on a shelf.  She thought this would make a nice desert and proceeded to pack the bar in with the sandwich. 

When she arrived back at the door, she opened the door and Ethan was waiting there. She told Ethan that she had found some cold cuts and made him a sandwich.  Ethan grabbed the bag and replied that she had taken her damn sweet time about it.  He went away without saying another word. 

Ethan walked to his private place in the park under his favorite tree.  He sat down and plucked the sandwich from the bag.  He took his time to eat the sandwich which he thought was very good.  He was about to throw the bag away, when he noticed that there was something else in the bag.  He reached inside the bar and found the candy bar.  At that point, something very mysterious happened.  Ethan thought “Well, I wonder why she gave me a candy bar?  Perhaps she was being nice to me. I wonder why she would do that?”  That is when it struck him. 

She was nice to him when he was a jerk towards her.  She did not have to include the candy bar.  Maybe I have been a jerk my whole life, he thought.  The more he thought about it, the more ashamed he was of the way he treated her and other people.  Somehow, sitting under that tree, Ethan resolved to change his life.  From now on, he was going to be kind to other people and to help them out when he could.  He would start today by going back to the monastery and apologizing to the young novitiate.

It was getting late and around about supper time when he arrived back at the monastery.  He knocked gently on the door and waited.  The door opened and it was the other Sister who had told him to go away before.  “What do you want,” she asked?  “I would like to speak to the young Sister that made the sandwich for me,” he said.  “Wait right here.” he was told, “I will see if she is available.”

Sister Regina came to the door and greeted Ethan.  “What can I do for you,” she inquired? “Nothing,” replied Ethan.  He than got down upon both knees and said “I am so sorry for the way that I treated you before.  I did not even deserve a sandwich and yet you took the time to make it for me and even add a candy bar.  I want you to know how grateful I am to you for that.  You have helped me to see the world completely differently.  From now on, every day I will come here early to help make lunch for the other homeless people and to help out any way I can.”  Sister Regina recognized that Ethan was sincere, and she told him how happy they would be for his help. 

Ethan did just as he said he would.  He showed up every day early to help prepare food and left late after the dishes and the kitchen had been cleaned.  Within a year, the Sisters voted to hire Ethan as a cook and custodian.  He lived in the monastery another fifty or so years until he passed away.  Before he died, he asked to see Mother Regina who had now become the head of the monastery.  Taking her hand, he told her how blessed he was to have had her come into his life.  He had lived a life that he wanted to and had no regrets.  No amount of fame or fortune could ever equal the happiness that he had found by helping others. 

“I want a president with a record of public service, someone whose life’s work shows our children that we don’t chase fame and fortune for ourselves: we fight to give everyone a chance to succeed.”  — Michelle Obama

Reconstructing the Great Speeches – Danton:  “Dare, Dare Again, Always Dare”

20 Sep 2024 22 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

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George Jacques Danton born October 26, 1759 wanted to dare and dare he did.  He dared so much; he lost his head to a guillotine on the 5th of April 1794.  Danton was one of the prime movers during the French Revolution of 1789.  For those of you whose history is limited, the French Revolution was quite a remarkable event.  Here is some background before we look at Danton’s famous speech.  For more detailed history, go to Wikipedia or the library.

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The French Revolution (1789-1799)

What makes the French Revolution confusing is that there was actually two of them.  We are discussing the background of the first one.  The second one was in 1830.  The first one is noteworthy for two major reasons.  1)  It set a precedent for overthrowing the rule of divine right by kings.  You have to keep in mind, that with the major exception of the United States of America, the world was ruled by Kings and Queens.  Many of these rulers professed a “divine right” to rule.  In other words, they believed that they were ordained by God him/herself to rule over the lesser beings on the planet whom they regarded as subjects.  As “subjects” the people under the rulers were “subject” to all forms of abuse and intimidation.  In many countries, people had little or no rights except by the grace of their rulers.

256px-TroisordresThe Catholic Church in France was a major power.  The Catholic hierarchy managed to continue to exert influence in France long after it lost power in other countries.  The Catholic Church kept its power by a political collusion with the French monarchy which helped the Church fight off the Protestant religion that had swept so much of Europe.  From the beginning of the Protestant Reformation, the Church in France along with the Monarchy had persecuted, exiled, and killed thousands of Protestants.  Thus, there were many in France who hated the Catholic leaders as much as they hated their King and Queen, who by the way also lost their heads during the French Revolution.

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Needless to say, the rest of Europe was not too happy at seeing the servants and peasants overthrow the royalty in France.  This idea that the royalty was not so special might just infiltrate the minds of subjects in other countries.  Which of course is just what happened.  Over time, most of Europe eventually marginalized the role of their monarchies and established a variety of democratic institutions.  These later institutions would rule by laws set by the people and not by “divine right.”

