The United States of America: Are we a Country without Empathy?

10 May 2025 24 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

You destroy anything when you withdraw empathy from it.  When you don’t care about anything you are on the path to destroying it.  You destroy a country when there is no empathy for its institutions or cultures.  When you withdraw empathy from a countries values and principles you can find it easy to destroy them.  You destroy people when you don’t have any empathy for them.  When you withdraw empathy from anyone or anybody it is easy to destroy them.

It has ever been the same formula throughout history.  From the Ancient World to the Medieval World to the Industrial World and now to the Information World, destroy empathy for the things and people you hate and then you can destroy them. 

What is empathy you ask?  How is empathy different from sympathy and compassion and mercy?  I won’t bore you with any dictionary definitions or twist your brain with some pure academic definitions.  Here are my thoughts on what empathy is:

Empathy puts you in the other person’s shoes, heart, soul and mind.  When you have true empathy for someone you stand inside them not beside them.  Mercy, compassion and sympathy leave you outside the person.  I feel sorry for you.  I feel bad for you.  I will give you something to make you feel better or to help you out.  However, I do not feel the pain that you do when I simply have sympathy for you.  My friend Jaine says that empathy is essential for mercy and compassion.   I think she is right, but we must start with empathy.  Without empathy, we are merely kind and thoughtful.  We have empathy for one another when we become one with the other.  Their heartache is our heartache.  Their suffering is our suffering. 

The other day while waiting for my wife to finish her Senior Fit class at the Casa Grande Community Center, I picked up the local newspaper.  The Casa Grande Dispatch had an article about a new bill being proposed by the Republicans in the Arizona Senate.   The bill SB-1268 would require hospitals to inquire whether or not the patient was here legally before providing healthcare treatment.  Many empathetic people are concerned that it would deter people who needed treatment from getting it.  The bill’s sponsor said that she does not care.  “They should stay in their own countries if they want to have care”, said Wendy Rogers during a hearing on her legislation.  What do you think Ms. Rogers would say if this was her mother or father or sister or brother?  What if it was a friend or relative of yours?  What would you say?  Is Ms. Rogers one heart short of empathy?  Do you think she ever read the inscription inside the Statue of Liberty?  One stanza of the inscription therein states the following:

Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Why don’t we just knock down this wretched statue?  It would appear that its message is no longer accepted or believed in by millions of Americans.  I am sure Elon Musk would approve of its destruction.  He could use Ellis Island as a new departure point for his Mars expedition.  After all, here is what Musk had to say about empathy:

“The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.”

This lack of empathy seems to be a major theme running throughout the Republican Party. 

I asked my wife’s pastor one day why he thought that so many conservative Christians wanted to post the Ten Commandments of Moses from the Old Testament in city halls all over the country, but I had never heard of one effort to post the Eight Beatitudes from Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount any place.  Would not Christians be more expected to support the words of Jesus than the words of Moses?  His comment was that many conservative Christians felt the words of Jesus were kind of wimpy.  Interesting that Jesus’s empathy for humanity is regarded as wimpy. 

It had not been 12 hours since the new pope was elected before the so-called Christian Right was attacking him.  Following in the footsteps of his predecessor Pope Francis, the new Pope Leo XIV would seem to be a human who had empathy for the poor and hungry and dispossessed. 

Transcript: MAGA Fury Boils Over at New Pope’s “Anti-Trump” Views

“Leo is known to share some of the same priorities as Francis, particularly when it comes to the environment and outreach to migrants and the poor, according to The College of Cardinals Report, a resource created by a team of Vatican journalists.”  Google AI

Read closely and you will see why Pope Leo XIV is anathema to Trump and his supporters.

  1. He would protect the environment
  2. He would protect immigrants
  3. He would protect the poor

Imagine a Christian who would dare have empathy for these people and the world. 

Now if I seem biased and oblivious to the limitations of empathy, let me point out that throughout history, there have been many great leaders who have had little or no empathy for humanity.  Some of the most notable people and notable categories are:

  • Attila the Hun
  • Genghis Khan
  • Mussolini
  • Stalin
  • Hitler
  • Most slave owners
  • Climate change deniers
  • Greedy billionaires

 It certainly seems like you can go far in this world by substituting cruelty and greed for empathy and compassion.  I will end this blog with the following thoughts on empathy:

“Our bodies have five senses: touch, smell, taste, sight, hearing.  But not to be overlooked are the senses of our souls: intuition, peace, foresight, trust, empathy.  The differences between people lie in their use of these senses; most people don’t know anything about the inner senses while a few people rely on them just as they rely on their physical senses, and in fact probably even more.”  ― C. JoyBell C.

“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods.  To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled.” ― Anthon St. Maarten

“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.”  ― Walt Whitman, Song of Myself

“Self-absorption in all its forms kills empathy, let alone compassion.  When we focus on ourselves, our world contracts as our problems and preoccupations loom large. But when we focus on others, our world expands.  Our own problems drift to the periphery of the mind and so seem smaller, and we increase our capacity for connection – or compassionate action.”  ― Daniel Golema

This Link leads to a thread on Facebook with some interesting quotes and comments on empathy in America today: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1125366842958078

Some Recent News Reports Showing a Complete Lack of Empathy for Humanity.  If you have any please share in my comments and I will post as an addendum to this blog. 

“DOGE Is Bringing Back a Deadly Disease”

Silicosis is typically caused by years of breathing in silica dust at work, and can worsen even after work exposures stop. In recent years, after decades of inaction, the federal government finally took several important steps to reduce the incidence of this ancient and debilitating disease. Under the Trump administration, all that progress is going away, in but one example of the widespread destruction now taking place across the federal government. —- The Atlantic, 

Tennessee’s GOP leads the fight to deny public education to children without documents 

The sponsors of the proposal have largely downplayed denying children the right to education, but instead have focused on the fiscal impact states are facing in educating children residing in the U.S. illegally.  —– US News, AP

Imagine if I Lived in Another World?

22 Feb 2025 16 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

I woke up this morning trying to imagine what if I lived in another world in another place in another time.  What if I lived in a world where no one hated anyone else?  A world where loving others was the norm.  What if I lived in a world where everyone helped others with no thought of benefits to themselves?  What would a world be like with no greed, no selfishness and no narcissism? 

