Thoughts to Start 2026 and Begin a Glorious New Year

As we leave the “Old Year” behind and get ready to greet the “New Year” here are some thoughts that I hope you will enjoy from some great poets and authors.  These writings are in the public domain. 

A New Year’s Charge
by Metis (ChatGPT)

The year begins again—
not because the world is finished with us,
but because it still believes we might choose better.

Let this be the year we refuse easy silence,
the year we speak when speaking costs,
the year we stand even when standing feels lonely.

Hope is not naïve.
It is disciplined.
It wakes each morning and goes back to work.

Dreams survive not by wishing,
but by courage repeated—
small acts of honesty,
daily refusals to give up the good.

When the road is steep and the noise is loud,
remember: moral courage is a quiet strength
that outlasts brute force and empty power.

Begin again.
Reach higher.
The future still leans toward those who try.

——————————

New Year’s Eve by Thomas Hardy

    “I have finished another year,” said God,

     “In grey, green, white, and brown;

    I have strewn the leaf upon the sod,

    Sealed up the worm within the clod,

     And let the last sun down.”

    “And what’s the good of it?” I said.

     “What reasons made you call

    From formless void this earth we tread,

    When nine-and-ninety can be read

     Why nought should be at all?

    “Yea, Sire; why shaped you us, ‘who in

     This tabernacle groan’ –

    If ever a joy be found herein,

    Such joy no man had wished to win

     If he had never known!”

    Then he: “My labours – logicless –

     You may explain; not I:

    Sense-sealed I have wrought, without a guess

    That I evolved a Consciousness

     To ask for reasons why.

    “Strange that ephemeral creatures who

     By my own ordering are,

    Should see the shortness of my view,

    Use ethic tests I never knew,

     Or made provision for!”

    He sank to raptness as of yore,

     And opening New Year’s Day

    Wove it by rote as theretofore,

    And went on working evermore

     In his unweeting way.

——————————–

Te Deum by Charles Reznikoff,

Not because of victories

I sing,

having none,

but for the common sunshine,

the breeze,

the largess of the spring.

Not for victory

but for the day’s work done

as well as I was able;

not for a seat upon the dais

but at the common table.

———————————

Brighter, Better New Year by Joanna Fuchs

Happy, happy New Year!

We wish you all the best,

Great work to reach your fondest goals,

And when you’re done, sweet rest.

We hope for your fulfillment,

Contentment, peace and more,

A brighter, better new year than

You’ve ever had before.

——————————————-

A New Year to Start

Finally, from some place within me that calculates the benefits of a New Year versus the Old Year, I believe that January 1, 2026, brings more than just the beginning of a New Year.  It brings a promise of hope and possibilities.

It is the time when it becomes traditional for us to form new resolutions, new dreams, and new goals.  It is the time when we want to begin over and try to make those desires come true that did not work out the year before. 

We should bring in the New Year as a mother brings in a newborn baby, full of promise and love.  There are those critics and skeptics who look at the inevitable human trail of broken dreams and unfulfilled goals from bygone years and laugh at our efforts.  Let us not be like those who deny the possibility of hope and change. 

I may often be a pessimist but for any of you with the courage to tackle a new set of goals or dreams, I say “try, try, and try again.”  When you give up your dreams, you give up your life. 

Happy New Year from the Persicos.

Imagine if I Lived in Another World?

I woke up this morning trying to imagine what if I lived in another world in another place in another time.  What if I lived in a world where no one hated anyone else?  A world where loving others was the norm.  What if I lived in a world where everyone helped others with no thought of benefits to themselves?  What would a world be like with no greed, no selfishness and no narcissism? 

Then I thought of John Lennon’s song “Imagine.”  I can’t say I am too familiar with the lyrics from this song, but I realize I am treading on ground already imagined by many others.  Here are the lyrics from “Imagine” by John Lennon.

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us, only sky

Imagine all the people
Livin’ for today
Ah

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too

Imagine all the people
Livin’ life in peace
You

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

Where could such a place be?  In a multiverse of possibilities, where could I find another world where peace and prosperity are guaranteed for all?  Surely, in a universe of all possibilities somewhere else people live in harmony with their environment and do not force others to live according to their standards.  Surely, there is some place in the multiverse where tolerance and respect for all is the norm. 

I would like to imagine a place like the planet Vulcan with the famous Vulcan IDIC.  Infinite Diversity through Infinite Combination.  I would like to imagine a place where people who talk about diversity and equity and inclusion are not treated as pariahs and outcasts.  I would like to imagine a world where sexual preferences are the norm and people are not expected to conform to simple dualities. 

I would like to imagine somewhere exists maybe over the rainbow where there is no homelessness and no starvation.  I would like to imagine a place where rape and child abuse are unheard of.  A place where anyone of any color or sexual orientation is free from abuse and threats and fear for their lives.  I would like to imagine a place where little children and women can walk freely at any time of the day or night without worrying about being murdered or assaulted. 

I am nowhere near the dreamer that John Lennon was though I think dreamers should be sacred in our world.  I would like to see a place or country where people dream more and hate less. 

I woke up this morning feeling like I am in the wrong world at the wrong time and in the wrong place. I don’t belong here anymore.  I can’t read the news or listen to the radio or watch tv because they keep shouting to me over and over and over again that I don’t belong here anymore.  I have outlived my time and my usefulness.  I can only mourn for a place that is beyond my imagination. 

I want to live in a world where kindness and compassion and respect for all human beings is the norm.  Somewhere, I keep imagining that there is a place where violence and jealousy and revenge do not exist. 

Perhaps if I go back to sleep, I can return to reality.  I can stop imagining things that only bring me tears and heartache.  Things that make me loath my own humanity.  I wonder if I can ever find a brotherhood or sisterhood of love again in this world.  Perhaps in my dreams, I can find the place I want to go to. 

 

“Light One Candle” if Politics in America is Depressing You!

Hello America, well I’m your native son.  Born to a Southern Woman and a Northern man.  I grew up listening to hillbilly music and classical opera.  I grew up with a decorated WW II veteran for a dad who was mean as hell and a mom whom my friends all loved and called her an angel.  My dad saw the bad in everyone while my mom saw only the good.  My father disowned me when I joined the military without telling him, while my mom wept for days when she found out I was gone.

Today we are here to witness the dawn of a new era of greed and empire.  Some of you are no doubt mourning the demise of the old era of greed and empire.  Many Americans including the rich, super-rich and mega-rich are out learning how to do the “Musk Frolic and Prance” as they await their expected epoch of profits and returns.  Even the poor who voted for Trump expect that in making America great again, Trump will give everyone a turkey for Christmas along with a free bottle of Jim Beam Bourbon.

