A few days ago I was traveling with my wife Karen and we were listening to the Saturday Morning Blue Grass Review. This is a radio show featuring acoustic music and hosted by Phil Nussbaum. One of the tunes that was played was a Blue Grass rendition of the classic song by Roy Orbison called “Pretty Woman” (Click to hear the song). I listened to the song and was suddenly struck by an idea. The song pretty much used the same lyrics and melody but much of the tempo, rhythm and instruments were changed. I thought “Why don’t I rewrite the classics or at least some of them?” I could do my own version of some of the greatest literature in English history. I would select several classics and “rewrite’ them.
I shared this insight with Karen. I explained that the creative rendition of this old classic song had given me the idea that I could apply the same concept to writing. I could take the old classics and rewrite some of them to see how they would work with my own style of writing. Karen replied “But in music, they don’t change the lyrics or basic melody.” “True” I said, “but I am not going to change the basic plot or characters. I will only change the dialogue.” I have the opportunity and ability to rewrite the greatest literature in history. The power and responsibility I am assuming seemed awesome.
When I was in high school, I loved to read but I cannot say that I really enjoyed English literature classes. Looking back I think there were several reasons for this.
- I could not pick the books that I wanted to read. They were picked by the teacher.
- We generally read only parts of the “great classics.”
- Somehow I never understood the “reason” these books were classics or what the relevance of these books for my life was. It was reading without comprehension or understanding.
By the way, before you write me off as a Luddite or some type of anti-reading crusader, please consider the following facts that pertained to me when I was young and in high school. I loved to read. I read more than anyone I knew. I received high grades on all my English and literature tests. And to put the icing on the cake, I received the highest grade in a reading and writing contest put on for the entire senior class at my high school. Now ask yourself, “What did most students in school get out of their English literature classes?” I shudder to think if I cannot answer this question what my non-reading friends thought of their classes. I do not think they ever really knew or appreciated the value of reading the classics. However, I could now change history. By rewriting the classics, I can rectify the problem for all future readers. I can help legions of young people to see the value and beauty in reading the classics. This is the awesome power that I referred to above.
The other side of the coin though is the responsibility problem; as Spider Man said “With great power, comes great responsibility.”
A thematic precursor appeared in a well-known Biblical verse: Luke 12:48. The Bible verse is as follows:
“From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”
I have a responsibility to avoid trivializing or diminishing the beauty and elegance that the great literature has for us. We can make a musical or movie from these great works and often the outcome is quite positive. For instance, considering that a biography of someone’s life (e.g. Abraham Lincoln) can be rendered in a 90 minute movie is somewhat amazing. Many movies and musicals condense a lifetime into less than two hours.
We marvel that a book can be condensed into a 90 minute movie, but isn’t it just as interesting that an entire person’s life can be condensed into a book that might take less than ten hours to read. We complain that movies leave out a great deal of the book upon which many are derived but we seldom complain that the books leave out a great deal more upon the subjects or topics from which they are derived. Homer placed a ten year war between the Greeks and the Trojans into a 400 or so page book. If the average person can read 30 pages in an hour, than the sum time reflected in Homer’s Iliad (at least in terms of reading) is 14 hours.
I note the above facts because I plan on shortening the classics in my rewriting to less than 3000 words. Some of you will be aghast at this fact. It will surely seem like I am planning to renege on my implied promise to preserve, nay, enhance the integrity of these great works of literature. I assure you that this is not the case. I will try to create some short works that I hope the original authors would find interesting in their own way. It is not my intention to replace the great classics but simply to help some people understand what they are missing by not taking the time to read the actual works. Perhaps I cannot succeed in this endeavor but over the next six weeks, I am going to give it my best effort.
I am going to review the following classics:
- The Iliad by Homer
- Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain
- A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
- Macbeth by William Shakespeare
- Moby Dick by Herman Melville
- Out of the Crisis by Dr. W. E. Deming
I have tried to select some of my favorite classics and ones that are also familiar to many people. The book by Dr. W. E. Deming is (I am certain) much less well known. Nevertheless, it is a classic in the genre of business books and one that I have read and reread many times. Anyone who wants to understand business, management or business leadership must read this book. I will do some prologue to each book in my blog before I do my “classic rewrite” so I will not say anymore here about my selections. I will begin next week with the book The Iliad by Homer.
Time for Questions:
How many of the above classics have you read? What did you think about high school literature? Why? What did you enjoy most? What did you enjoy least? What were your favorite books? Do you love to read? If not, why not? What would you change in terms of your literature education? Can anyone really rewrite a “classic?”