Then I thought of John Lennon’s song “Imagine.”  I can’t say I am too familiar with the lyrics from this song, but I realize I am treading on ground already imagined by many others.  Here are the lyrics from “Imagine” by John Lennon.

Imagine there’s no heaven
It’s easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us, only sky

Imagine all the people
Livin’ for today
Ah

Imagine there’s no countries
It isn’t hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion, too

Imagine all the people
Livin’ life in peace
You

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
You

You may say I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will live as one

Where could such a place be?  In a multiverse of possibilities, where could I find another world where peace and prosperity are guaranteed for all?  Surely, in a universe of all possibilities somewhere else people live in harmony with their environment and do not force others to live according to their standards.  Surely, there is some place in the multiverse where tolerance and respect for all is the norm. 

I would like to imagine a place like the planet Vulcan with the famous Vulcan IDIC.  Infinite Diversity through Infinite Combination.  I would like to imagine a place where people who talk about diversity and equity and inclusion are not treated as pariahs and outcasts.  I would like to imagine a world where sexual preferences are the norm and people are not expected to conform to simple dualities. 

I would like to imagine somewhere exists maybe over the rainbow where there is no homelessness and no starvation.  I would like to imagine a place where rape and child abuse are unheard of.  A place where anyone of any color or sexual orientation is free from abuse and threats and fear for their lives.  I would like to imagine a place where little children and women can walk freely at any time of the day or night without worrying about being murdered or assaulted. 

I am nowhere near the dreamer that John Lennon was though I think dreamers should be sacred in our world.  I would like to see a place or country where people dream more and hate less. 

I woke up this morning feeling like I am in the wrong world at the wrong time and in the wrong place. I don’t belong here anymore.  I can’t read the news or listen to the radio or watch tv because they keep shouting to me over and over and over again that I don’t belong here anymore.  I have outlived my time and my usefulness.  I can only mourn for a place that is beyond my imagination. 

I want to live in a world where kindness and compassion and respect for all human beings is the norm.  Somewhere, I keep imagining that there is a place where violence and jealousy and revenge do not exist. 

Perhaps if I go back to sleep, I can return to reality.  I can stop imagining things that only bring me tears and heartache.  Things that make me loath my own humanity.  I wonder if I can ever find a brotherhood or sisterhood of love again in this world.  Perhaps in my dreams, I can find the place I want to go to. 

 

“Try Honey Before Vinegar” – Lessons on Leadership from Abraham Lincoln

06 Feb 2025 1 Comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

America has lost the “Art of Leadership.”  We no longer develop men and women with integrity or selflessness.  Instead of Statesmen, we have political hacks only concerned with getting reelected.  Politicians with no backbones or the courage to stand up against injustice.  We have a Congress of sycophants willing to do whatever they are told to do regardless of how unethical or immoral it may be.  We have thousands of lawyers who do not uphold justice but find arguments to support an amorality that meets the letter of the law but ignores the significance of decency, goodness, honesty, conscience and fairness.

In this blog and the ones to follow,  I will write about insights regarding leadership from one of the greatest American leaders and Presidents of all time.  I found a compilation of these in an old collectors edition of “Civil War Times” published in Winter, 2013. There are 41 in total, and I have already covered the first in a previous blog.  I would like for you to hear the words of Abraham Lincoln and what he had to say about leadership.  I will include some of my own experiences from my years of working with senior management in over 32 organizations.  Some of the men and women I worked with were incredible leaders.  Most of them wanted to be better leaders and that is where I brought the teachings and thoughts of W. E. Deming to my consulting practice.  Dr. Deming achieved extraordinary results in business by tapping the knowledge, skills and abilities of ordinary people.  Senator Hubert Humprey famously said that “Democracy is a system that achieves extraordinary results with ordinary people.”

Insight # 2 – Try Honey Before Vinegar: 

Lincoln said, “If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him that you are his sincere friend.”  Springfield, Illinois, 2/22/1842

This seems to be a principle or idea that is not very well understood by many people today.  I constantly hear people tell me that if you want to change people’s ideas about things, you must “empathize with them.”  “You must really listen to them.”  To these admonitions, I say “Bullshit.”  You can listen to some fanatics all you want to, and they will still totally ignore anything you say that does not fit in with their preconceptions or ideology.

A good woman friend of mine and I were arguing about Trump and his supporters.  Repeatedly in every argument, she would say “John, you just have to really listen to them.”  I finally got tired of hearing this refrain and one day I challenged her.  I said, “Tell me one, only one, Trump supporter you have listened to who has changed their mind.”  She was dumbfounded.  She was stumped.  She was bewildered.  She could not think of one.  Months went by.  I would occasionally rub salt into the wound, “Did you change the minds of any Trump supporters today?”

You can listen to others all you want.  You can listen to hell freezes over.  You will not change a fanatic or zealot’s ideas by listening.  But Lincoln was smarter than all the psychologists we have today put together.  He knew that it would take more than listening to get others to think differently or to appreciate your ideas after you have heard theirs.  It takes believing and feeling that you are a “Sincere” friend.  Not just a Facebook friend or some online friend, but a “Sincere” friend.  Plato talked about the various types of friends, but he said nothing about a “Sincere” friend.  So, what is a “Sincere” friend and what does it take to make someone believe that you really and truly are a “Sincere” friend?  Let’s first define the meaning of “Sincere.”

An online dictionary defines “Sincere” as:

“Free from pretense or deceit; proceeding from genuine feelings.”

Wikipedia defines the virtue of Sincerity as follows:

“Sincerity is the virtue of one who communicates and acts in accordance with the entirety of their feelings, beliefs, thoughts, and desires in a manner that is honest and genuine.  Sincerity in one’s actions (as opposed to one’s communications) may be called ‘earnestness”’.

I think the word “Sincere” has a lot to do with integrity, honesty, trustworthiness and truthfulness.  The Jewish have a word for a person who is sincere and honest called a Mensch.  In Yiddish, a Mensch roughly means “a good person”.  The word has migrated as a word into American English with a Mensch being a particularly good person, similar to a “stand-up guy”.  A Mensch is a person with the qualities that one would hope for in a friend or trusted colleague.

