Autobiographies from the Dead – Abdullah the Terrorist

For the next several weeks, my blogs are going to consist of “autobiographies” written by some very special people.  They have one thing in common.  They are all dead.  Some have a burial place and some were simply discarded like pieces of trash.  Their stories will be told by the deceased themselves.  They cry out from the fields, rivers and graveyards to speak.  I have heard their cries.  They want me to tell their stories to you.  They want you to know what their living and dying was for.  This week, Abdullah will tell you the story of his life and death.

Abdullah the Terrorist

AbdullahMy name is Abdullah.  My name means “One who serves Allah.”  They will call me Abdullah the Terrorist.  I have killed twenty-five Jews, five Christians and of course myself.  They will call me a suicide bomber.  Calling it suicide is ironic since I did not want to die and neither did any of the thirty people I killed.

I am twenty-four years old and have recently graduated from Al-Azhar University in Gaza with a degree in Pharmacy.   My parents said that people will always need medicine and I could help many of my people with such a degree.  I had always wanted to help people and I thought of being a doctor but I did not like seeing blood.  Another irony, since I probably have not helped any of the thirty people I just murdered and now I am covered with their blood and my blood.  The blood of an Arab mixed with the blood of infidels.

I am not a fanatic.  I did not choose to do this act.  Never in my wildest fantasies did I think I would become a terrorist.  I am not the type of person who wanted to sacrifice themselves for a cause.  I certainly did not need thirty or forty virgins.  I had all the virgins I could want while I was in college.  How did I get to this place?  I should not be dead.  I should be enjoying a good career, a happy family and a long and prosperous life.

Father PrayingMuslim FamilyI was taught by my father and mother not to hate people.  I was the eldest son in a family of six.  I have two younger sisters and one younger brother.  My father was a well-respected business man with a small appliance store.  He had gone to college for two years but dropped out to help his father run a family business.   My mother is a stay at home mom who loves to read, sew, cook and take care of the family finances.  Both my mother and father are very devout Muslims.  My father always told me, “If you hate people, you are no better than the people you hate.”   So how did I become a “Terrorist?”

It began about a year after I graduated from college and after I had started working as a pharmacy assistant at a small pharmacy in Ramla.  The pharmacy was about an hour commute from my home in Gaza.  I had no problem getting a position there as I had never been linked to any anti-Israel activities.  One day, my father was visited by three men in masks shortly after my family had eaten dinner.  We were all told to “get lost.”   My father was given the following message.

“Allah has been good to you. You have a thriving business.  You prosper and your family prospers.  Over the years, nothing has ever been asked of you for your people and nothing has ever been given.  You take but you contribute little to the freedom of our country.  You are a Palestinian but you ignore the sufferings of your neighbors who are oppressed by the Jews.”

“What do you want of me” said my father.

“All we ask is that you speak to your son.  We want him to join us and help his people.”

“My son has his own free will” replied my father.

“Yes, but your son is also a Palestinian and all good Palestinians are expected to help overcome our oppression.  This is not a request.  It could go very badly for your family if you are on the wrong side here.  You are either with us are against us.  There is no in-between.  Speak to your son and explain this to him.”

“Are you threatening me?” said my father.

“We do not threaten.  We speak for the good of our people.  You have been asked nicely.  Please talk to your son and explain how it is to him.”

They left my father with the address of a meeting place for me to go to.

Later that week, my father came to talk to me about his conversation with the freedom fighters.  He told me what they had said.  He told me that he would not force a decision on me and that it was my choice whether to join them or not.  He said that regardless of my decision, he would stand by me and respect me.

Hamas visits AbdullahI would not dishonor my father and mother and family.  I decided to meet with the men whom he had talked to.  At our meeting, it was emphasized that I had a responsibility to my country as well as my family. Terrorist I was told that many of my friends were also freedom fighters and that I would bring great honor to my family by joining them.  I did not really have a choice.  There were no other options.  Thus, I became a freedom fighter for my country or in the West, I became a Terrorist.

terrorist meetingA few months went by and nothing really terrible occurred.  I continued working at the pharmacy by day.  At night, I ran messages around the town and other minor errands.  My family and friends continued on as before and to all appearances nothing really changed in my life.  Then one day, I was called to a special meeting.  Many of the upper level officers were there.  I had seen some of these men before but as a low level soldier I had never talked to them.  One older and very important looking man stood up and said:

“Abdullah, your time has come.”  Your country has need of your services.  You are the only one who can carry out this assignment.  It will require great bravery and great dedication to our mission.  Your actions will bring great glory and honor to your family.  You will be remembered by all of our people and the name of Abdullah will go down in history for your heroic deeds.”