Three of the most important democratic concepts to come out of the first French Revolution is epitomized by the motto “Liberty, Equality and Fraternity” which became the national motto of France.  Liberty is the right to express one’s ideas without fear of repercussions.  Equality expressed the idea that all social classes were citizens of France and would have equal rights.  The monarchy and the Catholic Church would no longer be privileged.  Fraternity meant that we are all brothers and would share in a common unity of humanity and respect.  In 1789, The leaders of the revolution drafted a document called the “Declaration of the Rights of Man” which outlined a set of enlightened principles about governing and government which bore some resemblance to the Bill of Rights in the USA.  Of course, women were still among the unprivileged.  Which leads us to the second major reason that the first French Revolution is noteworthy.

This second reason is the devolution into chaos and anarchy that happened.  Faced with a great deal of opposition both in and outside France to these new enlightened ideas, the leaders of the revolution became increasingly paranoid.  They were beyond cautious about who their enemies might be and what they needed to do to protect the emerging values of the French Revolution.  This led them to adopt a rather expedient method of protecting the Revolution.  The guillotine was developed as a very effective instrument for cutting off the heads of anyone whom they suspected might be either an enemy of the Revolution or even those who did not fully support the Revolution.  During, what has become known as “The Reign of Terror” (June 1793 to July 1794) about 17,000 people were guillotined.  Many more people were shot or otherwise murdered during the French Revolution.

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Looking back, it seems bizarre to think that a revolution founded on the democratic ideas of the American Revolution and such theorists as Voltaire, Rousseau and Montesquieu could have led to the slaughter of so many people.  A slaughter that sadly is now one of the major things we remember about the First French Revolution.  Furthermore, the Revolution eventually led into an outright dictatorship by Napoleon Bonaparte.  Human nature was no more consistent or predictable in the 18th Century than it is today.  We wonder today how so many people in the USA would seem to reject the principles that it was founded upon.  Everywhere you look, we find those who reject the concepts of democracy and the rule of law.

Danton (1759 – 1794)

Some say Danton was the prime mover behind the French Revolution (1789 – 1799).  Before the Revolution, Danton was a lawyer of no particular noteworthiness.  He came into his own as one of the major leaders of the French Revolution.  He held a number of significant offices as the leaders struggled to form a government that would uphold the new values driving the Revolution.  Danton was perhaps as bloodthirsty or paranoid as some other leaders, notably Robespierre and Saint-Just.  Danton’s trial before his execution tended to be highly political and he was found guilty of a number of charges including bribery, financial corruption, and leniency towards the enemies of the Revolution These charges were founded more on the fears of his political opponents than any real evidence.

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Dare, Dare Again, Always Dare (1792)

Danton’s most famous speech was not given at his trial.  Due to his noted oratory, the leaders at his trial decided not to allow him to speak.  They were afraid that if anyone listened to him, he would convince them of his innocence and perhaps even regain power over his accusers.  This speech was given in the face of threats by enemies attacking France from within the country and outside the country.  Danton as a key leader of the Revolution would have been marked for death should the Revolution be overthrown.  Ironically, he was executed by his former comrades.

“It is gratifying to the ministers of a free people to have to announce to them that their country will be saved.  All are stirred, all are excited, all burn to fight.  You know that Verdun is not yet in the power of our enemies. You know that its garrison swears to immolate the first who breathes a proposition of surrender.”             

France was being attacked by Germany then known as Prussia.  Verdun actually surrendered the same day that Danton’s speech was given.  Danton is lauding the efforts of the French people to fight for the principles of the Revolution.  The monarchies in the surrounding countries want to put down the Revolution for fear it could lead to the people in their countries also revolting.  Thus, Prussia, Austria, Spain and Russia all fought to help overthrow the French Revolution.

“One portion of our people will proceed to the frontiers, another will throw up entrenchments, and the third with pikes will defend the hearts of our cities.  Paris will second these great efforts. The commissioners of the Commune will solemnly proclaim to the citizens the invitation to arm and march to the defense of the country.”

In this speech, you can see a resemblance to the famous French National Anthem, the Marseillaise.”  The song was written in 1792 by Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle in Strasbourg after the declaration of war by France against Austria.  One of the refrains from the song is:

  • Grab your weapons, citizens!
  • Form your battalions!
  • Let us march! Let us march!
  • May impure blood
  • Water our fields!