For those of us who share less than kindly sentiments towards Trump, American Exceptionalism and Corporate Profits, it can be said that one person’s heaven is another person’s hell.  I know many of my friends woke up sick and petrified by the election results.  Years of trying to figure out how anyone could vote for such a character, were demolished in one horrific nightmare of populism which saw Trump actually win by a majority of the votes cast.

Some are now saying that it is time to regroup and rethink our strategies.  Many more have decided that the stress and frustrations are not worth it and have turned off the news and tried to shut Trump and his minions out of their minds.  It is hard to do this when everywhere you turn you see people jumping up and down celebrating Trump’s victory.  I want to share with you a very famous song (Light One Candle) which I think provides some inspirational thoughts.

This song goes back to the days of the Civil Rights movement but in terms of its subject matter dates back more than two thousand years.  I would like to interpret some of the stanzas and describe what they mean to me.  I recently heard this song again while listening to some old tapes.  I could not help but think how relevant it still is.  I hope it moves you the way it moved me.

First, here is some background information about the song from Wikipedia:

Light One Candle” is a song by the folk group Peter, Paul and Mary.  It is a popular Hanukkah song.  Peter, Paul, and Mary performed the song in concerts starting in 1982, before recording it for their 1986 studio album No Easy Walk to Freedom.

The lyrics commemorate the war of national liberation fought by the Maccabees against the Seleucid Greek empire from 167 to 141 BCE, a war described in the Books of the Maccabees and commemorated by the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah.  After Judah Maccabee and his army defeated the Syrian-Greek forces, the Jewish people according to custom cleansed and rededicated the Temple by lighting a Menorah, or a candelabra with nine branches.  There are eight branches surrounding a central branch which holds a special candle called a Shamash.  The Shamash is used to light each of the other candles one at a time.  According to the Talmud—an extensive collection of rabbinic law and biblical commentary written between 200 and 500 CE—the Maccabees found only a small amount of oil to light the candelabra.  It miraculously lasted 8 nights, resulting in Hanukkah’s nickname, “The festival of lights.”

Light One Candle by Peter, Paul and Mary

  1. Light one candle for the Maccabee children with thanks that their light didn’t die:

I want to give thanks for my life, my wife’s life, the lives of my friends and the lives of the many people who are still willing to fight the good fight for freedom and justice.  I give thanks for the people who will not give up and for whom the light of hope has not gone out.

  1. Light one candle for the pain they endured, when their right to exist was denied:

I want to light a candle so my eyes can see the hardship and sacrifice that so many people who have gone before me have endured.  I want to see with my heart and feel with my soul the pain that the heroes and heroines have endured who gave their last breath for my freedom and rights.

  1. Light one candle for the terrible sacrifice justice and freedom demand:

Let the sacrifices made by other always be illuminated in my eyes by this candle.  Never let the realization dim for me that you gain what you strive for in this world and that as Frederic Douglas so famously said: “Those who profess to favor freedom and yet depreciate agitation, are people who want crops without ploughing the ground”.

  1. But light one candle for the wisdom to know when the peacemaker’s time is at hand:

I light a candle that shows two wars being waged as I sit here at my computer.  I suspect many more wars are going on that I do not see.  The two wars the candle shows are killing innocent men, women and children each day while cries for peace and ceasefires are ritualistically ignored.  Day after day goes by while those with the power to stop the killings refuse to see the light shone by the candle.  Where are the leaders with the wisdom to know when the time for peacemaking is at hand?

maxresdefaultChorus:

Don’t let the light go out!

It’s lasted for so many years!

Don’t let the light go out!

Let it shine through our hope and our tears.

  1. Light one candle for the strength that we need to never become our own foe:

Pogo said that “We have met the enemy, and he is us.”  I light a candle so that I can see the truth and avoid the path of vengeance and retribution that guides so much of war.  It is easy to lose sight of the path that we want to be on and to go blindly down a trail that makes us “one of them.”  We become the “wolf that we feed.”

  1. And light one candle for those who are suffering, pain we learned so long ago:

I light one candle to see the grief and suffering that are afflicting humanity.  To see the many people who are in the shadows and cannot be seen.  The light from the candle shines on those who are deeply in distress but are being ignored.

  1. Light one candle for all we believe in, that anger not tear us apart:

I will light a candle to shine into my heart, to keep it from becoming dark.  A light to show me that all people who walk this earth deserve more than my scorn or wrath.  Under the light from this candle, we can all work together to made a better world for ourselves and our children.

  1. And light one candle to find us together, with peace as the song in our hearts:

Let the light from this candle shine like a million suns until we can all see the glow of peace that burns in every heart.  Humans from the beginning of time have sought peace wherever they have settled.  Let this light remind us of the common bond  that unites all of us in every part of the globe regardless of race, religion, gender or ideology.

Chorus:

Don’t let the light go out!

It’s lasted for so many years!

Don’t let the light go out!

Let it shine through our hope and our tears.

What is the memory that’s valued so highly

That we keep it alive in that flame?

What’s the commitment to those who have died

That we cry out they’ve not died in vain?

We have come this far always believing

That justice would somehow prevail

This is the burden, this is the promise

This is why we will not fail!

There are those who say keep the faith.  Those who say do not give up hope.  Those who say when you get knocked down, you only succeed by getting back up.  We cannot fail if we keep trying.  We can only fail when we stop trying.  The days ahead may see and probably will see many of our dreams destroyed.  We may see a world tilting towards injustice and cruelty.  It may become a landscape full of the wreckage of many of our hopes and desires.  But it is only our own despair which will defeat us.  Each of our voices are needed.  Each of us must carry a candle to illuminate the visions of what could and should be.

Chorus:

Don’t let the light go out!

Don’t let the light go out!

Don’t let the light go out!

Growing Old with “Old” or is it “New” Memories

Currently the thinking in Cognitive Psychology is that memories are not stored but are recreated.  Each time we “Remember” an event, our mind recreates the memory from bits and pieces of things that we associate with the event.  The impact of this process is that there is great latitude in the accuracy of what we believe happened in our pasts.  My spouse Karen and I often have totally different recalls of what happened at a given event.  Interviews with people who were on the “grassy knoll” at the time of JFK’s assassination show that their memories six weeks later had changed quite a bit.  From not seeing anything or hearing anything to suddenly remembering someone shooting or running and puffs of smoke appearing in the air.

Christmas is a wonderful time that serves as a catalyst for bringing up old memories.  Memories of days gone by with relatives.  Memories of cooking at Christmas or holidays with our mother.  Memories around the holiday dinner table.  Memories of gift shopping and gift giving.  Memories of decorating the house.  Memories of trees, lights and angels.