Life is just beginning.
“Literature adds to reality, it does not simply describe it. It enriches the necessary competencies that daily life requires and provides; and in this respect, it irrigates the deserts that our lives have already become.” — C. S. Lewis
Once upon a time there was an old farmer and his wife who had a cow that suddenly decided to stop giving milk. It was a Swedish cow and you know how stubborn those Swedes can be. The old farmer was going to go out to talk to the cow but quite unexpectedly he choked to death on a bone in a piece of lutefisk. His wife now inherited the farm, the chickens, the pigs and the stubborn Swedish cow who would not give any milk.
Unbeknownst to all, there was a small little field mouse that lived with his family in the great barn. The field mouse had overheard the plight of the farmer’s wife and the arguments of the farm animals and was quite moved by their problem. The field mouse was an avid reader and many of his kind would have called him an intellectual. He was a follower of the famous Swedish philosopher Emanuel Swedenborg and also more recently the Swedish philosopher Nick Bostrom well known for his work on existential risk, the anthropic principle, human enhancement ethics, superintelligence, the reversal test, and consequentialism. The little field mouse decided to try explaining the theory of the Anthropic Principle to the cow in the hope that logic would prevail where pure emotion had failed.
Recently, I was thinking of starting a bumper sticker business. Bumper stickers can do quite well in terms of bringing in revenue. They are cheap and inexpensive and everyone has something they want to show off to the world. If you go to any trade show or convention or some special events like Roller Girls, Star Trek conventions, Comic Cons, you will find lots of different bumper stickers at the various booths. Someone once told me that bumper stickers (selling for 1 or 2 dollars) were a bread and butter item for them. “Big expensive items hardly sold, but everyone had a dollar or two for a bumper sticker.”
Of course, a great bumper sticker business must start with great ideas that have universal appeal. You must cater to the masses. You must have themes that resonate with the common person. You can’t have bumper stickers that say confusing things like E=MC2 or Circumference= Two x Pi x r. You must have ideas that are simple to understand and that everyone can relate to. For example, one classic one that I have seen on many cars is “My Kid Kicked Your Honor Roll Kids Ass.” This of course expresses the clear concept that it is better to be a bully than be intelligent. This seems to be an idea that among Trump supporters, Tea Party advocates and many right wing extremists resonates very well.
One other example of a great bumper sticker has been around for many years. It is quite popular and goes: “God, Guns and Guts Made America Great.” This bumper sticker shows quite clearly that God loves guns and guts and thus favors Americans who have more guns and guts than any other people in the world. Statistics prove this fact as it is well known that there are enough guns in the USA for everyone to have at least three guns each for every man, woman and child in the US. Even as I write, gun manufacturers are working to improve this statistic. Ruger has a goal of selling two million guns this year and will donate a dollar for every gun sold to the NRA to help promote their goal of selling more guns. In no time at all, we will have 4 guns for every person in the country, thus helping our nation become even greater than it is.
But what the heck, you can still be fat and send drones and guided missiles to bomb the hell out of other people. Guts are overrated! If we can maim and slaughter our enemies, we will still win and that is what counts. Winning is a common bumper sticker theme and one that I have tried to utilize in the following concepts. I present these ideas as possibilities for my bumper sticker company. I am open to other ideas. Please feel free to share any great ideas you have for bumper stickers. When my bumper sticker company becomes rich and famous, I will share some of my profits with you so that you can also be “Great” someday. Thus, without further ado, here are my top ideas for “Great” bumper stickers.
I am working on other ideas but I thought this would be a good start. One caveat that must be admitted is that bumper stickers can offend some people; but as they say “You can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.” Furthermore, the people that buy bumper stickers usually have an innate desire to express themselves in ways that they can’t manage as well verbally. A truly challenging bumper sticker lets people say things that they could not express as succinctly or eruditely if left to their own linguistic devices. For instance, the NRA says that “When guns are outlawed only outlaws will have guns.” Can you imagine the average person making such an eloquent defense of guns and assault rifles with such a short but biting comment? With one very unique phrase, millions of people have come to believe that they must buy a gun or be at the mercy of the millions of outlaws just lurking out there to rape and pillage their farms and homesteads, steal their cattle and ride off into the sunset with their women.