My knees were shaking and I was full of fear but I answered “What must I do?”  I was going to become a real Jihadi.

Terrorist with bombThe next few weeks were full of instructions and operational details.   I often went between my pharmacy and a pharmacy in East Jerusalem to exchange products and some medicines.  On one of these trips, I would carry a package strapped to my chest.   I would probably not be inspected too thoroughly at the checkpoints since the guards were very used to seeing me come across.  They would usually just wave me through.  I did not have to use too much imagination to know what I would be carrying.  The entire apparatus that I had strapped to me weighed about twenty pounds.  It had a large cord with a ring on one end.  The other end of the cord was attached to a detonator.

My instructions were to go the pharmacy where I made my purchases and exchanges and simply act as I usually did.  I was to do this on a typical workday so as to appear that I was simply doing my job.  The time of day that I was to make the trip was between one and five in the afternoon.  It was thought that at this time of day, the pharmacy would be the busiest and there would be more Jews and tourists waiting for drugs or prescriptions.   I was to count the number of people in the pharmacy and note whether more or less were coming in.  If there were at least twenty five people shopping, then I was to yell out “Allahu Akbar” and pull the detonator.

The day started out like any other day in my life.  I rose at 7 AM.  My brother and sisters were all getting ready for school.  Mom was making breakfast for all of us and dad was doing some work on the internet.  I knew it was going to be the last time I would see any of them but I tried to act like nothing was different and nothing was going to happen.  We ate breakfast and I said goodbye to each of my siblings as they left.  As I went out the door, mom reminded me to take my lunch and I gave her a hug and told both my mom and dad goodbye.  I did not say farewell as I did not want them to be suspicious.  It was all I could do to leave my home knowing it would be the last time I would ever see it.

On the way to the pharmacy, I stopped at our headquarters.  Two men attached the weapon to my chest under my tunic.  The officer in charge asked me if I wanted to go over operational details one last time.  I said no and he asked me if I wanted to take anything for my nerves.  I again replied no.  I left for the pharmacy.  Once at my place of employment I went about my normal routine until 1 PM.  At that time, as I had planned, I said that I needed to go to Jerusalem to pick up some medicine and supplies.  This was a fairly usual procedure for me, so no one raised any eyebrows.

I passed through the check point with no problem.  I was greeted cordially by the guards who made some funny remark that I did not catch.  I guess I was too nervous to concentrate on any banter. I proceeded on to the bus which took me to the large pharmacy in East Jerusalem where I often purchased supplies.  I entered the revolving front door and was surprised at how many customers were either shopping or waiting to have a prescription filled.  I started to follow my instructions and count the number of people who were in the shop.  I stopped after I counted at least twenty five people who were there.  I knew it was time.  I took a deep breath and said a quick prayer to Allah.  I reached under my jacket.  I took hold of the large round ring.  I pulled it as hard as I could.  That is the last thing I remember doing.

**FILE2004** Paramedics take care of a victim who was wounded in a suicide bombing of an Egged bus no. 19 in Jerusalem. Eleven people were killed and over 50 wounded, 13 of them seriously. Both the Fatah-related Al Aqsa Martyrs' Brigades and Hamas claimed responsibility for the attack. January 29, 2004. Photo by Flash90 *** Local Caption *** ????? ???????  ???? ??? ???? ???? ?? ??

**FILE2004**
Paramedics take care of a victim who was wounded in a suicide bombing of an Egged bus no. 19 in Jerusalem. Eleven people were killed and over 50 wounded, 13 of them seriously. Both the Fatah-related Al Aqsa Martyrs’ Brigades and Hamas claimed responsibility for the attack. January 29, 2004. Photo by Flash90
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I have never seen such mayhem and carnage.  Even in war movies, it is nothing like this.  There are no words that can describe the horror.  People are screaming and crying and pulling their hair out.  Body parts and blood are everywhere.  People are calling out names and looking through the debris.  People are fainting and others are vomiting.  Everywhere, people are weeping.  Ambulances, doctors and nurses are attending to some injured people while others are being carried out on gurneys.  I look for my body but I cannot find it.  People are cursing Allah and many are swearing retribution on my people.  I am wondering if this is Jahannam and I am in it.  Surely, I am not in Jannah.

“Did I do the right thing?”   This is the question that now torments me.  Did I help my people?  Was it worth the cost to other people? What have I now brought down on my country?  I need to find Allah and ask him these questions.  My soul will never rest until they are answered.