I think we can now answer the question, “What does it take to impact someone’s ideas and ideology?”  The answer is very simple.  If you want to have someone listen to your ideas, you must be a Mensch or at least a very “Sincere” friend.  When I think about the people we elect to political leadership, I am struck by the lack of Menschs in either Congress or the Legislature.

In fact, I would argue that we have the exact opposite.  We have people you would not trust with a nickel.  People who we know will change their mind at the drop of a lobbyist’s donations.  Congresspeople, who continually lie to cover their malfeasance and incompetence.  Ask anyone of them what they do all day long and they will deny that they spend about 80 percent of their time fundraising for their next election campaign.

Try to suggest some new ideas to them as I have done countless times, and you will get the following answer, “I am very busy but send me something and I will look at it.”  Don’t hold your breath my friend.  You will die of asphyxiation before any of them, Democrat or Republican will ever get back to you.  However, mention that you are thinking of a large campaign contribution and doors will open in a New York minute.

Let us think of a scenario wherein a Trump supporter meets a Trump opponent.  We will call Mary the Trump supporter and Joe the Trump opponent.   Neither of them have ever met before and do not know each other.   The talk between them soon turns to politics.

Mary:  I think Trump is doing a great job.  He is really shaking the government up.  Just what we need.

Joe:  You think tariffs, job cuts and threatening our allies are what we need?  Are you crazy?

Mary:  He is already getting results.  Mexico and Canada have agreed to send more troops to the border.

Joe:  These are our allies.  What if I threatened you, how would you feel about me?  I am sure that long-term you would be looking for some way to get even.

Mary:  Well, I have to go.

Joe:  Yeah, so do I. Bye

If the above scenario had gone down between two long-term “Sincere” friends, how do you think it would have turned out?  I am betting both sides would have heard some value in the other sides position.  Furthermore, they might have  finished the discussion and gone out together to have a bite to eat or at least agreed on another time to get together.

Old Abe Lincoln knew a lot about leadership and the role that friendship played in it.

“On the contrary, assume to dictate to his judgment, or to command his action, or to mark him as one to be shunned and despised, and he will retreat within himself, close all the avenues to his head and his heart; and though your cause be naked truth itself, transformed to the heaviest lance, harder than steel, and sharper than steel can be made, and though you throw it with more than Herculean force and precision, you shall no more be able to pierce him, than to penetrate the hard shell of a tortoise with a rye straw.” — Lincoln, Address to Washington Temperance Society (February 22, 1842)

I have heard many conversations between Trump supporters and Trump opponents.  We attack each other.  We condemn each other for stupidity.  We assail each other for taking the Kool-Aide.  Then we retreat to the other sides of the room full of hate and disgust.  We ask ourselves, “How could anyone think like they do?”  “What is wrong with them?”  “They must be either, stupid, uneducated, brainwashed, racist or something else.”

If we are going to break down the walls and barriers that now separate us in the USA , we are going to have to do more than just listen to our opposition.  We are going to have to find ways of befriending each other.  Not just casual friendships but real “Sincere” friendships.  Friends who can accept and support mutual honesty and truthfulness with each other.

Too much of what I have seen in the media supports a narrative that my side is intelligent and smart, and the other side is dumb and uneducated.  I confess to having shared some of this narrative in my own writings.  It is now time to move past these simplistic and detrimental stereotypes and develop empathy and understanding that surpasses mere listening.  The way to do this is through “Sincere” friendship and not by demonizing the other side.

How do we fight an “Uncivil War”?  Insight # 3 from Old Abe has more valuable thoughts to help us in this struggle.  I will share these in my next blog.

 

I Want to be More Like Jesus!

22 Dec 2024 7 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Every year, I try to post our “Annual Holiday Letter” and then follow up with some holiday or Christmas missives.  Today, I was struck by what a friend of mine wrote on his blog: 

“I want to be more like Jesus.”

Now just to be perfectly clear.  I believe that Jesus was a great prophet and humanist.  I do not believe that he was the “Son of God” or that, “He rose from the dead on the third day and ascended into heaven.”  Nevertheless, many people would disagree with me and millions of people the world over celebrate his birthday on December 25th.  Jesus has inspired people to live a better life, and it would be no mean feat for anyone to follow in his footsteps.  I admire my friend for his goal.  I decided to see what or how ChatGPT would respond to his request.  I typed in his goal into my ChatGPT program:  “I want to be more like Jesus.”  The following is the ChatGPT reply that I received word for word: 

ChatGPT:

That’s such a meaningful and beautiful goal!  Striving to live more like Jesus involves focusing on qualities and actions that reflect His teachings and character.  Here are some practical ways to guide you:

1. Cultivate Love and Compassion

Jesus emphasized love above all: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31).  Practice kindness, empathy, and care for others, especially those in need or who may be marginalized.

Look for ways to serve and help, whether through volunteering or simply being a good listener.

2. Practice Forgiveness

Jesus taught forgiveness, even for those who wrong us: “Forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).  Let go of grudges and seek reconciliation where possible.

3. Live Humbly

Humility was a cornerstone of Jesus’ character.  Avoid arrogance and practice gratitude for your blessings, knowing that everything is a gift from God.

4. Spend Time in Prayer

Jesus often withdrew to pray and strengthen His connection with God (Luke 5:16).  Take time daily to pray, reflect, and seek guidance.

5. Follow the Golden Rule

Treat others the way you want to be treated (Matthew 7:12).  This simple principle can help guide your decisions and interactions.

6. Embrace Patience and Peace

Jesus remained calm and patient even in challenging situations.  Practice patience with others and seek peace rather than conflict.

7. Live Faithfully

Make God the center of your life by reading Scripture, attending church or fellowship, and applying biblical teachings in your daily actions.

8. Show Generosity

Jesus cared deeply for the poor and was generous with His time and resources.  Share what you have, whether it’s time, money, or talents.

9. Stand for Truth and Justice

Jesus was unafraid to stand up for what was right.  Be honest and stand firm in your values, even when it’s difficult.

10. Be Servant-Hearted

Jesus said, “The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve” (Matthew 20:28).  Serve others without expecting anything in return.