Many of our memories are poignant.  Some memories bring sadness as we remember the “Good” old days.  Most memories bring joy as we relive in our minds the love and happiness that we once shared with long-gone friends and relatives.  We conjure up pictures of a past that we paint with vivid colors, dramatic actions and a dream filled choreography which may or may not bear much resemblance to the actual event.  It doesn’t matter though.  We are not trying to sell it.  At worst, we want to share it with others and share with them the memories that they have.

I sit here thinking of some Holiday memories.  Some less related to the holidays and more or less related to the “good old” days.  I am not sure if they are real, but I tell myself that they are.  Here are a few that come to mind:

  • 18 cent a gallon gasoline
  • 25 cent movies
  • 15 cent popcorn
  • 10 cent bus rides
  • Ferris wheel rides at Coney Island
  • Swimming with my sisters at Lake Ronkonkoma
  • Walking by myself when I was only 7 to PS 171 school in Brooklyn
  • Propelling myself down a Brooklyn street on a scooter made with a wooden box and old roller skate wheels
  • Carrying groceries in my little red wagon for people from the store to their Apt. for 10 cents
  • Visiting with my cousin Louis
  • Dreaming that someday I would be an astronaut
  • Deciding if I really wanted to be an astronaut or maybe a world-famous archaeologist
  • Wishing that I had my own set of encyclopedias
  • Midnight mass on Christmas eve
  • Wondering if I would get a bicycle for Christmas when I was seven years old

To paraphrase the famous song from The Sound of Music, these are a few of my favorite memories.

Bows on gift boxes and dreams of new toys,

Shiny new building blocks and Lincoln log homes.

A bicycle with three speeds that was meant mostly for boys,

Trains that ran on 1/64 scale tracks, some with a cute little dome.

These are a few of my favorite Christmas memories.

I hope this holiday season brings joy, peace and prosperity to you and your loved ones.  I would love to hear from you what your favorite memories are.  Please use the comment section to post as many as you like.

I will post our annual holiday letter next Monday. 

 

What is Life without a Song to Live By?

Sometimes my mind simmers with proverbs or aphorisms.  “Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you may die.”  “The test of courage comes when we are in the minority; while the test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority.”  Hardly a day goes by when one or more of these pithy sayings does not assume authority over my daily life.

On other days, I am more guided by messages embedded in some song.  For instance, the idea of “Tradition” is a theme in the musical Fiddler on the Roof.”

Who, day and night, must scramble for a living,

Feed a wife and children, say his daily prayers?

And who has the right, as master of the house,

To have the final word at home?

The Papa, the Papa!  Tradition.

The Papa, the Papa!  Tradition.

My blog this week is simply a mélange or medley of some of the songs that give me inspiration.  Messages that without being invited often invade my life.  There is no particular order or priority to the songs in this blog.  I don’t know why or how these musical pieces pop up;  but suddenly, some extraneous words, activities or events trigger them.   Before I know it, I am humming a refrain in my mind. (If you care to hear the songs noted below, just click on the title which is hyperlinked.

Respect: Aretha Franklin

All I’m askin’ is for a little respect when you come home

(Just a little bit) Baby

(Just a little bit) When you get home

(Just a little bit) Yeah

(Just a little bit)

Isn’t this something we all want?  Just a little respect!  Sometimes it seems so hard to find these days.  The idea of a “Righteous Person” or a Mensch does not seem to resonate with modern society.

Ambition: Wale

The time is now on everything

Took my heart away from money, I ain’t interested in fame

And I pray that never change

Ambition is priceless, it’s something that’s in your veins

What is ambition?  When is it good and when does it corrupt our lives?  The Greeks had the concept of the “Golden Mean” and it certainly should guide our ambition or we become totally corrupted.

Trouble:  Robert Preston

We’ve surely got trouble (we’ve surely got trouble)

Right here in River City (right here)

Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule

(Our children’s children gonna have trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble)

A cute song but it reminds me constantly of the need to be on the lookout for politicians that use hyperbole to sow fear in the polis so that they can reap their rewards.

Dreamin:  Johnny Burnette

Well, I’ll keep on dreamin’

Keep right on dreamin’

Dreamin’ ’til my dreamin’ comes true

My entire life often seems like one big dream.  Dreaming is more of a process for me than an end state.  I like to think that I am a Realist but more often I am an idealist.  I dream of a world defined by the words of Martin Luther King.

“I have a dream that one day down in Alabama with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, one day right down in Alabama little Black boys and Black girls will be able to join hands with little White boys and White girls as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today.”

Camelot:  Richard Burton

The snow may never slush upon the hillside

By nine p.m. the moonlight must appear

In short, there’s simply not a more congenial spot

For happily ever after in than here in Camelot

Is there a place on this earth where peace and justice reign?  Where I can live happily ever after.  Where there is no fear or evil.  I am still looking for this place.  It exists in my mind.  If only I could find its physical manifestation.

Lonely Teardrops:  Jackie Wilson

My Heart Is cryin’, cryin’

Lonely Teardrops

My pillows never dry of

Lonely Teardrops

Who among you has not felt the pain of loneliness?  James Bond said that “Boredom” was the worst curse of all.  I disagree.  Loneliness is the worst curse of all.  No physical pain is as great as the heart ache of loneliness.  No man or woman wants to do battle with loneliness.  Sadly, it must come to all of us someday.

Satisfaction:  Rolling Stones

I can’t get no satisfaction

I can’t get no satisfaction

‘Cause I try and I try and I try and I try

I can’t get no, I can’t get no satisfaction

Sounds like a whine!  But we all have those days when nothing seems to go right.  We call our insurance companies, or we call our bank, or we call our hospital and we “Can’t get no satisfaction.”  I often wonder if anyone really cares about our satisfaction.

Old Man River:  Paul Robeson

Ah gits weary

An’ sick of tryin’;

Ah’m tired of livin’

An’ skeered of dyin’,

But Ol’ Man River,

He jes’ keeps rollin’ along!

I’m sitting on the bank of the Mississippi watching the river flow or I’m watching the tide roll in on the “Dock of the Bay.”  I am sick of tryin and I am sick of livin.  Suddenly, every problem I have just melts away.  My problems are mostly in my mind.  The river doesn’t care.  The ocean doesn’t care.  The river rolls.  The tide comes in.  Life goes on.

Well, that’s all folks!  I have dozens, maybe hundreds of other refrains.  Many of them will remain hidden until suddenly the right chord is struck, and I will be humming them in my mind.

