Why Diet Programs Ignore Common Sense! Or How to Lose Weight without even Trying!

marthas-vineyard-detox-diet

There are two rules of wisdom that I think most of us believe in.  They are:

  1. If it is too good to be true, it probably isn’t
  2. There are no free lunches

I have found the above precepts to be good guideposts for my life.  They are so often noted that we begin to take them for granted.  It could be argued that perhaps they are not true in every situation, but I believe that they are more often true than not true.  This brings us to the issue of diet programs.  Consider the following statistics:

  • An estimated 108 million American adults were dieting in 2012.
  • Each year, more and more adults are trying to lose weight
  • 80% of dieters try to lose weight on their own
  • In 2012, Americans spent an estimated $65 billion trying to lose weight
  • 90-95 percent of all dieters gain their weight back

(Statistics are from Fitness for Weight Loss)

HT_rocco_dispirito_book_jef_140109_16x9_608If I go to Amazon.com and type in “diet books”, I find that there are 184,291 books available to sell me on a strategy for losing weight.   There were 424 “Diet Best Sellers” in 2016 and 209 “Best Sellers” published already in 2017.  These are only the “Best Sellers.”  There were a total of 39,673 diet books listed as published in 2016.  Many if not most diet books do not make the “Best Seller” lists.  In terms of magazines dealing with diets and weight loss, there are over a dozen magazines that you can buy each week at your local grocery store (that you will find stocked right next to the chocolates) that will tell you how to lose weight “without even trying.”

fad-diet-adsHowever, the above statistics are only the tip of the proverbial iceberg.  If I go to Google and type in the words “diet strategies” in parentheses, I find that there are over 319,000 listings concerning various diets, stratagems, plans, tips, secrets, etc., that will show you how to lose weight “without even trying.”

Here are some typical headlines that you will find as you peruse any of the above information that is offered for those of us that need to lose weight “without even trying”:

  • The Harcombe Diet 3-Step Plan: Lose 7 lbs. in 5 days and end food cravings forever
  • 1200 Calorie Diet Menu – 7 Day Lose 20 Pounds Weight Loss Meal Plan
  • Win at Slim: New Secrets to Lasting Weight Loss
  • Outsmart Your Cravings: Sweet, Salty, Crunchy
  • How I Lost 42 lbs.
  • Eat, Drink, Shrink: No Diet Ways to Fight Holiday Gain
  • No More Guilt: Stop Dwelling, Start Enjoying

no exercise or dieting

The beauty of all these weight loss schemes is that you can lose weight “without (you guessed it) even trying.”  Any half-way intelligent person would regard these titles and by applying either of the two rules noted earlier decide that they were pure bunko.  Lose weight without trying!  End food cravings forever!  Lose 7 lbs. in 5 days!  No sane person would believe any of this BS.  Nevertheless, the diet magazines, diet plans and diet books sell like crazy.  Every year a plethora of new diet strategies replace last year’s models.  Why do people continue taking the bait when they know that it is a sucker’s game?  The simple answer is that when it comes to looking like Jennifer Lopes, Christie Brinkley or any of the Kardashians, all brain power and rational thinking goes down the drains.  Everyone in America wants to be thin and beautiful “without even trying.”

SUPER-SHRED-DIET-ROTATOR-617x241Every new diet strategy renews hope for the downtrodden and overweight oppressed masses.  Every new diet plan offers the possibility that beauty and slimness might be had before Christmas or at least before the New Year.  Every new weight loss scheme provides the potential to become the person that we dream of being.  Hope springs not just eternal in the human breast, but perpetually, irrationally and beyond all measures of logic or intellect:  To hell with “no free lunches!”  To hell with “it probably is not true!”