Becoming more like Jesus is a lifelong journey.  It’s about progress, not perfection, so give yourself grace along the way.  ❤️

___________________________________________________________________________________________

I think these are all beautiful goals.  The only one I might partially modify would be number seven.  “To make God the center of my life.”  Being an atheist, making God the center of my life would be hard to do.  Nevertheless, the way I see it is that I should not make the mistake of making “Myself” the center of the universe.  I remind myself regularly that the world does not revolve around me.  Neither do I make science or even rationality the center of my universe.  I try to read other books of wisdom like, The Tanakh: The sacred text of Judaism; The Quran: The sacred text of Islam; The Analects of Confucius: The sacred text of Confucianism; The Rig Veda: The sacred text of Hinduism and The Kitáb-i-Aqdas: The sacred text of the  Baháʼí Faith. 

There is much wisdom in the world and the more I read, the more humble I have become.  The more difficult it becomes to take myself too seriously.  Reading and reflection are good antidotes to prevent oneself from being another god.  So, this year if you want to embrace my friend’s goals “To be more like Jesus,” you will get no argument from me.  I will salute you and wish you success on your journey.  That to me is the true meaning of Christmas.  What Jesus would have us all do this wonderful holiday season. Did he not say, “No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Our Thanksgiving Message to the World, 11-28-2024

28 Nov 2024 8 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

5333-thanksgiving

Fear, Anger and Greed have become epidemic in society today.  The opposite of these traits are Peace, Love, and Charity.  I do not think the hope for civilization lies in politics or our political leaders.  But if we all will commit to spreading Peace, Love and Charity, I believe we can change the world.  Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see.”

When you say your blessing today at mealtime or whenever, bless the world for what you have.  Be grateful to those who helped you achieve your life and its attainments.  We all reach higher levels by standing on the shoulders of others who have helped or guided us along our chosen paths.  When you are done recognizing the people who have helped you, I would like to ask you to make a commitment.

The commitment is to promise to do all that you can to help spread Peace, Love and Charity to your friends, your relatives, your country, and the rest of the world.  Let each of us do what we can to erase the diseases of Fear, Anger and Greed.

May you all enjoy Peace, Love and Charity today and the rest of your lives. 

John and Karen Persico 

The Rich Young Man and the Novice Nun

23 Nov 2024 2 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The following story was related to me in a much briefer format at my Jesuit Retreat in July of 2024.  The Retreat Master told this tale to show the virtue of generosity.  In the story that he narrated, it involved a beggar and a nun.  I have embellished the story by changing the nature of the characters and the activities somewhat.  I do not know where the original tale came from but if anyone has an inkling, I would love to receive the name so that I can give credit to the author. —- John P. 

Once upon a time there was a young man named Ethan who was born into a very affluent family.  Ethan was brought up with all the goodies and toys that a rich family could afford.  Ethan was an only child to an elderly couple who could not believe their good fortune in having a son and heir in their later days.  To say he was spoiled would be an understatement.  He was the epitome of the privileged child who thought he deserved everything he got.  He treated the family servants like dirt.  Servants in his mind were not deserving of any respect. 

Perhaps because of his privilege, life was very easy for Ethan.  He did not bother to try to get good grades or worry about going to college.  Ethan expected to live with his elderly parents until they passed away and then the family fortune would be his.  However, life often has other plans for us.  Both of Ethan’s parents died in a private plane disaster.  Ethan was only twenty years old but their deaths did not really trouble him very much.  He assumed that he would now be rich and inherit their fortune.  Which is exactly what happened.

Now on his own, Ethan took to wine, women and gambling.  His father’s financial advisors tried to warn him that he was burning through the family fortune at a prodigious rate.  Ethan would heed no warnings.  The more warnings he received the more women he bought.  The more whiskey he drank and the more he gambled.  He thought nothing of buying a diamond ring or a new car for a girlfriend.  The new girlfriend would be tossed out of his mansion in a few weeks only to be replaced by a new gold digger. 

Finally, the inevitable happened.  Ethan’s advisors told him that he was broke.  Everything he thought he owned, cars, mansion, and boats would have to be sold to pay off his debts.  Ethan was astounded.  It took a few weeks, and an eviction notice before Ethan realized that he had no skills, no trade, no education and no money.  Indeed, he had no real friends either as he soon found out.  Attempts to borrow money from the bank and friends went nowhere.  He was on his own. 

Ethan went to a casino one night to see if he could win some of his fortune back.  He ended up stone cold drunk and tossed out of the casino when they found out that he could not pay his poker bets.  Homeless and penniless, Ethan hit the streets.  In the next few months, he learned to live in a cardboard shack and find leftover food by dumpster diving.  He learned to beg to get extra money for the gin that he was still addicted to.  The other beggars and street people hated his guts.  Ethan treated other homeless people as though they were inferior to him. 

In the area where Ethan now lived, there was a monastery.  Each day, the nuns would serve a hot meal, soup, or sandwiches to the street people.  These meals were served between the hours of 11:30 AM and 1:30 PM.  Whenever Ethan would go there, he would try to arrive as late as he could so that he did not have to associate with any of the other homeless people.  He regarded them as bums and still saw himself as superior to them. 

One day, Ethan arrived at the monastery too late for lunch.  He had fallen asleep under a tree in a local park and did not wake up until about 3 PM.  Nevertheless, he showed up at the monastery to try to get some food.  He banged on the door until a young novice nun opened the door.  “What can I help you with,” she inquired.  “Took your own sweet time to get here,” he belligerently replied.  “I want some food.”   “I am sorry,” Sister Regina said, “but the kitchen is closed, and we have no food prepared.”  “Don’t give me that bullshit, you have food, you are just too lazy to help another human being.  I thought your Jesus said to feed the hungry.  Well, I am hungry now and I want some food now.”    

Sister Regina thought about it for a minute but just then another Sister came to the door.  “Go away,” said the other Sister and “come back tomorrow at the proper lunch time.”  “No, that’s all right,” said Sister Regina, “I will try to find something for him to eat.”  She asked Ethan to “please wait here while I fix something for you to eat.”  Ethan agreed but warned her to hurry up as he was really hungry. 