So long, farewell

Auf Wiederseh’n, goodbye

I leave, and heave

A sigh and say goodbye

Goodbye

From — The Sound of Music

 

What Will History Remember Me For?

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God came to me in a vision last night and said “John, what do you want to be remembered for?”  I started thinking of all the good things that I have done.  I then started thinking of the 1000 or more blogs that I have written.  I thought of the four books that I have published.  I thought of the people that I have helped.  I thought of the speeches and presentations that I have given.  I thought of the classes and courses that I have taught.  I thought of the companies that I helped when I was consulting.  I had visions of all the great places that Karen and I have visited.  Soon I came up with a list of things that I really would like to be remembered for.  I had at least one hundred things on my list.

God I called out; I have my list.”  God replied back.  “John, I am sorry, but you only get one thing.”  “Only one thing I questioned?”  “Yes, said God, only one thing.”

“Okay God, but is that fair?  I feel like I have done many useful and productive things in the world.”

God replied, “Well, Einstein only gets to be remembered for E=MC2 and Theodore Sturgeon only gets to be remembered for “Fahrenheit 451” despite the over five hundred books he had written.  Beethoven is mostly remembered for his 9th Symphony and JFK is remembered best for his comment that ‘Ich Bein Ein Berliner.’  That is the way it works John.  I do make some exceptions, but I do not think it is warranted in your case.”

“God”, I said. “I don’t understand the logic of all this.  Many of your people have done so much good work in their lives, myself included and you mean all we will get to be remembered for is one tiny little thing”

“John, most people will not even get to be remembered for one thing.  You should consider yourself special that I am granting you ONE thing to be remembered for.  People have short memories and if I allowed everyone to list all the things that they wanted to be remembered for, no one would remember anyone.  By keeping the list to one item, you will be remembered and that is why you should choose wisely.”

“OK, God, I will get back to you.  This is going to take me more time than I thought.”

After God and I ended our conversation, I thought more about what he had said.  How do I pick out the ONE thing that I would really like to be remembered for?  Should I take a poll among my blog readers?  Should I ask all my friends?  Should I ask my wife Karen what she thinks?  How to decide?  Maybe Chat GPT would have the answer?  I will ask it.

Chat GPT “How can I pick what I want to be remembered for?”

Chat GPT Replied:

Deciding what you want to be remembered for is a deeply personal decision that often reflects your values, passions, and the impact you hope to have on the world.  Here are some steps to help you identify what you want to be remembered for:

  1. Reflect on Your Values: Consider what values are most important to you. Is it kindness, creativity, justice, or something else? Your values can guide you in choosing what you want to be remembered for.
  2. Identify Your Passions: Think about what activities or causes bring you the most joy and fulfillment. Your passions can be a good indicator of what you want to focus on in your legacy.
  3. Consider Your Impact: Reflect on the kind of impact you want to have on others and the world around you. Do you want to be remembered for making a difference in people’s lives, advancing knowledge, or improving your community?
  4. Set Goals: Once you have a clearer sense of what you want to be remembered for, set specific goals that align with your values, passions, and desired impact. This could involve taking concrete actions or pursuing certain achievements.
  5. Live Your Values: Actively incorporate your values into your daily life and interactions. This can help ensure that your actions align with what you want to be remembered for.
  6. Reflect Regularly: Take time to reflect on your progress and reassess your goals and priorities. As you grow and change, your aspirations for your legacy may evolve as well.
  7. Share Your Legacy: Consider how you can share your values, passions, and accomplishments with others. This could involve writing a memoir, creating art, or simply sharing your story with friends and family.

Remember, your legacy is not just about what you achieve but also how you live your life and the impact you have on others. It’s a process that evolves over time, so allow yourself the flexibility to adapt and grow as you work towards shaping the legacy you want to leave behind.

I must say I am always impressed by the ideas that AI will give in less time than I can blink my eyes or roll over and go back to sleep.  Nevertheless, I do not think that in this case it will be helpful.  My problem is to narrow down and prioritize what I think the ONE thing is that I want to be remembered for.  Now if Chat GPT could do that for me, it would be very helpful.  If only God would allow me TWO things, my life would be so much simpler.

I decided to think more about the problem and get some input from others.  I asked my spouse Karen, “What do you think is the one thing that I should be remembered for?”  She replied, “I think it would be your compassion and kindness for people you don’t even know.  Of course, you are not that kind and compassionate for people you do know.”  “Sorry, I asked.”  I next asked my good friend Socorro.  She told me, “Without a doubt it is your kindness and compassion for all the people of the world.  Except of course, those people you don’t like which includes Trump supporters, Republicans, lawyers, used car salespeople, insurance agents and…”  “That’s enough Socorro, I think you have given me something to think about.”  Next up were two of my best male friends.  I asked both of them the same question.  I got pretty much the same answer.  I tend to be kind and compassionate to people I like but not so much to people I dislike.  What was it Jesus said about it being easy to like people who like you but not so easy to like assholes?

All these replies left be in the middle of nowhere.  God was awaiting the one true thing that I wanted to be remembered for.  I was more lost than when I started this journey.  I decided to talk to God some more.

God, do I really have to be remembered for anything?”  “Look John, it was really more of a suggestion.  The majority of the human race will never be remembered for anything except maybe stupidity.  You are welcome to join the club of the ‘Not-Remembered’ for one darn thing if that is what you want.”  “Let me think about it more God okay?  Is there any rush?”  “Looking ahead, said God, I think you are probably safe for the next year or so.  After that I would not push your luck.  That scuba diving trip you took was not the brightest idea in the world, but I had your back on that one.”

After weeks of more pondering, more struggling, more interviews with strangers, relatives and former students and clients, I finally hit upon an idea.  I would toss a bunch of letters into a basket and draw out one at a time.  I would then see what they spelled.  I would rely on the great Karma of the universe to tell me what I should be remembered for.

The first letter I drew out was an S.  Not a bad start I thought.  Maybe I would be remembered for being Smart.  I next drew out an A and then another S.  SAS, SSA, ASS?  I did not like the looks of that last word.  Someone once told me if you start off your day with meeting an asshole, you might be having bad luck.  But if everyone you meet is an asshole, maybe you are really the asshole.  My days seem to tend to the latter.  Was the Universe trying to tell me something?  Maybe if I drew out a U next it was trying to reflect my belief that you should never Assume anything.  I would not mind being remembered for that thought.