Time for Questions:

What is a terrorist?  What is the difference between a terrorist and a freedom fighter?  Do you think terrorism is ever justified?   Do you think terrorists might be just like you or I?  Are terrorists cowards or courageous?  What do you think of the comment that the American Revolutionists were considered terrorists by the British during the American War of Independence?

Life is just beginning.

The following deaths are attributed to US military Action during Operation Iraqi Freedom. The toll of Iraq’s war dead covered by the report is limited to the early stages of the war, from March 19 when American tanks crossed the Kuwaiti border, to April 20, when US troops had consolidated their hold on Baghdad.

Researchers drew on hospital records, official US military statistics, news reports, and survey methodology to arrive at their figures.

Total war dead (Iraq) From March 19 to April 20

Between 10,800 and 15,100, with a midpoint of 12,950

Combatants killed (Iraq)

Between 7,600 and 10,800, with a midpoint of 9,200

Noncombatants killed (Iraq)

Between 3,200 and 4,300, with a midpoint of 3,750

Up to 15,000 people killed in invasion, claims thinktank  by Suzanne Goldenberg in Washington

Who the Hell is Haroon Moghul?

Haroon MoghulNow I am going to confess that I do not know Mr. Moghul.  I have never talked to Mr. Moghul.  I have never emailed Mr. Moghul.  I have never even seen Mr. Moghul until this morning when I found some comments he made on line about the shooting last week in Texas at the cartoon contest for caricatures of Muhammed.   Here are the comments that Mr. Moghul made:

I am Muslim, and after attacks like these, folks always ask, “Do you condemn terrorism?” Or they throw up their hands and say, “Where are the Muslims!” Well, to be blunt: Not at the event. In fact, every major mosque in the Garland, Texas, area not only shrugged off the anti-Islam event happening in their backyard, but also declined to exercise their equal right to peacefully protest it. It appears from early reports that the suspects were not currently involved with a mosque. This is because American Muslims — our mosques and our leadership — reject radicalism out of hand. — (Don’t be fooled by Pamela Geller By Haroon Moghul)

pamelagellerPamela Geller as you may or may not know is the radical anti-Islamist from the East Coast who sponsored the “Free Speech” shindig in Texas.  What could be more American than a free speech contest?  Who could be more American than someone wanting to uphold our First Amendment rights?  Where else in the world would you find a contest proving to the world that Americans are willing to denigrate the beliefs of a large religious following except in Texas?   And I am not talking about the beliefs of Baptists either.

Of course the followers of Ms. Geller immediately launched a reply to Mr. Moghul some of which is as follows:

The clearest indication that Haroon Moghul is a jihad terror-enabling charlatan is the fact that after jihadis attempt to commit mass murder at a free speech event, he doesn’t write a piece defending free speech and explaining why Muslims must accept it, or a piece condemning the Islamic jihadis and explaining why Islam’s death penalty for blasphemy must not be carried out in the modern age, or a piece calling for reform of the teachings and doctrines that Islamic jihadis use to justify violence and supremacism. ­­–  (Don’t be fooled by Haroon Moghul by Robert Spencer)

ExtremistsWho do I believe? Whose logic do I choose: The Jihadist Moghul or the Pro-American anti-Islamist Pam Geller?  This is a tough choice.  My background does not help.  I grew up as a Roman Catholic in an Italian neighborhood in New York.   Jews were evil because they killed Christ.  Protestants were misguided because they rejected the Pope and the Blessed Virgin Mary.  Muslims were bad because they killed a lot of Christians during the Holy Wars and because they thought Muhammed was a better prophet then Jesus.  Hindus were weird because they had too many gods and Buddhists did not believe in God so they could not even be counted as a real religion.  I grew up with a father who was a WW II decorated combat veteran and who hated communists.  The French were not much better than communists to my dad since De Gaulle kicked us out of France shortly after the war was over.  Thus, my religious world was divided into good and bad.  Good= Roman Catholic.  Bad= All other religions or quasi-religions including kooky sects with make believe TV ministers.

ExtremistsSo now we are in this “War on Terror” started by the evil Jihadists.  A war that Europe and America had no responsibility for since all we wanted from the Arabs=Jihadists=Bad, was their oil and a place to send the Jews after the war so that we could expunge our guilt from having let so many of them die in Hitler’s ovens.  Ironic that so much of the Right Wing in America which proclaims to be against Islam also loves the Nazi swastika and anything connected with Heir Adolph.  This is a conundrum.  Nevertheless, I fear the Arabs, or Jihadists putting a bomb on the next plane I take or worse attacking my village in Frederic Wisconsin.  Despite the prevalence of 2nd Amendment rights people up here we might not have adequate munitions to ward off a full scale Islamist attack.  And besides that, we have enough laws already without my having to learn Sharia law.