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“We ask that anyone refusing to give personal service or to furnish arms shall be punished with death.  We ask that a set of instructions be drawn up for the citizens to direct their movements. We ask that couriers be sent to all the departments to notify them of the decrees that you proclaim here.  The tocsin we are about to ring is not an alarm signal; it sounds the charge on the enemies of our country.  To conquer them we must dare, dare again, always dare, and France is saved!”

Danton wanted to impose harsh punishments for anyone refusing service to France.  France initially suffered a series of defeats by other countries.  Eventually, by rallying together, France went on the offensive and achieved many victories.  By defeating their enemies, they solidified the gains of the Revolution.  However, these victories also allowed Napoleon to gain power and become Emperor.  Not much difference really between an Emperor and a King.   France might have gone two steps forward but they also went two steps back.

Danton’s concluding line was an exhortation to boldness and audacity.  “Dare, Dare and Always Dare!”  I have always admired these words and have tried to use them in my own life.  Consider what it means, if you will, when you try to apply them.  What are areas of your life where you have fears?  What areas where you need to be braver or bolder?  Where do you think you need to speak out more?  Where do you need to stand up for yourself more?  If you find many areas where you lack bravery, think of Danton’s speech.

Remember the line from the play Julius Caesar “Cowards die many times before their death, heroes only once.”  The following is a short one minute video I found online that captures the spirit of Danton’s lines.

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My Final Will and Testament – Achievements – Reflection #12

13 Jun 2024 4 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

images

Last year at my 40th Demontreville Retreat, one of the exercises that we were given by the Retreat Master included a very challenging set of thoughts.  The worksheet for the activity was labeled as “A Testament.” I took the worksheet and instructions home with me.  It had fourteen tasks or reflections to complete.  I did not desire to complete them during the retreat.  It is now almost a year since my retreat, and I have decided to make the mental and emotional effort necessary to complete this “Testament.”

The worksheet started with these instructions:

Imagine that this is the last day of your life on earth.  In the time that you have left, you want to leave a “Testament” for your family and friends.  Each of the following could serve as chapter headings for your “Testament.”  This is Reflection Number 12 on the worksheet.

12.  These are my life’s achievements.

Since this is number 12 on my worksheet, I am simply going to list 12 things that I think I have accomplished.  Mind you, I do not believe that I am done or that I finished any of the following tasks.  I think they are all works in process, and I will continue working on them until my last breath.  Here are my 12 Life Achievements:

  1. I have made some people happy
  2. I have helped many people lead more successful lives
  3. I have had two great wives and a wonderful daughter
  4. I have had many good friends over the years
  5. I have tried to live a life of honesty and integrity
  6. I have never kissed anyone’s butt for a promotion or other benefits
  7. I have helped promote good will between unions and corporate management
  8. I have left thoughts and ideas which will serve as a reminder of how people could live more productive lives
  9. I have taken risks where it would have been more prudent to play it safe
  10. I have supported many charities and funds for people that need help regardless of what country they are from
  11. I have been open minded about exploring new ideas, new music, new travels, new food, new friends, and new work
  12. I have tried my best to be a good friend, a good father, a good husband and a good person

I again reiterate the fact that most of my above activities or achievements are not finished.  I will deign not to give myself a report card on any of them.  I will leave it to others and to the people that come after me to describe my life in more clinical terms.  For now, I am proud that these are the things that I have tried to achieve and that I have valued in my life.

“We cannot seek achievement for ourselves and forget about progress and prosperity for our community… Our ambitions must be broad enough to include the aspirations and needs of others, for their sakes and for our own.” —  Cesar Chavez

“Wisdom, compassion, and courage are the three universally recognized moral qualities of men.” — Confucious

“The only limit to the height of your achievements is the reach of your dreams and your willingness to work hard for them.”  — Michelle Obama

“The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Next Reflections:    I am listing the final two.  I will return to the task of completing my Final Will and Testament in September.

  1. These are the people who are enshrined in my heart
  2. These are my unfilled desires

I will be gone for the summer, but you can continue to read my blogs.  I have scheduled some blogs to be posted from several years past that I doubt many of you have read.  I hope you will read and comment on them.  I look forward to visiting my site and seeing what you think.  Do my “old” musings stand the test of time?

Happy, Happy, Happy

05 Jul 2023 12 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

downloadA friend of mine once told me that you catch more flies with sugar than you do with vinegar.  Over the years, I have been told that I am too negative.  I have been labeled as a pessimist who more often sees the bad things in life rather than the good things.  I have been accused of being a skeptic and even a nihilist.  I have decided to turn over a new leaf.  I am determined to share more positive thoughts in my blogs.  I want you to see the world as a wonderful place full of joy and good will.  I was going to start my new focus next year, but I decided “why wait.”  “He who hesitates is lost.”  Thus, I give you the secret to living the life that I am sure you want to live.  Just BE:

Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  download (2)Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy. Happy.  Happy.  Happy.  Happy. Happy.

download (1)

There don’t you feel better now?