I selected again and it was an E.  I knew it.  I was going to be remembered for never assuming anything.  I have so often criticized Karen for making unfounded assumptions.  I would go down in history as the “man who did not make assumptions.”  I picked another letter but this time, Karma was all wrong.  I drew an L.  That threw me out of the Assume position.  What I now had was Ass_ _ l e.  The letters were not rolling my way.  Maybe I should give this stupid idea up.  Or maybe start over again.  But that would be cheating.  I decided to draw again.  I next drew an H.  I now could spell Assh_le.  Was Karma going to spell out Asshole?

I have never been very good at scrabble.  Maybe I was missing something.  My ex-wife and sister were both scrabble experts.  Maybe I should give the letters I have to them before I pick again and see what else they could spell besides Asshole.  If any of my readers are following along so far, what else do you think the letters I have drawn so far could spell?  An online six letter word generator gives me the following possibilities: hassle, lashes, shales, sheals.  I don’t really know what these mean except for the word “hassle.”  I suppose many people think I have hassled them at one time or another.  I will draw one last time.

I stir the pot of letters up.  I close my eyes.  I reach in and pick out a letter.  Without looking, I drop it and pick out another one.  I pull the letter out.  I look at it.  I am astounded.  You would never believe the letter that I pulled or what it spelled.  I will accept my Karma.

I turned over and drifted back to a deeper sleep.  Life can be one great dream or one bad nightmare.  Some nights you don’t know which one it will be.  I hope I can remember what the letters spelled out when I wake up tomorrow.

What Do You Wish For?

Dandelion (Taraxacum officinale) seeds blowing in the wind

If you were given three wishes this New Year of 2023, what would you wish for?  The most common wishes that people think of are for health or money.  Beware though, the saying “Be careful of what you wish for, you may get it” has very often been true with sad effects.  Do you know the story of the Monkey’s Paw?  It goes like this:

Once upon a time there was an elderly couple.  The man’s name was Joshua and his wife’s name was Marie.  They had been poor all their lives and each day was a struggle to find food, heat, and the other necessities of life.  The only joy in their lives besides each other, was their son.  However, the son had recently been drafted to fight in still another ongoing never-ending war. 

evgeniya-egorova-witchOne day, when the old man was out walking, he saw a woman who had been beaten and thrown into a ditch.  Around her neck, was hung a sign which said “Beware, Witch.”  Without even a slight hesitation, the old man ran to the ditch to see how he could help the woman.  He gave her some water and bread that he had on him for lunch and tried to bind up some of her wounds by ripping up his cloak.  She looked at the old man with compassion and said “No one is ever kind to me, but you have been.  I have this monkey’s paw that I would like you to have.  It will grant you three wishes.  However, be careful.  Be very careful.  Wishes can often result in things that you do not really want.”  The woman handed him a gnarled dried up old paw and bidding a farewell, walked on down the road.  He put the paw in his pocket and walked on to his home.

The_lady_of_the_barge_(1902)_(14769861755)When the old man arrived home, he told his wife what had happened.  She immediately asked to see the paw.  Upon, looking at it, Marie said “Shall we try it.” The old man laughed and said, “You don’t really believe in such magic, do you?”  “What do we have to lose,” said his wife.  So they both picked up the paw and together made the following wish: “We wish we had enough money to never have to worry about food or clothes or other necessities for the rest of our lives.”  They waited and waited and suddenly both began to laugh.  Such foolishness and they were silly enough to think that it might be real.

Later that day as they sat down to eat their little supper, there was a knock on the door.  Upon, opening the door, there was a messenger there.  He told them that they were the beneficiaries of a fifty-thousand-dollar insurance policy.  Upon asking, who had left them the money, they were distraught to hear that their son had been killed in a battle but before he left, he had taken out an insurance policy in their names. 

“Oh God, what will we do” said Joshua to Marie.  We don’t want this money both agreed, we want our son back.  “It was the paw; it gave us the money, but we were not careful, and we got our son killed.”  Marie hesitated and then suggested.  “Let’s wish for our son back.  Yes, we can wish for our son back.”  Taking the monkey’s paw up again, they both said, “Please give us our son back.”  It was the second wish and again, they waited and waited and nothing happened.

monkeys-pawThey went to bed feeling sad, miserable, and as unhappy as any two human beings could be.  Later that night, they heard a scuffling coming up the path to their door.  It sounded like something was being dragged.  A knock sounded on their door, but they were both too afraid to move.  A voice cried out “Mom, dad, it is Eli your son.  I have come back.  I am alive.”  Almost too happy to describe, they bolted for the door.  Upon opening it to let Eli in, they recoiled in horror.  Eli did not look human.  His skin was in tatters.  His legs and arms were mere bones.  His face was a skull with bits of skin and dried blood hanging off it.  “Let me in, I have come back from the grave.  You have summoned me.  Let me in.”

“Oh no, what have we done,” cried the old man.  Grabbing the monkey’s paw, he shouted out their third wish, “We wish you to go back to where you came from.  Please go back.”  Their son turned around and walked off back into the darkness from whence he came.  Three wishes had been granted and three wishes had been used.  The next day, Joshua and Marie went down to the riverbank and tossed the monkey’s paw into the river.  They both prayed that it would never be found again. 

—- Above is my adaptation of the original story “The Monkey’s Paw” by English author W. W. Jacobs.  It first appeared in Harper’s Monthly in 1902

I would bet that this story would not deter you from accepting three wishes or even making a wish.  There are many venues for wish making without waiting to find a monkey’s paw or an Aladdin’s Lamp.   Thousands of people every year use one of the more convenient methods.  Let’s look at a few of these methods just to see how fruitful they are.

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Chicken Wishbone Method:

I have been doing this one since I was a kid.  Harder to do today as chicken nuggets, chicken bits and chicken filets don’t usually have a wishbone.  However, in days gone by, whole chickens would be roasted in the oven and you did not have to go to Costco to get a cooked one.  Somewhere in the chicken, you would find the wishbone after enough meat had been eaten.  You could then rinse the bone off and let it dry.  After drying, you would find a partner and each of you would grasp one end of the wishbone.  Pull and it would break.  The person holding the longer end gets to make a wish. 

I think I might have made twenty or so wishes using this method.  To date, I am zero for twenty.  I am not tall, dark, or handsome.  I am not rich, famous, and sought after by mobs of ardent followers.  I have never been elected to political office and I have no superpowers or even noteworthy talents that I could make a living on.  As near as I can see, I have been stuck with those genes that I received at birth and none of my wishes has altered my DNA. 

Nevertheless, I hear that some people will swear by (as well as wish by) the Chicken Wishbone Method. 

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Fountains Wishing Method:

Fountains are where you can make a wish, but it will cost you money.  You toss a coin in a fountain (a well or in an emergency, any kind puddle will do) and you make a wish.  I have been told that the more money you throw in, the more likely your wish will come true.  Any size fountain will do.  A fountain in your back yard has the  advantage that you can always take your money back out and use it again for another wish or to buy a McDonald burger when your wish does not come true.