Thus, I found myself wondering how great the possibility of another 911 was.  How much did I have to fortify my home?  How many rifles, pistols and RPG’s did I need to protect my turf from the evil Arabs?   There were other voices telling me that my fears were misguided.  Indeed, some were saying that I had more to worry about from the Pamela Gellers of the world than from the Ayatollahs.   The Southern Poverty Law center in their recent report on terrorism and hate groups cited the following study in their report in which they seconded the conclusion:

A survey last year of state and local law enforcement officers listed sovereign citizen terrorists, ahead of foreign Islamists, and domestic militia groups as the top domestic terror threat.  The survey was part of a study produced by the University of Maryland’s National Consortium for the Study of Terrorism and Responses to Terrorism. [CNN, 2/20/15]

Freedom of speechAs you know, a study of history is often the best way to understand the current problems we face. As the great philosopher Santayana said “Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it.”  I therefore decided to undertake some historical research into the present animosity that we seem to have toward Arabs and Muslims in this country.  I wanted to see if Mr. Moghul was right or if Ms. Geller was right.  Is it simply a matter of “Free Speech” which those evil Arabs do not understand or is there a larger issue at play here.

Islamist ExtremistsOn the matter of “Free Speech”, it has been noted by some that all speech is not really free.  Some examples of proscribed free speech would include the classic “yelling fire in a crowded theater” but also such examples as burning a cross in your Black neighbor’s yard, telling your attractive co-worker how nice her boobs were, calling 911 on a joke or telling the Judge to go “F” herself.  Nevertheless, it is remarkable that Pam Geller has the guts to stick it to those evil Arabs by ridiculing their holy patriarch.  Somewhat ironic, since the religious right has never been a big supporter of free speech particularly when it comes to anti-war protests or criticizing Christianity.

“Usually, defending free speech rights is much more of a lonely task. For instance, the day before the Paris murders, I wrote an article about multiple cases where Muslims are being prosecuted and even imprisoned by western governments for their online political speech – assaults that have provoked relatively little protest, including from those free speech champions who have been so vocal this week.” —  In Solidarity with a Free Press: More Blasphemous Cartoons, by Glenn Greenwald

Fear-Ignorance1A source of my information was a book by Edward W. Said published in 1981 titled “Covering Islam: How the Media and the Experts Determine How We See the Rest of the World.”  This book was published nineteen years before 911 and eight years before the first Gulf war.  At this point in American history, most of us did not even know any evil Arabs and there was no War on Terror since it would be 8 years or so before the War on Godless Communists would end with the fall of the Berlin Wall.  We had plenty of other evil people to deal with and did not have to have any evil Arabs.  Most of us had never even had any falafel, hummus or baklava.

So I presumed that what Mr. Said said about the evil Arabs in 1981 might be a somewhat unbiased and as yet uncontaminated view of how Americans viewed Arabs way back over thirty years ago.  Here is what Mr. Said had to say about America’s view of Arabs in 1981:

The modern Western media, says Said, does not want people to know that in Islam both men and women are equal; that Islam is tough on crime and the causes of crime; that Islam is a religion of knowledge par excellence; that Islam is a religion of strong ethical principles and a firm moral code; that socially Islam stands for equality and brotherhood; that politically Islam stands for unity and humane governance; that economically Islam stands for justice and fairness; and that Islam is at once a profoundly spiritual and a very practical religion. Said claims in his book that untruth and falsehood about Islam and the Muslim world are consistently propagated in the media, in the name of objectivity, liberalism, freedom, democracy and progress.This summary is from Wikipedia.

I was startled and amazed by his conclusions.  The evil Arab portrayed in the press in 1981 is the same Evil Arab=Muslim=Jihadist portrayed in the American press today.  Fox News (Sic) commentator Lt. Col Ralph Peter has made the following comments about Islam:

“We do not have an Islamophobia problem in the United States; we have an Islamophilia problem – which places Islam above all criticism. And until we hold Islam to the same standards as every other religion, ethically and behaviorally, terrorism wins.”

