In an earlier blog, I said that sex was like a continent divided into two regions. One region gave permissions or legitimacies to certain sexual practices. The other region consisted of prohibitions concerning sexual practices. Some sexual practices have been and in some countries still are prohibited by law. Permissions and prohibitions are defined by religion, culture, and politics. These elements influence the individual in terms of their physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and financial appeal for sex.
Religion:
Religious teachings exert a powerful impact on what is permissible in terms of sex. According to many religions, a man and a woman must be married to have sex. Adultery is a term for a married individual who has sexual relations with someone they are not married to. ““Thou shalt not commit adultery” is found in the Book of Exodus (Exodus 20:14) of the Hebrew Bible and Old Testament. It is considered the sixth commandment by Roman Catholic and Lutheran authorities, but the seventh by Jewish and most Protestant authorities.” — Wiki
Jesus in the New Testament forgave a woman who was considered an adulterer when the crowd was going to stone her to death. The religious taboos against adultery are only one of many religious taboos concerning sex. Sex is forbidden among sex partners when procreation is not the objective and in certain physical positions not thought of as proper. In some religions there is no such thing as rape between a husband and his wife. Most religions prohibit sex between same sex partners.
Many of the prohibitions against sex by religions seem ludicrous and without any purpose. Some such as the adultery prohibitions are almost impossible to enforce and are disregarded by a large number of religious adherents regardless of their theology or faith.
- Statistics on Infidelity Rate: (2021): How Much Cheating is Going On?
- Surveys show that 22% of married men have committed an adulterous act at least once in their life
- 14 percent of married women have had affairs at least once during their married lives
Infidelity remains the number one reason that married and unmarried relationships end all across the world. Everyone admits that cheating is wrong. Religions rail against adultery and infidelity but humans routinely ignore the sanctions and prohibitions. No one seems to stop and ask why we permit religions to prohibit many acts which people routinely perform.
The Catholic Church prescribes celibacy for its nuns and priests. The recent scandals regarding the abuse of power by priests, bishops and cardinals would suggest a serious hypocrisy. More importantly perhaps would be for the church to ask itself if these prohibitions do any good or serve any purpose. Tradition may have a role in life but there is also a time when traditions must be changed.
Traditions can become evil when they force people to commit acts which religion regards as sinful yet are only a manifestation of human nature. It is natural for people to be attracted to others and to want to make love to people they are attracted to. Prohibitions based on the age of consent make sense. It may be argued that the age of consent is a nebulous number that varies from country to country, but no one would argue that there should not be some age of consent.
“Age of consent laws vary considerably worldwide, although most countries require young people to be over 14 before having sex. Angola and the Philippines at 12, and several other countries, including South Korea and Japan at 13.” — “Age Of Consent By Country 2021”
So why are religions so opposed to sex? What are the benefits that religions get out of controlling sex? Why do religions make life difficult for their members by imposing sexual mandates which will be broken repeatedly and are broken repeatedly. Even the authorities in various religions are guilty of breaking their own prohibitions. Why? Why? Why?
“Sexually awakened women, affirmed and recognized as such, would mean the complete collapse of the authoritarian ideology.” — Wilhelm Reich
The simple answer is power. As Lord Acton said, “Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” Churches exert power in a variety of ways.
- They control who goes to heaven and who goes to hell
- They control who is forgiven their sins and who is not
- They control a number of sacraments needed to live a sacred life
Perhaps the most powerful control they exert over their members is their domination of the sex life of their members. By controlling who can have sex, who they can have sex with, what sex is for and when it can be used, religions keep their financial treasuries full. Baptism, Confirmation, Marriage and Divorce are all sacraments that churches use to make sure that their halls are full on Sunday or Saturday. There is a looming problem though.
People are not going to church anymore. The non-affiliated outnumber the affiliated. Even those people who declare themselves with some religion seldom go to church anymore. They may show up for marriage, baptism, and confirmation but after that they are like ghosts. Only twenty-four percent of Americans attend a church service each week. — “Church attendance of Americans 2020” Mainstream churches are losing members faster than baby boomers are dying off. Any company that lost a share of its market like these churches have would take a serious look at its products and services. Religions seem to be blind to the changes that culture are bringing to peoples views on sex. Next blog we will look at the cultural influences on sex that impact what is permissible and what is not.
