The Goals of Life or Should We Live a Life without Goals? Part 2

16 Jun 2014 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

In part one of this blog we examined the question of whether it was possible to achieve goals that gave other people health, wealth, wisdom or happiness.  Our major conclusion was that this would be a futile effort.  Thus, we turn to the question of whether or not we can set goals to achieve any of these cardinal objectives for ourselves.  Prima Facie, you are probably wondering why anyone would even ask this question.  I think this a critical point to address before we proceed further. I want you to understand that I am not being frivolous here.  I am indeed serious in asking whether we can set goals for happiness, health, wealth or wisdom.   Image

Most of us accept as well established dogma, if not fact, that goal setting is essential to accomplishing our dreams and leading a successful life.  I assure you I am not setting up a straw dog.  I bring in Dr. W. E. Deming as my expert witness and mentor.  Dr. W. E. Deming believed that goal setting could be a waste of time and effort.  He was so adamant that one of his famous 14 Principles even addressed the subject, Principle Number 11:

“Eliminate numerical goals, numerical quotas and management by objectives. Substitute leadership.”

To understand Dr. Deming’s antipathy towards goal setting a few basic points must first be established.

  1. A system can only produce what it is producing unless changes in the system are undertaken.
  2. Arbitrary changes without consideration of the system as a whole will produce random results.
  3. “Pushing” a system to produce more than it is capable of will produce undesirable and unknown side effects.   For example:  asking workers to speed up production or to work longer hours.
  4. Improving a system will improve output and increase desirable outcomes.
  5. Continuous improvement comes from understanding of the process and the various factors that contribute to the process outcomes.

Dr. Deming believed that one of the worst evils in the business world was management arbitrarily setting goals for workers and employees.  We have already looked at the futility of such efforts.  We now turn to the issue of whether or not we can set similar goals for ourselves.  Keeping in mind the five points made above, will help us to more realistically look at the feasibility of setting goals in these areas.

Happiness for Ourselves:

My goal is to make myself happy. This sounds very simple but it may be the most difficult goal of all. How many people do you know who are depressed, alcoholic, suicidal, angry, bigoted, intolerant and worse even homicidal?  Rarely do we see anyone in the news who is happy.  If so, it is a very transient state of being.  Many people are happy today and sad tomorrow.  Happiness seems like a state of mind that can only be attained for a very short space of time.  “The happiest day of my life” can be remembered by most of us, but if we could be happy all of the time, why would any one day stand out?  That they do attests to the fact that truly happy days are very few and far between for most of us.  Happy days always seem to be in the past.  Perhaps that is because we really forget the miseries that often accompanied even the so called happiest days of our lives.

ImageBuddha said about happiness that we can have a false happiness which is a search for things to make us happy.  We can try to find happiness by obtaining more money, more friends or more possessions.  This kind of happiness is transient and our “happiness glow” soon fades.  Things can never make us happy.  True happiness is a state of mind.  It is a state of mind that accepts all things and that simply observes rather than reacts.  True happiness cannot come from changing others or even trying to change ourselves.   Buddha said, “Happiness is in the mind which is released from worldly bondage. The happiness of sensual lust and the happiness of heavenly bliss are not equal to a sixteenth part of the happiness of craving’s end.”

Conclusion:  We can achieve happiness but it is not the happiness of having things or getting medals or being successful.  True happiness is a state of mind.  Happiness starts when striving for results or accomplishments ends.  Thus, setting a goal to become happy might only lead to more unhappiness. The way to accomplish this objective is a paradox since to be happy we must let go of the goal of being happy.  Jesus said to live one day at a time. 

Health for Ourselves:

My goal is to make myself healthy.  We all want good health and we can certainly make ourselves unhealthy.  Can we do the opposite and make ourselves healthy?  I think we can strive to be as healthy as possible but we have to accept the fact that some “health” is beyond our control or at least beyond our current scientific knowledge to impact.   In terms of the five points given above, we do not fully understand the biological processes that create health in human beings.

A few weeks ago, a young woman in our town died of terminal cancer at the age of 32 leaving two young children.  She died only a few months after being diagnosed.  What did she do to make herself unhealthy?  Was it something she ate?  Did she not exercise enough?  I think you could spend your lifetime looking for an answer to these questions and you would never find an answer.  Do your best to stay healthy.  Exercise, eat right, don’t smoke, avoid stress and you might lead a long and healthy life.  On the other hand, you might die in six months from some disease that you never realized you had.

Conclusion:   We can have a major impact on our health by living properly but no one person or no single effort can guarantee us health.  It is a worthwhile goal if seen as a journey and not a fixed end state.  Some days you will be healthy and some days you will be sick. 

Wealth for Ourselves:

My goal is to make myself wealthy.  I have often pondered the value of this goal.  Since I have never achieved it, though I have often stated it as a goal, I am left with two questions.  First: Did I really value wealth enough to make it a priority in my life?  Second: Would my life have been better had I become wealthy?  My answer to the first question is a tentative no.  I have valued many things more than wealth.  I have always valued time more than wealth and I have always valued my own independence more than wealth.  I would rather be out running or swimming than reading the Wall Street Journal.  I have always had a difficult time taking orders and valuing loyalty to a company whose major motive is making profit is foreign to my nature.  Perhaps (which is why I said tentative) these are the reasons I have never achieved wealth or status.  On the other hand maybe I was just too lazy, stupid or undisciplined to become another Warren Buffett.  I thought I had the brains, but somehow the billions have never come.

ImageThe second question is perhaps more interesting.  “What if I had become rich?”  Would my life have been better?  Would I have been happier?   I have thought about this question more as I have aged and I honestly think that if I had become wealthy at a young age, my life would have self-destructed.  Like many young people who become wealthy and ruin their lives with drugs or fast living, I think it entirely likely I would have been unable to handle the influence or power that money would have brought.  I certainly do not think that becoming wealthy would have led to my happiness.  As I have become older, the goal of wealth has become less important.  I would not change my present lifestyle for all the money in the world.  I am content with my life, my friends and my spouse.  I am also content with growing older and coming to the end of my time.

Conclusion:  Beware of what you ask for, because you may get it.  Few of us are wise enough or strong enough to handle the “drug” of wealth. 

Wisdom for Ourselves:

My goal is to make myself wise.  We have already seen the difficulty of giving wisdom to others. Can we make ourselves wise?  Are there activities or knowledge that we can pursue which will ultimately confer upon us the mantle of “wise one?”  I think you could go to school for 100 years every day and you still would not be wise.  There is an old saying that “knowledge helps you to make a living but wisdom helps you to make a life.”  We go to school and receive knowledge, but the world is full of educated idiots.  We all know people who know how to make a living but haven’t the slightest clue as to how to make a life.

I am nearly 70 years of age now.  I am almost at that time of age when years ago, I would have been considered one of the tribal elders.  By dint of having lived seven decades, I would have been considered wise. Perhaps years ago, that is all it took.  The older you were, the wiser you were.  Today, I see little correlation between aging and sageing.  In fact, if you look at many of the great prophets, they achieved their status as leaders at what today would be a very young age.  Jesus was in his mid-thirties when he was killed.   Gandhi was fifty three when he became the leader of the non-violent movement in India and Martin Luther King was only thirty nine when he was assassinated.  History is full of examples of people who were deemed wise without the benefit of age or education.  Thus, we are back to the question, “how does one become wise?”  If I do not know the answer, I can hardly make myself wise.  Looking at the five points noted earlier, we must address the issue of “what kind of a system can or does produce wisdom?” Until we can answer that question, the goal of wisdom will remain elusive.

“Confucius once said that there were three ways to learn wisdom: “First, by reflection, which is noblest; second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.” Gaining wisdom, the most prized of virtues across almost all cultures, is an exercise in life learning, careful analysis, and thoughtful action.”   http://www.wikihow.com/Be-Wise

If someone as wise as Socrates was purported to be could deny the mantle of wisdom, perhaps this is one of those goals which is ineffable.  No one I know would claim to be wise and certainly no one I know would anoint me with the title of “Wise Olde Man.”  This is probably a good thing.  If I were known as the wisest man in Frederic, I can only imagine what this would do to my free time.  I can also imagine the effects this would have on my spouse and friends.  I am not generally regarded as being humble now and walking around bearing a cloak of wisdom would be deleterious for my ego in the long run

Conclusion:  I don’t really know the answer to becoming wise nor do I have a formula for how to become wise.  I must conclude that at the present time, I have achieved a great deal of knowledge but the magic of wisdom has still escaped me.  I have found that trying to become wise is an exercise in futility, like looking for the Holy Grail.  Perhaps we would all be better off working to become more humble than more wise. 

Time for Questions:

What goals have you set for your life? How successful have you been in accomplishing them?  What obstacles have you faced?  How have you overcome them?  If you could re-live your life, what changes would you make in the goals you set?  Why?

Life is just beginning.