Can I Make a Difference or Not?

01 Feb 2023 27 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , ,

images 23Hamlet posed his existential quest for life with the famous phrase “To be or not to be, that is the question.”  I woke up this morning wrestling with a somewhat different question.  I wanted to go back to sleep.  It was too early to get up.  It was dark and cold.  I did not want to leave my nice warm bed but something inside of me was in war over the question of whether I can make a difference or not in the world.  Am I a fool and charlatan or a man with meaning and purpose?  You might say it was my pessimist side fighting with my optimist side.  It seemed more like my nihilist attitudes battling with my existentialist attitudes.  Or perhaps it is my cynicism versus my somewhat subdued optimism.  I will simply call these two voices “Doom and Gloom” versus “Hope and Possibilities.”  The struggle between the two voices went as follows.

Doom and Gloom:    You have nothing to live for.  Your life is a waste.  You have screwed up more things than you have made right.  No one cares what you think. You are not making a shred of difference in the world.

Hope and Possibilities:  If you quit now, what were all your struggles and efforts for?  You must believe in yourself; you can make a difference.

Doom and Gloom:  Show me any of your successes.  Do you have a single win in life that you can feel proud of or that you can say really changed the world or made a difference?

Hope and Possibilities:  Do you remember what Mother Teresa once said “I am not called on to make a difference, I am called on to have faith.”  You may never know if you are making a difference in the world but like buying a lottery ticket if you don’t buy one you can never win.

Doom and Gloom:  You have about as much chance of making a difference in the world as you do of winning the lottery.  Nobody cares about what you think or say.    

Hope and Possibilities:  History is made by people who did not give up.  Look at all the people who made a difference by their examples.  Jesus, Socrates, Mandela, Rosa Parks.

Doom and Gloom:  It goes without saying that you are no Jesus or even a Rosa Parks.  Many of the people that you mention were martyrs.  Do you aspire to make a difference by being a martyr?    

Hope and Possibilities:  I have been willing to take risks all of my life.  I have stood up for people.  I have stood against bullies.  I have risked any reputation or career advancement to stand up for integrity and morality.  No, I do not want to die for what I believe.  I would like to live a long and happy life.  But I will not change my beliefs to pacify or to conform to what others want to hear.

Doom and Gloom:  That is why you will never be successful in making a difference.  No one wants to hear your political diatribes and rants.  Your opinions are like raindrops on a duck’s ass.  People just want to be happy, and you are trying to make people unhappy.

Hope and Possibilities:  Probably true.  Over the years, I have said many things that people reject or that they think are even stupid ideas.  I have been guided by a desire to change how people think and what they see.  Einstein once said that “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”  I have tried to think out of the box.  I see the world so different than so many people I know.

Doom and Gloom:    And what did this get you?  Converts?  No, enemies, loss of friends, arguments, disillusionment.  There is also a saying that goes “Insanity is defined by doing the same things and expecting different results.”  You my friend, are bordering on insanity.  Your blogs and writings have not made one bit of difference in the world.

Hope and Possibilities:  I have about two thousand readers each month who look at my blog and many of them have left positive comments.

Doom and Gloom:    You are preaching to the choir.  You are not reaching the people who will make a difference in the world.  You have a small fan club.  You do not get as many hits on your site in a month as Kim Kardashian gets in one hour on her site.

Hope and Possibilities:  If you want to hurt someone, you really know how.  If I make a difference with one person, I want to believe it makes my efforts worthwhile.

Doom and Gloom:  Sure, go ahead and keep telling yourself that myth.  You know you would really like to have more people listen to your ideas and to help support some of them.  Over the years, I have seen so many ideas come from your feeble brain and to date, I have not seen a single one of them adopted by anyone with the power or influence to implement them.  Ideas by themselves cannot make a difference.  You need power and action.   

Hope and Possibilities:  You are depressing me.  I want to say that you are wrong.  I am losing this battle.  I am not sure that I have anything left to say that could change your mind.

Doom and Gloom:   Maybe it is about time that you wake up and smell the roses.  If you need a purpose or goal in life, perhaps it is time to pick something else.  Time to stop being a Boy Scout.  The world will little care or long remember anything you say here.

Hope and Possibilities:  I guess this is where being an atheist is a liability.  I cannot fall back on Jesus, God, Saints, Zeus, Odin or any other supernatural being for help or for divine intervention.  I can only go on by faith in myself and by believing that whether or not I make a difference, I cannot give up trying.  I may not be the best in the world but I won’t lay down and do nothing.