Sister Regina went to the kitchen refrigerator and found some different lunch meats.  She located some bread and mayonnaise and made a nice cold cuts sandwich.  She grabbed a small lunch bag and put the sandwich in the bag.  Just as she was headed out of the kitchen, she noticed a candy bar on a shelf.  She thought this would make a nice desert and proceeded to pack the bar in with the sandwich. 

When she arrived back at the door, she opened the door and Ethan was waiting there. She told Ethan that she had found some cold cuts and made him a sandwich.  Ethan grabbed the bag and replied that she had taken her damn sweet time about it.  He went away without saying another word. 

Ethan walked to his private place in the park under his favorite tree.  He sat down and plucked the sandwich from the bag.  He took his time to eat the sandwich which he thought was very good.  He was about to throw the bag away, when he noticed that there was something else in the bag.  He reached inside the bar and found the candy bar.  At that point, something very mysterious happened.  Ethan thought “Well, I wonder why she gave me a candy bar?  Perhaps she was being nice to me. I wonder why she would do that?”  That is when it struck him. 

She was nice to him when he was a jerk towards her.  She did not have to include the candy bar.  Maybe I have been a jerk my whole life, he thought.  The more he thought about it, the more ashamed he was of the way he treated her and other people.  Somehow, sitting under that tree, Ethan resolved to change his life.  From now on, he was going to be kind to other people and to help them out when he could.  He would start today by going back to the monastery and apologizing to the young novitiate.

It was getting late and around about supper time when he arrived back at the monastery.  He knocked gently on the door and waited.  The door opened and it was the other Sister who had told him to go away before.  “What do you want,” she asked?  “I would like to speak to the young Sister that made the sandwich for me,” he said.  “Wait right here.” he was told, “I will see if she is available.”

Sister Regina came to the door and greeted Ethan.  “What can I do for you,” she inquired? “Nothing,” replied Ethan.  He than got down upon both knees and said “I am so sorry for the way that I treated you before.  I did not even deserve a sandwich and yet you took the time to make it for me and even add a candy bar.  I want you to know how grateful I am to you for that.  You have helped me to see the world completely differently.  From now on, every day I will come here early to help make lunch for the other homeless people and to help out any way I can.”  Sister Regina recognized that Ethan was sincere, and she told him how happy they would be for his help. 

Ethan did just as he said he would.  He showed up every day early to help prepare food and left late after the dishes and the kitchen had been cleaned.  Within a year, the Sisters voted to hire Ethan as a cook and custodian.  He lived in the monastery another fifty or so years until he passed away.  Before he died, he asked to see Mother Regina who had now become the head of the monastery.  Taking her hand, he told her how blessed he was to have had her come into his life.  He had lived a life that he wanted to and had no regrets.  No amount of fame or fortune could ever equal the happiness that he had found by helping others. 

“I want a president with a record of public service, someone whose life’s work shows our children that we don’t chase fame and fortune for ourselves: we fight to give everyone a chance to succeed.”  — Michelle Obama

A Theory of Relationships

08 Nov 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

I participate in a high school mentoring program which matches up young students with older experienced men and women.  This was my second year in the program.  My mentee last year graduated and has become an alumnus of the program.  This year I was matched up with another student.  My new mentee was a young high school junior.  She wrote to me one day that she was in a relationship with someone and that it had become serious.  She wanted my advice.  Never one to shirk giving advice, I seem to always fail to hew to the dictum that “Wise people won’t need it, and fools won’t heed it.”  I sent her some comments based on my two marriages and nearly 60 years of being in a committed relationship.  The sixty years includes both my marriages.

Some days later, I found some notes from my retreat this summer.  These notes also addressed the subject of relationships or shall I say a “theory” of relationships.  I want to talk about my theory in this blog.  For many of you it will probably be “common knowledge.”  Nevertheless, I am hoping my insights might be useful to anyone out there either beginning or struggling with a relationship.  A relationship might be a friendship, a family member, a group you belong to or a loved one.  I think my theory will have some value to any such relationship.

According to Google AI, a good theory consists of the following:

  • A good theory is falsifiable (can be tested and potentially disproven).
  • Theories are designed to explain and predict phenomena.
  • A theory should be parsimonious, meaning it uses the simplest explanation possible while still adequately explaining the phenomenon.

A theory consists of concepts, constructs, precepts, variables, relationships between variables and assumptions.  I am going to posit five assumptions about relationships and then try to explain each adding in some of the above parts of a theory.  I will explain why I think each of my assumptions is critical to a good relationship.  I am not going to try to claim that my theory is a “good” theory by any scientific data.  Rather, I would justify it based on my ups and downs with relationships over sixty or more years of experience.  But as Dr. W. E. Deming often said, “Experience without theory teaches nothing.”  Thus, herein is my “Theory of Relationships.”  I hope some of these ideas will help you or others along the pathway of love and life.

My five key assumptions about relationships are as follows: 

  1. Relationships require risk
  2. Relationships require change
  3. Relationships require more than commitments
  4. Relationships require sacrifice
  5. Relationships require knowledge of self and other 
  1. Relationships require risk

Almost any effort in life will entail some element of risk.  As the saying goes, “The turtle only makes progress by sticking its neck out.”  Risk is a key concept that runs through life.  It can be thought of as the probability that something will happen either good or bad.  For instance, when you bet at a Casino or perhaps take a Caribbean cruise.  You hope to win the bet, and you hope your cruise will be safe and fun.

In life, we try to minimize risk by back-up plans, precautions and strategies to offset risk.  Variables can be created in some cases to give us more definitive measures of how risky a specific endeavor is.  In gambling we call these odds.  In love, we are usually to foolish to accept any odds on our relationship going south.  However, some people do set up prenuptial contracts which are a method to hedge your bet on your relationship.  Most people in love though are blind to the possibility that their relationship will end.  Odds are though that it will end unhappily.

Many people accept it as a fact that forty to fifty percent of all first marriages end in divorce, but those who wed multiple times face a far higher divorce rate.  The average length of a first marriage in the United States is around eight years.  The average length of a second marriage is about seven years.  Sixty to seventy percent of second marriages end in divorce. 