 

 

 

 

The Goals of Life or Should We Live a Life without Goals? Part 1

08 Jun 2014 4 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

ImageOne of the common assumptions of modern life is that we all need to set goals.  It is said that our goals should be purposeful and measurable.  Furthermore, we are told that without such goals, we are doomed to live a life of meaninglessness.  Minus thoughtful goals, we will be like Alice in Wonderland where since Alice had no purpose or direction in Wonderland, it did not matter which direction she went.  Heaven forbid it!

But could modern wisdom be wrong?  Could common assumptions about the importance of goals be another of life’s many canards?  In my blog this week, I would like to explore the role of goals in our lives and look at whether or not they really are useful or are they simply another tyranny of a materialistic society that wants us to be running like rats on a treadmill.  Forever and forever scurrying through all eternity trying to achieve more and more and enjoying life less and less!  (By the way, I love exclamation points because they get rid of those annoying green lines that Word places in phrases that it does not like.)

Let us start our discussion by breaking goals down into two fundamental categories.  The first category concerns “goals for others.”  These are goals that we set either by malevolence or benevolence but they are destined to impact the lives of others.  Missionaries (depending on who you ask) may be thought of as having benevolent goals.  Dictators and tyrants (depending on who you ask) may be thought of as having malevolent goals.

The second category concerns “goals for ourselves.”  These are goals that we set to help us achieve either current or future objectives.  Thus, if I want to become set goalssuccessful, I may set a goal of going to college and obtaining a degree in law or politics or business.  This will be a future goal.  A more current goal would be to find some means to raise enough money to pay for my college education.  The element of time is somewhat flexible in determining whether it is a future goal or current goal and the distinction has created many an argument between people.  The indisputable element here is that we pursue these goals to benefit our own well-being. There is no altruism or charity in this category of goals.  Having said this, all distinctions are really like water. They are very fluid.  I am using these two basic categories to facilitate discussion and not with any hope of creating a uniform or indisputable and universally accepted definition.

Proceeding on with our discussion, we can identify under these two categories of goals, four specific goals that many would say are the four most important goals in the world.  I am not going to challenge this assumption.  For our discussion of goals, I will accept that these four goals are extraordinarily worthwhile objectives.  Furthermore, they are four in both of our major categories.  The four specific goals are:

  • Happiness
  • Health
  • Wealth
  • Wisdom

I am going to accept each of these goals at face value and forego any discussion of whether they are cause or effect.  I am also willing to accept that whether outcome or process they all are objectives that few of us would forego.  Thus, if a genie appeared to almost anyone on the face of the earth and said:  “Would you like to have eternal health, wealth, wisdom or happiness, there would be very few who would turn any one of these goals down.  We can put these goals into a table as follows.

Goals for Others Goals for Ourselves
Happiness Happiness
Health Health
Wealth Wealth
Wisdom Wisdom

Returning to the original question, “should we live a life with or without goals?” it is obvious that we must first answer a second question:  “Can any of these goals (In either category) ever be accomplished?”  If the most important goals we can set for life are impossible to achieve then it would seem wise to assume that “goal setting” is a waste of time.  Let us consider one by one each of these eight possible goals and see how many (or even if any of them) are really attainable.  What can we honestly expect to achieve for ourselves and others?

 Image

Happiness for Others:

My goal is to help make other people in the world, in my life or in my family happy.  What would you say to that goal?  If you are honest, you would probably say that it was a ridiculous goal and that no one can make anyone else happy.  No matter how hard we try, we cannot insure that the things we do will bring happiness to other people.  Happiness, you may wisely note is more of an inside job.  It depends more on our expectations and views of the world then what other people do for us.  Conclusion:  Don’t waste your time. 

Health for Others:

My goal is to help make other people in the world, in my life or in my family healthy.  This sounds like a goal that someone in a medical profession might pursue.  But how healthy can even a doctor make someone else?  Again, honesty would lead to the conclusion that nature and personal factors have more to do with health than even the best MD or medical practitioner.  Science has made major strides in helping populations become healthier but few are the medical people who could claim that they have made people healthy.  To make someone healthy would be almost an impossible task.  The best we can accomplish is to help prevent certain diseases and to help alleviate the effects of other diseases.  Conclusion:  We can help make people healthier but health is a state influenced by too many variables to be under the control of anyone but God.

Wealth for Others:

My goal is to help make other people in the world, in my life or in my family wealthy.  If I could make enough money, I could donate or leave it to my heirs or to some type of philanthropic foundation.  The skeptic in me would reject the idea that all of the donations in history have had much impact on world poverty.   I could be a teacher and teach other people how to make money or run a successful business. I could also be a consultant or business investment advisor and teach others how to wisely run their businesses or investments.  There is little doubt that we can help people have more money or even use their resources more wisely, but how many people have been made wealthy by the advice of others?  As a business instructor and management consultant for over 30 years, I can tell you that the answer is very few. When I look at the Forbes List of Richest People in the World, I see self-made billionaires, most of who were initially laughed at for their efforts.  I doubt Bill Gates, Sergei Brin, Jeff Bezos, Larry Ellison, Richard Branson or Warren Buffett depended very much on consultants or business teachers for advice.   Conclusion:  We can help people manage their money better but individuals make themselves wealthy. 

ImageWisdom for Others:

My goal is to help make other people in the world, in my life or in my family wise.  In order to see if this is possible, let us first look at Socrates.  Socrates was a teacher.  According to the Oracle at Delphi, Socrates was the wisest man in the world. Thus, we may ask the question:  Did Socrates teach other Athenians to be wise?  This is not a simple or easy question to answer.  Socrates did not accept that he was wise and went looking for a wise man but could not find one.  He never claimed to be teaching his students to be wise, but merely how to question assumptions and conventions.  Is a person who questions wise? How many wise people do you know?  Is wisdom a matter of age or does college teach you to be wise?  I would argue that school and teachers can give you knowledge but only life and your experiences drawn from life can give you wisdom.  Conclusion:  No one can make any other person wise.

If you accept the majority of my arguments so far, I think it would lead to the obvious conclusion that we cannot really make anyone else healthy, wealthy, wise or happy.  These are tasks that are far beyond our ability to have more than a minor impact on.  However, I am not yet ready to dismiss the power of goal setting.  Before I can do this we must turn to the second category of goals: goals for ourselves.  Do we have the ability to accomplish goals for ourselves?  If we can achieve even one of these objectives, then it would be ridiculous to say that goal setting is a waste of time.  In fact, given the seriousness of each of these goals, it would necessitate establishing goal setting as a serious repertoire in our lives.

In Part 2, which I will publish next week, we will look at each of these second category goals and see how much impact we can have on them.  If we really cannot make much of a difference for others, perhaps we can at least set goals that will make a difference in our lives.

Time for Questions:

Have you ever set goals for other people?  What goals have you set for others?  Have you been able to accomplish them?  What helped you or hindered you in this effort?  Do you think it was a valuable use of your time? Why or why not? What would you do different if you could do it over?

Life is just beginning.

Grow Old Along with Me

24 May 2014 5 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

We think of growing old and we think of aged people, old people, retired people, elderly people, nursing home people and dying people.  When we think of growing old, we don’t think of babies, teenagers, young people and college students.  Ironic in a way, since everyone from birth to death is growing old or is at least growing older.  Perhaps that is the difference.  Growing old seems to Imagemean aged.  Growing older is a process while growing old denotes a physical condition.    Old means droopy skin, failing health, difficulty walking and a general decline in one’s ability to be mobile.  To some, old is a state of being or as others would say a state of mind.  Call old what you will, but none can deny the physical deterioration that comes with growing older.

In the Velveteen Rabbit, as the stuffed toy rabbit grows older, he becomes more and more worn and raggedy.  Despite his aging, the rabbit becomes more and more loved by the boy who has become his constant companion through the years.  The love of the boy eventually makes the ImageVelveteen Rabbit “real.”  Regardless of the rabbit’s becoming threadbare, torn and disfigured, the Velveteen Rabbit gains a persona that can only be understood by someone who values longevity, companionship and friendship.

Of course, we all value companionship and longevity; many people in our lives are like the Velveteen Rabbit.  Our sisters and brothers, our grandfathers and grandmothers, our mothers and fathers and our good friends and spouses; will all become older and older and older.  Eventually, they all become aged, misshapen, wrinkled and decrepit.  But if they have been good companions through the years, we are blind to their aging process.  We only see the love and caring that they have shown us.  We are blind to their difficulty with hearing and their inability to keep up with us.  We only see the person who was kind and thoughtful to us.  We are blind to their infirmaries and disabilities.  We only see the person who took care of us and helped us in our time of need.

I sometimes look at my spouse Karen who has put on pounds and wrinkles and walks slower than she used to.  Over the years, she has become more and more beautiful.  Looking back, I am not sure Karen was real to me when we were first dating and even married.  It has taken nearly 30 years of togetherness for Imageme to more fully appreciate the person that she is and it is still a process that is evolving.  The commitments that she makes to others often go beyond my understanding.   The kindness and compassion that she shows to those who are in need is more than touching.  The many ways she sacrifices what she wants so that she can help me get what I want have all made Karen real to me.

