I’m sitting in a bar feeling shitty about my life. I have an average job. I have an average looking wife and average kids. I’m feeling shitty about myself as well. I have accomplished nothing beyond average in my entire life. I had once thought I was destined for greatness. I dreamed that one day I would have the best-looking wife on the block and make more money than I could count. None of my dreams have come to pass and I am now sitting here in this average bar nursing a cheap drink and wondering where I took the wrong turn.
Suddenly, the bar room door opens and in walks this seedy looking bum. You know the type. Long stringy hair, dirty clothes, smelly and unkempt. He has probably not bathed in a month. I hope he will not come and sit down next to me. I know he will try to bum a drink. If he does, I will tell him to go to hell. I am not in the mood to shell out good money for some alcoholic bum.
Sure enough, he sits down next to me. I give him the evil eye and he moves on down to the two guys sitting at the other end of the bar. I watch some give and take between the bum and the other two drinkers. They are shaking their heads and I assume telling him to get lost. He walks back over to where I am sitting and takes a seat.
“Hey mister, can you buy me a drink.” “Get lost”, I say, “I’m not a charity for bar bums.” “How about some compassion for someone’s who’s down on their luck.” “You want compassion” I reply, “go visit a priest.”
“What if I could tell you a story that would profoundly change your life” says the bum. “Would that change your mind?” “Tell you what” I say, “you tell me the story and if it profoundly changes my life, I’ll buy you a drink.” I expect this will get rid of the bum but instead he agrees to my terms. “Deal” he intones in a low soft voice.
“My name is Mike. Twenty years ago, I graduated from Harvard University with a degree in law. I had the highest GPA average in my graduation class. At least five major law firms in Boston attempted to recruit me. I took the one that offered me the most money. I received a high six-digit salary.
I bought five of the best suits I could find. I purchased a Porsche Carrera GT and a penthouse with a view of the Boston harbor.
I was assigned easy cases at first. We represented the big corporations in their lawsuits. Most of these were by disgruntled employees, whistle blowers and private citizens. I killed each of them. I was assigned bigger and bigger cases. The amounts contested often ran into the hundreds of millions of dollars. Many of the cases involved issues of sexual harassment, environmental degradation and fraud. I never lost a case. My corporate clients were ecstatic. I was the go to guy for any high profile big buck lawsuit in the nation.
My life was a dream. I made more and more money. My salary was now in the seven digits with my bonuses and gratuities from my clients. I was invited to celebrity parties and the super exclusive country clubs of the rich.
I was tall dark and handsome. I worked out six days a week in the gym and I had a body that was the envy of any guy in the firm. The woman all drooled when I walked by. I bought a bigger penthouse and added a Ferrari 458 Spider to my car collection. The car was given to me by a grateful client.
One day at the office, the firm’s owner and founder introduced me to his daughter Ashley. She was a knockout. She was a former Miss College USA. She was tall blonde and statuesque. She had the face of any angel. Sadly, she did not have the brains to match her looks.
I was polite to her but made no obvious overtures to show that I was interested. She did not really care as just about every other male and even some female lawyers were thinking about how to get in bed with her. I decided to pretend to ignore her.
We had a Christmas party at the firm later that year. It was held at the Boston Harbor Hotel. I saw Ashley and she was surrounded by a bunch of our lawyers each trying to impress her. I decided this was a good time to throw my hat in the ring. I joined the conversation and soon showed how stupid most of my competition was. Each one in turn drifted away so that only Ashley and I were left talking. I went to the bar and returned with another drink for Ashley and myself. We talked for another half hour or so and I made my move.
I invited Ashley up to my penthouse for a night cap. In no time at all, she was in my bed. I am not bragging when I say that not only did we go at it all night, but I called in to cancel appointments the next day and we spent the entire next day in bed going at it like deprived bunny rabbits.
As I said before, she was not the brightest light bulb in the pack but I figured where I was going, it would be good to have a looker like her as my wife. A few months later in what was one of the Boston social events of the year we were married. We moved into a new house in Back Bay.
I eventually left the law firm and started my own firm. Some of the old firm’s clients went with me and I was now making more money than ever. I worked seven days and week. I was busy many evenings and did not bother coming home. I bought a penthouse near my new office in Boston and brought my mistresses up there whenever I had an overnight. I had hired several very good-looking paralegals to work for me and some of them were more than happy to help keep me warm at night.
Ashley started talking about having children and how she wished I could do more things with her. I had no intention of doing either. Why spoil a good thing?