Doom and Gloom:  The final words of a fool.      

Hope and Possibilities: 

“Just because an apple falls one hundred times out of a hundred does not mean it will fall on the hundred and first.”  ― Derek Landy

I finally slid out of bed after kissing my wife “good morning.”  It was still dark and cold.  I went into the bathroom to take my morning shower.  My mood brightened considerably but I still have not resolved the battle with myself.  I sometimes doubt that I ever will.  I need to be grateful today for what I have.  I need to help someone else and stop struggling with my ideas of success and failure.  I need to practice love and gratitude and not whether or not I have made a difference in the world.

31394151-796013961b413c961aa2677e6507a7b1

The Day I Met the Bar Room Bum

14 Jan 2023 20 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

man-in-bar

I’m sitting in a bar feeling shitty about my life.  I have an average job.  I have an average looking wife and average kids.  I’m feeling shitty about myself as well.  I have accomplished nothing beyond average in my entire life.  I had once thought I was destined for greatness.  I dreamed that one day I would have the best-looking wife on the block and make more money than I could count.  None of my dreams have come to pass and I am now sitting here in this average bar nursing a cheap drink and wondering where I took the wrong turn.

Suddenly, the bar room door opens and in walks this seedy looking bum.  You know the type.  Long stringy hair, dirty clothes, smelly and unkempt.  He has probably not bathed in a month.  I hope he will not come and sit down next to me.  I know he will try to bum a drink.  If he does, I will tell him to go to hell.  I am not in the mood to shell out good money for some alcoholic bum.

Sure enough, he sits down next to me.  I give him the evil eye and he moves on down to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar.   I watch some give and take between the bum and the other two drinkers.  They are shaking their heads and I assume telling him to get lost.  He walks back over to where I am sitting and takes a seat.

bum in bar

“Hey mister, can you buy me a drink.”  “Get lost”, I say, “I’m not a charity for bar bums.”  “How about some compassion for someone’s who’s down on their luck.” “You want compassion” I reply, “go visit a priest.”

“What if I could tell you a story that would profoundly change your life” says the bum. “Would that change your mind?”  “Tell you what” I say, “you tell me the story and if it profoundly changes my life, I’ll buy you a drink.”   I expect this will get rid of the bum but instead he agrees to my terms.  “Deal” he intones in a low soft voice.

“My name is Mike.  Twenty years ago, I graduated from Harvard University with a degree in law.  I had the highest GPA average in my graduation class.  At least five major law firms in Boston attempted to recruit me.  I took the one that offered me the most money.  I received a high six-digit salary.

Happy man enjoying the rain of money

I bought five of the best suits I could find.  I purchased a Porsche Carrera GT and a penthouse with a view of the Boston harbor.

I was assigned easy cases at first.  We represented the big corporations in their lawsuits.  Most of these were by disgruntled employees, whistle blowers and private citizens.  I killed each of them.  I was assigned bigger and bigger cases.  The amounts contested often ran into the hundreds of millions of dollars.  Many of the cases involved issues of sexual harassment, environmental degradation and fraud.  I never lost a case.  My corporate clients were ecstatic.  I was the go to guy for any high profile big buck lawsuit in the nation.

My life was a dream.  I made more and more money.  My salary was now in the seven digits with my bonuses and gratuities from my clients.   I was invited to celebrity parties and the super exclusive country clubs of the rich.

I was tall dark and handsome.  I worked out six days a week in the gym and I had a body that was the envy of any guy in the firm.  The woman all drooled when I walked by.  I bought a bigger penthouse and added a Ferrari 458 Spider to my car collection.  The car was given to me by a grateful client.

One day at the office, the firm’s owner and founder introduced me to his daughter Ashley.  She was a knockout.  She was a former Miss College USA.  She was tall blonde and statuesque.  She had the face of any angel.  Sadly, she did not have the brains to match her looks.

I was polite to her but made no obvious overtures to show that I was interested.  She did not really care as just about every other male and even some female lawyers were thinking about how to get in bed with her.  I decided to pretend to ignore her.

We had a Christmas party at the firm later that year.  It was held at the Boston Harbor Hotel.  I saw Ashley and she was surrounded by a bunch of our lawyers each trying to impress her.  I decided this was a good time to throw my hat in the ring.  I joined the conversation and soon showed how stupid most of my competition was.  Each one in turn drifted away so that only Ashley and I were left talking.  I went to the bar and returned with another drink for Ashley and myself.  We talked for another half hour or so and I made my move.

couple

I invited Ashley up to my penthouse for a night cap.  In no time at all, she was in my bed.  I am not bragging when I say that not only did we go at it all night, but I called in to cancel appointments the next day and we spent the entire next day in bed going at it like deprived bunny rabbits.