Being aware of risk does not mean giving up on life.  It simply means we must be realistic about the possibilities that risk entails for relationships and all other endeavors (This includes friendships).  There are many ways to minimize risk in a relationship.  Here are just a few examples:

  • Marriage Encounter Groups
  • Family meetings weekly
  • Marriage counseling
  • Here are some ten ideas from “Women’s Health”:

10 Ways to Save Your Marriage From Divorce, Straight From Relationship Experts

  1. Relationships require change

Perhaps one of the most overlooked facts impacting a relationship is the need for change.  Right, “your other needs to change but you do not.”  You are perfectly okay.  Change is an interesting concept.  One of the things most feared in life is change.  Ironically, we could not survive without change.  Unfortunately, not all changes turn out well.  Herein lies another risk factor.  Will your change be for the better or worse?  Hard to put odds on change, but most relationships will not survive unless the partners are willing to change.

I don’t mean change in just a physical sense but change in an emotional and cognitive sense.  Are you willing to accept major changes in your ideas about life and relationships?  Are you willing to accept major changes in how you feel about certain activities and people?  Without change, we know that life grows stale and boring.  Relationships are no different.  A relationship without change will become boring.  Doing the same old things day after day.  Even worse is when you refuse to think about some of the ideas you have that relate to your significant other.  For instance, If he or she likes to travel and you do not, are you willing to go along or have your partner go with a friend?  What accommodation are you willing to make if you are not willing to change your own behavior?  Love requires change.

“We cannot change anything until we accept it.  Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses.” — Carl Jung

  1. Relationships require more than commitments

We hear a great deal about commitment when it comes to relationships.  Making a commitment involves dedicating yourself to something, like a person or a cause.  A commitment obligates you to do something.  In a relationship, it might involve a commitment to fidelity or to some fiduciary obligations.  We promise to “Love, honor and obey” in some marriage vows.  We think that making a commitment is enough to keep our relationship in safe waters.  Some people think that a commitment can be embodied in a “Marriage Contract.”  Such a document spells out mutual responsibilities and agreements.

At our last Marriage Encounter meeting, I was introduced to the distinction between a “Marriage Contract” and a “Marriage Covenant.”

Covenant                                    Contract

Unconditional                             50/50 agreement

A Covenant is forever                A Contract can be terminated

A Covenant is limitless               A Contract has limits

We tend to think of Covenants when it comes to Bible history.  Covenants were made between God and his chosen people.  The idea of a contract is a modern legal term.  I think it erodes the very essence of spirituality that a marriage or committed relationship should embody.  We need to adhere to the idea of a Covenant when it comes to a relationship.  Anything less leads inevitably to less than a committed relationship.  We can simply terminate it when the going gets rough.

  1. Relationships require sacrifice

Another interesting concept, Sacrifice.  What does sacrifice mean?  Are there any variables that can measure our sacrifices?  Jesus said that the greatest sacrifice anyone can make is to give up their lives for another.  I think the greatest sacrifice is to love someone who is unlovable.  To love someone who is despicable like a pedophile or a serial killer or someone who bullies and threatens others.  I do not know about such sacrifices, and I am not sure if I could make them.  I admire the partner or mother or father who can stick by their spouses or siblings when all hell breaks loose.  Can you imagine being called up by the police and told that your son just shot 20 people at school.  Could you stand by them?  What sacrifice it must entail not to stop loving someone who has done such cruel acts!  Fortunately, most relationships will never demand such sacrifices.

The sacrifices we make in relationships can range from trivial (like which way to put toilet paper on the roll) to the significant.  More significant sacrifices might entail deciding who will stay home with the children or who will give up where they want to live for the other person’s choice.   You may not face many significant sacrifices in your relationships, but you will most assuredly face many trivial sacrifices.  These should not be discounted or minimized though.  As the quote goes, “For want of a nail the shoe was lost, For want of a shoe the horse was lost, For want of a horse the rider was lost, For want of a rider the battle was lost.”  Trivial things add up like the straw that broke the camels back.  The trivial can go from a mole hill to a mountain in less time than many of us realize.  When the trivial become the mountain, your relationship will be in jeopardy.  The trivial sacrifices in a relationship are anything but trivial but they are certainly inevitable.

  1. Relationships require knowledge of self and other

This is the toughest requirement of all.  Socrates said that “The unexamined life is not worth living.”  What if you have never examined your life?  How many people do you know who have done a rigorous examination of their life?  Jesus said, “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  But what if you do not love yourself.  In truth, I doubt many people do.  Many people have been so beaten up by parents, teachers, bullies and even loved ones that they actually hate themselves.  Few of these people want to know themselves because it means facing hidden demons that they would just like to leave buried.   Gandhi said, “Be the change that you want to see in others.”  This axiom encourages a certain amount of self-understanding as well as understanding of others.  All too often we have no time to understand either.  The perp that is trying to rob you at gun point will not have time for you to understand him.  Furthermore, you may care very little about his troubled up bringing.

My uber pessimism on a premise that I insist is necessary for a good relationship seems to doom any relationship to the graveyard.  If we can never know ourselves or others, how then can we have a positive happy relationship.  The secret is that we do not have to be perfect, nor do we need perfect knowledge of ourselves or others.  We can never and will never be perfectly transparent to ourselves or others anyway.  The JOHARI Window has a quadrant of “Unknown to Others and Unknown to Self.”  I have found the JOHARI window to be quite a useful concept on the path to discovering more about myself and thinking about my relationship with others.

“The Johari window model is used to enhance the individual’s perception on others.  This model is based on two ideas- trust can be acquired by revealing information about you to others and learning yourselves from their feedback.  Each person is represented by the Johari model through four quadrants or windowpane.  Each four windowpanes signifies personal information, feelings, motivation and whether that information is known or unknown to oneself or others in four viewpoints.” — The Johari Window Model

The risk will always be there, but we can work on being more self-aware and more honest to others.  That is the best we can do in life.  That is why relationships are risky.  You will never be able to see all the shoals and reefs that your life might flounder on.   Life is a process of never-ending discovery.  Death will eventually bring closure to your adventures and explorations.  Until then, just getting in bed is risky so why not try to live life to the fullest.  Get out of bed and go MAKE a good relationship.

 

 

A Conversation with Jesus about Love

27 Oct 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

Love Is All You Need or Is It?