One of the saddest things, you hear at funerals, is the comment “I wish I had spent more time with them.”   It is probably inevitable that we feel this way.  Having pondered this comment over many wakes and funerals, I wonder if more time would really have made a difference.  I rather think it would be the “quality” of time we spent with others.  You may think that I am simply citing a cliché “quality of time?”  What is this elusive quality of time?  Some examples from my own life with Karen illustrate this concept for me.  Perhaps for you it will be different:

  • Sharing meals together
  • Going to hospital visits together
  • Sharing back rubs and massages
  • Reading together
  • Traveling together
  • Shopping together
  • Spending quiet time together
  • Being concerned with each other’s work
  • Helping each other whenever we can
  • Checking in each day to see how the other is doing
  • Always hugging and greeting each other when going or coming
  • Taking care of each other when sick

My list might seem trivial to you.  Your list might be very different.  Nevertheless, what if we spent the time with our loved ones that enabled all of us to say when they are no longer with us that:  “I am glad I spent the time with them that I did.”   Is the time we spend watching TV or football or golfing, or fishing so precious that we could not have spent a little more time growing older with our loved ones?

Image

We are inundated with emails, text messages, advertisements, news, news and more news.  Our minds and brains are saturated with people beseeching us to buy, sell, rent, borrow, donate, loan or vote.  The rest of our time, we are numbed by media depictions of trivia, deprivations and horror.   We are fascinated by Hollywood, Bollywood and royalty.  For many of us, Princess Kate is more real than our own brother or sister.

When Princess Diana was killed, I remember seeing a co-worker who had a shrine in her cubicle for the Princess.   Princess Diana was one of the most popular people in the world.  She was real for many because they lived her life with her.  Recent polls show ImagePrincess Kate is now as popular as Diana once was.  The media is making Kate real for us just as it once did for Diana.  The sad part of this is not that we identify with and make these people real, it is that we fail to make the truly important people in our lives real.  How much do you know about the lives, wishes, hopes, dreams and fears of the really important people in your life?  Do you get as much news about and with them as you get about Princess Kate?

GROW old along with me!   (From Rabbi Ben Ezra by Robert Browning)

The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the first was made:        

Our times are in His hand    

Who saith ‘A whole I planned,                 

Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!’

I think we fail to teach our children the value of time.  We teach the value of money, but we neglect to teach the value of time.  It might be argued that money and time are valued according to their scarcity.  To the young, time is plentiful and money is scarce.  To the old, time is scarce and money is (if not plentiful) at least often more abundant.  If this argument is correct, then it would be a waste of time trying to teach the value of either time or money.  Their value is fixed according to age.  I disagree with this argument.

ImageI think if you look closely, many older people have never valued time as much as they still value money.  And many young people fully understand the value of time and would readily put it over the lure of more and more money.  If this is so, then it suggests that the value of each is not fixed by age but by some mental process perhaps not fully understood.  If a mental concept or construct is at work here, it can be modified or changed by reason and logic.   I may be justified in thinking that young children need to be told that time is valuable and that in many cases it is not fungible.  You can never replace or substitute money or goods for the time that you did not spend with your family, friends or loved ones.

Time has every right to be as respected a discipline as the study of money.  In capitalism, money becomes King, money is good. We pervert nature by upending the true value of things. Tangibles become more important than intangibles.  Goods become more important than services.  Greed becomes more important than charity.  Youth becomes more important than experience.

Aristotle was right in his use of the Golden Mean concept to show how to create a balance that was harmonious with the world.  ImageAnything taken to extremes becomes evil or distorted.  Time and money are the pivots upon which the world rotates.  They must be kept in harmony.  We have lost our balance though and let money become the sacred source of happiness and success.  Perhaps the really wealthy people are the ones with more time.  Why wait until retirement to become truly wealthy?

Time for Questions:

Do you have a balance in your life between time and money?  Do you keep the really important things in your life in proper perspective?  Do you value time as much as you value money?  Do you think we need to do more to help have a balance in our country?  Are you willing to share your time with others?  How about your money?

Life is just beginning. 

 

 

It’s Coming Quick. It’s Coming Quick, the End is Coming Quick. 

19 May 2014 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

ImageWinnie-the-Pooh was walking home one day when he passed a young man standing on a park bench.  The young man was shouting “Quick, it’s coming quick, it’s coming quick, the end is coming quick.”  This greatly distressed the Pooh bear who ran home as fast as his bear legs could carry him. After arriving home, he made a big honey and jelly sandwich on toast.  He had been saving this honey for a special occasion but since the end was coming quick, he decided he had better eat it as soon as he was able to.  After this, Pooh straightened up his abode and waited.  Pooh thought he might as well wait for the end to happen while he was home and warm and comfortable and feeling very nourished after his honey and jelly on toast sandwich.

ImageBut you know Pooh bears, they are not very patient.  Soon, Winnie-the-Pooh became restless and started wondering when the end was coming.  He began pacing back and forth and forth and back but the end still did not come.  Finally, losing patience, Pooh decided to visit his good friend Eeyore to see if he had any news on the end.  After a short trek over to where Eeyore lived in his house made of sticks. The two good friends met and embraced each other.  Quickly, Eeyore started worrying and wondering what was going to happen. If Pooh bear came to see him, something must be wrong.  Eeyore finally blurted out “Pooh, what is up, what is happening, why are you here?”  Pooh knew that Eeyore was easily unsettled but he felt that this situation warranted unsettling poor Eeyore.  Pooh said “Eeyore, the end is coming quick.”  “Oh my, oh my” said Eeyore, “That is a problem.  What do you think we should do?”  Pooh replied well “Do you have any honey or jelly?  We could make some honey and jelly sandwiches and wait for the end.”  Eeyore was not as fond of honey and jelly sandwiches but he had some good hay and aged straw that he had been saving and he invited Pooh to share it with him.  This was not exactly what Pooh had in mind but he watched and paced back and forth and forth and back, while Eeyore ate his aged straw.

tiggerFinally, after a very long time had passed (it was actually a very short time but it seemed long to Pooh and Eeyore), they both became restless again.  When was the end going to come?  Pooh suggested that they both go to visit Tigger since he is always very optimistic and might have a different view on things.  Hurrying over to Tigger’s house, they find Tigger out in the front yard playing with a balloon while bouncing up and down on a trampoline.  “Hi” says Tigger, “do you guys want to bounce on my trampoline with me.”  “No, no” says Eeyore, “this is very serious. The end of coming quick, we must be ready.”  “Fine with me” says Tigger, “but can’t we just bounce and play until the end comes?”  “Well,” says Pooh, “that would be fine but I am getting hungry. Do you happen to have any honey or jelly that I could make a sandwich with?”  “Sorry Pooh, but my cupaboard is bare, I have been too busy bouncing to worry about eating.”  So the three friends decided to just wait together for the end.  Tigger kept bouncing, Pooh kept feeling hungry and Eeyore kept fretting since he was becoming less and less certain that anything was really going to happen.

Eventually after a long bout of bouncing, Tigger became tired.  “I am going to take a nap” says Tigger, “if the end is coming, I would just as soon be rested when it does.”  Eeyore, more and more doubting that the end was really coming or at least that it would be quick also decided to go home.  “Bye Pooh, see you later” said Eeyore, “that is if there really is a later.”  Pooh was left all alone. Tired, hungry and confused, he was not sure what to do.  Then, in a flash, it came to him. I will go to see Owl.  He is the wisest animal in the forest.  He will know what to do.  So Pooh went off to see Owl.

owlWhen Pooh arrived, Owl was perched up in his nest.  “Hi” said Owl, when Pooh was still a long way off, he could see him coming. “What brings you to the forest today? Are you here to discuss the ethics of Aristotle or maybe you have come to hear about my life when I was a young owl about your age.  Did I ever tell you about the time that I met” —–“Ahem, ahem”, says Pooh, this is an emergency.  The end is coming quick. We must be ready. I tried to warn Eeyore and Tigger, but Tigger decided to take a nap and Eeyore went home. What are we to do?”  “My, my” said Owl, “You say the end is coming quick. Pray tell me what end is coming: the end of the ball game, the end of the warm weather, the end of the hunting season?”  All of these questions just confused Pooh.  He had no idea what end was coming.  He just assumed it meant the end of the world.  Why did Owl always have to make things so complicated?  “Well” said Pooh, “I am not really sure. I saw this young boy (who looked a lot like Christopher Robin) standing on a park bench shouting that the end was coming quick.  I am not really sure what end he meant, now that you have confused me so.  I just came to ask you for advice on what to do.  I am all out of honey and jelly and the end is coming quick.”

Owl thought about the situation and came up with the following poem that he had heard many years before: “A Song on the End of the World” by Czeslaw Milosz, 1944

On the day the world ends

A bee circles a clover,

A fisherman mends a glimmering net.

Happy porpoises jump in the sea,

By the rainspout young sparrows are playing

And the snake is gold-skinned as it should always be.

 

On the day the world ends

Women walk through the fields under their umbrellas,

A drunkard grows sleepy at the edge of a lawn,

Vegetable peddlers shout in the street

And a yellow-sailed boat comes nearer the island,

The voice of a violin lasts in the air

And leads into a starry night.

