Have you ever run into an old friend, and they ask you “Well, what are you up to these days?” I find this a very difficult question to answer for several reasons. One is that I am not sure if they are just being polite or if they really want to spend an hour or so listening to what I have been up to. I generally presume that they won’t want to spend the time. Another reason is that it does not seem polite to regale them with what some might construe as bragging. For instance, I would like to say the following:
“I am building a new wall in China to rival the old one. However, the China wall project is just a side hobby that keeps me busy until I get to play my new symphony with the London Philharmonic Orchestra. I have to couple my symphony debut with my visit to the King of England. I am being awarded an OBE for my contributions to English literature. After that, Karen and I will leave on another round the world cruise.” “Oh, do you know what an OBE is?”
“Kids and grandkids are all above average and Karen is happier than ever.”
“And what are you doing these days?” “Oops, times out, I have to run. Call me for lunch the next time you are in town.”
More likely I will answer the above query with a very different response. As a matter of fact, after our church breakfast this morning, one of the friends at our table asked me what I was going to do today. My reply was honest, “I have no plans to do a darn thing today and I have nothing that I want to do.” I actually cannot think of anything I would rather do than nothing. Well, I may take a nap or help Karen eat some unbaked cookie dough.
As it gets nearer to Thanksgiving and Christmas, Karen’s baking genes kick in. She will bake enough lefse and Christmas cookies to last at least until Easter. Most of Karen’s baking goes to our stomachs, the stomachs of friends and neighbors and Karen’s children. I keep wondering each year as the cost of sugar, butter, chocolate chips, pecans, walnuts, oil, flour and other cooking supplies go through the roof, how long our IRA will last.
I suggested to Karen last year that we ask for a good-will donation from anyone she gives cookies to. She thought I was being rather mercenary. I tried to tell her about the “Prosperity Gospel” but being a good Lutheran from birth she would have none of it. If you are not familiar with the “Prosperity Gospel”, it goes something like this:
Jesus was really very depressed because he was poor and did not have a limousine or private jet. Jesus died because he wanted us all to be happy. He knew the secret to happiness was to be wealthy. He said, “It is very easy to thread a needle when you are rich, but poor skinny camels can never get through the eye of a needle. Rich people will have many servants who are good at threading needles.”
The New Testament in some versions have Jesus saying the following: Luke 12:15
ESV: And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one ‘s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”
NIV: Then he said to them, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”
As we get closer to Black Friday and Cyber Monday and Christmas and Boxing Day, we will again be able to watch all the good Christians trying to decide what Jesus really said or perhaps what he really meant about prosperity and wealth. Did he really mean it when he said, “If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” — Matthew 19:21
Or did he mean that you should plan your shopping spree very carefully, so you will be able to beat the other shoppers to the bargains and sales. Get up early in the morning with a great shopping list and carefully measure the distance between the stores you want to go to. Remember some stores will open earlier and some will have better bargains, so you need to plan your shopping very astutely.
Time, prices, sales, bargains, money and crowds are all factors to consider in developing your strategic shopping plan. For those of you who are planning challenged, you can find online help in navigating the hoards of other shoppers who are just waiting to get the best bargains before you do. Go to Godshopsmart.com for a list of bargains and strategic shopping plans. Strategic shopping plans can be purchased for as little as $19.99, and they will be worth every penny.
If you want to have some great lefse (Do you know what lefse is?) or wonderful chocolate chip pecan bourbon cookies to keep you from starving while you wait in line, I will give you a good deal on a batch of either. Your choice. You pay shipping and handling costs. A good friend of mine bakes many churros this time of the year. They call her the Churro Lady. Another acquaintance makes great tamales. You can choose either pork or beef tamales or mixed. I prefer the mixed. I can get you a good deal on these as well. Nothing like a hot tamale or warm churro while you stand in line at the cashier on Black Friday.
So, this holiday season, forget the elections. Forget politics. Jesus would want you to shop. Get out there and do your best to get the best bargains. The US economy depends on shoppers like you. However, this Holiday season, please be mindful not to purchase any products from China, North Korea, Russia or Iran. Anyone caught doing so might be in trouble with the new Office of Strategic Buying. I hear from highly placed sources that either Lauren Bobert or Marjorie Taylor Greene might be named Director. Big Brother Will Be Watching You!
PS:
Here is a great poem for those of you who want to start celebrating a “Do Nothing Day.”
I’m Sitting Doing Nothing
I’m sitting doing nothing,
which I do extremely well.
Exactly how I do it
is impossible to tell.
I scarcely move a muscle,
but serenely stay in place,
not even slightly changing
the expression on my face.
I’m fond of doing nothing,
so I do it all day long.
Whenever I do nothing,
I don’t ever do it wrong.
When I am doing nothing,
there is nothing that I do,
for if I started something,
it would mean that I was through.
When I am doing nothing,
I’m immobile as a wall.
When I am doing nothing
I don’t do a thing at all.
It’s easy doing nothing
and I find it lots of fun,
though when I’m finally finished
I’m uncertain that I’m done.
Last year at my 40
Am I a very happy person? Most of my friends would probably say no. My sufferings though are mostly self-inflicted. My thoughts on the life that I should have lived haunt me. Try as I might I can’t let go of the things I fucked up in this world. I can’t even forget the teacher in the third grade who told me to, “Shut my mouth and stop singing.” Seventy years later and it feels like if I try to sing, something awful will happen to me. I would rather jump off of a cliff than sing a note.
One day, I had to go out to do a repo on a guy who bought a TV set and was not making his payments. I went to the poor section of town and walked up to the address I had been given. It looked like maybe a three-room small bungalow. The yard was gated, and I looked for a dog. Not seeing any, I opened the gate and walked up to the front door. There was a screen door. The main door was open, and I could see into the house. I knocked loudly on the door as there was no doorbell. I could see a living room and a kitchen. Out of the kitchen, a large man started coming to the door. As he drew closer, I could see he had no legs. He was missing both legs and was walking with two crutches. He asked me what I wanted. I hesitated and then answered “Sorry, I must have the wrong house.” I went back to my office and quit the same day. I figured he needed the TV more than my company needed the money. I could not do a job that required me to take from poor people what little they had in life.
Two thousand years ago, the Roman Empire started its decline after having been the greatest empire that the world had yet seen. Many historians point to the decadence of the Roman Empire during its decline. “Decadence” is defined by the Oxford On-Line Dictionary as, “Moral or cultural decline as characterized by excessive indulgence in pleasure or luxury.” The Romans had their “Bread and Circuses.” The Oxford Dictionary defines “Bread and Circuses” as, “A diet of entertainment or political policies on which the masses are fed to keep them happy and docile.” For many, football and politics are the bread and circuses or our American Empire. I think the rot and decay in America today goes much deeper than that. Here is my list of some of the decadence that I see in the USA today:
I have another T-Shirt where I list the “No Exceptions” groups that somehow seem to be conveniently overlooked by many Cultural Christians. The major fallacy that many Christians seem to observe is to define their neighbors as either someone in their own church or in their own social group. When Jesus included the Samaritans who were an outcast group at the time as his neighbors, this should have made it clear that you must go beyond your tribe or friends to include other nations, other ethnicities, other religions, and other people with different beliefs as your neighbor.
