Aging Capriciously

Went to a wedding a short time ago and found some good advice at the church. I picked up a card in the pew and found an interesting comment on it. The comment on the card was from the web site: http://www.getpeace.org, and read: “The rest of the world is going at super speed, and few individuals take the time to be nice.” It went on to point out that we need to take the time to be kind to others. It helps them and it helps us. A few years ago, someone made the idea of “random acts of kindness” very popular. That had always appealed to me until I read the following: “Why random acts of kindness, why not systematic and intentional daily acts of kindness.” This makes a great deal of sense. Why should kindness be random in our society? Who was it that said “What knowledge is there that is greater than kindness.”

We read daily of “random acts of violence” but violence is not random in our world. Violence is daily and systematic. Violence destroys the fabric of society and of our lives. The only antidote to violence is kindness. Can we be more kind? Can we be less violent? What if today you took some time to be kind to a complete stranger, someone whom you did not know? How do you think you might feel after? How do you think they might feel?

At the end of today, come back to these thoughts of kindness and answer these questions: Where you able to be kind to someone today? Did you make a difference? Did you feel better? What if you tried to be kind every day? What if you programmed yourself for daily acts of intentional and planned kindness? Would the world be a better place if we all did that? Who will be the first to try?

Reflections on Time

Time and tide wait for no man or woman; an old saying that has been around forever. Despite this good advice, there are people who are forever waiting. In fact, some might argue that the world is composed of two types of people; the wait-ers and the do-ers. Wait-ers are people who hope that good things will come to them and do-ers are people that make the good things come to them. Wait-ers hope to win the lottery so they can buy the things they want. Do-ers go out and make the money to buy what they want. We all have friends who fall into these categories or habits. Friends who are waiting to take a holiday to another country, friends who are waiting for Mr. or Ms right, friends who are waiting for their ship to arrive. We eventually come to realize that they will be dead and buried before any of these things happen. One of the reasons why Nike’s motto “Just do it” is so powerful is the way it resonates with most of us at a primal level. We all want to be doers but many of us fall into the category of wait-ers.

Why do we wait is a good question? Why do we wait and wait and wait and wait? What fears stop us (because the answer to the first question is FEAR) from becoming doers? What can we do to overcome these fears? Psychologists would say that the first step is to overcome the excuses and denial and to admit our fears. Once we admit our fears, we can take the second step. The second step is to decide to do something about our fears. I was afraid of heights. For years, I admitted it but could not decide what to do about it. Finally, I decided to do a solo parachute jump. It took me nearly ten years but I finally did it on my 55th birthday. Since then, I am much less intimated by being up high. The third step is to decide what you need to do to overcome your fear. There are often many remedies, but which is the right solution for you. For me, it was to find a sky diving club, join them and take a class in sky-diving. The fourth and final step is to take action. Once I decided to take the sky-diving training and jump, I had to actually attend the training and then go to the school. I had to make several trips to the airport before I could jump because on two consecutive occasions the airport was closed for jumping due to bad weather. I almost gave up the idea but the third time was a charm. I was able to jump by myself out of the plane at about 5000 feet. Believe me when I say, I was scared to death. However as I floated down, I realized the beauty and unreality of the entire event. I actually relaxed enough to start enjoying it once my chute opened. Had I not taken action, the entire first three steps would be worthless.

Which are you, a wait-er or a do-er? We all are wait-ers in some areas of our lives. We all have fears that cause us to avoid or put off doing certain things. What are the events and activities that you put off? What are the fears you have to overcome? Can you practice these four steps or just take one of them this next year? What do you think would happen if you did? How do you think your life would be different? Life is waiting for you to start.

“Now is the winter of our discontent” is a famous opening line from Shakespeare’s Richard The Third Act 1, scene 1, 1–4. Whether or not as many have noted, the future King Richard was expressing joy rather than discontent is irrelevant. The major point here being that for many winter is a source of discontent. In Minnesota, winter is dreaded due to the cold, snow and ice storms. We have an inordinate amount of accidents during the winter months that plague drivers and slow the commutes down. We have about five months of winter compared to three months of summer. We even have a phenomenon called “Snow Birds.’ These are people who fly south every winter to live in Florida, Arizona, Texas or some other warm place.