 

And those who expected lightning and thunder

Are disappointed.

And those who expected signs and archangels’ trumps

Do not believe it is happening now.

As long as the sun and the moon are above,

As long as the bumblebee visits a rose,

As long as rosy infants are born

No one believes it is happening now.

 

Only a white-haired old man, who would be a prophet

Yet is not a prophet, for he’s much too busy,

Repeats while he binds his tomatoes:

There will be no other end of the world,

There will be no other end of the world.

Pooh honestly did not know what this poem meant or why Owl was telling it to him.  “Owl” says Pooh, “you are hurting my brain.  I am even more confused now then I was before. Couldn’t we keep this simple?”  “Well,” said Owl, “animals and people always want things simple.  But maybe, this is not so simple as you would think.  Perhaps we should discuss this further.”  “That is okay” replied Pooh; “I am too hungry now to worry about the end.  All I know is my stomach is growling and I need to find some honey quick to end the rumbly in my tummy.  In fact, maybe that is what the boy was trying to say.  I must find honey very quick or my end will be near.”  Thinking that this was wise advice, Pooh thanked Owl for his time and ran off to find some honey.  By the time, Pooh returned home, he had found a big stash of honey and had totally forgotten that the end was near.  Pooh made a great big honey sandwich and settled in with a large mug of hot chocolate and decided that the end was no longer near.  As long as he had good friends, honey and a comfortable home, that darn end (whatever it was) could come whenever it wanted to.

Time for Questions:

What do we all have in common with Pooh bear?  What end is coming quick?  When do you think the end will come? Are you ready for the end?  Should you care?  What do you have to do to be ready?  What if your end was tomorrow, what would you do?

Life is just beginning. 

My interpretation of this Winnie-the-Pooh story is based on a recent incident.  Last week while coming back from Minneapolis, I passed a young man standing on a park bench, who was shouting “It is coming quick, it is coming quick. The end is coming quick.”  I passed by him in my car and did not have the time (or most likely the desire) to find out what end was coming or how quick was quick.  I decided it would make a good blog.

A Word of Thanks to A. A. Milne who wrote the original Winnie-the-Pooh stories.  Adults and children will for all of time be inspired and grateful for his wonderful characters and stories.  Please buy the book if you have not read it:

Winnie-the-PoohWinnie-the-Pooh by A.A. Milne

“We’ll be Friends Forever, won’t we, Pooh?’ asked Piglet.
Even longer,’ Pooh answered.” 

 

 

 

 

The Worlds First Un-Blog: How we can solve all of the worlds problems!

12 May 2014 7 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

Image

I woke up this morning and told Karen that while she was at church, I was going to write an un-blog.  She looked puzzled and wanted to know if that meant I was not going to write a blog.  I said “Of course, I am going to write a blog but it will be an un-blog.”  “Well,” she said, “What is an un-blog?” I replied that it was like an un-birthday party. I actually did not have the slightest clue what it was or could be but I knew that today I was going to invent an un-blog.  With no templates, I would have to invent it as I went along.  I did not bother to Google “un-blog”, so you will forgive me if I reinvent the wheel.  (Actually after I finished this “un-blog”,  I did Google the term to see if I was a “Johnny come lately” or had really invented something new.)

There are several reasons that I come to the point in my blogging where I now know that I need to write an un-blog.  First of all, many of you are probably tired of my advice, admonitions, critiques, complaints, exhortations, etc. about the state of the world and its many problems.  This week alone, I found over five million problems that needed solving in the pages of CNN, MSN, FOX and BBC news.  My best guess is that the number of problems we face in the world has steadily escalated since I was born.  Thus, despite my efforts and other bloggers like me, the number of problems just seems to keep growing exponentially.

Well, being the strategic planner that I like to think I am, I took out my handy “world problem solving software.” I programmed it to prioritize the “greatest” problems this week that I could solve with my exorbitant ego and unlimited resources of advice and solutions.  I must have had low batteries because my screen suddenly went blank and it started flashing “I quit, I quit, I quit.”  Perhaps it was a virus or some type of Trojan?  I immediately turned it off.  This has now created a dilemma.  How can I pick the single most important world problem to solve, if my software is malfunctioning? Would my many followers (considerably less than George Takei) accept me simply choosing a great big humongous problem and solving if for them and the rest of the world?

No! This would not be fair to you my faithful readers and followers.  You will only accept me going after the biggest baddest problems out there selected scientifically and with great forethought.  You expect me to solve these incredible problems with shrewd insight and analytic ability.  You want me to provide solutions that would make Solomon humble.  You expect me to solve only the most critical problems facing the world.  Simple selection would never do for my followers.  Knowing these facts, I felt lost and confused.  With millions of problems out there and my software on the blink, I was like Garry Kasparov trying to win against Big Blue Computer.  I am only human; the stress is unbearable at times.  Thousands of followers, (well maybe a few hundred) depending on my blog each week for advice and succor!

In truth again (Never trust anyone who says “in truth” or “trust me”) I could not select a single problem this week to tackle.  I am weary of solving all of the problems in the world. The burden has become too great.  Simply perusing my blogs, you will note the number of critical world and USA problems that I have already solved this past year.  To make matters worse, to date, I have not received one penny for my efforts or even an invitation to the White House.  I have not been knighted or given the Profiles in Courage award either. Perhaps, I missed the phone calls from Obama and the Queen.  I must remember to check my voice mail more often or at least my text messages.

It is very frustrating.  No matter how altruistic I am, I crave some simple recognition.  It is a lot like being a superhero but no one knows it.  What is the point of having super-powers if no one is there to applaud idealize and worship you?  I can accept that a few of my miraculous ideas and solutions might have been slightly off mark, but I cannot accept that all of them were.  Furthermore, please go to my first blog site where I have posted over 600 blogs dealing with various and assorted issues affecting the world.  See if some of these blogs don’t bring tears to your eyes or joy to your heart.  (You can find them at www.timeparables.blogspot.com)  All of these issues has led me this week to create the world’s first “un-blog.”

It is my considered but humble opinion that in an un-blog, I (the Blogger) should not solve any problems.  A typical blogger writes their blog either to solve problems or to give opinions and advice. It is not fair, that you the reader (The Bloggee) get all this free advice and give nothing in return.  It is only right that in an “un-blog”, you the reader and faithful follower, should be the ones to solve the problems and give me advice.  It is time to pony up.  How many of my blogs have you commented on?  How many have you disagreed with?  What have you taken a stand on?  What has stopped you from being an “un-blogger?”  It is your turn to pay me back for all the solutions and advice I have so freely and graciously given to you.  Think of your world without my blog.  As the walrus said in “Alice in Wonderland”:

Image

“The time has come,” the Walrus said,
“To talk of many things:
Of shoes–and ships–and sealing-wax–
Of cabbages–and kings–
And why the sea is boiling hot–
And whether pigs have wings.”

I would love to hear your take on “What are the biggest problems the world faces.”  I would really like to hear what you think.  (See my questions below.)  Send me an email persico.john@gmail.com or post your replies in the comments section.  Speak out.  Today is your chance to be an un-blogger.  It is your golden opportunity to help solve the many problems facing the world or to at least offer some advice on what you think those problems are.  Perhaps, your brilliance and erudition might be discovered on my blog and you will be invited to the White House.  (Please do not hold your breath.)  If you do get invited, please, please take me along. 

Time for Questions: 

What are the biggest problems you face in your life?  What are your solutions?  What do you think we should do to save the world?  How can we deal with apathy and those that do not care?  Where do we start?  Should we have major political changes in our constitution?  How could we get these?  What would you like to see changed in the world or even just in your home town?  What does Persico mean “Life is just beginning?”

Life is just beginning.

I finally broke down and looked up “Un-blog” on Google.  Here is what I found.

  1. un- blog – definition and meaning – Wordnik

https://www.wordnik.com/words/un-%20blog

Sorry, no example sentences found. Related Words. Log in or sign up to add your own related words. Wordmap. (beta). Word visualization. Comments. Log in or …

I think this means that there are no definitions.  I can thus claim the distinction of being the first “un-blogger” on the internet.  Or perhaps my readers and faithful followers who have answered my questions should be the first to receive this distinction.

Here is my definition of an “un-blog.”

“A blog site where the readers post opinions and solve problems and the blogger simply listens and does not weigh in with advice or solutions.  A place of introspection rather than extrospection.” 

Killing for Machismo

05 May 2014 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

I hope to have more people read this blog. It is one of the most important I think I have written.

