Aging Capriciously

A New York minute is an interesting term. A New York minute is a fast, frantic, in-year-face, speedy and harried measure of time. It is the opposite of the stereotypical Southern minute where time is slow and unhurried. Years ago, if you had been to Alabama and New York, you would have seen the difference in time immediately. Of course, today everyplace is changing and (I fear) there has been an exorable move towards the NY standard. I am from New York and despite having lived in the Midwest for over thirty years; I still get accused of being on New York time. Probably because I do almost everything fast and have been multi-tasking before the word was coined. In my own mind, I have slowed down considerably from when I was an “East Coaster” and I enjoy the Midwest because things (at least when I first arrived) seemed slower and mellower out here. Perhaps, it has to do with the farm cycle versus the industrial cycle.

It is interesting that we allow time zones to measure our time but we don’t use “specific place” zones, except in slang. For instance, how would a Minneapolis minute compare to a San Francisco minute or a New England minute? Today, they might all be about the same. Thus, the term a NY minute is slowly passing out of use as we all become mini New Yorkers. However, there are still places in the world that are not on NY time and perhaps you will get to visit one someday. Even in parts of the US, there are places where the culture is not vested in moving fast. One can take a trip to the Boundary Waters in Northern Minnesota or up Lake Chelan in Washington to Holden Village. At these places, the emphasis is not on how many things you can get done or how much you can accomplish in 24 hours. There is a totally different emphasis.
In the Boundary Waters, you smell the flowers and you live according to paddle time or fishing time. At Holden Village, the emphasis is on spirituality and finding your true center of being. At both places, you forget time and you begin to live by the more ancient cycles of the sun, moon and stars. I have been to both of these places and I want to go back someday. The peace and serenity you find at each is truly beyond description.

Have you ever been to New York? Where would you like to go that is not on NY time? How do you expect time would be for you there? What if time was like that for you right here and now? What if in your own residence, you could set your own time standards? What would they be? Would you slow your life down or speed it up? What do you think a good measure of a life well lived would be?

“The World on Time” is the FedEx vision. What is FedEx’s success rate at being on time? I have found various figures, but even if they hit 99 percent, with 10 million plus packages delivered daily, that means that 100,000 packages are late each day. However, who defines FedEx’s on-time rate? Probably not the same people who work for delivery companies. I seldom seem to ever get anything delivered when I want it. I call up delivery people to have something delivered and the usual refrain I hear is something like: “We can be there between 8-12 or 12-5.” Thus, telling me that because they cannot be more specific as to their delivery time, I will have to waste ½ of a day waiting for them. I would love to find someone who would say “We will be there between 12 and 1.” In our time obsessed world, is the best anyone can do a four hour time slot? Can you imagine if movies or concerts worked on a four hour time slot or a 99 percent rate of starting on time? We would have a lot of unhappy people.

How many of us would love to have the world be on time? Of course, what we want most is for the world to be on “our” time. Few of us really like to be on someone else’s time. Being on time primarily depends on who defines the time. A few years ago Northwest Airlines had a perfect rate for on time departures. In practice, they would simply pull away from the gate, park the plane and call this an “on time” departure. While being on time might seem like an objective reality, it can depend to a large extent on how “on time” is defined. I know people who define being on time as coming anywhere from one hour late to two hours late for an appointment.

What is your ideal vision of being on time? Are you continually frustrated by late people, late deliveries and late arrivals? Would you be happier if the world was more on time? What if it were the other way around? What if no one cared about being on time? Would you be happier if the world was more relaxed about time? Do you think we can have it both ways? How could we go about doing that?

Right on time! This phrase could be seen as a compliment. I would guess most of us would take it that way. Another way of looking at it might be to say, you were correct or exactly on the time we agreed on. Whatever way you look at it, most of us appreciate it when someone is “right on time.” Generally we reply to a compliment with a “thank you.” However, few people ever seem to answer: “thank you” to someone who is on time. I wonder why we don’t seem to recognize people who are complimenting us for being on time? Do we simply expect people to be on time? Therefore, it is not really worth a real compliment.

If you think about it, being on time is not such a common phenomenon. In fact, if you think about it, it is not very common at all. How many times each week have you gone to a meeting that started late or that several people showed up late for? How many events that you showed up for on time started late? I have often seen them delay a plane take off because a bunch of people were arriving late. Of course, I feel bad for the people who might miss their flight but I am also concerned over my connections and missing my departure schedules. You are sitting on the plane wondering how long they will wait for the late comers.

Being on time is not a natural state of affairs. People who are on time have to work at it. It is not easy to be on time. A great deal of effort, responsibility and planning are needed to be “right on time.” Any time someone does something that makes your life more pleasant, isn’t it worth a compliment? When people show up on time, it makes my life easier and more pleasant. No one today has a great deal of time to waste just sitting around waiting for someone who is irresponsible and thoughtless. Yes, sometimes accidents happen. However, have you ever noticed that they always seem to happen to the same people? The same people are late over and over again. Thus, maybe we syould compliment those people who work at being on time.

