Robots may one day bring us all supper. AI programs may one day make college degrees obsolete. Quantum computers may one day manage our finances and even our lives. However, there are some things that no programs or electronic devices can ever give us.
As a man growing up in America, the five things that I dreamed of, lusted for, desired more of than anything else, and sometimes broke my heart over, were: Fame, Fortune, Cars, Women and Immortality. These were my gods. These were my icons.
Perhaps if I were a woman growing up in America, children would be included in this pantheon of desires. If I am showing any sexism here, you will forgive me. I grew up in an Italian family in Brooklyn, New York with a father who was a very typical American male of his day. The message I received from him about women was that they belonged in either the bedroom or the kitchen. Of course, they still had to be desirable and beautiful. It was all the better if all the guys on the corner envied you your girlfriend. Needless to say, I never had a girlfriend while in high school or while hanging out on the street corner.
Today, I see that Fame and Fortune are still the Pied Pipers of existence. Fame and Fortune are the pathways or tickets to fast cars or perhaps large trucks and glamorous women but most of all Immortality.
I want to talk about the connections, relationships or nexus between these five concepts. What do they have to do with each other? Why do they loom so large in the minds of so many people? What is the glue that binds them all together? How do they end up killing our souls and spirits?
The Bible says, “The love of money is a root of all kinds of evil.” 1 Timothy 6:10. Money itself is not evil. It is the mindless pursuit of money which is the evil. The pursuit of something that recognizes no boundaries. The pursuit which leads men and women to use illegal and immoral means to obtain their goals or if you will their Gods.
Fame, fortune, cars, women, and immortality have become Gods for many of us. Even those of us who learn to stop this reckless pursuit often admire, envy or dream of the attainment of one or more of these Gods. How can you not want a God when all around you society is telling you how great you will be if you can only grasp a God. Obtaining any of these Gods makes you at least a quasi-God.
Fame:
You are admired and lauded by millions of adoring fans. The paparazzi clamor to get your photo. The reporters all want to get an interview with you. Other rich people want to stand by your side or be your friend. You get invited to the best hotels, the best restaurants, the best places. Everyone wishes that they could get just a bit of your glamor. You live in a house that could easily hold five families. What does fame bring you? Power. Power and fame open doors. Power and Fame go together like the Yin and Yang of existence.
But fame has a downside. Fame can cost you your soul. If power can corrupt, fame can slowly extinguish your being. You may no longer be you. You become an image. You have a reputation to maintain. A persona that must be adhered to. You no longer know who your real friends are or who are just sycophants who want a piece of your glory.
You must walk and talk a certain way. You must act and dress a certain way. You belong to the public, and the public thinks that they own you. You cannot go any place and just have peace and quiet. Your old friends have fallen away because your glow has become too bright for them. You stand on a pedestal that you have created. You have become a God, and others can only worship you. You are no longer a real person. You are a celebrity. You are a media personality. A social influencer. One of Fortune magazine’s 100 most admired people in America.
But fame is fleeting.
- Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, and riches take wing. Only one thing endures and that is character. – Horace Greeley
- Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller the other. – Erma Bombeck
Once upon a time you were “King of the Hill.” Today you are a has-been. A guy or gal who once made it big but are now forgotten. No one views your old movies anymore. No one buys your albums. The public has moved on. Your invites to special events have become only memories.
You are now alone in your big mansion. You are wondering how you are going to pay the bills. No contracts are coming your way. Your agent does not answer your calls. Your spouse has left you for greener passions and taken most of your savings. You lost all your old friends because you did not have any time for them.
You wanted fame and you got it. You forgot the old saying, “Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.” You thought Fame would bring you happiness. You reveled in the power that opened doors for you. You even thought that Fame would make you immortal. Like the Gods of Greece. Like Zeus and Apollo and Athena, you thought that your Fame would echo down through the centuries. They would at least erect monuments in your name.
But perhaps beneath the desire for power, fame and even immortality was something still more fundamental. You wanted someone to see you and say, “You matter.” Fame promises that recognition on an enormous scale. Immortality promises that you will continue to matter even after you are gone. But being known by millions is not the same thing as being loved by one person who actually knows you.
You go to the refrigerator to make your own sandwich. The maid and cook are things of the past. You look for something edible and remember the old days when at home your mom made you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. But you only have croissants and no jelly in the refrigerator. You would call your mom and see if she could come over to make you a sandwich, but then you remember that she passed away a few years ago. You did not go to her funeral because you were on a shoot. You did send a nice bouquet of flowers.
Life is not fair you think but again you remember your dad and mom telling you that life is never fair. Your dad passed away a few years before your mom. You regret that you did not spend more time with him. Your parents seemed so proud of you when you became famous. However, you remember your mom telling you that fame or not, they loved you and were always proud of you. You wonder if Fame and Love can go together?
Or are Fame and Love mortal enemies?
What did Fame bring me? You ponder this question. Where can you get an answer? You go to your computer AI program and type in the prompt: “Are Fame and Love Mortal Enemies?” Your AI program gives you the following reply:
Perhaps not mortal enemies—but they are uneasy companions.
Love depends on intimacy, trust, vulnerability, and the feeling that someone values us for who we are rather than for what we represent. Fame works in almost the opposite direction. It turns a person into an image, a commodity, or even a fantasy belonging partly to the public.
The famous person faces a peculiar problem: Who loves me, and who loves being close to my fame? At the same time, the partner may wonder: Am I sharing this person with millions of strangers?
Fame also brings temptation, constant attention, travel, unusual power, and people eager to please. None of these makes genuine love impossible, but each can put extraordinary pressure on it.
Perhaps the greatest danger is that fame feeds the ego while love requires us, at least occasionally, to forget the ego.
So, fame and love are not mortal enemies. But love asks two people to create a small private world together, while fame continually invites the whole world inside.
In Part 2, I will deal with what Fortune Means to Us:
Aging Capriciously 