Dr. John Persico Jr.'s avatarAging Capriciously

It was a crime of passion

She took me by the heart when she took me by the hand

Crime of passion

A beautiful woman and a desperate man  —- Ricky Van Shelton

I find it ironic that there are Seven Deadly Sins or vices but they do not include the “Sin of Machismo.”  I would venture to argue that there are more people killed in the world every day because of Machismo than any other cause or problem that you could name.  To not include Machismo in any list of major crimes or sins or vices, is one of the most egregious oversights in history.  Is it because Machismo is a uniquely masculine concept that it has never acquired the degree of condemnation that it merits?  Or is it an example of the “Fish being the last one to see the water.”   Some would argue that…

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The Politics of Illusion

28 Apr 2014 3 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

Magical4Goering, the second highest ranking official in Nazi Germany said at his trial in Nuremberg that:

“Naturally the common people don’t want war: Neither in Russia, nor in England, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But, after all, IT IS THE LEADERS of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is TELL THEM THEY ARE BEING ATTACKED, and denounce the peacemakers for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. IT WORKS THE SAME IN ANY COUNTRY.” — Goering

Ulysses S. Grant in his autobiography expressed surprise that the common southern White sharecropper could support a civil war to protect slavery when he/she was not treated much better than the African American slaves whom they worked alongside of. They had little or no vested interest in the so-called plantation system. Were these poor White folks under an illusion that they would someday be great plantation owners and have their own slaves?

One of the most decorated men in American military history said the following:

“I spent thirty-three years and four months in active military service as a member of this country’s most agile military force, the Marine Corps. I served in all commissioned ranks from Second Lieutenant to Major-General. And during that period, I spent most of my time being a high class muscle-man for Big Business, for Wall Street and for the Bankers. In short, I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism.” ― Smedley D. Butler

The county where I reside in Northern Wisconsin is one of the poorest counties in the state with high unemployment. Nevertheless, the majority of the county has voted Republican (The party of the Rich) in the last several elections. Are the citizens in my county under some illusion that they will become rich like Mitt Romney? Do they think that their circumstances will be improved by the “trickle-down theory?” Do they think that their interests are the same as the interests of the wealthy one percent who are buying politicians?

We think of an illusion as something that deceives our eyes but actually an illusion deceives our minds. Webster’s online dictionary defines an illusion as:

1a obsolete : the action of deceiving
b (1) : the state or fact of being intellectually deceived or misled : misapprehension (2) : an instance of such deception
2 a (1) : a misleading image presented to the vision (2) : something that deceives or misleads intellectually
b (1) : perception of something objectively existing in such a way as to cause misinterpretation of its actual nature (2) : hallucination 1 (3) : a pattern capable of reversible perspective

Goebbels the Nazi Minister of Propaganda said that if you wanted to get the populace to believe something do not tell small lies, tell big lies and tell them often.

“If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. The lie can be maintained only for such time as the State can shield the people from the political, economic and/or military consequences of the lie. It thus becomes vitally important for the State to use all of its powers to repress dissent, for the truth is the mortal enemy of the lie, and thus by extension, the truth is the greatest enemy of the State.” —- Goebbels

Certain people in our lives will try to deceive us as a matter of course. It is their nature. Like the “Story of the Scorpion and the Frog”. The scorpion wanted to cross the stream and asked the frog for a ride on his back. The frog said “You must be kidding. You would surely sting me and I would die.” The scorpion answered “That would be foolish of me. If I killed you, I would also drown and die.” The frog thought that this reply made sense and told the scorpion to “hop on.” Halfway across the pond, the scorpion stung the frog. In his last dying breath, the frog said “Why?” The scorpion replied “Because it is my nature.”

Magicians deceive us for entertainment. Unfaithful lovers deceive us for love and lust. Schools deceive us to support their reputedly lofty ideals. Religious leaders deceive us to “save” our immortal souls. Gamblers deceive us to take our money. Politicians deceive us for power and glory. Each of these deceivers must spin a web of deceit and deception that will cause us to have a distorted view of reality. The magician says to keep your eye on the ball, but the trick is done by getting you to focus on the ball and not her hand. The unfaithful lover professes undying faithfulness while philandering behind your back. The gambler wants you to believe that the “odds” are in your favor, you can’t lose. The politician trades favors for votes. “Vote for me and I will make your life happy and successful. You too can be a slave owner or a zillionaire.”

magic-1All of these groups can be lumped under the rubric of “Con-Artists.” A con-artist is someone who tricks you to get your money. The most common trick is to offer you something that is “Too good to be true.” But our trust in the con-artist prevents us from seeing this simple fact and we are deceived into accepting the reality that the con-artist creates for us. There are a variety of these deceptive realities that many of us fall for:

• Wealth with no hard work
• Instant success
• Lose weight overnight
• No new taxes
• Find undying love
• Get to heaven
• The war to end all wars
• Six pack abs with no sweat
• Everyone will love and admire you

Hardly a day goes by when we are not beset with more illusions than we realize. Each of them spun for us by assorted con-artists to catch and ensnare us in their webs of deceit and betrayal. Betrayal is the final outcome, as we sacrifice our trust, our love, our money and even our lives in pursuit of phantom illusions. We think these con-artists care about us but we are simply means to their ends.

Modern communications, cell phones, high speed internet, Wi-Fi, WiMAX, satellite communications and now drone delivered messages have all become two edged swords. Swords that are often very skillfully wielded by assorted con-artists. One edge provides more information and helps us become better, faster and smarter. The other edge buries us in data, facts, opinions, hyperbole, rhetoric and worthless information. One edge cuts through the fantasies that the con-artists are weaving. The other edge shreds reality and helps the con-artists to spin their illusions.

A recent book worth reading is “Empire of Illusion” by Chris Hedges. The book is a trek through the many pretensions and illusions that are beginning to dominate our culture today. The Empire of Illusion is one of the most thought provoking and provocative books I have read in a long time. Following is an excerpt from the book:

“We pay a variety of lifestyle advisers—Neal Gabler calls them “essentially drama coaches”—to help us look and feel like celebrities, to build around us the set for the movie of our own life. Martha Stewart built her financial empire, when she wasn’t insider trading, telling women how to create and decorate a set design for the perfect home. The realities within the home, the actual family relationships, are never addressed. Appearances make everything whole. Plastic surgeons, fitness gurus, diet doctors, therapists, life coaches, interior designers, and fashion consultants all, in essence, promise to make us happy, to make us celebrities. And happiness comes, we are assured, with how we look and how we present ourselves to others. There are glossy magazines like Town & Country which cater to the absurd pretensions of the very rich to be celebrities. They are photographed in expensive designer clothing inside the lavishly decorated set-pieces that are their homes. The route to happiness is bound up in how skillfully we show ourselves to the world. We not only have to conform to the dictates of this manufactured vision, but we also have to project an unrelenting optimism and happiness.” —– “Empire of Illusion” by Chris Hedges.

Illusions become everything. Truth becomes simply one facet of the illusions that surround us. We look for facts to sort out the truth but facts are simply another facet of the extended illusions that become our minute to minute, day to day and year to year reality. Reality is no longer real. Reality itself has become an illusion. And from these illusions, reality becomes a fantasy that just like in the TV show “Once Upon a Time” is now reality. If this sounds like circular reasoning, that’s because it is. Reality has gone from substance to image. These images are illusions in our minds. Worse, they are traps because they prevent us from seeing what really is important.

“One day everything will be well, that is our hope. Everything’s fine today, that is our illusion” ― Voltaire

Do you remember when you were told, that once you were out of school, you would have to face the “real world.” Did you ever wonder what this meant? Was an “unreal” school environment supposed to prepare you for the real world? Did unreal lectures and unreal instructors have the knowledge that you needed in the real world? How could this be? How could unreal schooling prepare anyone for a vastly different outside world? Only if the school was real (and everyone was lying) or the rest of the world was also unreal could schooling be congruent with reality. Unless you were being prepared for unreality itself! I think the latter is the case in most schools.

The situation is analogous to one I have seen many times as a business consultant. You have a system of business which can only thrive and prosper with sufficient inputs of innovation and creativity. But what do HR managers and recruiters look for in a new hire? Answer: Someone who fits in. And this is what schools teach. Schools teach you to fit in. Few schools readily encourage creativity and innovation. Instead, schools create an illusion whereby they foster the fantasy that you will become creative and innovative if you attend their schools. This is a wonderful illusion that most of us fall for.

The reality is that with grades, tests, common core curriculum, standardized testing, etc. schools teach us how to behave, how to conform and how to fit in. Those that can’t handle the “real” curriculum are given the boot. Business leaders and politicians alike are too often con-artists who extol the virtues of a free market and the dynamics of innovation and creativity but instead practice conformity and loyalty. They well know that innovation and creativity are the keys to success, but self-protection and ego trump reason in a world of illusion. Form is more important than substance. A good business suit and an impressive school resume will get you farther than a spirit of innovation and independent thinking in the “real” world.

“All problems are illusions of the mind.” ― Eckhart Tolle

Conclusions:

How do we see through the fog of illusions that surround our everyday lives? Is it possible to see the world as it really is? What if those designer jeans did not really make you beautiful and happy? What if helping others was more important than growing rich? What if the definition of success was not becoming a celebrity and having a million Facebook followers? What if growing old and wrinkly and slow was really a form of beauty? How can we stop the con-artists from defining our reality in terms that are injurious to our satisfaction with life? How can we develop compassion for the underdogs when the con-artists want us to believe that such people are simply parasites who drag the rest of us down?

