The Hell with the Pigs

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“Give me my eggs over easy with a slice of bacon on the side.”  “I don’t give a damn how the pigs are raised as long as the bacon is well done.”

A recent lawsuit by the National Pork Producers Council and the American Farm Bureau Federation seeks to overturn a lower court ruling that specifies more humane conditions for the cages in which pigs are kept.  “If you’re looking for an example of an unconstitutional law, this is it,” said Michael Formica, chief legal strategist for the pork producers.

Michael-Formica

I scratch my head in disbelief at Formica’s statement, not to mention his callous opportunistic disregard for how these poor animals destined to be slaughtered for his slice of bacon are kept.  Just another fat white middle-aged lawyer ready to take up his legal cudgel to defend our right to bacon, sausage, and pork chops.  But more importantly to defend the rights of industry to make profits regardless of who or what is hurt in the effort.

Formica claims that the US Constitution defends this right.  Another legal escapism from what I am sure the founders of this country had no intention to protect.  Jefferson, Hamilton, Adams, and Franklin would have been appalled at the notion of CAFOS (Concentrated Animal Feed Operations).  Industry designed operations built for the sole purpose of keeping prices low and making huge profits.

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In Polk County Wisconsin, we have been waging a four-year battle to try to regulate these CAFOS and keep them from destroying the environment.  It has been an uphill battle as the never-ending lawsuits from pork producers are like unlimited cannon balls coming at well intentioned but unprotected and outgunned citizen groups.  The law that Formica wants to challenge was passed in California on a 2018 ballot initiative written by voters to bar sales in California of pork, veal, and eggs from animals whose confinement failed to meet minimum space requirements.

If you are a vegan or vegetarian, which I am not, you are no doubt more concerned about the welfare of these poor caged animals then you are about the price of bacon or even the environmental impacts of these animal concentration camps.

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I asked Porky the Pig what he thought of these operations.  Porky is representing the Voters of California against Formica’s and the Pig Industries challenge to the California Law which (Also unbelievably) has worked its way up to the US Supreme Court.  “Pork industry takes fight over California law to U.S. Supreme Court” – By Leah Douglas, October 10,2022

The Supreme Court stands ever ready to defend big business against even the most bizarre and frivolous lawsuits ever conceived.  An institution that was once a bulwark against infringements to civil liberties has become a pimp for any business with enough money to hire a scumbag lawyer.  A legal whiz who with no humanity or morality will develop esoteric arguments to protect his/her clients rights to make a profit regardless of what economists call “externalities.”  The definition of an externality is “A side effect or consequence of an industrial or commercial activity that affects other parties without this being reflected in the cost of the goods or services involved.”  Global Warming and Climate Change are an egregious example of externalities that are now costing the world billions of lives and dollars.  An externality to pigs and cows is simply abuse and murder.

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Porky the Pig told me that he has lost many family members, friends, and other relatives to these CAFO operations.  The basis for his defense against Formica’s lawsuit rests not on econometric issues such as supply and demand but on the sheer inhumanity of the way pigs are kept prior to being slaughtered.  Porky was somewhat indifferent to the eventual slaughter of pigs for food.  “John,” he said to me, “We all have to go sometime.  However, like humans it is not when we go but how that really bothers us.  To spend our entire life in a cage that is so confining, we cannot even turn around, that is no way to live.  Your famous Patrick Henry echoed a sentiment that is our rallying cry.  ‘Give us liberty or give us death.’”

I left Porky feeling very guilty.  I don’t know if I want to give up bacon and eggs.  I do know that I would be willing to pay more for my bacon and sausage to know that Porky and his family had been treated humanly before being slaughtered.  Once upon a time, we knew that a nation could not have both guns and butter.  You had to make a choice.  Like not being able to have your cake and eat it.  We seem to have forgotten that lesson.  Or we are unwilling to make a choice?  We want cheap food, but we also want to spend trillions of dollars on our defense industry.  We want low priced bacon and eggs but high-priced missiles and bombs.  When will the people in this country wake up?  As Patrick Henry also said,

“What is it that you wish?  What would you have?  Is bacon so dear, or sausage so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of brutality and cruelty?  Forbid it, Almighty God!

PS:

Received the following message from a friend of mine in Wisconsin on November 4, 2022. It concerns a new development in the ongoing war against a CAFO in Northwestern Wisconsin. She has been very active in the effort to block allowing CAFO’S without more government regulation. This letter illustrates the ongoing battles I referred to in my blog with big business allied against us average folks.