If even the remotest opportunity exists that I can lose weight “without even trying”, I will take the bait like a mouse eats peanut butter or a cat eats catnip or a bear eats donuts.  “Dam the torpedoes, full speed ahead.”  Who cares about logic?  Who cares that no evidence exists to back these claims up?

before and after maleSo now we come to the real issue.  You wanted to know if there actually might be a method for losing weight “without even trying.”  My answer is YES!  But there is even better news.  I will send you the secret strategy for my quick weight loss “without even trying” plan that I have developed for only $9.95 plus postage and handling.  In six weeks or less, I will give you a money back guarantee that you will lose twenty pounds “without even trying” or I will send you a full refund.  This offer is good for only thirty days after you read this blog and it will then expire.  The following stipulations also apply:

  • You must reside on a lake
  • You must be over 99 years of age
  • You must have been born in Last Chance, New Mexico
  • You must be at least 100 lbs. overweight at the start of this offer
  • You must believe everything you read or hear

Time for Questions:

Do you need to lose weight?  Have you been trying to lose weight?  How successful have your efforts been?  What has worked for you?  What did not work for you?  What would you like to change in your diet?

Life is just beginning.

“I believe that parents need to make nutrition education a priority in their home environment. It’s crucial for good health and longevity to instill in your children sound eating habits from an early age.” — Cat Cora
 

 

 

 

Hooters versus the All American Sports Bar

HootersGirlswithWingsLet’s get it straight.  Real men go to Hooters and not an All American Sports Bar.  This is no joke.  Wannabee jocks, would-be athletes and sports has-beens all go to an All American Sports Bar.  An All American Sports Bar is a place with twenty or more flat screen TVs, a large single screen of 60 or more inches, cheap lite beer (I call them Piss Beers) and some servers.  These are places for over the hill jocks that never even made it to the first string in high school.  Their usual line is “I would have made it but I blew my knee out.”

February 6, 2011 Packer Fans watch the Super Bowl from Zim's bar at 770 N. Milwaukee St. in Milwaukee.  From left to right,  Jennifer Sands of Milwaukee, Erinn Lobdell (cq)of Milwaukee, and Candice Winstead of Milwaukee, celebrate a Packer touchdown. MICHAEL SEARS/MSEARS@JOURNALSENTINEL.COM

Real men go to Hooters.  Hooters, if you have not been to any, are very similar to an All American Sports Bar and will also have nightly athletic events on a large screen TV.  In addition, unique events such as JELL-O and slime wrestling are occasionally featured along with tap beer specials.  But the main attraction at Hooters has to do with the name of the business: Hooters.  If you have not guessed it, one of the requirements for a server at Hooters has to do with what are known in the business as extra-stimulus physical attractions.  At Hooters, you have a chance to see reality up close and personal.  Hooters uniforms are very modest and afford the patron at the establishment an ample opportunity to view the extra-stimulus attractions of their individual servers.  Hooters Girls calendars can also be purchased on site.

sports-barThus, I maintain that an All American Sports Bars is for fantasy and jock wannabees but Hooters is for all the real men who want to deal with real reality.  Let me explain further.  In an All American Sports Bars, you can only watch your role models or jock heroes on a big big screen.  These heroes exist physically in another plane and as far as any jock wannabees are concerned it might as well be another planet.  In Hooters, the real thing is right in front of you.  Front and center are boobs and breasts that in most cases will knock your socks off.  These are usually the real McCoy, although in some cases they may be silicone implants.

sports_bars 1There is no way you can score in an All American Sports Bar since all the goals are on some 60 inch flat screen TV.  At any Hooters, if you are a real man, you can score one of the most beautiful women you have ever seen short of half-time entertainment at an All American Sports Bar.  However, your chances of meeting one of the leagues Pro Cheerleaders at your local All American Sports Bar is about zero, while at Hooters, you can have your pick of women that in many establishments rival anyone you will ever see on the big screen TV.

hooters-waitresses-1Now, I realize that many of you are probably dubious about my claims.  Some of you may even be offended by now or perhaps or calling me a liar.  So to keep this memoir objective and scientific, I decided to do what Sociologists call “First hand field work.”  Some would call it “Participant Observation.”  To test my assumptions and theories, I spent several hours at a local All American Sports Bar called “First Draft” observing the participants.  I subsequently went to my local Hooters of Frederic to also observe the participants.  It was hard not to “Go Native” and join in the festivities.  But I tried to maintain a certain neutrality so as not to favor one establishment over the other.  Eavesdropping on participants in both of these establishments provided plenty of evidence for my assumptions.  Just to give you a flavor of the night’s insights, I have summarized the following conversations that I overheard from patrons at each of the two venues that I visited.  (We Are the Champions)

First Draft Sports Bar:

Wannabee Jock #1        “Hey, you going to watch the big game tonight?”