A great bumper sticker is an algorithm for self-expression. Those commie pinko intellectuals who can confuse you with their big words and high sounding concepts don’t stand a chance against a good bumper sticker. Bumper stickers let the average or even below average person duke it out on a level playing field with a Harvard college professor. One of my favorite bumper stickers says: “Just cause you’re so smart and went to school don’t mean you know anything.” Wow, is that profound or what! Take that you college Ph.D.’s that think you are so smart. “My son will kick your graduate son’s ass.”
The song goes “One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble.” It was by Murray Head and was featured in the musical Chess. This was a story put to music about the battle between Bobby Fischer, the brilliant American chess genius and Boris Spassky the efficient machine like Russian chess grandmaster. (In the play, the antagonists are an American chess champion and a Russian chess champion and Fisher and Spassky are never mentioned but the characters are thinly veiled portraits of Fisher and Spassky) Ostensibly this was a chess match between two magnificent chess players. However, only slightly beneath the surface it was in reality a match between the United States and the 
Soviet Union for dominance of the world. (If you would like to hear the song, 
The match took place at the height of the Cold War between the Russians and the US. Everything from sports to ballet to politics was imbued with the animosity that characterized Russian American relations during this time frame. The match took place in 1972. Spassky was the defending world champion and Fischer was the United States great “Western Hope.” The Russians were well known for being the greatest chess players in the world and few would have ever hoped that the US could challenge them at what amounts to their national game. For the previous 24 years, the Russians had defeated all comers to remain the world chess champions. All eyes, all hopes, all dreams, all aspirations and all of the US national pride rode on the shoulders of Bobby Fischer. People who would not know the difference between a pawn and a knight were tuned into what would become one of the most epic battles of the entire Cold War.
Poker is a more popular game in the United State than chess. It is estimated that there are over 60 million poker players in the US, 
There are many claims to the “Great American Tragedy” but in my mind, few equal the tragedy of Robert Fischer. Perhaps at some level, I can find myself identifying with him. Not in terms of his anti-Semitic or anti-American opinions but certainly in his idiosyncrasies regarding his playing and his involvement in tournaments. When I was a child, we used to play a game called “King of the Hill.” You could only be king for so long and eventually either one or the entire group would pull you down. This game taught me that you can only “reign” for so long and eventually whatever greatness you have will be eclipsed by others. Great actors become has-beens. Great athletes become washed-up. Great singers become past their prime. Great politicians outlive their times. Great thinkers are no longer able to think great thoughts. Whenever we become “King of the Hill” there is only one direction to go.
I can only imagine what it must have been like to be Fischer. The entire esteem of the United States was riding on his match with Spassky. All minds and all hearts needed him to beat the Russian. We had to show the world that we were not only the economic and physical match for the Russians but we were also their intellectual match. The Free World, democracy and God were riding on the outcome of Fischer’s match with Spassky. Can you imagine the pressure that was riding on Fischer’s shoulders? The stress that he had to cope with would have been incomprehensible. I think it would have driven most people stark raving mad, which I sometimes suspect it did to Bobbie.
It is now almost 50 years later and we are still playing chess with the Russians. Obama and Putin have taken the place of Kennedy and Khrushchev. The game of chess is still pitted against the game of poker. World fortunes and prestige still ride on the outcome of matchups between us and the Russians. The pawns have become the Arabs while the rulers of Syria, Saudi Arabia, Iran, ISIS, Iraq, Jordan and Europe fill in for the knights, bishops and rooks. Putin is the King for the Red side and Obama is the King for the White Side. The head of the Sunnis will fill in for the Red Queen while the head of the Shiites can fill in for the White Queen. Let the games roll on.
We have a concept called the Double Standard which denotes a situation wherein some behavior is generally thought of as unfair, inequitable or simply wrong. It is a much used term employed by sexists and racists. It is generally used as an argument against some actions being taken on behalf of a minority or other exploited group. Such groups include immigrants, women, children, the poor, Native Americans, Blacks, Latinos and many other underprivileged groups or groups wherein an asymmetrical relationship exists with the dominant power group. Let me give you an example before I define some terms.
A friend was arguing about the laws impacting the actions that business owners may or may not take in terms of delivering service to customers. The recent spate of arguments by the so called “Christian” Right against serving gays and other minorities whose religion or beliefs they disagree with was the spur or nucleus of his rant. He made the following analogy. “Suppose a Black man went into a White baker to have a birthday cake made and he was refused service? What do you think would happen he argued?” The reply given by his audience was, “It would probably be seen as discriminatory or perhaps even illegal.” He then argued, “Ok, so suppose a KKK member went into a Black baker and asked for a cake made for a KKK celebration and he was refused. What do you think would happen?” I replied that this seemed like an argument “reductio ad absurdum” or something taken to the extreme absurd. His argument was that it was not ridiculous and such situations are typical of the differences between how Blacks and Whites are now treated in our country or that a “Double Standard” exists.