Dear John,

Wisconsin Manufacturers & Commerce (WMC) served the Town of Laketown with a lawsuit this week. Their billionaire members want the Concentrated Animal Feeding Operations (CAFO) Ordinance several local towns have passed, rescinded.

WMC’s complaint mirrors their April 19, 2022 Notice of Claim. However, they ditched the nudist colony as a proxy plaintiff. They are still using the Byl and Spoestra farms as proxies. The lead plaintiff is Mike Byl, convicted for illegal dumping in 2018. WMC argues that local governments may only use Wisconsin Statute 93.90, the ridiculously weak law they wrote, to regulate giant livestock factories.

For more information, please see the attached documents:

1.      Case Summary – 10.12.22

2.      Summons and Complaint – 10.12.22

3.      Notice of Claim – 4.19.22

4.      Mike Byl Conviction – 7.23.18

The law firms of Bassford Remele and Fredrikson Byron, are representing Laketown.

A copy of the ordinance is available on Laketown’s website: Town of Laketown | Polk County, WI

Of course, this is just the latest of many attacks that the WMC is making around the state to intimidate local officials. In Kewaunee County, WMC helped fuel a decade of litigation for the giant Kinnard 8,000-cow dairy. In that case, these behemoths say they don’t need to do any well monitoring even though they are spreading raw feces and urine over 16,000 acres. That is 25 sections of land or almost 3/4 of a township! 

Wisconsin’s Big Ag is now using a convicted polluter from Laketown to argue that local governments can’t protect their citizens’ health or property values. We are proud that Laketown’s leaders and citizens are willing and able to derail them.

Sincerely –  

The True Story of the Three Little Pigs:  Well, Not So Little!

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This is the true story of the three little pigs.  Actually, they were not so little at all.  Each of the three pigs weighed at least 400 pounds but that is about average for a real pig.  Now we all know that pigs are very smart and these three were no exception.  Joanne, the youngest had a Ph.D. degree in physics.  Paul, the middle in age had a Ph.D. in world literature and Jayla, the oldest sibling had a Ph.D. degree in philosophy.

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They lived in a beautiful neighborhood and each of them was smart enough not to build their houses with straw or wood.  All had sturdy brick houses that no wolf in the world would have been able to blow down.  Nevertheless, the mean old wolf who lived one block over was always plotting on how he could eat the three “not so little” pigs.

One day the wolf, whose name was Jack, was searching the internet for ways to trap pigs.  He was spending quite some time on Facebook and LinkedIn to search for personal information on Joanne, Paul and Jayla.  He believed that the more he learned about the personal habits of each pig, the more chance he would have to catch them.  The internet was very helpful in his efforts.  He noticed that each of the three pigs loved to play on-line puzzles and word games.  He found that they seldom lost a contest with any other on-line gamers.  They won so many games that they had become very conceited about their intellectual prowess.  This gave Jack an idea.

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Jack thought he could create an intellectual challenge for each pig.  He would trap them when they lost the challenge.  First, he would need to create a fake internet persona and a fake game site.  He had just the idea that he thought would work.  He would call himself “Jack the king of online gaming pigs.”  This arrogance would be sure to annoy the conceited pigs.  He would then issue on on-line challenge but he would only accept the challenge from the three pigs.

He would bet each of them that they could not correctly answer three of his questions.  If they did get all three right, he would work for them for a week for free.  If they missed any one question, they would have to work for him for a week for free.  Of course, when they came to his house to work for him, he would grab each pig and eat them.

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A week later, Jack had set up his website and a picture of him that showed a large handsome looking male pig.  His banner had all sorts of pictures of gold coins, silver coins, jewels, exotic cars and exotic locations.  Right in the middle of the banner was the large words “Jack, King of On-Line Gaming Pigs.”  To the right side of the page was the picture of a large flashing gold treasure chest.   Inside the chest, were the words printed in bright colors: “I challenge you.  I know more than you do about anything.  Click on to accept my challenge.”

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Upon clicking on the treasure box, the description of the challenge and the rewards were printed.  It was stated very clearly that the challenger would have the right to select the subject matter.  Jack felt that this latter stipulation would insure that the bait would be taken since each pig would be sure to think that no one could be smarter than they were in their specialized area of expertise.  Jayla would no doubt select questions on philosophy while Paul would select questions on world literature and Joanne would select questions on physics.