What if you started thanking the people in your life who were right on time? How would they react? Would they feel more appreciated? Would you like to be more appreciated for the effort you make to be right on time? Would being acknowledged for or acknowledging the effort by others to be right on time make any difference in your friendships or in your life?

A common refrain in many organizations is “Always time to do it over, never time to do it right.” How often have you seen this in your company? When I was consulting, it was one of the most popular problems we dealt with. I would repeatedly hear employees use these words to describe how things were done in their workplace. It was no wonder that American quality fell behind that of the Japanese during the eighties. We became a country where we did little or no long term thinking or planning. Our planning horizon was sixteen weeks. This is the length of time between quarterly reports. Our goal was firmly fixed on the corporate stock price. Could we have a more fickle or less worthwhile target? We are so busy doing things short term that we find it easier to fix the problems this creates rather than thinking things through and avoiding the problems in the first place. We ignore the old admonition that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

When I look back to the date I started consulting (September 1986), I ask myself, “Have we changed?” As a nation and as a people, are we looking any more long-term? Have we moved away from simplistic measures of success? Are we looking at more forward thinking or are we still primarily reacting to changes? What about personally? Do you think long-term or are you primarily always reacting to short-term crisis? Do you plan for the future or are you focused simply on what problems and troubles today will bring? What role does long-term thinking play in your life? What would your answers to these questions be?

I would love to hear your answers to these questions. If you care to, send your replies to me at persico.john@comcast.net or post your comments.

Summer is now in the air in Minnesota but I think it is still Spring I love best. Spring, the time of year when we start thinking about taking out the lawnmowers, planning vacations, worrying about taxes, planting flowers and getting outside more. The cold weather and short days are behind us and we get peeks at the eventual coming of summer. The buds have appeared on the trees; snow is gone, lent is over and green becomes the dominant color. The apple blossoms, tulips and lilacs are georgeous this year. Each Spring seems to have its own personality. Spring signifies renewal and rebirth. The cycle of life starts again with Spring.

For each of us, Spring brings a different set of meanings and a different response. Some of us will think of romance. Springtime in Paris seems magical and many of us have visions (or perhaps memories of visiting Paris in the Spring. Imagine romance, beauty, and Spring in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. For me, I start thinking of motorcycling. Between my wife and I, we have five bikes that we put away each winter. Spring is the beginning of riding season. However, first we need to do oil changes and tune-ups on each bike. Some will start easily and others will not.

If you are a gardener, no doubt you are making your rounds to the various greenhouses and flower shops. There are so many different varieties to choose from. Each has its own beauty and grace. You will have to get your soil ready and decide how much space to allocate to each and when the best time to plant is. In Minnesota, you must be careful not to plant too early. As I am writing this, we are just past a week where May saw us having more snow despite the fact we are well into spring. But what does the calendar really know about the weather. It is only a dumb piece of cardboard and paper. The real time is what I am looking at out my window today.

Then there are those who hate winter. If you fall into this category, you may be flying back from your safe nest someplace to the colder climates which are just beginning to thaw out. We call these people snowbirds in Minnesota. They fly south every winter like the ducks and geese only to return when Spring comes again. They would love Minnesota if they could leave out the five months between November and March that we call Winter.

What does Spring mean to you? When you think of the Springtime, what memories does it evoke? What do you look forward to doing most in the Spring? What hobbies, plans, dreams or desires does Spring bring for you each year? Has your concept of Spring changed over the years? What will Spring bring for you this year? You will have five more weeks of it until Summer.

Timelessness is that state when time does not seem to matter or when time seems suspended. It is those points, episodes or events in our life when time does not seem to flow or when we are totally unaware of the passage of time. I remember spending ten days in the Boundary Waters in Northern Minnesota. It took about a week for me to stop thinking of time and to stop looking at my watch. After that, I was almost totally unaware of the passage of time. Life seemed to slow down so that each moment I focused on could have lasted forever. Only the shifting of my mind caused any movement in the world or so it seemed. Schedules, to-do-lists, appointments all disappeared.

I moved when I wanted to, paddled when and where I wanted to, ate and rested when I wanted to and not by the movements of the hands on my watch. Time became non-existent except by virtue of the sun, moon and stars. Clock time, machine time, watch time, 24 hour schedules no longer existed for me. After leaving the Boundary Waters, it took me a few days for reentry. I had to reenter the world of schedules and work-time. I had to adjust again to time where we take a break on a schedule and count the days until the weekend.

Have you ever experienced a state of timelessness? When was the last time that time no longer mattered for you? What events or episodes in your life have evoked a state of timelessness for you? What where they like? Did you find them enjoyable? Do you wish you could have more experiences of timelessness? How often do you have any experiences of timelessness? Do you suppose this is a skill that could be developed or do you think it just happens? What if you could develop a skill to create timelessness whenever you wanted to? What would life be like for you if you could suspend time whenever you wanted or needed to?