However, for some winter is a wonderland of snow and ice and white vistas. It is time of renewal. A time when life retreats, days are short and you want nothing more than to sit in front of a warm fireplace with a good book until summer comes. Winter forces life to slow down. I have always loved winter; perhaps because I enjoy the outdoors so much. It is hard to describe the beauty of a snowstorm when you are out skiing in the woods and the entire landscape is like something out of a fairy tale. The snowflakes are gently falling and the pine trees are flocked with snow. You turn to see a great grey owl sitting on a branch perhaps watching you ski. Soon you notice a small group of deer simply walking by and ignoring you. A nearby trout stream with its deep blue water is winding its way through the snow covered pines and birch trees. The brilliant blue of the water sparkling against the snow and ice covered banks. The world is white on white with blue and brown contrasts. You notice the water gurgling and the sun beams dancing off the snowflakes. You are in the middle of a diamond like wonderland.

Winter is a time of change. It offers a respite from the hectic pace of summer. During winter, I slow my routines down and I feel like there is more time to do things for myself rather than taking care of the yard, going on vacations, spending time with the relatives, etc. Winter is a time for reconciliation. It is a time for quiet solitude and reflection. Winter is when we can be reborn. What do you think of winter? Is it just a time you hope is over very quickly? Is it a time you look forward to? What could you do to make your winters more worthwhile and interesting? What activities would help make winter more exciting for you? Where could you go to renew yourself this winter? What hurts and fences might you find the time to mend? Can you make this winter a time of “Content.”

I am usually on-time. In fact, I generally arrive at appointments ahead of time. I loathe being late and like to arrive early to be able to “settle in.” However, I am not “in-time” as often as I would like to be. What does it mean to be in-time? In-time is most often thought of as a musical term as it implies being in rhythm with a beat or harmony. It can also mean to be in synchronicity (synchronicity is a very interesting concept which we will discuss later) with the world that is happening around us. In other words, I am in-time when I am aware of the life changes going on around me in society and the world. I am in-time with the present beat of life. I am living now and not in the past. I take part in the world that is happening today and I am not waiting for the future.

Being in-time is an essential musical skill which some people seem to have more than others. Great athletes as well as great musicians must possess this trait. Tiger Woods has a better sense of rhythm and timing than most other golfers. Great leaders and great politicians also have the ability to be in-time. They have their hearts and minds on the pulse of events and the heartbeat of the population. They resonate and play the themes that are demanded by life today and not yesterday or tomorrow. You cannot get elected if you are not in-time with the world and the people. The ability to be in-time is a very valuable asset. Why do some people have it and others do not? What does it take to develop this ability to be “in-time?”

The world is happening around us every day. The Amazon rainforests are being destroyed. Global warming is heating up the earth. Fish are being depleted. Wars are being fought over oil, religion, territory, ethnicity and greed. People are being bought and sold into slavery as commodities. Crime takes an innocent victim every second some place in the world. Are you in tune with what is happening out there or do you have your head buried in the sand? Are you part of the problem? Do you erect a bunker mentality and deny the changes in the world or are you part of the solution? Denying life is the first step to being out of sync with the world and out of sync with life.

Are you in-time with life? What difference would or could it make to you if you were? How much energy do you have for being in-time with the world? Does it feel hopeless? It certainly may at time.

February was named after the Latin term Februltus, which means “a righting of wrongs.” It is a month when we begin looking towards the end of winter and the beginning of spring. We are now more relaxed since the holidays are long over, but it is still too cold and wintry to do much outside. So what can we do in February? Well, maybe the idea of “righting wrongs” is a good use of our time.

In the 12 Step AA program, one is expected to make a list of the people they have wronged and ask for forgiveness; those friends relatives or even acquaintances that we have hurt or taken advantage of in some way. We can all think back through the past year and think of something we did that hurt someone or something we did that we wished we could correct. Can you think of a better use of an entire month, then to make amends with the people who we have hurt, lost, insulted or even just not talked to in a long time? It beats waiting for the groundhog.

Who do you need to make amends with? Who could you right a wrong with? How about starting with one person today and see how it goes? Remember, you only have 28 days in February (except on leap year) so you should start soon. Think of how much better you will feel when you have made peace with someone.

The fifth and final plan we all need concerns our spiritual development. “What doth it profit a man if he gain the whole world and suffers the loss of his own soul” (Matthew). Many of us worry about time and money. We worry about how we look and what people think of us. We worry about holidays, vacations, buying things, having the right image and having the right toys. What gets lost in our mad material rush for things and image is our immortal soul. We remember to put out the garbage but we forget our souls. Our souls will go on long after our body has aged and withered away. What is more important, how you look or how your soul looks?