A few more months went by and one day I decided to come home from work early. As I entered my house, I heard screams coming from upstairs. I went to a desk and grabbed a loaded Colt Commander 45 ACP that I kept ready for emergencies. I feared that Ashley was being attacked by some unknown intruder. I ran up the stairs and into our bedroom. There on the bed was Ashley and one of the young lawyers from my old law firm. They were both nude and she was on top of him riding him like a bucking bronco. What I thought were screams of pain were screams of ecstasy. I had never heard anything like that from Ashley during our entire marriage.
She turned to look at me but did not break a beat in her rhythm. The only thing she said was “Get out. I want a divorce.” I vacillated between shooting one or both of them but decided that my better course of action was to leave. On the way out, I heard her say very loudly “Take off that damn condom, I want you to come inside of me.”
I packed some stuff and moved into my penthouse apartment. I really did not give a damn if she left me. At the time, I assumed I would be out some alimony but that would-be pennies compared to what I was making. A week or so later, I received a letter from my father-in-law. He informed me that not only would my old law firm be suing me for spousal neglect but I would be sued 150 million dollars for violating the terms of my contract when I had left his law firm. Somewhere in the fine print of my contract, it had specified that I could not work with any of the firm’s clients for a period of five years upon terminating my employment.
The court convened for my trial a few weeks later. Ashley showed up for the trial. She sat with her lover on the plaintiff’s side of the court and glared at me the entire trial. I lost on all counts. I was told that I would have to pay 5 million dollars in restitution and was disbarred from practicing law for ten years following the date of the trial. I lost everything. My house, my cars, my penthouse apartment, my jewelry and my career. Between my ex-father-in-law and my ex-wife, I was broke. The only friend I had left in the world was Johnny Walker Blue Label and I could not even afford that anymore.
I took up drinking cheap whiskey. It has been five years now since the trial. I have five more years to go before I can practice law again. I know that I am an alcoholic bum but can you blame me? I told you that there would be a life changing moral in this story for you but before I give it to you, I want my drink.”
Mike had concluded his story. I wondered what the life changing moral would be. I had some ideas but curiosity got the better of me. I decided to buy him his drink and let him finish his tale of woe.
“Bartender” I called, “bring my friend here a shot of Johnny Walker Scotch.” The Scotch was quickly downed by Mike with a look of joy and ecstasy on his face that would be hard to describe.
“Okay”, Mike began “I have had many years to reflect on my life and where it went wrong. I also know that not a man alive would at some point in their life not have been envious of mine. The sad part and the moral is that we all want things that we think will make us happy when the real happiness is what we have inside and what we bring to life, not what life brings to us.” With these last words of wisdom, Mike got off his bar stool and went out the same way he came in. I never saw him again.
I sat for an hour or so after he left thinking about what he had said. Just a few minutes before he had entered the bar, I was bemoaning my sorry life and denigrating my family. I decided to go home and hug my wife and kids.
Many years have past since I met Mike. My life is pretty much the same as it was before I met him, except that I have never been happier. My wife is beautiful and my kids are beautiful. I would not trade my life for all the money in the world.
Time for Questions:
Do you appreciate what you have? What does it take to make us happy? Is money an essential element of happiness? What if you had no money, could you still be happy? What is the most important person or thing in your life? Why?
Life is just beginning.
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” — Melody Beattie
This theory says that happiness is dependent on other things happening in your life. You must have these other things going on or you will not be happy. If you have a good family, or good job or you have meaningful work, you will be happy. Contingency is like a correlation in statistics. The process of having a good family correlates with happiness but having a good family does not make you happy. Some things have a higher correlation with happiness than other things. Some people believe that having less things is more conducive to happiness than owning a bunch of things.
This could also be called the “Cause and Effect” theory of happiness. This theory says that certain things or activities will lead to the outcome of happiness. For instance, becoming an Olympic Gold Medalist may lead an athlete to happiness.
You will always be happy in proportion to how happy others are around us. If I have a great deal of money but my friends have more, I will be unhappy. However, if I have a bigger office than anybody else in the company, I will be happier than they are. The state of being happy will always be relative or in comparison to some other standard that I mark my happiness by.
This theory views happiness as something that has no limits. The sky is the limit. Extraordinary happiness awaits anyone willing to go for it. Every day will bring more and more happiness if you only believe it is possible.