“I am not a Christian or a Jew or a Mohammedan, a Mormon, Polygamist, Homosexual, Anarchist or Boxer. . . . I do not believe that, in order to be religious in the good and genuine sense of the word, one has to ruin one’s love life and has to become rigid and shrunken in body and soul. I know that what you call “God” actually exists, but in a different way from what you think: as the primal cosmic energy in the universe, as your love in your body, as your honesty and your feeling of nature in you and around you.” — Wilhelm Reich
Now suddenly your partner for one reason or another is gone. She or he passes away. You come back to your home after the funeral and well-wishers have left, and you are now alone. You are more alone than you have ever been in your entire life. You go from room to room and no one else is there. The bedroom is empty. The kitchen is empty. The living room is empty. You notice the picture of you and your spouse at your anniversary party hanging on the wall. It brings back memories and tears. Every day for many days, objects, thoughts, and reflections will bring back good times and bad times that you shared with your lover. You will reflect over and over again about these past times. No doubt you will feel remorse about some things that you did and wish you could undo. You will also miss the fun things that you enjoyed together and the many good times that you had together.
Each evening after dinner, we enjoy food, dancing, and music at the Playa Bonita restaurant. It is right on the beach and while enjoying shrimp cocktails, we watch the most beautiful sunsets I have seen anywhere. As night falls, a band or singer will begin entertaining our group. Evalia loves to dance and will make sure that we all have a spin with her on the dance floor. The dance floor is outside where we eat. Almost always the weather is balmy and comfortable. Infrequently one might need a shawl or a sweater but an active time on the dance floor will mitigate any night chills.
I’d like to think when life is done,
I asked her if she had any idea what she could do. She replied that she did not. I suggested that she take an employment aptitude test to see what kinds of work she might find interesting. It was all very theoretical to me, but I could not imagine what kind of work I could find for her in the local area that would pay enough for her to live on. She did not have any current job experience and no goals for a career. The aptitude test was simply an effort to do something even though I did not believe that I could help her much.
Some of you are already thinking that this description has gone too far. The reality of sexual practices throughout the world would astound most individuals. There are those who believe that some sex is right, and some sex is wrong. If there is a right and wrong when it comes to sex, the question is not easily answered. The seasons of sex, the regions of sex and the individual capabilities all noted above will determine what is considered right and wrong sex.
On the other hand, I read widely. I think a great deal about things and what constitutes right and wrong. I have been to 34 countries. I am old enough to have seen many things that work and many things that do not work. I have had friends from many cultural and ethnic backgrounds. I am not unduly influenced by religious, cultural, or even some legal restrictions governing sex. As for the legal aspects, I believe in the protection of young children from pedophiles and other exploiters. However, I have long believed in the right of people to choose their sex partners regardless of ethnic background.
I have met people who say, “I never eat Mexican food.” They say this as though it were some badge of honor. I want to ask what type of Mexican food do they not eat? Does their exclusion of Mexican food extend to deserts like fried ice cream or drinks like Tequila or is it simply tacos and burritos that they do not eat? I have met people who say, “I never eat fish.” I usually ask them why and I often hear the reply “they taste too fishy.” I want to ask them if they ever eat meat that tastes too meaty, but instead I usually ask them if their antipathy extends to crustaceans, mollusks, and cephalopods. I can see the disapproval in my spouse’s eyes when I pursue this line of questioning.
After exploring the vast variety of Mexican foods, I discovered that the tasty and hearty Menudo soup is chock full of tripe. Many Latinos as well as Gringos in the Southwest will not eat Menudo. Several years ago, after I started dating Karen, I was introduced to Lutefisk. At first I found the texture somewhat off putting. Over time, by adding butter or cream sauce I discovered the joy of eating Lutefisk around the holidays. It is a Scandinavian tradition in homes much like Menudo is in Mexican homes. Paradoxically, many Scandinavians loath Lutefisk. The derivation of such foods leads many to disavow them. I confess to the same attitude towards an Italian dish known as Pasta a Fagioli which my mother loved to make. I left home swearing to never eat any again.
Some of these low-cost and nutritious peasant foods have become quite popular now as people look back to their early roots. An example of such a food dish is the Italian Pasta e Fagioli which I mentioned earlier. This is a dish comprised of beans and macaroni. Beans and macaroni form a “whole protein” which means you get all the amino acids you need without having to eat meat. A protein is considered “complete” when it has the nine essential amino acids in somewhat equal amounts. Almost every country in the world has some staple food items that provide whole protein. In poorer cultures, livestock was valued for its ability to help farm crops and produce milk. In places like India, livestock was made sacred as a way to prevent killing a valuable resource. Cows were more valuable alive than they were dead.