The highest level of development is considered by many wise people to be spiritual. Without spiritual development, we wither and rot on the vine. We are hollow and shallow people without a soul. We can plan a budget and plan time for going to school, friends, family and exercise, but what will it all be for if we cannot put aside time to develop our soul? Thus, a plan to develop your soul might just be the longest reaching and most important plan you can have. Without such a plan how can you grow wiser and kinder and more just?

My spiritual plan is very simple. For others, it may be going regularly to church, mosque or synagogue. The core of my spiritual exercises is my daily spiritual prayer. Each day before I begin my activities, I recite a spiritual prayer and take five minutes to do a spiritual reading. This practice constitutes a sort of daily spiritual exercise for me. Every year, I attend a silent retreat at a Jesuit Retreat house called Demontreville. It is three days of spiritual reflection and prayer. The silence for three days helps me to get in touch with my inner being and to really reflect on where my life and my goals are. I have now attended over 25 of these yearly retreats. They have helped me to develop spiritually, morally and ethically. Every year, I look forward to my annual retreat as an important time for spiritual renewal and reflection. There are many spiritual exercises in the different religious traditions that can help you to develop spiritually. They can all offer you more joy and happiness if you take the time to practice them.

Are you satisfied with your spiritual and moral development? Are you doing something to help develop in these areas? Have you set aside time for your spiritual development? Do you have a concrete set of exercises and activities to help you grow spiritually? If not, when will you begin? Can you start by taking five minutes today for a spiritual reading from the Bible, Koran, Hindu Scriptures, Buddhist readings or the Torah? If not, can you simply read a good selection from a book on moral and ethical development? Five minutes each day that might change your immortal soul!

By the way, I am sorry I did not post these past four days but I was attending my annual retreat at Demontreville. It was number 26 for me and was very gratifying. I could not imagine what my life would be without taking the time each year for this reatreat.

The fourth plan that I recommend concerns setting goals for relationships and setting time aside to help you to achieve your emotional and relationship goals. None of us can have too many friends or too much family. However, there are times when we are dissatisfied with both. In a balanced life, we must manage our friendships and relationships. This takes time. Your time is precious and will quickly slip away if not budgeted and planned.

Even if you are already in a close relationship, you must spend time on the relationship or it will wither and die. My spouse Karen and I have set aside Tuesday night as talk night and family time. With no children home, we still find that problems and issues arise that need to be discussed. When we skip our planned talk days, eventually something breaks down and we realize that skipping these days is not a good idea. In addition, we set aside time to be by ourselves and do things alone and we set aside time to spend with our friends, our children and our grandchildren.

The emphasis on our planning is to try to keep a happy balance. When we are feeling dissatisfied, it is a good indication that we are not spending enough time on some aspects of our relationships. You do not need a very formal system to create such a plan. Karen and I simply discuss it from time to time and have our own rough guidelines for spending time with family and friends. I do regard appointments and times with friends as important enough to mark on my calendar and I seldom cancel dates that I have set unless something really important comes up. I have all of my friends in my address book and many on email. For awhile, I was using a group email list to regularly visit with friends and relatives each month, but I drifted away from this method. It certainly has pro’s and con’s.

How much time do you spend trying to maintain or improve your relationships? Do you think this is enough time? Do you wish you had more friends or closer relationships with your spouse or family? When can you set aside the time to help achieve these goals? Begin your plan by setting aside time to talk to some of these people either weekly or monthly about the important things in your relationships. Mark down some general overall goals for who you want to spend time with and how often you think you need to. You can simply write these on your calendar in the margins or sides.

The third plan that I have found essential is for my mental and cognitive development. Yes, I mean a plan to expand my brainpower or at least my knowledge base. It has been said that the only real job security we have is between our ears. In this day of rapid obsolescence, the knowledge that one has becomes outdated very quickly. We need to think of learning as a lifelong endeavor and not just as a series of degrees or diplomas. To do that, each of us needs some type of learning or self-development plan. This is too important to trust to employers or others with the hope that they will provide us training and education. We need develop our own lifelong training program. This plan will be different for each of us. It will depend on your knowledge, skills and abilities and your personal interests and goals.