As I said before, she was not the brightest light bulb in the pack but I figured where I was going, it would be good to have a looker like her as my wife.  A few months later in what was one of the Boston social events of the year we were married.  We moved into a new house in Back Bay.

I eventually left the law firm and started my own firm.  Some of the old firm’s clients went with me and I was now making more money than ever.  I worked seven days and week.  I was busy many evenings and did not bother coming home.  I bought a penthouse near my new office in Boston and brought my mistresses up there whenever I had an overnight.  I had hired several very good-looking paralegals to work for me and some of them were more than happy to help keep me warm at night.

Ashley started talking about having children and how she wished I could do more things with her.  I had no intention of doing either.  Why spoil a good thing?

woman on top sexuallyA few more months went by and one day I decided to come home from work early.  As I entered my house, I heard screams coming from upstairs.  I went to a desk and grabbed a loaded Colt Commander 45 ACP that I kept ready for emergencies.  I feared that Ashley was being attacked by some unknown intruder.  I ran up the stairs and into our bedroom.  There on the bed was Ashley and one of the young lawyers from my old law firm.  They were both nude and she was on top of him riding him like a bucking bronco.  What I thought were screams of pain were screams of ecstasy.  I had never heard anything like that from Ashley during our entire marriage.

She turned to look at me but did not break a beat in her rhythm.  The only thing she said was “Get out.  I want a divorce.”  I vacillated between shooting one or both of them but decided that my better course of action was to leave.  On the way out, I heard her say very loudly “Take off that damn condom, I want you to come inside of me.”

I packed some stuff and moved into my penthouse apartment.  I really did not give a damn if she left me.  At the time, I assumed I would be out some alimony but that would-be pennies compared to what I was making.  A week or so later, I received a letter from my father-in-law.  He informed me that not only would my old law firm be suing me for spousal neglect but I would be sued 150 million dollars for violating the terms of my contract when I had left his law firm.  Somewhere in the fine print of my contract, it had specified that I could not work with any of the firm’s clients for a period of five years upon terminating my employment.

The court convened for my trial a few weeks later.  Ashley showed up for the trial.  She sat with her lover on the plaintiff’s side of the court and glared at me the entire trial.  I lost on all counts.  I was told that I would have to pay 5 million dollars in restitution and was disbarred from practicing law for ten years following the date of the trial.  I lost everything.  My house, my cars, my penthouse apartment, my jewelry and my career.  Between my ex-father-in-law and my ex-wife, I was broke.  The only friend I had left in the world was Johnny Walker Blue Label and I could not even afford that anymore.

I took up drinking cheap whiskey.  It has been five years now since the trial.  I have five more years to go before I can practice law again.  I know that I am an alcoholic bum but can you blame me?  I told you that there would be a life changing moral in this story for you but before I give it to you, I want my drink.”

Mike had concluded his story.  I wondered what the life changing moral would be.  I had some ideas but curiosity got the better of me.  I decided to buy him his drink and let him finish his tale of woe.

“Bartender” I called, “bring my friend here a shot of Johnny Walker Scotch.”  The Scotch was quickly downed by Mike with a look of joy and ecstasy on his face that would be hard to describe.

“Okay”, Mike began “I have had many years to reflect on my life and where it went wrong.  I also know that not a man alive would at some point in their life not have been envious of mine.  The sad part and the moral is that we all want things that we think will make us happy when the real happiness is what we have inside and what we bring to life, not what life brings to us.”  With these last words of wisdom, Mike got off his bar stool and went out the same way he came in.  I never saw him again.

I sat for an hour or so after he left thinking about what he had said.  Just a few minutes before he had entered the bar, I was bemoaning my sorry life and denigrating my family.  I decided to go home and hug my wife and kids.

Happy family in front of house

Many years have past since I met Mike.  My life is pretty much the same as it was before I met him, except that I have never been happier.  My wife is beautiful and my kids are beautiful.  I would not trade my life for all the money in the world.

Time for Questions:

Do you appreciate what you have?  What does it take to make us happy?  Is money an essential element of happiness?  What if you had no money, could you still be happy?  What is the most important person or thing in your life?  Why?

Life is just beginning.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” — Melody Beattie

I Am Going So Fast and Getting Nowhere Faster

28 Nov 2022 14 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

b71e83d7dd7d8de7e7fe4c94eceb330b--the-journey-how-to-get

How often have you heard the aphorism that “The journey is more important than the destination?”  A related wisdom was one that we used in my consulting firm when I was working for Process Management International.  I believe we stole it from some of Dr. W. E. Deming’s writings.  It was that “The process was more important than the outcome or results.”