I had this conversation with Jesus nine years ago now. I think it is worth reposting as so many people have a need for love in their lives but so few people know what love really entails. John

Only God Can Save You!

17 Oct 2024 13 Comments

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

This past year marks my 41st Jesuit Silent Retreat.  I may be the only Atheist at the retreat.  Each year brings new insights and thoughts.  I wonder if I have grown any during my retreats.  I can’t say that I feel any closer to God, yours or theirs.  I wonder if there is a God but I doubt it.  I wonder if there are multiple Gods.  A God for each religion.  Is the Muslim God and the Catholic God and the Jewish God the same entity?  Were the Romans, Greeks, Hindus and many others more on the mark with different Gods for different functions?

This year reading as I usually do many of the assigned Gospel readings and many other Gospel passages I was struck with how many of the old prophets emphasized the need to believe in God’s goodness.  Only God can save us and we must have faith in God’s goodness.  God has a plan for all of us if we will only listen to him or perhaps her.  God knows what we need but we ignore his/her messages.  Pray to God.  Love God, for God loves us.  He loves us so much that he sent his only “begotten” son (Not sure what a begotten son is) to save us.

Exodus 33:18-19 (NKJV)

“And he said, ‘Please, show me Your glory.’ Then He said, ‘I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the Lord before you. I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.’”

Frankly, I still don’t get it.  Many people have taken a shot at saving my soul, but I still don’t see any value in God.  During the past five years, he/she has allowed Global Warming to destroy much of the climate that I once loved.  He sent a scourge called Covid 19 to help ruin the last few years of my life.  And to top it off, he allowed a low life called Trump to run for President again.  I guess I am lost to the damnations of hell fire, but I still don’t see a God that is going to save me.  If so, he/she is about 78 years past my patience.

C. S. Lewis was the great “converter.” The conversion of an Atheist to a Theist is an aphrodisiac for the devoted religious. I suppose it justifies their belief in a future fiction that requires a complete abandonment of reason and logic.  A place called Heaven where we can all live happily ever after.  Just as long as we are willing to listen to daily sermons about how good God is for us.

“[God] will not be used as a convenience. Men or nations who think they can revive the Faith in order to make a good society might just as well think they can use the stairs of heaven as a shortcut to the nearest chemist’s shop.” — C.S. Lewis

But “Only God Can Save You” has a ring of truth to it.  No one on earth can save you from death.  No one can be trusted to be by your side forever regardless of the consequences.  Friends and lovers come and go like shadows in the night.  One day someone loves you, the next day they hate you.  One day someone is your friend, the next day they unfriend you on Facebook.  Tragedy of tragedies.  Loneliness is a Satan stalking all of us all of our lives.  I would wager more people have committed suicide out of loneliness than any other reason on earth.

Psalm 107:8-9 (NKJV)

“Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men! For He satisfies the longing soul and fills the hungry soul with goodness.”

Only the concept or idea of an All Knowing, All Seeing, All Powerful and All Compassionate God can guarantee us that we will never be alone.  Never be forgotten.  Never be forsook.  One popular song goes:

Walk on, walk on

With hope in your heart

And you’ll never walk alone

You’ll never walk alone

This song was first written by Oscar Hammerstein II and composed by Richard Rodgers for their musical Carousel, which was released in the USA in 1945.  It has since become one of the most popular funeral songs (Next to Amazing Grace) of all time.  Many people interpret it to have faith.  Faith in friends.  Faith in lovers.  Faith in a God who will always be with you in time of trials and tribulations.  It is a song to give hope to people in time of grief and suffering.

But where does one find such a God?  The Bible shows us at best an arbitrary God.  Sometimes belligerent.  Sometimes vindictive.  Sometimes vengeful.  Sometime cruel.  A God that many of us see in the world wreaking havoc on humanity for any number of transgressions.  From Sodom and Gomorrah to massive floods to sending his “Chosen people” into slavery.  A God who threw Adam and Ever out of the Garden of Paradise because they dared eat an apple.  A God who destroyed cities because they did not live up to his/her expectations.  A God who sent a flood to wipe out humanity.  This is a compassionate loving God?

Psalm 31:19 (NIV-84)

“How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you.”

Or is it a God who feeds his people.  A God who watches out for his Chosen ones.  A God who rewards those who obey him/her.  A God who destroys the enemies of those who worship him.  A God who is loving, kind and compassionate.  I wonder what God really is.  Here are some questions that still nag at my Atheist beliefs.

  1. Do I think that I am smarter than all the wise and great people who believe in God?
  2. Who or what created us?
  3. What if there is a God? What does he/she think of me?
  4. What if there is no God?
  5. Is God simply a metaphor for “Unconditional Love?”
  6. Is God Death or Life or Both?

The Atheist by Martin Braun

Science defines my virtue.

Factual and fictional books are my domain.

Don’t speak to me of pixies, fairies, and unicorns,

Or of your monopoly on morality, love, faith, and shame.

I am what I am

And of what I do I claim my own.

I fight for my survival

Of which need not be told, judged or shown.

There is no all knowing

Or an immortal god of my fate he will judge.

For when my heart ceases to beat

It will return from whence it came, a kind of primordial sludge.

My Final Will and Testament – People Enshrined in My Heart – Reflection #13

23 Sep 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. John Persico Jr. in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

Last year at my 40th Demontreville Retreat, one of the exercises that we were given by the Retreat Master included a very challenging set of thoughts.  The worksheet for the activity was labeled as “A Testament.” I took the worksheet and instructions home with me.  It had fourteen tasks or reflections to complete.  I did not desire to complete them during the retreat.  It is now over a year since my retreat, and I have decided to make the mental and emotional effort necessary to complete this “Testament.”

The worksheet started with these instructions:

Imagine that this is the last day of your life on earth.  In the time that you have left, you want to leave a “Testament” for your family and friends.  Each of the following could serve as chapter headings for your “Testament.”  This is Reflection Number 13 on the worksheet.

13.  These are the people who are enshrined in my heart.

All of these people are friends or relatives that I have personally known and interacted with as opposed to people I might admire from history or literature.