Joanne was the first one of the three pigs to notice the online challenge.  “What”, she thought, “Who is this arrogant joker that thinks he is so smart.  I will show him.”  She sent back a message which said “I accept your challenge.  The subject is physics.  Send me your questions.”

Jack sent the following questions.  Each question had to be difficult so as not to arouse suspicion but not too difficult.  At least, until the third question.

First Question:  Do heavier objects fall more slowly than lighter objects?”

Joanne’s Answer:  No. If an object is heavier the force of gravity is greater, but since it has greater mass the acceleration is the same, so it moves at the same speed.

Second Question:  What is the difference between energy and power?

Joanne’s Answer:  Power is the rate of energy being generated or consumed.

“Well,” said Jack “you have been correct on the first two questions.”  Now thought Jack, I will give her the most difficult and impossible question to answer since my thought question is a paradox.

Third Question:  We place a living cat into a steel chamber, along with a device containing a vial of hydrocyanic acid. There is, in the chamber, a very small amount of hydrocyanic acid, a radioactive substance. If even a single atom of the substance decays during the test period, a relay mechanism will trip a hammer, which will, in turn, break the vial and kill the cat. Is the cat dead or alive?

Joanne’s Answer:  That’s not fair because it is a paradoxical question.  According to quantum theory, the cat is both alive and dead until I open the box and look.  You cannot know which state the cat is in without opening the box.

Jack’s Reply:  Well, you agreed to the questions and now you must work for me for a week.

Well, Joanne thought, he’s not such a bad looking pig so maybe it will be fun.

She went to the address that Jack gave and knocked on the door.  Just as soon as Jack opened the door he pounced on poor Joanne and in a few bites entirely gobbled her up.

Next to reply to Jack’s challenge was Paul.  Jack had changed the picture on his web site and now presented himself as a young very attractive looking female pig.  He changed his internet name to Jacqueline.  Paul saw the picture and even without the challenge was rather intrigued by the picture of Jacqueline.  Paul replied to Jacqueline’s challenge and requested world literature as the subject for his three questions.

First Question:  Who wrote the book “The Importance of Living”?

Paul’s Answer:  That’s easy.  It was Lin Yutang

Second Question:  How many lines does a Shakespearean sonnet have?

Paul’s Answer:  Another easy one.  It has 14 lines.

Now thought Jack for the paradox question.  Paul thinks he is so smart.  I can hardly wait to have more roast pork for dinner.

Third Question:  This sentence is not a paradox. – True or false

Paul’s Answer:  There is no way I can answer that question.  First, the sentence cannot be false. If it were false, then it would not be a paradox, since any sentence that is a paradox must be true.  But it says that it is not a paradox, so this would mean that what it says is the case, and hence it would be true.  This is a contradiction.

Jack’s Reply:  Well, you played the game and you could not answer all three questions.  So you lost.  When do you want to come over to my house and start working?

Paul thought, well Jacqueline looks pretty cute and I would like to meet her anyway and so he replied “How about I come over to your place tonight and we have dinner together.”

Jack replied “Great, I love the idea.  I will make a wonderful meal for us together.”

That was the last that anyone saw of Jack the pig with a Ph.D. in world literature.

Two more weeks went by and Jack changed his website back to a picture with a handsome young male pig with his own name of Jack.  He felt sure that with the challenge and the picture of a good-looking pig, he would soon entice Jayla to take up the challenge.

Now Jayla had not seen her siblings for the past four weeks.  She knew that they loved to play on-line games and she had not seen them around any of the usual game sites.  She surfed the web each day but could not find any games they were playing.  It appeared that the last game any of them played was at the site of some arrogant guy who billed himself as the King of On-line Gaming Pigs.  Her web skills showed her that both of her siblings had accepted his challenge.  She pondered the coincidence that since accepting the challenge, she had not seen either sibling again.  This raised some suspicions in her mind.  Nevertheless, she decided to accept the challenge but with a bit of caution.   She posted her acceptance on the website and stated her chosen subject field as philosophy.

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Jack was overjoyed.  He loved roast pig and was ready for his third pig of the year.  He would be very cautious and not try to tip his hand so he researched his three questions very carefully.  He was quite sure that the third one would be unanswerable.

First Question:  Do states have moral authority over their citizens?

Jayla’s Answer:  Only over those citizens who make an uncoerced decision to give that authority to their state, which I think is almost never

Jack Replies:  Ok, I will concede that one to you. 

Second Question:  Plato’s definition of knowledge was?

Jayla’s Answer:  Justified true belief.

Jayla had gotten the first two right but Jack was now ready to spring the paradoxical question on her.  There was no way she could get the right answer.

