Autobiographies from the Dead – Joe Six-Pack the Republican/Tea Party Stalwart

Well, this is the last of my autobiography series.  I have channeled the voices of seven people so far and I have come to the end of my time for this work.  My last autobiography will speak for a large section of the American polis.   It has been claimed by both Donald Trump and Sarah Palin that he is the center of the Republican Party or as they would say in Germany, he represents the “politische mitte.” 

This week, he will tell you in his own words about his life, loves, dreams and political aspirations.  Of course, he is deceased now, so he is talking from the great beyond where perhaps he has gone to meet his maker.

Joe Six-Pack the Republican/Tea Party Stalwart

Hello-Joe-Sixpack-450x299My name is Joe Six-Pack.  I am looking down at my body now. I can’t understand why this has happened to me.  I am only forty years old.  One minute I was healthy, happy and full of life and now this – dead.  Who would have thought that the old bag would have carried a 10mm Glock in her purse?  I only wanted to scare her.  I did not really mean her any harm.  That’s the problem with this country, too many old bags driving when they should be in a nursing home.

Here is what happened to me.  I was driving down the street minding my own business, when out of the corner of my eye, I saw this 2011 Buick Regal coming down a driveway.  I sped up to get by her before she could pull out but she was just a little faster than I was and turned in front of me.  I had to break hard to avoid the old bag.  This pissed me off.  She then turned right and did not even seem to notice my car.  I decided I would scare her a little bit.  I got as close as I could on her bumper and followed her for a few blocks when she suddenly stopped.  For the second time, I almost hit her.  Now I was really mad.  I jumped out of my car and took my Buck folding knife out of my pocket.  I wanted to give the old bag a little fright.

woman with gunShe was sitting in the car as I walked toward it with my blade out.  I could not believe what occurred next.  She opened the car door, stepped out and stared right at me and my knife.  In her hand, she held a Glock automatic.  Before I could say anything, she had fired three shots at me and then three more.  The first three were enough since I was dead before the second three hit me.  I crashed to the ground as horns started blaring, brakes were screeching, people were screaming and sirens were going off everywhere.  It sounded like a New Year’s Eve celebration in Times Square.  And there I lie, right in the middle of it, stone cold dead.

The NRA say that when “Guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.”   Where did this old bat get her gun license?  I would never have believed that she had a concealed carry permit.  My biggest mistake was to not heed that old admonishment about “not taking a knife to a gun fight.”  Who would have thought, that I would be killed by a 70 something year old “senile” citizen.  Me, a card carrying member of the NRA shot down by an old grandmother simply for jumping out of my car.  What is this country coming to?

joe sixpackI remember just the other day, as I sat at the bar with a bunch of other Joe Six-packs and we were watching the big game.  This was right after we had watched the NASCAR 500.  We were talking about how this country was in decline.  That “black” president was ruining America.  It used to be a good place to live and now you cannot get a job, everything is being made in China and the minorities are running everything.  In addition, the country is being taken over by illegal immigrants and Islamic terrorists.  And that is not all that is wrong with this county!

Women can now get abortion on demand.  Gays are getting married and hugging and kissing in the streets.  Lesbians are holding hands as they walk through the malls.  Soccer moms are trying to destroy our national sport of football and the price of guns and ammunition is skyrocketing.

American FamilyMy parents were once strong union members and I think they may have even voted Democrat once or twice.  Today, my friends and I are Tea Party members and we support Donald Trump.  He is the only politician that can be trusted because he is not really a politician.  Donald knows how to make money the old fashioned way by buying and selling and not by robbing the citizens through excess taxes to pay exorbitant salaries.  The Democrats should all be arrested.  They are all a bunch of socialist, faggot intellectuals who only want to take money away from the rich and give it to the useless people who don’t want to work or who want to come to this country and get a free ride.

i-save-the-american-dreamIt is time to take back our country.  We need to get back to the values that made America great.  The Second Amendment is the backbone of this country.  Women belong in the kitchen; gays need to see a psychiatrist like Michelle Bachman’s husband and minorities need to go back to their own countries.  I bought a concealed carry permit because every true red blooded American needs to have a weapon to protect our country.  My only mistake was in not having the right weapon on me when I ran into “Grandma Moses.”