The following lyrics are from a song made famous by Tom Jones.  Perhaps you can guess from these lines who is first in my heart.

Well, she’s all you’d ever want
She’s the kind I like to flaunt and take to dinner
But she always makes her place
She’s got style, she’s got grace, she’s a winner

She’s a woman
Oh, whoa, whoa, she’s a woman
Talkin’ about that woman
And the woman is my best friend

Well, she’s never in the way
Always something nice to say, and what a blessing
I can leave her on her own
Knowing she’s okay alone and never bored

She’s a woman
Oh, whoa, whoa, she’s a woman
Talkin’ about that lovely woman
And the woman is my wife.

Karen Yvonne (Blomgren) Persico is my blessing in life.  We met in 1983 after we both had sixteen years of marriage ending in heartache for each of us.  We dated for five years before we were ready to tie the proverbial knot.  This first five years of uncertainty has been followed by 35 years of ups and downs as we have navigated the shoals of marriage.  The ups have kept going higher and the occasional downs never as low.  If some people say that they have never had problems in marriage, this does not apply to us.  Karen turned 80 this year and I turned 78.  I never thought I could love or care for anyone as much as I do Karen.  The prospect of continuing to grow old is both comforting and frightening.   It is comforting knowing that we grow old along together.  It is frightening knowing that one of us will part ways with the other along the path someday.

Jeanine Persico Mosesian:  Second on the list of people enshrined in my heart is my sister Jeanine.  Jeanine is caring, compassionate and always helps those who need it.  Growing up we were separated by seven years of age but many more miles of family grief.  Somewhere approaching old age, we discovered each other again and have become close.  I am not one to say that “blood is thicker than water.”  I think Jeanine and I would have become good friends regardless of our family history.  Nevertheless, the many relatives and common family problems have given us a sound foundation for a sibling friendship.

After my first two enshrined people, I would not want to list the other people who have made a difference in my life in numerical order.  There is no scale or ranking that could be applied to show how much each of these people have meant to me.  Or how much of an influence each has had on my life.  I have listed them in chronological order of when they appeared in my life.  Each of these people have made a difference in my life without expectations of reward or perceivable benefits.  I would never had achieved or become the person I am today without the contributions and help of each of these folks.

Dorothy Jordan:  My mother.  A woman who had to survive more than her share of heartaches and violence.  She died at the age of 67.  My mother never stopped caring for children and became a foster mom to many after my father left her and all of her natural born children had left the nest.  The job of mothering was much easier without my father who did not believe in empathy and compassion for children.  In “Drama of the Gifted Child”, the noted Swiss Psychologist Alice Miller explains that in a dysfunctional family, it is “every man for himself.”  My mother had to dole out compassion like a thief in the night or be punished by my father for being compassionate and kind.  I will never forget her surreptitiously “buying” me an encyclopedia with her saved green stamps when my father thought I should just “get my ass to the library.”

Kwame Rice: One of my two best friends. We met in an undergraduate program for social studies at Rhode Island College in 1971.  Kwame is a good friend who goes out of his way to make a positive difference in the world.  He has never stopped trying.

Bruce Fellenz:  My other best friend.  We met in a graduate program at Stout State University in 1978.  Bruce is a person who cares about others and never turns down a request for help.

William Cox:  Bill was a big brother to me.  We met in 1979 when he was the Director of the Men’s Center in Minneapolis.  Bill took part in what was called at the time “The Men’s Movement.”  This was an effort by many men to “Un John Wayne” the role of men in society.  The goal was to help men get more in touch with their feelings and to overcome the stigma of being soft or feminine.  Bill was always there for men who needed help.  Bill was a Methodist Minister who married Karen and I in 1989.

Evelyn Rimel:  A mentor and chief instructor for counseling students at Stout State University.  She was one of the most compassionate people I have ever known.  She was a role model for all of us trying to learn empathy for clients.

Father Sthokal:  The Director at the Demontreville Retreat Center in Lake Elmo, Mn for fifty-eight years.  I attended my first retreat in 1986 and completed my 41st retreat this past July in 2024.  Father Sthokal left an indelible mark on all who ever met him.  He was a lovable curmudgeon.  Sometimes witty, sometimes sarcastic, but always wise and insightful.

W. E. Deming: I first met Dr. Deming in 1986 after completing my Ph.D. degree in Training and Organizational Development. I was hired by Process Management International as a consultant with the Deming Philosophy.  Deming destroyed my four years of business training and taught me what really matters in business.  (See the 14 Points for Business) by Dr. Deming.

There are many other people who have made a difference in my life:  Some honorable mentions are:

Louis Leone, a cousin who was my first “brother”

Margo House, a mentor who took me under her wing when my first wife left me

Sister Giovanni, my Principal at Guadalupe Area Project

Helen Boyer, my boss at the Metropolitan Council in Minnesota

Louis Schulz, the man who hired me at Process Management International in 1986.  Lou was a believer in the Deming Philosophy and become a close friend of Dr. Deming.  Lou created the PMI consulting firm to help spread the Deming method and ideas to the world.  In my mind, there has never been a greater philosophy of how companies can work closely with employees to provide needed products and services that will help the world.  In Deming’s methods, employees, managers, stockholders, investors, the public and of course customers are all involved in a win-win effort to satisfy the needs of all stakeholders. 

Shelly Wolfe, my boss at Crawford Rehab Consultants

Socorro Galusha Luna, a woman who gives her all to helping people find their place in the world.  Socorro asked me to help with a project to find jobs for ex-felons.  She had written a grant that received funding for this effort.  We have become friends over the years and she is still out their “counseling” people to help them with their career choices.  

Sam Pakenham Walsh,  My mentor at PMI when I first started and one of the most brilliant men I have ever met in my life.  We continued our friendship until the day that Sam P-W passed away.  I still miss our conversations and disagreements over theory and practice.

Dr. Hana Tomasek,  A consultants consultant whom Karen and I became best friends with.  I learned how to deal with difficult clients from Hana.  She was hired by PMI to help consultants fine tune their skills and abilities.  Few people could have acheived what Hana did with such grace and humility. 

No doubt, I will continue to forget and then remember other friends who should be on this list.

Next Week:  My Final Reflection Number 14:  “These are my unfilled desires”

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