Several years ago, Karen and I went to Rome.  No visit to Rome would be complete without a visit to the most famous fountain in the world.  It is called the Trevi Fountain.  The Trevi Fountain is an 18th-century fountain in the Trevi district in Rome, Italy, designed by Italian architect Nicola Salvi and completed by Giuseppe Pannini and several others.  Standing 26.3 meters (86 ft) high and 49.15 meters (161.3 ft) wide.  It is the largest Baroque fountain in Rome.

The fountain has appeared in several films, including Roman Holiday (1953); Three Coins in the Fountain (1954); Federico Fellini’s classic, La Dolce Vita (1960); Sabrina Goes to Rome (1998); and The Lizzie McGuire Movie (2003).

There is a trick though to getting your wish in this fountain.  You need a coin, but it does not have to be an Italian.  However, you must bend over backwards and throw the coin over your shoulder.  If you are not careful, you will miss the fountain and hit one of the million tourists also throwing coins.  Each year, dozens of tourists end up in Roman hospitals after being hit by coins (That is a lie, but I thought it sounded reasonable). 

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Star Wishing Method:

This is one of the easiest venues for getting your wishes made.  There are literally billions of stars.  Do you know that the Sun is a star and a rather small one at that.  Last week, Karen and I went to a planetarium show at the Flandrau Science Center & Planetarium.  It was a narrated show that talked about our solar system, our galaxy, and the millions of other galaxies out there in the universe.   Many of the exhibits at the Center portrayed a physical perspective on the relative size of our sun compared to other stars in the universe.   I was surprised that it was so dinky in comparison.  I wondered if the size of the star mattered when you make a wish

My first knowledge of the wonderful world of Star Wishing came when I was a little kid, and I went to see my first Disney movie.  It was Pinocchio and it was about a little puppet that became a human.  Pinocchio is a 1940 American animated musical fantasy film produced by Walt Disney Productions and based on the 1883 Italian children’s novel “The Adventures of Pinocchio” by Carlo Collodi.  It was sometime around the early 1950’s when I went to see the movie. 

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A wood carver named Geppetto wanted a son of his own and carved Pinocchio out of a block of wood.  Through a wish by Geppetto, (Pinocchio as the puppet was named) becomes human.  The movie is about the trials and tribulations Pinocchio learning to be human and to embrace a set of morals and ethics.   The Disney adaption of the book included the now famous song:

“When You Wish Upon a Star.” 

When you wish upon a star

Makes no difference who you are

Anything your heart desires

Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream

No request is too extreme

When you wish upon a star

As dreamers do

Like a bolt out of the blue

Fate steps in and sees you through

When you wish upon a star

Your dreams come true

Songwriters: Ned Washington / Leigh Harline

For a little boy growing up in Brooklyn, NY where we could hardly see any stars at night, this was too good to be true.  I did not need any coins, no fountains, no fried chickens.  All I needed was a dream.  It did not matter that my father was only a mail man or that I was the grandson of Italian immigrants.  It did not matter that I had no money.  All I needed was a dream. 

Unfortunately, dreams were in short supply for poor Italian kids in Brooklyn, NY in 1955.  To this day, I am fascinated by those kids that had dreams that became reality.  I am not sure how they managed to dream or to find stars to wish upon but there is no denying reality.  Many poor kids from the Queens, Bronx, Brooklyn, Harlem, and Hells Kitchen managed to find success and happiness by dreaming, wishing and putting the effort in to make their dreams and wishes come true.

Wishing is only one step to forming the life that you want to live.  It is a step on a stairway of dreams, goals, actions, failures and determination that will see your dreams become your life.

So, consider carefully what you wish for.  Make your dreams a reality.  Start your New Year off with a set of wishes.  Reach for the stars. 

lamp

“There is hope in dreams, imagination, and in the courage of those who wish to make those dreams a reality.”  — Jonas Salk

PS: How many other wishing methods can you think of? Genies in Lamps, Dandelions, what else?

How to Find Meaning and Purpose in Life

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Two most important elements in any life are meaning and purpose.  Your soul, your spirit and your sense of well-being may depend more on these two elements than anything else you will ever find.  Money, fame, and success will mean nothing if you do not believe that you are living a life consistent with your purpose.  Nothing you buy or acquire will have any importance to you if you do not feel that your life has any meaning.

Many books have been written about the elements of meaning and purpose.  Two of the most famous are “The Purpose Driven Life” and “Man’s Search for Meaning.”

 “Being successful and fulfilling your life’s purpose are not at all the same thing; You can reach all your personal goals, become a raving success by the worlds standard and still miss your purpose in this life.”  — “The Purpose Driven Life” —  Rick Warren

“These tasks, and therefore the meaning of life, differ from man to man, and from moment to moment. Thus, it is impossible to define the meaning of life in a general way. Questions about the meaning of life can never be answered by sweeping statements. ‘Life’ does not mean something vague, but something very real and concrete, just as life’s tasks are also very real and concrete. They form man’s destiny, which is different and unique for each individual. No man and no destiny can be compared with any other man or any other destiny” — “Man’s Search for Meaning” —  Viktor Frankl

Perhaps, you still do not know what the difference is between purpose and meaning.  Do not despair.  There are as many ideas about the meaning of these two elements as there are about life after death.  Everyone seems to have their own ideas about these qualities, but everyone agrees on one thing; they are essential for a life that is worthwhile.  I am going to give you my take on them.  What they mean and how to find them for yourself.

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What Is the Difference between Meaning and Purpose?

We live in a world of contrasts and dualities.  Up and down, back and forth, good and bad, happiness and sadness.  Perhaps these are only our own perspective that we cast onto the world but for better or worse we are stuck with them.  The Yin and Yang concept is very useful in thinking about the world.  For every Yin there is a Yang.

“The principal belief of the Yin Yang is reflected in the categorization of musical tones. The two main forms of Taoist music are the Yin Tone and the Yang Tone.  Yin stands for all things that are female and soft and Yang stands for all things male and hard.  Through the proper balance of Yin (female) and Yang (male) a Taoist can find harmony and simplicity in all things.” (Bowker, 2000) — Wikipedia

Esoteric_Taijitu-5c85cc7b46e0fb00014319cdMeaning and purpose are Yin and Yang to each other.  Purpose is outside you and is what you do in the world.  For me purpose involves doing.  Meaning is inside you and what you do for yourself.  Meaning involves being rather than doing.  Let’s use a running race as an example.