Suddenly, Jack noticed a text that appeared on his computer screen.  Jayla was requesting a short break before the next question.  Jack could not believe his eyes.  Jayla suggested that Jack come over to her house tomorrow night for dinner and bring the third question with him.  This was too good to be true.  He would get a free dinner before he ate his third pig.  He agreed and Jayla texted him her home address.

Now, if you know anything about philosophy, you know that it means the love of wisdom.  Jayla, was the wisest of the three pigs and she had prepared for the unexpected.  Jack the wolf came dressed up in a pig disguise but Jayla saw right through it.  She was not entirely surprised since she had long suspected some treachery was involved.  She invited Jack in.

“Jack,” said Jayla, “can I give you a drink before dinner?”

“Sure” replied Jack.  Jack thought he might as well eat a free meal before he ate Jayla.

Jayla, knowing full well that Jack was a wolf disguised as a pig prepared him a special martini mixed with some knock out drops.  Jack would not know what hit him.

Jack took the drink thinking all the time that this was too good to be true.  The next thing Jack knew he was waking up with a splitting headache.  As he tried to move his muscles, he found that he was tied by all four legs to a sturdy oak chair.  Jayla stood over him with a baseball bat.

We have now come to a tricky point in my story.  We have two dilemmas to solve before we can reach a conclusion.  The first problem is how do we bring Jayla’s two siblings back?  We know the wolf ate both but that is beside the point.  We can’t have a fairy tale where two siblings get eaten and do not return.  It’s just not done.

The second problem is what do we do with the big bad wolf?  Do we kill him, let him go, castrate him or what?  We need to have some type of fitting denouement for Jack the wolf.  Again, since this is a fairy tale, we probably need to rule out killing him or castration but I don’t think we can just let him go.  Not much drama in that anyway.  Well, let’s tackle first problems first.  We will start with getting Jayla’s two siblings back.

Jayla took the bat and whacked the big bad wolf right in the stomach.  Lo and behold, the wolf gave a big burp and out popped Paul.  One more smack to the stomach and out popped Joanne.  The siblings were all so happy to see each other and Jayla that they hugged and hugged for a mighty long time.

Ok, so they were eaten.  It’s a fairy tale and I can do anything as implausible as I desire.  I mean you did not complain when a wolf ate a 400-pound pig, so don’t start nitpicking now. 

Once pleasantries were over, the three pigs sat down to discuss the fate of Jack the big bad wolf.  Paul wanted to cut him into many pieces and scatter him all over the neighborhood.  Joanne wanted to skin him alive and use his fur for a rug.  Jayla cautioned restraint.  “Remember”, she said “This is a fairy tale and we can’t do any such gruesome things to the big bad wolf in a fairy tale.”  Jayla suggested that they all do an internet search and see what kinds of options for dealing with pig eating wolfs they might find.  They would each Google some strategies and then discuss ideas.

A few hours went by and both Paul and Joanne each came up with an idea.  Jayla was still undecided and had not found any that really thrilled her.  Paul suggested that they put Jack in a box and ship him to Antarctica.  Joanne thought that maybe through behavioral modification they could convince Jack that he did not want to eat a pig.  Jayla thought both ideas were not a fitting end to a good fairy tale.  She then had a brainstorm.  We will have a contest.  Here is Jayla’s idea.  Our readers will help us find a fitting conclusion to this story.

Everyone who reads this story is invited to suggest a conclusion.  We need you to take a few minutes to think of what the three pigs can do with Jack the big bad wolf so that we will have a fitting end to this tale.  Put your idea or ideas for an ending in the comments section.  The three “not so little” pigs will select their favorite reader suggested idea.  If your idea for an ending is selected you will win twenty-five US dollars.

If you submit an idea, be sure to include your name, address and/or PayPal box number.  We will send you a check or deposit the money in your PayPal account. 

We look forward to getting your ideas as to what we should do with Jack, the big bad wolf.  We cannot keep him tied up forever, so please write soon.

Time for Questions:

What will we do with the big bad wolf?  Do you remember how this story ended in the original version?  Do you like fairy tales?  Why or why not?  What is the point of a fairy tale?  Is there a point to this story?  What is it?

Life is just beginning.

“If you happen to read fairy tales, you will observe that one idea runs from one end of them to the other–the idea that peace and happiness can only exist on some condition.  This idea, which is the core of ethics, is the core of the nursery-tales.”  ― G.K. Chesterton

 

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