Throughout my life I have tried to live by each of these.  It is not always easy to follow something that you know is true and that will make your life better and happier.  As the saying goes “There is many a slip between the cup and the lip.”  Knowing is not necessarily doing.  So, let’s look at how we can make our vacations and trips more fun and more meaningful.

“The journey is more important than the destination.”  As simple as this sounds, do you know what it means?  If we really knew the meaning not just in our heads but in our hearts, it would be difficult to ignore.  However, that is what most of us start off doing.  We plan a vacation or trip, and we talk more about where we are going than how we are getting there.  My father used to measure the success of a vacation by how quickly he could get to our endpoint.  He had no time to stop and see any attractions along the way.  He tried to avoid even stopping at a motel.  Most of the time, he would drive all night and let us sleep in the car along the way.  He would brag about how fast he could get someplace.  I hated trips with my father.  They lacked any semblance of fun.

When I started canoeing, I was obsessed with paddling as fast and as far as I could on each of my trips.  A good canoe mentor named Joe Conrad cautioned me that I should stop and smell the roses more often.  Once I heeded his advice, my canoeing became more fun.  Even along a lazy winding rural river, there are so many sights to see along the way.

I am sure that you have often heard that “I need a vacation from my vacation.”  Whenever, I hear this, I think of my first trip to Europe.  We rented a car and tried to see every European country (Almost) in a week.  A friend of mine warned be about this “American” tendency but I did not heed his advice.  It was not until Karen and I returned, burnt out, unhappy, and unsmiling, that the wisdom of his words hit home.  I resolved to spend more time in only one country and never try to do the “grand tour” of the world again.  Since then, my vacations have been fun and each one of our trips has only gotten better.

huangshan-sunrise-1140-2Somedays when we are on vacation, we do not go anywhere.  We stay in a small apartment in some recently found village or town and cook meals, talk, and take walks around the area.  No great jaunts to see any “Seven Wonders of the World.”  Most of our trips are not cruises so we have few schedules.  We get up when we want to.  We go out when we want to.  We see what we want to, and we come back when we want to.  Often the sights that we see along the way are unscheduled and not in any travel guides.  We became friends with a Swiss couple at a soccer match we happened to stop and watch one night.  We traveled in China to a mountain where we spent the day climbing with a couple whom we met in China.  The next morning all of us watched the sun rise over the mountain tops.

flamingo-restaurant

In a little taverna in Naxos, we would sit every evening on the beach and eat fried squid, drink a local liquor, and watch the sunset.  We did this every evening for two weeks and never got bored.  Our one side trip to Santorini was a waste of a day.  We followed the advice that “EVERYONE” gave us when they said, “You must see Santorini!’  We spent two hours in a smelly boat getting there and it was one big tourist trap.  As for the beauty of the bay, it was undeniable, but we had the same and many more beautiful sights on our little island.

What are the obstacles to “smelling the roses?”   I would list the three major obstacles as follows:

  • Missing events in favor of things
  • Bragging rights
  • Time traps

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Missing events:

There are always many sights to see on any trip.  Many of these sights are famous and well worth seeing.  Many of them can also be very touristy.  However, you would not want to go to Paris without seeing the Eiffel Tower or Louvre.  But there are also many events that are always happening in small and large towns.  Unfortunately, you cannot find most of these events on tourist guides because they are usually local events that may happen yearly or only occasionally.  I am thinking of the flea market at Portobello Road where Karen and I spend a day just wondering around looking at the things for sale.  I am also thinking of the Tokyo Fish Market when I got up at 5:30 AM to go see the hundreds of fish vendors and how they sell the widest assortment of fresh seafood that I have ever seen in my life.  I might forget the Louvre, but I will never forget the Tokyo Fish Market.

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Rule 1:  Take time to seek out events on a trip. 

Bragging rights:

So, who doesn’t want some bragging rights.  Yes, I saw the Tower of London and the crown jewels.  Yes, I saw the Sistine Chapel.  Yes, I saw the Acropolis.  But you know what, none of my friends or parthenon-facts-thumbnailrelatives cared.  There are things you are told that you must see.  Ask yourself why?  Then make a list of the things that YOU really want to see.  I went to a Baptist Revival Meeting once when I was in Birmingham, Alabama.  It was a three-hour old-fashioned tent revival meeting complete with an altar call.  Being a devout Atheist, I thought I would be lynched when the service was over.  Instead, many people came up to Karen and I and after some brief chit chat invited us to a large pot-luck dinner.  We declined but were touched at the hospitality and friendliness of the church goers.  I wondered if I was Black would I have received the same invitation?