I am a runner.  I have been running since I was twenty-five years old. I have run dozens of races.  Some of them were long and some were very short.  Let’s say I run a race and do so half-heartedly.  By fate or circumstance, I come in first place.  My purpose was to run and win the race or at least my age division now that I am 75.  How I ran it is somewhat irrelevant to my purpose.  In this case, I won, and I get the medal or trophy.  I may not have done my best, but the world does not care.  It rewards winners and not losers.  What we do for the world is our purpose.  We may not do our best, but we may still win the award.

My purpose in life is to help bring different perspectives and insights to the world through my writings.  I want to challenge conventional ways of doing things and thinking about things.  That is my purpose in life.  Purpose for me is about doing and not about being.

Back to the race.  I can run the race and give it my best.  I may go all out and still come in tenth or even dead last.  If I  know I did my best, I will feel good about myself, even though my results will not receive any accolades or awards.  To me, this is meaning.

img_7909Meaning in my dictionary is about living up to my potential, my values and my beliefs by doing the best I can each day to be consistent with them.  No one may ever know if I am being kind, compassionate or patient today.  You cannot see the inner virtues that I want to live by.  I am the only person at the end of each day who can judge whether or not my life had any meaning today.  If I can be the best person that I want to be each day, I will die feeling that my life had meaning.  To the rest of the world, I may just be another old teacher, old veteran or old guy who lived an average life and died at an average age.  Meaning to me is about being and not doing.

Martin Luther King in his famous Eulogy Speech summed up the meaning of his life very well when he told the world how we wanted to be remembered:

“Yes, if you want to, say that I was a drum major. Say that I was a drum major for justice.  Say that I was a drum major for peace. I  was a drum major for righteousness.  And all of the other shallow things will not matter.

I won’t have any money to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life behind. And that is all I want to say. If I can help somebody as I pass along, if I can cheer somebody with a well song, if I can show somebody he’s traveling wrong, then my living will not be in vain.”

We should all write a eulogy for ourselves before we die.  This is to let the world know what we tried to be and tried to do.  The world will see what we did do.  You won’t have to tell the world what you did.  Purpose is written in accomplishments, but meaning is written in how people feel about you.  Purpose is pride and success while meaning is love and integrity.  In some respects, it is impossible to separate being from doing and meaning from purpose.  They flow together like melody and rhythm in a song. They can be separated but together they make life more beautiful.

See my blog:  “How about writing your eulogy today?”

How do I find my purpose in life?

Your purpose in life will depend on both your skills and your interests.  If you match the two you may find what your purpose in life is.  If you have skills in mathematics or science and you are interested in the medical field, you may devote your life to working as a doctor or medical researcher.  If you love music and have a skill for playing instruments, perhaps you will be a composer or music teacher or musician.  These skills will be the vehicles that you use to share your purpose with the world.

Ikigai-BrightSpaceCoaching

The above diagram was developed to help people find what their purpose in life is.  It has four elements which overlap.

  • What do you love?
  • What are you good at?
  • What can you be paid for?
  • What does the world need?

Ask yourself these four questions.  If you can find a way to make the answers mesh, you will have found your purpose in life.  Over time, your interest and the world’s needs may change.  Finding purpose is not always a once and for all effort.  Some lucky people find a purpose which takes them all through life.  Many of us will have several purposes before we finish our journey through life.

How do I find my meaning in life?

There are hundreds of formulas and suggestions for how to find meaning in life.  The one thing I am certain of is that each of us must define our own meaning.  We define our meaning by deciding what we want to be in life.  Notice, I did not say what we want to do in life.  What makes this a difficult question to answer is that what we want to be is defined by how we go about being.  We must realize that being and doing are inseparable.  There is a Yin and Yang here.

Ask yourself, what do I want to be?

new1_10If I answer, I want to be rich,  my meaning in life will be defined by how I go about becoming rich and what I do with my money.  If I want to be a writer, my meaning will be defined by what I write and how I go about the writing process.  If  I want to be happy, my meaning in life will be defined by how I go about achieving happiness.  No one except me can judge how I define myself.  People may say that I am not very rich or that I am not a very good writer, but it is what I believe about myself which will define my meaning in life.  Vincent Van Gogh is now widely regarded as one of the greatest painters of all time.  His paintings sell for millions of dollars.  However, in his lifetime, he sold only one painting.  It was to his sister-in-law who felt sorry for him.

91QvVMwW4BL._AC_SY606_“What am I in the eyes of most people — a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person — somebody who has no position in society and will never have; in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then — even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart. That is my ambition, based less on resentment than on love in spite of everything, based more on a feeling of serenity than on passion. Though I am often in the depths of misery, there is still calmness, pure harmony and music inside me. I see paintings or drawings in the poorest cottages, in the dirtiest corners. And my mind is driven towards these things with an irresistible momentum.”Quotes from The Letters of Vincent van Gogh, ©Excellence Reporter 2020 Vincent Van Gogh,

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I realize as I write this that some people will never care about the meaning or purpose of their lives.  Just as some people are goal oriented and others are not, meaning and purpose may be subjects that not all people desire or can even pursue.  Perhaps they are luxuries of a more educated or affluent existence.  Perhaps people born into abject poverty and hunger have more to worry about then the meaning and purpose of their lives.  Aldonza in the “Man of La Mancha” sang:

ALDONZA

Take the clouds from your eyes

and see me as I really am!

You have shown me the sky,

But what good is the sky

To a creature who’ll never

Do better than crawl?

9781780749327_27I conclude with the consideration that Meaning and Purpose may not be everyone’s cup of tea.  I confess that it was much later in my life and many hurdles had been taken and many obstacles overcome before I started caring about the meaning and purpose of life.  Now I look back and shake my head with some sorrow that I did not grasp their import on life when I was in my teens.  A have learned that a life without meaning and purpose is not a life, it is just living.

Happy New Year – 2022

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sourceJanuary 1st– the beginning of a New Year.  This is the time when many of us will make new resolutions, new dreams, new goals and promises galore.  It is a time when we will begin over and try to make wishes come true that did not work out the year before.  We bring in the New Year as a mother brings in a newborn baby, full of promise and youth.  There are those critics and skeptics who look at the inevitable human trail of broken dreams and unfulfilled goals from bygone years and laugh at our efforts.  Such people deny the possibility of hope and change.  I may often be a pessimist but for any of you with the courage to tackle a new set of goals or dreams, I say “try, try, and try again.”

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You can and will do a better job this year than you did last year.  You can and will continue to grow and change.  We can all continue to overcome the folly of our past lives.  Hope springs eternal in the human breast and what would we be without it?