Salon Magazine commenting recently about the role of Fox News in promoting Anti-Arab sentiment in America had this to say about the treatment of Arabs and Islam:

“The Islamophobia industry also goes to great lengths to sell its message to the public. The difference, though, is that in many cases the very networks that spread their product are themselves participants in the ruse to whip up public fear of Muslims. This is not a relationship of buyer and seller, where various characters that peddle panic purchase slots on major television networks to plug their merchandise. Rather, it is a relationship of mutual benefit, where ideologies and political proclivities converge to advance the same agenda.

Fox News, the American television station that brands itself as “fair and balanced,” is the epitome of this relationship.  It has been, for the better part of the last decade, at the heart of the public scare-mongering about Islam, and has become the home for a slew of right-wing activists who regularly inhabit its airwaves to distort the truth to push stereotypes about Muslims.” —  www.salon.com  

The comment in Salon was made in 2012 nearly thirty years after Said noted that there was a major effort in the US News to distort the teaching and canons of Islam.  Of course there will be those who note the following:

  • Islamic beheadings
  • Stoning of women guilty of adultery
  • Islamic persecutions of Christians in Arab countries
  • Islamic persecutions of Jews and other minorities

When these problems and atrocities are faithfully reported and repeated ad nausea in the news, it has the effect of distorting and even hiding the threats from other terrorists particularly Right-Wing and religious fanatics.  We see or hear of one Muslim related terror attack such as the Charlie Hebdo killings and we hear of news related items to this event for over two weeks.  In the meantime, other atrocities not related to Islam go unreported and virtually ignored.  Nevertheless,

A Homeland Security report produced in coordination with the FBI in 2014 counts 24 violent sovereign citizen-related attacks across the U.S. since 2010.  The government says these are extremists who believe that they can ignore laws and that their individual rights are under attack in routine daily instances such as a traffic stop or being required to obey a court order. DHS Intelligence Report

So let us return to the Patriot or Evil Jihadist (depending on your perspective) Mr. Moghul.  Here was a man who would apparently agree with Mr. Said.  Muslims are not evil people nor are all Muslims good people.  That’s right.  There are “Bad” Muslims. There are also many evil Christians but no one disparages all Christianity even though few people seem to actually practice the teachings of Jesus Christ.

goingtohellIn my home town, the religious right has managed to put up a billboard with the Ten Commandments on it.  I fail to see how this billboard promotes Christianity.  Christ gave us the Eight Beatitudes not the Ten Commandments.  The Ten Commandments are Old Testament.  The Eight Beatitudes are Christian through and through. I have asked many people why they did not put the Beatitudes up and why they put the Ten Commandments up.  I had much rather see Christians follow the Eight Beatitudes today and say they are for Compassion and Love.  Instead, I see too many so-called Christians who are for Hate and Intolerance.  Where did Jesus ever call for Hate or Intolerance?

“At the exhibition ‘Caricatura VI – The Comic Art – analog, digital, international’ in Kassel in Germany, a cartoon created by cartoonist Mario Lars has been removed after protests that it hurt people’s religious feelings.  The drawing depicts Jesus suffering on the cross and a speech bubble, which apparently contains words from God, who says: “Ey… you… I fucked your mother.” The caricature was displayed not only in the exhibition itself, but was also reproduced on a large advertising poster outside the building of Caricatura Gallery.  Barbara Heinrich, the city dean of the Evangelical Church in Kassel, said the caricature crossed a line of what is acceptable.” — Arts Freedom, August 29, 2012.

extremism-cartoonjpg-ff44d0d8e227b4c0I may not like your religion.  I may not like your Gods or your prophets.  But as long as your religion respects the rights of others, I will respect your religion.   I do not see the vast majority of Muslims as a threat to my way of life.  I see Muslim extremists as dangerous and misguided but I view them the same as I view Christian extremists.  Both categories include narrow minded zealots who pose a threat to other people because of their failure to deal with adversity through kindness and love.

Thus, I say that those who profess to be Christians and follow the word of Jesus have no precedent to denigrate, humiliate or ridicule the teachings of Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists or any other religion that they do not agree with.  Jesus would not have ridiculed or persecuted anyone.  Can you imagine Jesus holding a contest to see who could create the best caricature of a prophet named Muhammed?

Time for Questions:

Are you a Christian?  Do you understand and support the rights of other religions to practice their faiths?  Do you stand up to bullies and zealots who would ridicule and malign other religions?   What will it take for America to become a country that truly is a melting pot and tolerates racial and religious diversity?

Life is just beginning.

“Think for yourself and let others enjoy the privilege of doing so too.”  ― Voltaire

“Christian, Jew, Muslim, shaman, Zoroastrian, stone, ground, mountain, river, each has a secret way of being with the mystery, unique and not to be judged”  ― Rumi

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