Wannabee Jock #2       “Yep, watched the big game last week too.”

Wannabee Jock #1        “Think they got a chance to win?”

Wannabee Jock #2      “Yeah, if the lineup holds, but they have had quite a few injuries.”

Wannabee Jock #1      “What’s his name seems to be off his game.”

Wannabee Jock #2      “Should have traded him a while ago.”

Wannabee Jock #1      “Do you remember when what’s his name was playing?”

Wannabee Jock #2      “Yep, that’s when they had a team.”

Wannabee Jock #1      “Should have gone all the way, but for the poor coaching.”

Wannabee Jock #2      “Yep, it took em a while to get rid of that bad coach.”

Wannabee Jock #1      “Best thing they ever did.”

Wannabee Jock #2      “So who do you pick tonight.”

Wannabee Jock #1      “I dunno.  Tough choice.”

Wannabee Jock #2      “Yeh, it all depends on what’s his name.”

Wannabee Jock #1      “Yeh, if he is on his game they could have a great night.”

Wannabee Jock #2      “Yep, it all depends.”

Wannabee Jock #1      “Hey, the games started.”

Wannabee Jock #2      “Hey, I want my regular, a Bud light.”

Wannabee Jock #1      “Yeah, my regular too, a Miller light.”

Wannabee Jock #2      “Nothing like a good beer and a great game.”

Wannabee Jock #1      “Yep, you can say that again.”

Wannabee Jock #2      “Say what?”

Wannabee Jock #1      “Wow, did you see that play.”

Wannabee Jock #2      “Yeah, they keep missing all the opportunities.”

Wannabee Jock #1      “Yep, bad coaching.”

Wannabee Jock #2      “You can say that again.”

Well, that’s just a brief sample of the inspiring, scintillating, innervating and dynamic dialogue that I heard while visiting the First Draft All American Sports Bar.  After washing this conversation down with a Bud Light, I journeyed on over to Hooter’s of Frederic.  The following conversation was heard while I was at Hooters of Frederic.  (Hooters Theme Song and Video)

Hooters Patron #1       “Did you see that?”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “Wow, I don’t think I have ever seen any that big before.”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “Hi Babe, can you get me a Miller Light?”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “Did you see the way she looked at me?”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “I think she’s coming back with my beer.”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “Hey Babe, are those real?”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “What an asshole!”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “I think we should get another server.”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       Hey Babe, can you get me a Bud Light?

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “Did you see the way this new babe looked at me?”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “I think she’s coming back with my beer.”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “Wow, she was an asshole too.”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Hooters Patron #1       “Let’s go, I think they are all assholes here.”

Hooters Patron #2       “Holy Shit!”

Well, there you have it folks.  Opinion backed up by scientific proof.  Evidence from a true research field study backed up by experience and observation.  Losers and jock wannabees go to an All American Sports Bar but winners and real men go to a Hooters.  The real scoring takes place at a Hooters while the on-screen scoring is the only kind of scoring that takes place at an All American Sports Bar.

For information on a Hooters Franchise, please call me at 1-800 Have-a-Hoot or log on to my website at www.holyshit.com

Time for Questions:

I think we will skip questions for this week.  Unless, you have some good ones to ask and then I would recommend you post them in the comments section.   I am brain dead after writing this blog, or maybe I was before or maybe during. J

Life is just beginning.

Well, if you spend a lot of time in these places, your life has not really even started.  Get a life.  Read a book and skip the BIG GAME this week.

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