And I think I will keep you here,
deep within my heart.
Today…tomorrow…forever…and a day! — (From “Forever and a Day”, by Cindy Heavican)

Songs can tell us a great deal about the feelings that are associated with time.  Forever and a day!  What a beautiful thought.  When we marry someone, our thoughts are like in this song.  Our hope is that our love and our happiness together will last long after our earthly bodies have withered away.  Poems and stories are full of tales of love that have somehow transcended time.  Some of these stories, like Romeo and Juliet, are now timeless themselves.

We would all like to think that our love will last forever and a day.  We marvel at those people for whom this seems to hold true. We may know a special couple who never seem to tire of each other and who are always loving and caring towards each other. Perhaps a father and mother who have been married for sixty some odd years and who still seem like newlyweds.  Or friends who despite the longevity of their marriage treat each day as thought it was the first day of their marriage.

What distinguishes these unique relationships from so many others wherein apathy and even hatred sometimes replace love?  The TV, newspapers and crime novels are full of stories where love turned to hatred and one spouse killed another.  Can we blame time?  Does familiarity breed contempt?  Do we simply get tired of people like we get tired of the same old song repeatedly heard? I want to say no, let’s not blame time.  If we must find something to blame, perhaps we must start with ourselves.  Time can age all things and cause them to decay and rot.  Time also allows all things to be renewed, repaired and restored.

Questions to Reflect On:

What happens if we don’t renew ourselves and our relationships?  Of course, they just get older and not better.  They may rot from within.  Think about yourself today.  Are you renewing, repairing or restoring yourself?  Or are you just getting older and decaying?  We can make a choice.  We cannot turn the clock back but we can move forward with it.

Book time is my favorite time. This is when I am already past the startup of a new novel and I find the time to just sit down and relax with it. I often go into an old bedroom in our house as it somehow seems more peaceful. It might be just before going to bed or sometimes when I have nothing to do. The world never seems more peaceful. It feels like hiding in a cave. When I was a child, book time was when I would go to the library. I discovered libraries at an early age and it was like discovering paradise.

Libraries were peaceful and quiet and full of all the ideas, fantasies, mysteries and great things of the world. I fell in love with books there. I probably love books more than anything in the world. I love them not only because of what they represent, but because of where they can take you and what they can make you. When I was young, knowledge was power and information was a precious resource. The balance of power has shifted now due to modern technology and the internet.

We seem to live in a society that seems more and more obsessed by sports. It is a society where star athletes are heroes and computer geeks are nerds. It is a society that places more value on baseballs, footballs and basketballs than on books and reading. Perhaps foolishly, I dream of a society where towns have signs up for leading academic students and not just for the “football champions of 03.” I dream of a society where music coaches and art teachers are as highly paid as NCAA athletic coaches. I dream of a society where as many students show up to watch the debating matches and chess matches as show up for the basketball games. I dream of a society where there are no such thing as nerds and geeks and where brains are as exciting as muscles.

Do you read enough? Do you value ideas as much as you value “who won the Superbowl?” Do you spend as much time reading as you do watching TV? Do you concern yourself with politics and culture as much as you do with popular sports and Hollywood celebrities? Do your children? Why not? Do you think your life might be different if you valued ideas more? What might change?

Do you know what “Mad” time is? It is time we waste when we are mad at others or the world. Road Rage is an extreme example of “Mad” time. How many lives have been wasted because of one single incident on a highway that took less than five seconds? Yet, when Mad time takes over, a single incident can turn into wasted hours, weeks and even wasted lives. Mad time has a notorious propensity to escalate and keep on escalating. One single incident turns neighbors into lifelong enemies. One single incident turns friends, lovers and family members into people that now hate and despise each other. Mad time is a vicious gift that keeps on giving. It gives more and more time to continue hating and loathing and despising others. Nothing is more pernicious or insidious than Mad time. Of course, you are right. Of course, it was not your fault. Of course, they were being jerks. Of course, they should apologize. How much time will you now spend thinking about what they did wrong and how you were insulted or maligned?

Have you ever sent an email that you wanted to retrieve? Did it cause you problems when you could not retrieve it? How much time did it take to send the email versus the time it cost you to fix the problems you created by sending it? Have you ever said something you wish you could take back? How much time did it take you to make up for this one lapse of patience. This is Mad time at work. Mad time can consume us.

In business, one looks at costs versus benefits and it is called a Cost-Benefit Analysis. Perhaps we should have a process for doing at “Mad Time Analysis.” Before we shoot off that angry letter, before we yell at the other driver, before we say those angry words, we need to do a cost benefit on the time it will cost us to make amends or the time that it could take out of our lives to repair the damage our actions might cause. How much time will it save or waste versus the time it took us to be angry and retaliatory?

Sometimes, you can never undue the damage that one minute of haste or one minute of anger can do. Are you a Mad-aholic? Do you get off on spending Mad time and then dealing with it? What if you had less Mad time in your life? Can you start reducing your Mad time by redirecting your anger? What could you do when you are angry rather than retaliate? Think about how much better your life would be with less Mad time.