The politicians, news spinners, talking heads, radio commentators and other con-artists do not want you to think for yourself. They do not want you to question their wisdom or facts. They do not want you to believe that you have the power or intelligence to make choices for yourself. The power of the con-artist lies in deception. Take away their deceptions and their illusions vanish. It is possible to do this but we have to change our minds about the world because that is what makes these illusions reality.

We can take away the power of these con-artists to lie and distort reality by believing in the goodness of other people and not the evil that resides in a small minority of people. We need to see the world as a place of possibilities and not a place of fear. We need to see the world as a place of abundance and not a place of scarcity. We need to see other nations, religions, and ethnic groups as friends and not enemies. We need to stop creating walls and barriers between us and the rest of the world. The more insulated we become from others, the more we diminish ourselves. The more we seek safety and security, the less freedom and independence we have. The more we seek narrowly defined definitions of success, the more elusive true happiness and success becomes. Success lies not in the numbers of life we can accumulate but in the quality of life we live.

Time for Questions:

Do you want to know the truth or are you happier with an illusion? How often do you go further than the local news reports to find the truth?  Who do you trust?  Why?  Are you open to new images and new ideas?  How fixed are you on the truth?  What if much of what you knew was not true?  How could you test the reality that the con-artists want to spin for you?  What would happen if we were all less believing of the reality out there?

Life is just beginning.

 

 

 

Was it Fate? Or was it Luck?  Or why do I never get the breaks? 

20 Apr 2014 4 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

Fate GoddessWhen I think of fate, I think of India and Hindus.  I think of the book “The Prince and the Pauper”.  I think of Rudyard Kipling’s comment “There but for the grace of God go I.”  Fate to me denotes an unalterable destiny.  Fate can be good for you or it can be bad.  It all depends on whether you are born a King or a frog.

When I think of luck, I think of New York and Americans.  I think of the book “Scarne on Cards”.  I think of the comment by Thomas Jefferson “The harder I work, the luckier I get.”  Luck comes to the lucky.  Some of us never seem to get any luck and others win the lottery two and even three times.  Luck can be good or it can be bad for you.  You can die in an accident if you are very unlucky or if you are very lucky the car will just miss you.

Many people would argue that there is a vast difference between fate and luck.  They would argue that the two concepts are very different.  Webster ’Online defines each as follows:

Play Song:  “With a Little Bit of Luck”.  From My Fair Lady by Lerner and Loewe

Luck: 

1a:  a force that brings good fortune or adversity

1b:  the events or circumstances that operate for or against an individual

2:  favoring chance; also :  success <had great luck growing orchids

Fate:

1:  the will or principle or determining cause by which things in general are believed to come to be as they are or events to happen as they do :  destiny

2a :  an inevitable and often adverse outcome, condition, or end

2b :  disaster; especially :  death

3a:  final outcome

3b :  the expected result of normal development

3c:  the circumstances that befall someone or something <did not know the fate of her former classmates

If you look closely, you should notice that the concept of “Will” is in the definition of fate.  It is not in the definition of luck and most of us would not associate will with luck.  But what is will?  Is there someone pulling the strings of fate, but no one pulling the strings of luck?  Why would this be?  Are there different gods for fate than for luck?

Looking at the two definitions, you may also notice that fate is seen as predestination.  It is inevitable and unavoidable.  However, can anyone change their luck?  We all know people who are perpetually unlucky and who seem to be like the character in the old Li’l Abner cartoon that bad luck followed wherever he went.  His name was Joe Btfsplk and he was a perpetual jinx.   Could he have somehow changed his luck?

“We dream to give ourselves hope. To stop dreaming – well, that’s like saying you can never change your fate.”   ― Amy Tan,

goddess of luckWhat gives us good luck or good fate?  The goddess of luck in Greek mythology was Eutykhia who could bring good fortune, success and prosperity.  She was also known as Tyche or the spirit of chance, providence and fate.  There were also the Moirai who were the goddesses of fate that personified the inevitable destiny of man.  In the “Thread of Life” each person was apportioned a lot or part by the Moirai whose job was to spin the threads.  Even the mighty Zeus did not have the power to change the destiny woven by the Moirai.

Thus, it appeared to the Greeks, that the concepts of fate and luck were closely related.  I have long held to a very contradictory opinion about luck.  I believe that “luck is where preparation meets opportunity.”  Luck is not given by the gods but we give luck to ourselves.  I do agree with the Greeks that the concepts of fate and luck are closely related.  Now this would seem to pose a problem for my conceptual consistency.  If fate is willed by the gods and is thus inescapable and luck is similarly prescribed for us than how can I believe that we can change either our luck or our fate?  Well, to be consistent, I have to believe that we can also change our fate.  And of course, you guessed it; this is where I stand on fate.  Fate is not destiny nor is it inevitable.  Let me give you a few examples of where paupers became princes.

Humphrey Bogart was born to a wealthy family in New York City.  He grew up with privilege and the finer things in life.  However, one thing no one would accuse Bogie of was being good looking.  Given the glamor and good looks associated with most leading men, it would seem that his changes to play a “leading man” were next to zero.  Nevertheless, his onscreen presence and charisma were so magnetic that he became one of the greatest leading men that Hollywood had ever seen.  I could provide examples of dozens of other unglamorous men and women who broke into Hollywood stardom after they had been told to get a “regular” job.

“Shallow men believe in luck or in circumstance. Strong men believe in cause and effect.”   ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

The history of US presidents has numerous examples of men who went from poverty to the presidency.

“James Garfield was the youngest of five children born on a poor farm on the outskirts of Cleveland, Ohio, Garfield is perhaps the poorest man ever to have become President. Supporting himself as a part-time teacher, a carpenter, and even a janitor through college, he was an idealistic young man who identified with the antislavery tenets of the new Republican Party.”   http://millercenter.org/president/garfield/essays/biography/1 .

We all know the story of Abraham Lincoln so that does not need repeating.  Several presidents like Thomas Jefferson went the other direction, from relative wealth to poverty.  Thus, proving that with some effort one can go from prince to pauper as well as from pauper to prince.

Corporations are a good source of examples for rages to riches stories.  Li Ka-shing is a Chinese billionaire whose net worth is estimated at 23 billion dollars.  Forbes provides the following background on Li’s rags to riches story:

“Li fled a turbulent China in 1940; settled in Hong Kong. At age 15, after the death of his father, he was forced to leave school to work at a plastics factory.  He later borrowed money to manufacture plastic flowers and eventually grew his Cheung Kong Industries into a conglomerate with stakes in supermarkets, property and cell phones.” 

According to Forbes, two of out every three billionaires in the world today are self-made.  They did not inherit either their money or “good” genes.  Destiny or fate gave them poor hands to start with but they made their own luck.

Presidents, movie stars, billionaires, some of them were born with more assets then others. Some of us are no doubt smarter, stronger and better looking than others, but for every one of those lucky folks given the assets that the rest of us would die for, there are four or five people who also received the same assets and they are now losers.  I use the word losers advisably because “yes” they lost their assets through neglect or complacency.

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.”
― Dalai Lama XIV

Jesus said:  “For whoever has will be given more, and they will have abundance.  Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.” –  Matthew 25:29 – HOW UNFAIR!  But Jesus was not being unfair; he was expressing a truth of life.  Perhaps it could be rephrased as “Use it or lose it.”  You are smart, then find a way to use your brains.  You are strong, then find a way to use your athletic abilities.  You have musical abilities, then work hard and learn an instrument.  Don’t spend years waiting for the Goddess of Luck or the Goddess of Fate to shine on you.  You will find that they shine brighter on those who make their own luck.  The luckier get luckier and the unlucky will have even less luck.

lucky sevensWhen I grew up in Brooklyn, New York, we used to have a phrase to describe the lucky few who we thought were somehow the chosen ones.  We said “they got the breaks.”  We threw this phrase around quite haphazardly as though it alone was enough to explain why they were up there and we were down here.  Why they got the millions and all we got were pennies.  Why they were rich, beautiful and successful and we were poor, struggling and losers.  It was quite simple:  “They got the breaks.”  Our destiny was cast.  We did not get the breaks.  That was easy to see and easy to understand.  What could we do?  Here is the reason that Robin Hood is so popular.

Thomas Hahn, professor of English at the University of Rochester, and author of numerous essays and books on Robin Hood, says the character’s popularity has long represented people’s frustrations with life in capitalist society.

“Robin Hood’s appeal arises from primal desires for justice and equity,” he says. “And though medieval in origins, this is a fantasy broad and deep enough to possess the imaginations of people in almost all times and places.”

We wanted justice.  We wanted equity.  We wanted their luck and their fate.  They got the breaks and we wanted them.  Actually, we wanted their money and status and to heck with justice and equity.  We wanted the things that money would bring and would have taken them if there were no laws against it.  Poor Robin Hood, hounded by the Sheriff of Nottingham and he was really just trying to distribute some of the breaks to the hoi polloi.