I try to develop a plan each year to insure that I am keeping up with technology and the key insights in my chosen career field. I am now able to use the Internet to help me do this. The use of RSS feeds (Really Simple Syndication) and other automatic downloads helps me to keep abreast of what is happening in the workplace. I also try to subscribe to current magazines that will help me to keep abreast. If you cannot afford new magazines and books, you can make a weekly trip to the library and simply scan the newest magazines for insights. Belonging to professional associations can be somewhat expensive but may be well worthwhile if you can use the time effectively for growth and development. Professional associations give you the opportunity to meet and network with leaders and experts in your field. These contacts can be invaluable. Finally, do you look for opportunities to attend workshops and conferences that will give you new learning and insights? There are many free podcasts, webinars, videoconferences, teleconferences, papers and articles on the web that are wonderful resources and they do not cost a cent.

If you do not have a plan or as you start to develop your plan, here are some key questions to think about:

• How will you ensure that you remain knowledgeable and informed?
• What could you do now to be better informed about your world and what’s
happening in it?
• Can you read a book, take a class or attend a lecture each month?
• Are you taking advantage of the free opportunities for education and
training on the Internet?

Make a schedule of activities that will keep your mind healthy and flexible and see if you can stick to it for the next year.

The second of the five plans that you need to better manage your time deals with your health. All of us want to be healthy. You have only to visit the health clubs the day after New Years to witness all of the people who have suddenly decided that their goal for the New Year is to become healthy. However, it takes more than just desire to become healthy. You have to also have commitment, follow-through and a plan. Have you ever noticed that the more successful people are the more time they spend taking care of their health. All the money in the world will not do you any good if you don’t have your health. True, some health problems are not preventable by good diet and exercise. However, bad diet and no exercise will make any existing problems worse and perhaps create a multitude of life-style related illnesses and disease. The medical dictionary is full of disease and illnesses that are preventable or ameliorated by good diet and exercise.

I have been keeping to a diet and exercise program now for over 30 years. I chart my exercise and diet regularly. I keep food goals and exercise goals. I am not trying to be an Olympic athlete. I seldom run any marathons or races. However, I feel good, maintain a healthy weight and occasionally am able to compete in some short local events. I don’t make a habit of it because what is the point? At my age, I am not going to break any records or win any gold medals. My entire exercise and diet program is aimed at what a friend of mine called “maintenance.” I want to maintain an adequate level of heath and fitness to enjoy life daily. Do you have a health and exercise plan that you chart daily or weekly? Does your program work for you? If not, I am going to suggest the following ideas.

Your health plan should address both weight and exercise to start. List your goals in terms of weight and exercise. I use a wall calendar with large open squares to write in. I put my daily amount (length of time running or swimming or yoga or walking) in the appropriate daily square. My calendar is what enables me to track how often I exercise against my goals. For instance, my goals now are as follows: to run at least 16 times each month for an average of 30 minutes a run; To swim at least 8 times each month for an average of 30 minutes each swim, to do 40 pushups or ten pull-ups each day; to do yoga at least twice a week and to walk with my wife for 3 miles at least twice a week.

At the end of each month, I look at my calendar and count the number of times I did each exercise against my goals and I put it in a little notebook. I have been keeping this record for over 25 years now. Writing it down helps me to keep on track and to look back to see how I am doing each month for the current year. I also summarize my weight based on my daily weigh-ins on the bathroom scale and compute an average monthly weight which I list in my notebook. To do this, I simply get on a scale each morning and write my daily weight in a space on the calendar. Even if I miss doing this a few days, the average of 20-25 daily readings each month is much more accurate than taking a once a week or once a month reading. Taking a reading like this also prevents me from over or under reacting to daily weight shifts. For instance, some days I may be up two or three pounds over my target weight. However, the daily reading is not important. It is the monthly reading. By taking this monthly average, I can identify trends and see if my weight is going up or down. This allows me to adjust accordingly by noting those months and events that have an adverse impact on my weight or exercise.

By the way, this might seem like it takes a lot of time, but it takes me no more than five minutes a day to chart my exercise and my weight. I work out an average of about 45 minutes each day if you add up the walking, swimming, yoga and jogging each week. I believe that by staying healthy, you will add a great deal of time to your life. The payback for this time has been worth it for me. It will be worth it for you too. It is an investment in your health and your wealth. The longer you are healthy, the more you earn and are able to avoid forced medical expenses. Well, are you ready to start your plan? Do you need more information? If so, simply type “exercise planning” in Google with the quotes and you will find a number of excellent worksheets and articles to help you get started. Another question is “Will you fall off the bandwagon?” Of course you will. I have fallen off so many times, I have lost count. The real question is “Will you get back on again?”