A few years ago, at the annual Gustavus Adolphus Nobel Conference the subject was on food production. A number of experts claimed that the day will come when we will no longer be able to afford a practice so barbaric and wasteful as to slaughter animals for meat eating. There is an abundance of insects on this earth that could provide an almost endless low-cost supply of protein and minerals to our diets. Most people respond to thoughts about eating insects with something like “I could never eat bugs.” My retort is “well you don’t eat bloody chickens or bloody cows do you?” The insects would be processed, and they would provide a grain that could be used in various ways like we use wheat or corn meal. I get blank stares.
I look around me today and I do not understand the world. I do not understand the decisions that our leaders make. It seems we have a moral disease. The symptoms of this disease are short-term thinking and greed. Arizona is suffering from an unprecedented drought and heat wave. The water levels in both the Central Arizona Project and aquifers are dangerously low. Yet when asked to cut back water usage by 3.8 percent, the golf course owners in Phoenix created an association to oppose such a “drastic” cut. Their counter proposal was for a 1.6 percent cut in water usage. The Governor of Arizona was the keynote speaker for the associations kick off meeting. Am I crazy? Do you believe this? Are golf courses more important than drinking water and water for farm crops?
I remembered from many years ago, a leader at a support group that I belonged to advised me that I should have more humor in my life. I asked him “Do you know any good books about getting more humor in one’s life.” He laughed, “You can’t read about humor, you have to do it.” The thought has often struck me over the years that it is one thing to read about things, it is another thing to do them. Could it be, I am just a writer and not a doer? Was it still possible that I needed more humor in my life. Maybe a clown I am not?
A year ago, (June 2020) almost to the day, I had a sharp pain in my chest. I fell to the floor and passed out. I know that this is not very funny but stay with me and I will get to the funny part. I promise. Karen thought I was having a heart attack and she called 911. They came, attached an IV to my arm and I had my first ever ambulance ride to the emergency clinic in St. Croix Falls. After a blood test, an Ultra Sound, an X-Ray, and a CAT Scan, they decided that I had a Gall Bladder problem. Three hours later, I was sent home with an appointment for the next day back at the hospital to see a doctor.
I saw a Physician Assistant at the clinic. He was polite and thoughtful. He gave me some rudimentary tests. A little prodding and touching here and there. He then advised me to go to the Emergency Department at the St. Croix Medical Center. He said the Frederic Clinic was not equipped to do the more complicated tests that I would need and that I should get these tests done immediately.. He suggested that it might be time to get rid of the unneeded and problematic Gall Bladder. I was quite ready to agree. I had managed to keep my Gall Bladder for almost 75 years. It had a good run, and perhaps it was time for it to retire.
After a short wait, I was brought by wheel chair into another room. I laid down on yet another bed. A new nurse (or was it a technician) came into the room. I assumed that she was going to perform the test. Someone else brought the apparatus for conducting the Ultra Sound into the room and left. The nurse or Ultra-Sound Technician started to poke and prod me with a rod connected to the machine. This increased my burping considerably and went on for longer than I had remembered a year ago. I guess they wanted to be really sure this time that I needed my Gall Bladder removed. I was resigned to this eventuality.
When we get back to normal, two parent families will again reign supreme. Mom will stay home to cook, while dad goes to work. There will be no trans-people. Girls will stick to cheerleading and let the boys play the sports. Contraceptives will be banned, and no one will dream of getting an abortion. Priests and ministers will be male, and gay people will disappear. Everyone in America will go back to being good Christians.
Second, what are you going to do about your fears? Fear is an adaptive mechanism. It helps to keep you alive. If you are in the woods and walking down a trail and see a large bear or cougar coming towards you, it is quite healthy to have some degree of fear. But fear alone is not going to save your life. If you are paralyzed with fear you may just be eaten. Fear is an alarm. An alarm sounds to wake us up. The next step is to do something. Doing something is a risky effort with no guarantee of success. Sadly, there are few guaranties in life, but the evidence seems to suggest that doing nothing is worse than doing something. This is where forethought and preparedness come in. One of my favorite quotes is by the Roman philosopher Seneca (died 65 CE) who once said that “Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.”
Dylan Thomas said, “Do not go gentle into that good night.” I don’t know about the raging part of his poem. I prefer thinking about my life as I get older and not raging. But he makes a good point. It is all too easy to give up on life as we age. We can live in memories of what we used to do, or we can find new activities and new levels to pursue old activities at. For instance, I may not have the stamina to play tennis or racquet ball anymore, but I can still play pickleball or go for a short ride on my bicycle. I used to do six-minute miles in road races. My personal best was 38.48 on a 10K. The race I ran for Frederic Family days this year on June 12, 2021, I averaged 10.14 per mile for a 5k. Quite a bit off of my pace from years ago but I still got my t-shirt. I run for t-shirts these days and not trophies.
Aging Capriciously 