As the song goes in My Fair Lady, we wanted to have it all and not really work for it.  With a little bit of luck, or so the song says, you can have it all and never have to work. That was our true dream.  Riches, fame and fortune and never have to work a day, an hour or even a minute in our lives.  That is the ultimate break.   Alas and alack, we were brought up on a fantasy that still seems quite prevalent among a large group of people.

It took some of us many years of our lives to learn the real truth that as Thomas Jefferson so wisely said “The harder I work, the luckier I get.”  If we had only learned and heeded this truth many years earlier, we could have changed our fate and gone on to achieve a good deal more with our lives.  Some of us would still be alive and not dead on drug overdoses.  Some of us would not be in jail and living on the fringe of society.  Some of us would be upstanding respectable members of society and not living on handouts and pittances.  The bad fate and bad luck that many of my friends and I caught was not fixed in the stars but unfortunately fixed in our minds.   We did not get the breaks so what could we do?

Time for Questions:

How has your luck been lately?  Do the Fates tend to shy on or away from you?  Are you waiting for luck or making your own luck?  What if you were lucky, how would your life be different?  Have you had more good or bad luck in your life? Why?  What if you could change your luck, would you work harder for better luck?  What do you think controls your fate?

Life is just beginning.

Here are some resources for changing your luck and perhaps your destiny.  Let me know if any work for you.  J

 

 

Fun, Fun, Fun, Fun, or Is Fun the True Meaning of Life? 

14 Apr 2014 4 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized

fun-rainbows-30120How many of you remember the song “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper or the song by the Beach Boys “Fun, Fun, Fun”?  I suspect many of you have heard of these songs but never listened to them.  Well, click on both and listen while you read my blog this week.  If you have not heard them before, you might enjoy them.  If you are of the Baby Boom generation, it will be a slight walk down memory lane.  What did we all want in the early sixties, before civil rights, women’s liberation and the Vietnam War intruded on our idylls?   Well of course, FUN<FUN<FUN.  What else does anyone really want in life?

I come home in the morning light
My mother says when you gonna live your life right
Oh mother dear we’re not the fortunate ones
And girls just want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun 

We all just wanna have fun, but what is fun?  Webster’s describes it as:  “What provides amusement or enjoyment; specifically: playful often boisterous action or speech.”  Fun, play, recreation all seem to spring from a similar root cause.  You must be able to live in the present and forget about the past or the future.  Goals are the anti-thesis, the arch-enemy, and the adversary of fun.  When you are thinking about the past or planning the future, you are not in a “State” of fun.  Come to think of it, fun is a lot like meditation.  You must be in the proper frame of mind to be having fun.  Or perhaps it is more accurate to say that you must be “out of your mind” to have fun.  When you are in your mind, you are thinking, worrying, planning and problem solving.  Fun cannot take place when this is happening.  Fun is like an orgasm in that everything must be subservient to the immediate now.  However, fun can last much longer than an orgasm.

The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells what you gonna do with your life
Oh daddy dear you know you’re still number one
But girls they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have—

Fun can last for hours and hours.  When mindlessness starts that is when fun begins.  When mindlessness ends and mindfulness begins that is when fun ends.  When you start thinking about repercussions, consequences and ramifications that is when the fun stops.  You must be out of your mind to have fun.  Fun is a visceral emotional experience that has nothing to do with drugs or mind-numbness.   Drugs induce a physical state of euphoria caused by mind numbing.  When have you ever heard of anyone high on drugs say they were having fun?

fun festFun is a state caused by a natural suspension of thinking, worrying, planning and calculating.  When you are having fun, you are focused on the immediate now.  Nothing else is of concern.  Fun is not so much mind-numbing as it is mind-dumbing.  You stop thinking about problems, issues and ideas and you let yourself go with the visceral emotional experiences of the present.  Fun is illogical and irrational.  Thinking is the exact opposite.  You can only have fun when you stop being logical and contemplative.

That’s all they really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
Girls–they want to have fun
Oh girls just want to have fun,
They want to have fun,
They want to have fun…

However as with everything in life, there are pros and cons.  Fun can be constructive but it can also be destructive.  Consider the story of the ants and the grasshopper by Aesop.  The grasshopper played and had fun all summer while the industrious ants worked and put aside food for the winter. When the harsh winter came and food was nowhere to be found, the grasshopper went begging to the ants.  The ants chastised the grasshopper and turned him away with the warning that he should have thought ahead.   No one knows what happened to the grasshopper, but one can presume he met an early end.  The moral here is clear:  Work before you play and not vice versa.  It is a lesson that many of us learn early in our lives but there are also many of us who never learn it.

Well she got her daddy’s car
And she cruised through the hamburger stand now
Seems she forgot all about the library
Like she told her old man now
And with the radio blasting
Goes cruising just as fast as she can now

And she’ll have fun, fun, fun
Till her daddy takes the t-bird away
(Fun, fun, fun till her daddy takes the t-bird away)

When I was young, I never saved a penny.  I thought of myself as the grasshopper.  Worry about today and let tomorrow take care of itself.  The only problem was that I did not really worry about today.  I simply wanted to play and have fun.  I went from day to day.  I partied too much.  I drank too much and I let the fools (who were the ants) worry about the future.   Fortunately, fate intervened and I got married and had a baby girl when I was only 21.  I think this sobered me up by putting a bunch of responsibilities on my shoulders that I was not really ready for.  At some point, my parental raising kicked in and I started trying to take more responsibility for my life.

fun_fun_happy_superbigAt twenty-five, I enrolled in a college and started to work on a degree.  I wanted to “amount” to something and this meant giving up the “fun” and lack of responsibilities that many of us associate with “teen-hood.”  Now I was no longer a teenager and I had “adult” responsibilities.  I had a wife and child to support and a family that wanted me to do something other than party and drink.  Fun as I knew it became a thing of the past.  I spent many years working two jobs and trying to make ends meet.  I was extremely fortunate in that I had a good spouse who tolerated my lapses into irresponsibility and who did her best to help me live up to my potential.  Potential is another “high-school” concept that most of us have undoubtedly been tortured with by parents and teachers.  I don’t think I ever really learned what the word potential meant until later in life.  I often wish that I had understood it much earlier.

Well you knew all along
That your dad was gettin’ wise to you now
(You shouldn’t have lied now, you shouldn’t have lied)
And since he took your set of keys
You’ve been thinking that your fun is all through now
(You shouldn’t have lied now, you shouldn’t have lied)

 So what is the role of “FUN” in our lives?  To have fun or not to have fun?  Is that the question?  We all want to have fun but when, where, why and how are sometimes problematic.  There are appropriate times and places for fun and undoubtedly inappropriate times and places.  Is our role in life simply to have fun?  Or is the big question, how to balance our lives so that we can have fun but also discharge our responsibilities towards our family, friends and society?  Some would say that fun is simply a recreational activity that helps us wind down from the daily chores and burdens of existence.  Others might argue that fun is the goal of life, the reason for being.   What do you think?  Post your replies to the following questions.  I would love to hear your responses to these questions.

fun_fun_fun_yellow_psychedelic_starburstTime for Questions:

What would a life without fun be like?  Can we have too much fun or is that idea an oxymoron?  What is the role of fun in our lives?  How do you balance fun and responsibilities?  Do you think you have too much fun or not enough?  Why?  What would you change in your life if you could?

 Life is just beginning. 

 

Experts and Know It All’s, or why you are stupid and dumb and they know everything!

08 Apr 2014 3 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

argumentsThere is a saying that goes “The young know everything, the middle aged suspect everything and the elderly believe everything.”  I really can’t say I find much truth in this saying.  I find far too many people young, middle aged and old people alike, who still know everything.   They aggravate the hell out of me.  They correct you on history, dates, politics, philosophy, truth, knowledge, weather forecasts, directions, word spellings and word pronunciations.  They lecture you about things you might know more than them about, but they are oblivious to your opinions.  To add insult to injury, they are right every time.  They are like Mr. Science on PBS; “they know more than you do.”  They may have a degree, TV or some friends who told them everything they believe.  More likely they are relying on some “expert” who they passionately believe in and no amount of expertise on your part or expert witnesses you can muster will put even a small dent in their beliefs.  They remain adamant that you are wrong and they are right.  Their experts trump your experts.  Their degrees trump your degrees.  Their experience trumps your experience.

Karen and I always enjoyed going to Hmong and Vietnamese restaurants and there were many in St. Paul on University Avenue.  One of our favorite winter dishes was a large bowl of soup named Pho.  It came in many different varieties.  We loved this soup.  Now I can’t honestly tell you that I can pronounce the word Pho as my Hmong friends did.  Nevertheless, they generally figured out what I was talking about when I pointed to the menu and said “Number 37 with squid please.”  It came to pass that some friends of ours went to visit a family in Vietnam.  Shortly after they came back from Vietnam, we all went to a Vietnamese restaurant for some Pho.  Of course, now that the wife had been in Vietnam, she was an expert on pronouncing Vietnamese words.  She told us how to correctly pronounce Pho.  I would have been all right with this except that it did not sound like the same word any of the waiters in the restaurant were using.  I guess they just forgot how to pronounce their own language.  I hate it when people correct my word pronunciations!  Why, because I have found that there are often many different ways to pronounce a word.  Some are undoubtedly wrong, but who knows?  Of course, the “expert” knows the right pronunciation.