Well, no more NASCAR races.  No more football games.  No more golf games.  No more basketball games.  No more baseball games.  No more hockey games.  I grew up loving sports.  I will really miss them now.  What I shame that I could not play any.  Busted my knee playing football in high school and could not run after that.  They said that if I had not busted my knee, I might have made All-State and gone to college on a football scholarship.  I wanted to go into the Army after high school but with my bad knee they would not take me.

american dream 3When I was young, I dreamed of going places and seeing the world.  My parents did not travel at all except to visit relatives.  I thought I would go to many of the places that we talked about in my high school geography class.  I was not much of a book reader but I was always interested in new ideas and new ways of doing things.  I was a quick learner and could pick up mechanical things very easily.  I went to a work for a company where they taught me preventive maintenance and mechanical skills.   I always hoped that someday I would have my own company and be able to leave my kids some type of a business that they could take over.  My father had worked for the post office and made a decent living but did not have much to leave anyone except the shirt on his back.

I quit the manufacturing company after a few years and ended up getting a maintenance job at my old high school.  It was a union job and it paid good wages and had good benefits.  I married about a year later to a girl I met shooting pool at our local bar and grill.  She was someone I had known from high school but had never paid much attention to there. We had two kids, a boy and a girl.

I was a good father and a good husband.  Never hit my wife or kids like a lot of guys I knew.  I wanted the best for my kids and I made sure that they paid attention at school and listened to what the teachers said.  We took the kids to church every Sunday and enrolled them in bible school when they were old enough.  I took them camping and took my son hunting and fishing.  We liked to do things together as a family.  My children adored me and I adored them.

american dream harder to acheiveI never broke any laws.  I never cheated anyone or lied on my income tax reports.  I worked hard and believed in the value of hard work.  I liked what Thomas Jefferson said about “The harder I work, the luckier I get.”  I believed in God and I supported my church with tithes and donations.  I was always willing to help anyone in need.  My wife and I often helped with the maintenance and repair of homes for needy people in our community.  I believed that it was important to contribute to our country and society.  I believed in the value of education, God and the Constitution of the United States of America.  I believed that the USA was still the only place on earth that I would want to live.

Why did I jump out of the car?  What was I so angry about?  I can still feel the anger coursing through my dead veins.  Nothing seemed like it should be anymore.  What is happening to our country?  My dreams for the future seemed to be getting further and further away.  It was all I could do to pay my bills and afford a car and health insurance.  All my friends said the same thing “The American dream is evaporating.”  “America is in decline.”  The lazy, crooked and deviants are taking over our country.  Is this why I am so mad?

new american dreamThe old lady really set me off.  Just another person who thinks they can do what they want and walk all over you.  People don’t have respect for anyone anymore.  There is no civility in our country any more.  I have tried to teach my children to respect and honor other people.  I truly believe that we need a world where all people love and have compassion for other human beings.

I just wanted to scare her.  I wanted to teach her to look where she was going and to have some respect for other people.  I wonder what she thought when she shot me.

My wife and kids will miss me.  I will miss them.  I hope they will remember me for the good things I tried to do for them and others.

I most go now.  I don’t belong here anymore.  I believe that there is a heaven and I will go and find it.  I never hurt anyone so I know they will let me in.  I want to talk to God.  I want to ask him why?  Why is America no longer the place it used to be?  Why do people no longer have respect for others?

Time for Questions:

Do you think the USA is in decline?  What do you think made this country great in the first place?  Do you still think we follow the values of our Founding Fathers? Why or why not?  What do you think we need to change in the USA?  Do you think we still have the respect of other nations?  Why or why not?

Life is just beginning.

“Show me that age and country where the rights and liberties of the people were placed on the sole chance of their rulers being good men, without a consequent loss of liberty?”   ― Patrick Henry

“America will never be destroyed from the outside.  If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.”  — Abraham Lincoln

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: