Aging Capriciously

“There is a time for sowing and a time for reaping, a time to give birth, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to uproot what is planted. A time to tear down, and a time to build up. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to embrace, and a time to shun embracing; a time to be silent, and a time to speak.” – (Solomon, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8). This psalm from Solomon is perhaps the greatest quote on time ever. It is undeniably recognized the world over for its profound wisdom. It reflects a world where everything has a place and a purpose and the role of time is an overarching foundation for the purpose of life. Today we weep for a lost friend or spouse, tomorrow we rejoice over a marriage or birth. Today we fight a war for justice and tomorrow we negotiate for peace.

We think we control time. We believe that we control life and even our own destinies. The reality is that we have control over some things and some (perhaps the vast majority) we do not. Solomon’s wisdom counsels us to accept the ups and downs of life. It speaks to life as a flow wherein everything has its place. It counsels us to develop our own wisdom as we progress through life and face its inevitable joys and sorrows. Do not be saddened by the burdens of life, for tomorrow is always a new day and it will bring new times and new opportunities. You have as much to be optimistic over as you do pessimistic. Optimistic people are happier and live longer.

We may not always be able to control time but we can always choose how we want to spend our time. We choose our attitudes and we chose the meaning of time to us at any given moment. I can decide to do what I think is important today or I can spend my day in trivial pursuits. I can work today to make the world a better place or I can bemoan the lack of good TV programs and its excessive commercialism. Some days I will be successful and others I will not be in controlling my time. Perhaps today is a time for failure and tomorrow will be a new opportunity.

What is your time for today? Life is often a series of cycles, do you live and accept your cycles or do you try to force your time according to some schedule? Do you accept the ups and downs of life? What downs are the most difficult for you to accept?

Collecting stuff is a pastime for many of us. Actually, it might even be an obsession for some of us. We shop till we drop. We shop on weekends, we shop on vacations and we shop on holidays. In fact, shopping has become a holiday of sorts. We shop and shop and shop. The result is that we collect so much stuff that we now routinely have garage sales and flea markets just to get rid of the stuff so we have more room to collect more stuff. I have noticed that many of my friends (now facing retirement) are trying desperately to “de-clutter” by getting rid of stuff. Amazon is full of books touting how to organize your stuff, while E-Bay is full of stuff that people are trying to get rid of (at a profit of course). We may be moving from an upsizing home economy to a downsizing home economy.

When we are young, we want more and more stuff. Then, either because of age or space, we finally get to the point where we are inundated with too much stuff. Stuff begins to rule our lives. The amassing of so much stuff creates a problem. Just like companies that have too much inventory, many of us have too much stuff. We spend time storing it, insuring it, moving it, maintaining it and finally trying to dispose of it. You cannot even take old computers to the landfills any more without paying a fee. It would be nice to think that all of our old stuff could be recycled and that it would not end up as simply polluting the environment. Alas, I doubt this is yet happening on a large enough scale.

Why do we collect all of this stuff to begin with? Are we amassing some treasure? If you think collecting stuff is profitable, think again. Most of us would have been better off putting our money in a retirement fund or the stock market. Stuff usually sells for pennies on the dollar if you can sell it at all. Do we simply collect stuff to have the most toys or to keep up with the neighbors? In a designer society, is stuff the ultimate status of success?

Amassing stuff becomes a habit. It can actually become addictive. My wife and I still look at stuff and want some of it. We are drawn towards it like moths towards a flame. Antiques, collectibles, nick knacks, art, motorcycles, toys, games. You name it, we want more of it. Fortunately, we both realize that 1) We don’t need it and 2) We have no place to put it. Our attitude towards stuff has changed as we have grown older. Why did we collect so much stuff in the first place? Why amass so much stuff that we don’t need and has little or no value to anyone else? We laugh at packrats as they attempt to collect stuff for their winter nests. In reality, we humans are the greatest packrats of all time.

How much stuff do you have that you don’t want or need? How much of your life and time is dedicated to collecting, protecting, maintaining and disposing of the stuff you have collected? What if you had less stuff and more time? Would you be happier? Stuff is the enemy of time. Can you set up a frugal rule or a rule to de-clutter? It will make your life simpler and more satisfying in the long run. Stuff can never replace time and people.

Antiques hold a special allure for some people that I could never understand. Why would anyone want to buy someone’s old junk? Ancient items that people often bought out of necessity. Go to an antique store and it is full of things that our parents and grandparents gladly would have thrown out if they could have afforded anything better. Nevertheless, the growth of EBay and the thousands of antique stores that surround us are testimony to the allure of old items. And it is not just kitchen and household items.

Just look at the number of classic car shows that occur each weekend during the summer. Cars that never ran well, cars that broke down frequently, cars that had the gaudiest styles imaginable will all be lined up along city blocks. Throngs of admirers will saunter among the cars while the proud owners will sit in lawn chairs watching the people muse over their cars. How many times will they hear “I had one just like that when I was growing up?” Of course, most of these “antiques” are in much better shape now then when the aging baby boomer owned it. Newer engines along with updated electronics have probably made them much more reliable than when they were built.

As the baby boomer generation grows older, so does its fascination with nostalgia and all things old. Antiques are simply one way of reconnecting with the past and of fulfilling dreams that we missed in the years gone by. Nostalgia is defined as “a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one’s life, to one’s home or homeland, or to one’s family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time (dictionary.com).” Old objects are valuable because they connect us to what we remember as either an earlier or simpler or happier time. Time has a way of erasing the bad (perhaps more realistic memories) and replacing them with a dream of what our past should have been like.

Do you dream of living in the past? Do you ever get sentimental over “bygone” days? Have you ever bought an antique? What is your favorite antique? Why? Have you ever wondered what meaning it had for you? What in your past would you like to bring forward into your future? What would stop this from happening if you wanted it to? It is very interesting that despite our frenzy with progress and new development, a certain part of each of us will always be “stuck” in the past.

I love a rainy day. I don’t need to justify that “April showers bring May flowers.” While many people moan and groan about rainy cold drizzly days, I actually revel in them. Something in me feels peace and tranquility on a rainy day. For years, I simply accepted that I enjoy the “dreary” days that put most people off. My friends and spouse think me crazy because I will greet the rainy days of spring and fall with the same alacrity that they greet the sunny warm days of summer. Something in my nature loves the way that time moves on a damp rainy day. Whether it is simply drizzling or a full blown thunderstorm, there is something on those days that my soul resonates with.

After years of feeling out of sync with other people, I decided to try and figure our why I feel such affinity for a rainy day. The explanation I came up with had to do with my father’s rules about how I could spend my time. On “nice”days, I was supposed to go outside and play. On “bad” days, I could stay inside and do whatever I wanted to or nothing at all. I could hear my father saying to me “get your butt outside, it’s too nice to stay inside.” I found this insight rewarding since I could now understand a childhood rule that governed how I spent my time and indirectly what I could do and not do. Rainy days were “bad” days, so I got to spend my time doing what I wanted to do. Nice days (sunny and warm) I had to go out and do chores and go out and “be busy.” On rainy days I could curl up inside and read a good book and not have to do anything or go anywhere. Time and rain were intimately related. I became a lover of rain because it meant freedom and all the time to spend as I wanted to spend it.

I am now free to break this rule whenever I want to. Insight conveys power. Nevertheless, I still love rainy days, but every so often, I choose to do nothing at all on a nice SUNNY day. I chose to reverse my father’s rule. Understanding our hidden rules about time can be a liberating experience. Do you know what your hidden rules are about time? What messages do you tell yourself about how, when and where you can spend your time? Where did you get these messages? What messages that you received have kept you from doing things you would like to do? Are you free to break your rules now when you want to? What would help free you from rules that don’t add any value or meaning to your life?

Day running out and you still have a lot to do. There just does not seem like there is enough time in the day to do everything that needs to be done. How often does it seem like your day just runs out and you have not accomplished anything? I begin some days with great intentions to work, exercise, write, get some chores done or start a new project. Something interrupts my momentum and it can be all down hill from there. A friend calls unexpectedly. I run out of something and have to go to the store to find a replacement. The car breaks down. The weather is good, bad or terrible. There are a million things that can turn the best plans into rubbish. I started off on the right foot, but the left foot never hit the ground.

Some days my momentum never gets off the ground. I don’t even seem to start off on the right foot. I have all of these good intentions but I just do not have the energy. Perhaps life seems overwhelming or I feel depressed or I ate too much the day before. I want to crawl into a hole and hide. I feel like a failure and the day has not even started. I need to get kick started. I need a coach or something to get me motivated. As my day begins to run out, I may try to put on a last minute burst of work to get some things done, or I might just say the heck with it. I will do it tomorrow.

Maybe, how we feel at the beginning of the day is life sending us a message. “Take it easy today; you have been stressing yourself out too much.” “Get in gear, you are full of energy and today is a great day to get things done.” We need to allow life to talk to us and to follow our more natural rhythms of ups and downs. Not every day is a barn burner or “I just climbed Mt. Everest day.” Allow a cycle of work, play and rest to become part of your life. Maybe we would all live longer and enjoy life more if we had more “down” days.

Does your life seem to follow natural cycles of play, rest and work? How do you think your life would be if it did? What would you have to change to create a more natural cycle time in your life? When was the last time you had a day just running out and you really did not care?

Is Time running up or is time running down? Yes, we usually hear the phrase “time is running down”, but what if time were running up? It’s hard to conceive of the idea since we are all so conditioned to think of time as only running one way. We use up time which causes us to think of it as running out or down. But think of time as a substance. For instance, if time were like water, you could fill a cup up with it. You could pour time into the cup. Instead of time running out, you have time running in. The problem would seem to be to find a faucet from which to refill your cup with time.

If time and money are interchangeable then we should be able to amass time. Just as a bank account could grow, so should a time account be able to grow. What if today instead of turning 60, I turned 59. Impossible you say. However, what if I turned back the clock by stopping smoking? What if I stopped drinking and started exercising? What if I gave up some unhealthy actions, overcame cancer, stopped speeding, reduced stress, moved to a safer neighborhood? If I did any of these actions, I could literally refill my life with extra time. Time would then be running up for me. The more healthy actions I take, the more my time would run up. If you do not believe this is possible, look at insurance charts that denote lifespan and longevity. On the average, the less health risks you have, the longer you will live. Thus, eliminate each health risk and you will refill your cup with more time for living. Not only will you have more time for living, but it will be higher quality time as you will be healthier and happier.

Have you ever seen anyone that suddenly looked younger instead of older? How many people do you know that have time running up for them? Which way is your time going? What could you do to put some time back into your cup? Maybe it will never run over, but it is possible to fill it up a little bit every so often. What one action could you take today to refill your cup of time?

Time can and often is represented by a symbol or object. Some of the more notable symbols include: pendulums, the New Year’s baby, count down music, sun dials, rust, cobwebs, dust, the Grim Reaper, tarot cards, astrology signs, old shoes, antiques, and there are many more. These symbols or objects have all become associated with the passage of time for various reasons. The Grim Reaper represents death while the New Year’s baby represents birth. Rust and cobwebs both represent something old. Count down music, sun dials and hour glasses represent the passage of time. Each object has a history and its own association with time. Merely seeing one of these objects creates a myriad of associations within our minds as to time and its relevance to our lives.

Perhaps one of our most familiar and lovable associations lies in our fascination with antiques. Some people love antiques simply because they are old. In the original Star Trek series, Captain Kirk loved old books. This perplexed Lt. Spock since he felt that e-readers and the computer reader were much more practical. Spock could not fathom the need to associate with a symbol of the past. Most antiques represent some type of emotional association for us. The old desk that was just like our grandfathers desk. The egg beater that was just like the one our mom used to make us pancakes with every Sunday morning after church. Antiques remind us of the past and of our own transience in the present. They bring the past to life and help us to live it over and over again. Our Grandfather and mom can live on in the antiques we surround ourselves with. Symbols have meaning in the present due to the emotional attachments they help to recreate.

What are some symbols of time that are important to you? What symbols help you connect to your past? What are some antiques that you must dearly love? What meaning and emotions do these have for you? Why? Do you value old things more or new? Why? What if there were no antiques in the world?

It’s killing time!  The papers are full of it. You can hardly pick up a newspaper or listen to the TV without hearing of another murder or atrocity.  Each day seems to bring fresh carnage.  Each instance is more unbelievable then the last.  It seems there is no end to the mayhem that can be perpetrated on our fellow human beings.