I suppose in one sense, “life is not fair” means that life is indeed following a bell-shaped curve and some of us are on the undesirable end. In other words, some of us are too short, too fat, too unappealing, or any number of other less-desirable traits that we find on the extremes of the bell-shaped curve. Last night I was watching a 3-year-old do stunts on a sized down motorcycle. I could not do these stunts if my life depended on it. This young boy was a natural on the motorcycle. He took to it like a fish to water. We have all seen and perhaps envied some of the more fortunate on our bell-shaped curve who can do things we only dream about doing. For those of us on the wrong end of the bell-shaped curve, life will never seem fair.
I understand why so many people want to believe in heaven and hell. It would be much easier to go on living peacefully if I could really believe that there was someplace better to go to than this earth I now reside on. Too many bad days now seem to intrude on my equanimity. You and I and everyone else that resides on this 3rd rock from the sun are abused and tormented every day with disease, starvation, accidents, environmental devastations, and pandemics. I could handle all of these things but for one thing. It is called “mans’ inhumanity to man.” The stupid cruel things we do to each other over and over again. The wars, murders, and injustices that we inflict on other human beings. And it is not just the average person that inflicts these cruelties, it is the “best” people in the land. In fact, it would seem that the inhumanities done by those with the most money, most intelligence and those we call our leaders are the worst of all the brutalities and savagery that we see in the news each day.
A winner will need to rely on their team, but great riders will often find that they are suddenly alone and need to finish the race on their own. Perhaps their support riders are worn out or perhaps it is evident that the leader needs to charge ahead to gain time or prevent an adversary from gaining too much advantage. The great riders know when you to use their team and when to go it alone.
Mark Cavendish when he was at his peak was considered the best sprinter who ever lived. This year for the 2021 Tour de France he was almost not selected by any of the teams. At 36 years old, most thought that his racing days were over. To the surprise of all, Mark secured a contract with one of the Tour teams. Even more of a surprise was his winning four stages in the Tour to tie the record of Eddy Merckx for most stage wins in the Tour de France. Mark did not know he was too old to win. There is a time to hold em and a time to fold em, but it is very difficult to know when that time is. One thing is for certain, never listen to other people.
The Tour de France is comprised of three main types of riders. There are the sprinters who are best on flat ground. There are the mountaineers who excel at hills and mountains. There are the general classification (GC) riders who are good at both hills and flat ground but are not usually as good as the sprinters and mountaineers at their respective terrain. The GC riders are most likely the best all-around riders and may be able to win a few stages in both the flats and the hills. However, the GC riders are much more concerned with their overall time and will generally forego racing with sprinters or mountaineers who may break with the Peloton in an attempt to win a stage. There is lots of strategy involved in winning the Tour and I do not have the time or knowledge to say more about it.
No rider on the Tour de France has ever won all the stages. Two or three riders have captured the Polka Dot (Best Mountain Rider), Green (Best Sprinter) and Yellow (Overall time leader) jerseys in the same Tour but no rider has ever won all 21 stages in one race. We all have good days and bad days. Some days we wake up full of energy and other days we should just stay in bed.
Tour riders line up maybe 2 miles or so before the actual start line. Two hundred riders will be almost welded together behind a pace car as they casually ride up to the start. As soon as they reach the start line, they are off in a rush of cycles jostling for position. A large mass of cyclists is called the Peloton and most riders will try to stay with this group for reasons of riding efficiency and aerodynamics. Riding alone is more effort and energy wasteful than riding in a group. Nevertheless, some game or crazy rides will try to leave the pack. It may happen soon in the race or half way through the race, but eventually a breakaway group or individual will try to go it alone. The boldness of these breakaway riders is thrilling. Daring to challenge the best riders in the world by themselves.
When I grew up, the only art in our house was an Elvis on velvet painting that my mother had hanging over the living room sofa. We also had a wooden ship with metal sails and a clock that did not work built into the side of the ship. It was featured prominently on the mantle over our fake fireplace. Our furniture would have done the Salvation Army proud. I do not remember any other art besides Elvis displayed on our walls, floors, or ceilings. Neither my father or mother had any interest in art. My mother liked Elvis and that is why she got the painting. 
When I think back upon my schooling, I do not recall ever having had a single class in art appreciation. We would occasionally go on field trips but usually to a library or a science museum. No one in my schools acknowledged the world of art. For blue collar kids like myself, the world of art had little relevance or practical use. Everyone knew that artists died poor. The great Van Gogh sold only one picture in his lifetime and that to a relative. The purchase of art was for the rich, spoiled, eccentric scions of old aristocratic families with more money than they knew what to do with. 
When Karen and I first moved down to Arizona, we took a day to go and visit Scottsdale. Scottsdale is a wealthy upper-class community. Scottsdale is generally considered the most affluent large city in Arizona. The average income of a Scottsdale resident is $51,564 a year. The US average is $28,555 a year. According to Zillow.com, the typical price of a home in Scottsdale is $582,292. We walked around the downtown portion of Scottsdale and expected to see the usual mix of clothing stores, jewelry shops, antique shops, and restaurants. We were not surprised except when it came to the antique shops. 
Art reflects the beauty that life holds. Paintings portray ideals and impressions that intrigue and magnify the senses. Sculptures mirror the objects in our world that mystify us or that remind us of magnificent events. Pictures bring us to other places and times that would be forgotten without the images the photographer captures. Art does not attempt to simply mirror reality; it attempts to augment and enhance reality. Art can be a caricature which like a Rorschach text enables us to see many different visions. Art is a realization of values, norms, pain, happiness, the past, the present and the future. Art can simultaneously create fantasy and reality.
You may be rightly thinking, “But what good does art do me if I cannot afford to even walk into an art shop?” I often asked myself this same question. Why look at stuff that I could not afford? It took me years before I even ventured into an art museum. I have since visited the Louvre while in Paris and many other museums in the USA and in Europe. My attitude is now one of gratefulness that someone has purchased these magnificent works of art to share with the public. The vast majority of us could never begin to afford the pricelessness of these museum pieces. I strongly encourage you to visit an art museum sometime. 
When it comes to art that I would like to own, it is simply a matter of what I can afford. The art world is full of overpriced works of art. Many would rebel at my labeling art this way. My critics would say that it was high priced and not “over” priced. That may well be. I have talked to a number of artists and the vast majority do not get paid for the value of their efforts and creativity. However, just like in athletics, a few stand out and are disproportionally rewarded for their efforts. 
I thought I would start the year of 2021 off with a positive slant. Namely, some things we can all do or practice to be better people. However, before anyone should pay any attention to what I am about to say, there are several questions they must ask themselves. I would advise you that the veracity and hence credibility of an author is critical to your acceptance of what the author is trying to sell you or convince you of. Do not buy an argument from someone who cannot be trusted. Think about the comment that “If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.” An uncritical acceptance of any idea is dangerous to your own integrity and responsibility. Hence, the questions I would want answered (If I were you) would be as follows: Who is this writer to say what the “greatest” virtues for a human are? How did he come up with these Seven Virtues? What is the difference between a virtue and a value? Is this an important difference or is he about to sell me another new religion?
I would like to answer that I am a seeker of truth and knowledge. I am very opinionated, often highly judgmental and have frequently been accused of being a “know it all.” Many people would write my opinions off as being too liberal while others would say that I am too rational. I place great value on being logical and trying to stay open to many possibilities. I have been studying philosophy and religion since I was eighteen. I have no degrees in either. But the number of books and articles and stories that I have read number in the hundreds. I have attended many different worship houses and types of religious services. I was brought up as a Catholic until I rejected its teachings at about the age of 10. When no one would give me a good answer for “Who made God?” I more or less decided that most religions were based on superstitions.
Given that one could easily comprise a list of ten or perhaps one hundred important virtues, why do I believe that my seven are the seven greatest and most important? How do I have the audacity to make such an assertion? I might have been sitting under an apple tree one day, or perhaps simply thinking about life at one of my yearly silent retreats at the Demontreville Retreat Center, when I compiled a list of seven virtues. While I truly “value” these ideas, I understand them more as virtues than values. I will address this difference later. I decided that I want to live by these virtues. Each day for the last fifteen or more years, I have selected one of these seven virtues to help guide me through the day. Whether it is patience, kindness or courage, each day I start by reflecting on this virtue and trying to make it a part of my life.
The danger in this discussion lies in your taking a sectarian or religious approach to my writings. I assure you that I am not a religious person. I may be a spiritual person but I do not think of myself in either of these categories. I am an agnostic who wants to live a better life and help build a world that is a better place to live for future generations. Living by these seven virtues is one way I believe I can contribute to this goal.
If I have satisfactorily answered the questions that I posed above respecting my integrity and credibility, I will now set off to address each of my Seven Virtues and explain why they are so important and the difference that I think they can make in our lives. Look for my virtues over the next several weeks in my blogs.
brought sorrow to my heart over the years. Life does not always end happily. Lives do not always find the justice and honor they merit. I have felt sorry for the heroes and heroines who did not get the fates they deserved. If only I could somehow right all the wrongs and set history on the paths it should have taken. I find books tell me about my shortcomings and highlight areas where I need improvement. It is always sorrowful to find that I am not as good as I would like to be.
Aging Capriciously 