Rule 2:  Do not let ego overrule your own idea of what would be fun and interesting.

Time traps:

  • I would love to join you, but I must be at such and such a place!
  • Sounds like fun, but I really do not have the time!

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I have heard so many excuses from retired people in respect to not having the time to do things that it simply boggles my mind.  People dream to be retired so that they can have the time to do what they would like to do but instead weigh themselves down with to-do lists and schedules that would cross a rabbi’s eyes.  Some people like Tevye thought it was a matter of having enough money.

“If I were rich, I’d have the time that I lack to sit in the synagogue and pray

And maybe have a seat by the Eastern wall

And I’d discuss the holy books with the learned men, several hours every day

And that would be the sweetest thing of all.”  — Fiddler on the Roof

In truth friends, it is neither time nor money which we lack, it is usually the will.  If you are retired or on vacation or have a day off, you probably have a choice over what you must do.  However, if you are governed by a should list or a must list, you will be a slave to time and money.  We can only free ourselves from these constraints by a power of the will.  Making a choice in our lives over what is important.

I am not saying that we don’t have schedules and that time and money are not important.  But we all know people that seem to accomplish so much more than we do.  We scratch our heads at the abilities of these people.  But do we ever stop to think that they have no more time and often no more money than we do?

When I say that it is a matter of will, I am talking about thinking about our real priorities and acting on them for the long term.  That good friend that invited you over for dinner might not be around next year.  That invitation to go on a trip might not be possible in the future.  Karen and I once went on a fantastic seven-day cruise on a 182-foot-tall ship named the Sir Francis Drake.  Thirty crew and eighteen passengers with a draft that allowed us to sail in the shallowest bays all added up to a trip that we will never forget.  We put off many times going on another trip with this vessel.  Then one day we read that the Sir Francis Drake was moored in a Honduran harbor when a hurricane hit.  The next morning the ship was gone.  It had washed out to sea and sank.  The old saying “never put off till tomorrow what you can do today” instantly came to my mind.”

Rule 3:  Get your priorities straight.  Life is short

As always, I welcome your comments and would love to hear your trip or vacation advice.  What are your favorites trips?  What made them fun?  What would you do different?

Tracking the “Time” of Your Life

31 Aug 2022 4 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

time-tracker

Keeping track of time! Marking your days. Marking your weeks and months. Keeping a daily or monthly calendar. Keeping a diary. There are many ways we can keep track of our time. Some think it is a key to managing a successful life. Time flies when you are having too much fun but tracking time helps insure that we use our time wisely or does it? There are few things that are unambiguously good. Most of what we do has pros and cons or unintended consequences.  Is this true with tracking our time?

412BOkJrofL._SX351_BO1,204,203,200_The concept of tracking time brings forth images of tracking some wild beast in the woods. Deer, moose, bear, cougars, tigers all leave very distinctive tracks. Time also leaves distinctive tracts. Time leaves physical as well as emotional tracks on all of us. Not to mention the tracks that time leaves on the environment. Emotional tracks are evident in the greater cautiousness and fears that we have as we age. From experience, once burned, we no longer want to get so close to the flame. Indeed, many of us will not even go near the fire again. Divorce, rejection, death, pain all leave emotional scars. For some of us they may never quite heal. Physical tracks show up as lines, creases, joint aches, hair thinning, broken bones and disease. I often joke that physically I am aging more like cheese then a fine wine. I am getting squishier and somewhat moldy around the edges.

downloadPerhaps you see the idea of “tracking time” through a different lens. Maybe you have a need to track your minutes and seconds each day, a twist on tracking your dollars and cents. Perhaps, if you watch your time carefully, you may have more of it. Mark down your time spent each day in an Excel spreadsheet and carefully log your corresponding activities. This last task seems somewhat obsessive to me even though I am often accused of being a Type A personality. I once worked at a job where I was required to check my work in fifteen minute intervals each day and log what I was doing during each interval. After I left this company, I decided I would never again work for anyone where I had to justify myself at this level of detail. It was simply an exercise in obsessive control and domination.

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Type A personalities are supposed to be more compulsive and more aggressive than Type B personalities. Are type A personalities more prone to track their time? Are Type B personalities more prone to go with the flow? Do Type B people live more moment to moment? Are you a Type A or Type B personality? Do you go with the flow or do you track your time? Regarding the physical and emotional tracks that time leaves, how have you fared? What emotional tracks has time left in your life? What physical tracks do you see time making for you? Where are you headed now?

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