For too many of us, life seems to hold little value.  We have all seen the headlines, wherein some stranger kills someone for a few dollars or even for “no” dollars.  Two suspects in a string of murders in Arizona were reported to have described their acts as: “random recreational violence.”  We no longer need motives for killing people.

Are you appalled by such a thought as “random recreational violence?  How long before we become accustomed to such killings and simply take them for granted?  There are over 30, 000 highway deaths every year in the USA, but we hardly lose a minute of sleep over them unless it is someone we know.  The rest of the deaths we simply chalk up to the price of living in an advanced industrial economy.  Will we get to the point where “random recreational violence” is seen as the cost of living in the twenty first century?  Will be become so jaded, that we simply turn the page or go to sleep without another thought as to the victims?  God forbid it! God forbid it!

But what can you do? What can we do? You might wish to become a vigilante but that would not really solve anything.  Is there a solution?  Why does crime seem to keep intensifying?  Why are mass killings getting more common.  What can we personally do to stop the killing time?  The simple answer lies in the personal actions that we can all take to avoid violence and harm.

Questions to Help You Reflect:  

Do you support peace?  Do you oppose capital punishment?  Do you oppose death to all people?  Do you support charities that promote peace work?  Do you believe that all killing is wrong?  Do you look for other solutions to promote peace in the world? Can you find a charity now that supports some peace work and either get on their mailing list or send them some money?  What if everyone in the world really supported peace and non-violence?  You are either part of the problem or part of the solution.  There can be no in between.

“You can’t turn back the clock, but you can wind it up again” (Bonnie Prudden). This is a very profound and optimistic thought. We may not be able to change some things we have done, but we can start over again. I have not always been the easiest person to get along with. My first marriage was often a rocky road and my second marriage has not been without its blemishes. However, the second one is working much better. I think there are several reasons for this, but maturity and experience have contributed a great deal to its success. We have learned many different techniques which have helped us to deal better with the rocks in the road. Sometimes when Karen and I get into an argument, we say to each other “Can we start over again?” This little phrase has helped us deal with many difficulties. It does not always immediately end our argument, but it always gives us a sense that we are willing to try again with a new approach. We both appreciate the chance to wind the clock up again.

Life is full of many difficulties. We cannot always avoid the problems that come our way. If we were all omniscient, we might be able to plan our lives to avoid making any mistakes, but none of us are omniscient. However, we can all start over again. We all have the power to wind the clock back up. We can face life each day and start anew. It is a choice open to all of us. You may want to ask forgiveness of god, yourself or others if this helps you but it is not a requirement for starting over. The only requirement is that you do not want your life to continue on its present path. You want to find a new direction to travel. Only by constantly winding the clock up again can we all find the directions that will lead us to a more promising future.

What in your life needs a new approach? Where can you wind the clock up again? What do you want to stop doing that has not been helpful in your life? Einstein said that a “definition of craziness was to keep doing the same thing and expect different results”. What are you being “crazy” over? Can you stop doing this and wind the clock up again?

May, in many parts of the world, May Day is a day to celebrate. In some countries, it recognizes the role of labor and the worker. Elsewhere, it is an opportunity to dance around the Maypole. A dance some see as celebrating spring and the nearness of summer. Others speculate the origins of the dance stem from ancient pagan fertility rites. Maypole dancing was described by the Puritans as ‘a heathenish vanity’ and was accordingly banned. (Wikipedia). Today, you can dance all you want and not have to worry about being burned at the stake as a “heathen.” Isn’t progress wonderful?

In the USA, Memorial Day (usually at the end of May) celebrates the sacrifices of our soldiers and veterans to help keep America and the world safe. Many simply see the end of May as the beginning of summer. It is a time when beaches, parks and outdoor venues open their gates. Students see May as the “end” of school; a time to graduate, look for a real job and of course attend graduation or prom parties. Have you noticed how graduation now seems a much bigger deal than it did years ago? High School kids have elaborate graduation parties, rent tuxes, gowns and limousines and go to places I could not afford until I was in my forties. Time keeps marching on and customs all over the world keep changing.

What customs do you have in your life? How have they changed over the years? Were the changes for the better or worse? What is special about May for you?