“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”  — Isaac Asimov

Do I have a big character quirk?  Why do these people annoy me so much?  I love Socrates because he did not know everything.  I am agitated by people who correct me.  I don’t mind it if you have your opinions.  I don’t mind it if you have your experts.  I also don’t mind it if you read it in a book someplace.  However, has it ever occurred to you that I might have a different opinion?  I might have read a different book?  I might have heard a different expert?  Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill or is this problem getting worse?  It seems to me there are more know-it-alls on the web and internet and TV then there were before.  It sometimes seems like there are more experts out there than there are people on the face of the earth.  Every day we are bombarded with experts telling us what to eat, how to exercise, what to invest in, what to believe, what not to believe.  I sometimes feel that we need a “War on Experts.”

“We must be so careful of setting ourselves up as people who set others straight. There is a fine line of encouraging and being a know it all.”  — Unknown quote

To make it worse, you cannot escape this war online.  Every day there are arguments on different chat groups and websites where it is clear that each side is totally ignoring what the other side is saying.  Here is one example from Facebook, I recently experienced.  I will refrain from using the actual names of the parties concerned.  It involves a disagreement over the use of Electroshock Therapy for patients in a mental health facility.  A friend posted his comments noting a wide range of experts who thought that such treatments were abusive and no longer useful.  He was immediately “jumped” on by an “expert” who disagreed and cited their extensive history and experience in a facility where Electroshock Therapy was used.  Apparently in his perspective, the patients needed it and loved it.  When asked to produce some evidence as to his experience or expertise, he fell back on the old “Trust Me” I know argument.  No amount of persuasion could convince the “expert” that other “experts” might not agree with him.

“Never become so much of an expert that you stop gaining expertise. View life as a continuous learning experience.”  — Denis Waitley

Here is a verbatim discussion from another Facebook group online that is for “Intellectual Discussions.”  I have left the names out.  The discussion started with the posting of a picture that appeared to some as “offensive.”  The picture dealt with slavery.

  • Disgusting part of our history that we should never forget.
  • Can we move away from posting statements and more towards questions which will foster discussion?
  • I’m sure we all know of the atrocities that happened to those poor people, but there isn’t much more we can say on this point other than having a circle jerk to see who can be the most apologetic and remorseful for the ways of whitey.
  • Can we just post whatever we want? Otherwise bring it up with admin for a questions
  • I don’t see a problem with this, although it will probably fall to the bottom of the page pretty quickly. The nature of debate is someone offers a stance, and then people will either agree or offer an opposing stance. There is nothing wrong with debating your point of view. I can’t see how somebody would disagree with the above in this case, but the nature of racism is certainly a valid topic.
  • My only point was this offers very little to discuss, which one would assume is the point of the group. i have nothing against discussing this topic, but this is just a depressing statement with a depressing pic, it’s not really a topic or point of contention which will inspire any discussion.
  • Yeah I agree this won’t generate much of a discussion. I don’t think any of the admins here would want to ban this however, seems a bit draconian to me. You don’t want to create an environment where people are hesitant to post things because of a police like environment.
  • I found that this fact brought up many, many issues to discuss, intellectually.
  • Linking articles in this manner is lazy and attributes to spam.
  • Shuvit,
  • Who’s lazy now?
  • Be cool, man, you don’t have to be like that .
  • Spam = selling something.
  • No one, who is intelligent, in the group Intellectual Discussion is going to stand for unwarranted aggression or name calling. Be careful with your words, they are very powerful, “You just might write a check, you can’t cash….Anywhere.”
  •  Nobody here has been name calling. Chill out people . . . everyone please.
  • THIS IS WHY WE CAN”T HAVE NICE THINGS
  • That was good!
  • Shuv-it I don’t understand why you would disrespect my name, and in the same breath condone name calling.
  •  And to this white guilt shame stirring understand it has zero effect on me – for a couple of reasons; first is relevance. Law which doesn’t exist.

arguments 2This same story repeats itself endlessly on the web and elsewhere.  You post something.  Some body disagrees with it.  Someone takes offense at it.  Some expert rebuts it.  Someone does not think you should have said it.  It is not much different elsewhere.  You say something in a coffee shop.  Some expert rebuts it.  You are at a party and make a comment.  Some expert rebuts it.  Where are all the Socrates?  Where are all the truly wise people who know that they know nothing?  Why are we surrounded by experts?  What if more of us were like Socrates and at least not so sure of what we know?

“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.”  — Socrates

I find myself wondering about the old rules of rhetoric and debate.  The rules we learned in school.  Was anyone ever convinced of anything by facts, experts and argument?  I see little evidence of this online or anywhere else.  Perhaps it works in court where people come without a bias to begin with.  Perhaps not!  Of one thing, I am fairly certain; I have experienced few if any arguments where I was a witness to a change of mind.  Thus, most arguments go around in a circle and the victor is often the most obtuse or the one with the most stomach for hyperbole, rigmarole, obfuscation, pedantry and insults.  You win when the other side quits.  Is there a solution?  I think there might be.

What about a set of rules for disagreeing with other people?   What if we agreed on certain principles that were more designed to illicit the truth then to prove ourselves right and the other side wrong?  It would be more like win-win bargaining then win-lose bargaining.  Both sides would try to find the truth or at least the Golden Mean.  This would probably never work in court, but it might work in arguments between people or at least between friends.  Thus, I propose the following rules:

  1. Start with admitting that you do not know everything.
  2. Admit that you might not have all the facts and that what facts you have are not necessarily true.
  3. Agree that the truth between your side and the other side might be in-between.
  4. Do not insult, slander, belittle or ridicule the other side.
  5. Ask questions and seek facts together?  Ask what is missing in the evidence that would make the truth more obvious?
  6. Celebrate finding the truth and not a victory over the other side.

What do you think?  Would these rules make discourse more civil? Am I being naïve? 

As an experiment, I posted these rules and a short prologue to them on a few websites (Five websites dealing with discussion and debate). I waited a few days to update this article and to include any insights I received from this experiment.  Here are some interesting comments that people left in response to my posting:

  • I was convinced, through logical debate alone, that I live in a permanently determined universe even though my direct experience will never reflect that fact. This was one of a few MAJOR shifts in perception/worldview I have had in my life, which had an impact on every part of my life. It literally turned my entire belief system on its head at the time. It happened while having a conversation on a forum online. The (logical) truth alone can be transformative if you honor it over your emotional preferences and attachments. It’s not easy to let go of false beliefs and ideas, so most of us choose instead to desperately cling to them out of fear, and that becomes the hidden driver for various dishonest techniques like information filtering and distortion, that destroy our capacity to be moved by logic and by truth. Logic and truth are not to blame – human dishonesty and unclear motive is to blame. You need to become the kind of person who has thought about everything so much, that you delight in the idea of someone proving you wrong, you seek it out and look for it because you are bored to death with having figured everything out.
  •  You are describing having an open mind – it takes discipline and practice- and maybe a referee. People find it hard not to either take comments personally, or to make personal attacks.
  •  All 6 points mentioned above sound logical and reasonable. The problem is for one to transfer them from the theoretical stage to the practical one. If one can adopt and apply in his daily communication the outlined 6 points then in my opinion he is a “man of enormous wisdom”.
  •  Yes. And like all people that hold various perceptions of various paradigms (i.e., religion, government, etc.,), they come in all levels of perception. Some are easier than others to converse with. We ALL have different learning curves, molded by different experiences, histories, etc.  There are those, out there, that ENDEAVOR to have an open mind and question.
  •  What you are proposing is dialogue instead of debate. When you want to find the truth, dialogue is the way to go. Sometimes judgments have to be made in absence of absolute certainty, debate is useful in these situations (and yes pathos is huge in debates), but should ideally be avoided by finding the truth.
  • I was warned against the fallacy of moderation (or the mean) when I learnt rhetoric and that the truth rarely lies between two opposite positions.

argument-against-argumentsConclusions:

Karen asked me when the “experiment” was over whether people agreed with me or not.  Well, like most of life, there was no black and white answer to this question.  Most people agree we need civility but most did not seem to think it likely that people could control their emotional responses in respect to an argument or concept that they felt strongly about.  Rules or no rules, I am constrained to accept the possibility that:

  1. There often may be no middle ground for compromise
  2. Conflict is inevitable in some circumstances
  3. People are emotional and bring emotional baggage to many discussions
  4. People can change their minds but it will not be an easy task to break anyone out of their pre-existing frameworks
  5. We need to make more of an effort to find the “Golden Mean”
  6. We need to show more respect for opinions we disagree with

Time for Questions:

 Are there too many experts in the world?  Why have the amount of “talking heads” proliferated?  Are you tired of hearing experts tell you what you should know and think?  How can we have more agreeable conversations?  Is it possible to avoid conflict and look for the truth rather than try to prove ourselves right?  Are you a “know it all”?  What do we have to do to be more open minded?

Life is just beginning

 

 

 

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