We need to dare and dare again and when we fail, we need to get back up and try again.  The only failure is when we stop trying.  So I say, “Disregard the naysayers, go ahead and set some new goals and new dreams.”  Stretch your vision and your horizons.  People do not perish because of their dreams; they perish because of a lack of dreams.

“It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.” — Bob Goddard

“Everything that has ever been accomplished, every skyscraper, every bridge, every invention, every medical breakthrough, all started with a dream!” — Catherine Pulsifer, Living The Dream Accomplishment

“Wishes are possibilities.  Dare to make a wish.” — ― Lailah Gifty Akita, Think Great: Be Great!

The Old Woman Who Wanted to Be a Pilot

Little girl dreaming of becoming a pilot

I would like to tell you a story that led me to a principle that I have used over and over again in my life.  The story begins in 1979.  I had just received my M.S. degree in Counseling from the University of Wisconsin – Stout.  I began applying for jobs where I could use my degree.  I also took the Wisconsin test for state employment. 

I did well on the state employment test and after an interview process, I was hired by what was then the Department of Industry, Labor and Human Relations (DILHR) as a Manpower Counselor 2.  I was officially a counselor in the Work Incentive Program (WIN).  I would be in charge of the WIN Program as well as a number of other programs including, Labor Education Advancement Program (LEAP), Indochinese Refugee Assistance Program (IRAP) and the Job Training Partnership Act (JTPA).  I would have offices in two counties.  One office was in Ellsworth, Wisconsin in Pierce County.  The other office was in Hudson, Wisconsin in St. Croix County.  I was then living in River Falls, Wisconsin which was almost dead center between my two offices. 

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Each day my job consisted of basically trying to help people find employment.  Depending on their ages, genders, skill levels and aptitudes, I had a variety of resources to help them find a job.  Some of my resources included, employer incentives, apprenticeship training, on-the-job-training, education benefits and a variety of tools to help my clients gain the needed skills to find and seek employment.  I also had a large data base of employment openings that were furnished daily by the head office in Madison, Wisconsin.   

My counseling program at Stout was led by a grand educator named Evelyn Rimel.  She was dedicated to the counseling program and would do anything she could to help her students learn the skills they needed to become good counselors.  Dr. Rimel was born in September 1911 and died in August 2009 one month shy of her 98th birthday.  She was a remarkable woman.  The following poem which she wrote expresses her ideas and goals in life.  She was 42 years old when she wrote this poem and numerous people will vouch for her devotion to this vision.

aac54f3a-b1b5-11de-9fb3-001cc4c03286.imageI’d like to think when life is done,

That I had filled a needed post;

That here and there I’d paid my fare,

With more than idle talk or boast;

 That I had taken gifts divine,

The breath of life and womanhood mine,

And tried to use them, then and now,

In service to my fellow man.

Evelyn received many awards during her lifetime.  When she died she was the oldest living and longest-serving member of the American Association of University Women, a national organization to which she belonged for more than 75 years.

Evelyn was the prime mover in the counseling program at Stout and no one who was accepted into the program could ignore her influence on what they would learn.  For instance, employment and school counselors are taught to use many tests such as the GATB, SATB, Kuder Richardson and Strong Campbell to help profile job applicants and identify their strengths and weaknesses.  Dr. Rimel would hear nothing about weaknesses.  She told us that these tests were only pointers and not conclusive evidence of what someone could or could not do.  I still remember what Evelyn said but at the time it seemed very theoretical.  I would not learn the real meaning of her message until I met this client who came into my life a year or so later.

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The year was 1980 and I was in my office in Hudson when an older woman came in to see me.  She asked if I could help her find a job.  I was 34 years old at the time and it was early in the year 1980.  The economy was not doing so well, and it was difficult to find decent paying employment in our area.  I asked her to take a seat and how could I help her?  She told me that her name was Margaret and that her husband had recently passed away.  They had raised four children and she had been a stay-at-home mom.  She had no schooling or formal training beyond high school.  She was 68 years old and did not have enough money to live on.  She needed to find a job to supplement her social security income. 

FYC.adviser.0020-16x9-1-1024x576I asked her if she had any idea what she could do.  She replied that she did not.  I suggested that she take an employment aptitude test to see what kinds of work she might find interesting.  It was all very theoretical to me, but I could not imagine what kind of work I could find for her in the local area that would pay enough for her to live on.  She did not have any current job experience and no goals for a career.  The aptitude test was simply an effort to do something even though I did not believe that I could help her much.

She agreed to take the test which I then administered.  When she had finished the test, I told her that I would need to have the test scored.  We setup an appointment for the following week to meet again.  I sent the test in to be scored and the results came back before our next appointment.  When I reviewed the results, I was incredibly surprised.  I even laughed at the findings of the test.  The test showed Margaret’s highest aptitude to be that of an airline pilot.  I laughed because in 1980 there were few women finding employment in the commercial airline industry as a pilot and even fewer who were 68 years of age.  Not to mention, a woman with no prior flight experience or military experience.  Back in the 80’s, many commercial airline pilots came from the ranks of retired or former military pilots. 

I chalked Margaret’s results up to a curious irregularity in the testing results or an anomaly that could probably not be explained.  I was not willing to put any credence into the test and totally ignored Evelyn’s caveat about using employment tests as pointers and not as conclusive evidence.  When Margaret arrived at my office for her appointment we sat down to discuss her results and what our next steps might be.  I started the conversation off by a dismissal of the test findings.   “Margaret, these tests are frequently not accurate.  This test showed your number one aptitude to be that of an airline pilot.”  She looked down at the floor and then up at me.  Speaking directly into my face, she solemnly said, “When I was a little girl, I wanted to be an airline pilot, but my parents and teachers all told me it was impossible.  Girls could never be commercial airline pilots.”    

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I don’t really remember the rest of the conversation that day or whether or not I ever found a good job for Margaret.  What I do remember and will never forgot was my narrow mindedness and smugness.  I had totally written off the possibility that Margaret could ever be an airline pilot. 

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I mentioned at the start of this story that I gained a principle from this episode that I have used the rest of my life.  The principle was this:  I would never ever tell anyone, client, student, relative or friend that they could not do something or be something.  From Margaret, I realized that one of the things that holds us back are other people who tell us what we can or cannot do.  I have previously told the story of my spouse Karen who was advised by her high school guidance counselor that she could never be a nurse because of her low science aptitude scores.  Karen ignored this “helpful” advice and spent over 55 years in the medical field as a registered nurse and nurse manager. 

 “Love what you do and do what you love. Don’t listen to anyone else who tells you not to do it.  You do what you want, what you love.  Imagination should be the center of your life.”  —Ray Bradbury.