What if you were very poor and you were going out with a very rich person? Suppose you gave gifts to each other on your birthdays. You gave a modest low budget gift from Walmart to your loved one. She/he in turn gave you an all-expense paid two week trip to Paris. Would you scream and yell that this was an unfair double standard? Unfair because you could not possible meet such a standard on your much lower income? You might want to argue that the example I have provided is ridiculous. However, it is no more ridiculous an example that many of the examples given by opponents of civil rights, affirmative action, equal pay, immigration laws, welfare and other measures to help create a more equitable society. (PC opponents are often guilty of such ignorance and there are numerous situations wherein they perceive that Political Correctness has created an unfair Double Standard.)
First: on what basis do we decide the symmetry of a relationship? Should we be looking at power, wealth, status, employment or opportunities as measures of symmetry? Second, when and how do we decide that relationships have become symmetrical and no longer need a Double Standard? Both of these questions are very difficult but they are also both critical since unless they are ultimately answered, the perception of unfairness will hover over any relationships where a Double Standard exists. This of course leads to such accusations as “reverse racism” and even claims that “Today White people are the real people being discriminated against.” (See 
The answer to the first question concerning metrics for determining symmetry is fairly easy. We need to look at metrics that will help to create a fair and just society. If we are attempting to create a level playing field for all groups in our country, then we must consider any measures that will help us to obtain this goal. There are measures for income, jobs, opportunities, education, incarceration and health that have and should be used to apply Double Standards when they will help to level the playing field.
This will be the war to end all wars. We are fighting for peace and justice. We have the moral high ground. Our enemies want to destroy the world. They seek a reign of terror and injustice. We are the good guys, it is clear. They are the bad guys, it is clear. Good guys have the right to maim and kill. We do it for the right reasons. God is on our side. This war will forever stamp out evil. We will march and sing hymns of praise to God. We will only kill those that need to be killed. Women and children that get in the way are collateral damage. We will save them from themselves. The world and history will thank us. Onward soldiers for God and country!
This will be the war to end all wars. If we don’t stop them now, they will soon be over here. We must take the battle to them and show them we mean business. We are not afraid. Have you ever heard of the Domino Effect? If we let them take one domino, they will soon take them all. Pretty soon, they will come to our country to take our dominoes. We must keep our dominoes for ourselves. No one else can be allowed to play with our dominoes. What are a few thousand or million dead people? We must destroy the village before we can save it. We fight for a cause that is bigger than any one of us. Forget yourself, charge the enemy. Do not take any prisoners. They would not be kind to you.
This will be the war to end all wars. We must be tough. No one who wants to win can flinch in the face of the enemy. Prime your rifles and mount your bayonets. Charge on command! Don’t think, just act. Yours is not to reason why. Follow your orders. The enemy will not hesitate. You must not give them any quarter. They will slaughter your wife and children. They will destroy your way of life. Heroism and medals await those of you who put your lives on the line for your country. Protect your flanks. Never retreat. When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
This will be the war to end all wars. We have drawn a line in the sand and we cannot back down. The die is cast and we must stand up to injustice and tyranny. We will fight the good fight and God will be on our side. God asks us to be brave soldiers and to never fear. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Cowards die many times before their deaths but heroes only die once, though sometimes it is a slow lingering death. Never worry though, there is a special place in heaven for those who die in defense of liberty and justice and freedom. There are also many medals you can earn and if you die in the line of duty, there are posthumous awards which can go to your survivors or nearest relatives. Never fear, you will not be forgotten.
This will be the war to end all wars. We must show them we mean business. We are a nation of practical business people. We are a nation that wages war like a business. We do not mean to really kill anyone but it is just good business. It is nothing personal you know. We might even like you if the circumstances were different but it is good for the economy. Practical matters aside, you don’t understand our economic system. Perhaps, if we could kill you more impersonally, you would not object so much. We can build more drones and you will not even see them coming. We don’t want bodies on the ground; it is not good for business. Good wars like any good business must be pragmatic. If we kill a few millions of you perhaps you will understand that God wants us to succeed. You must put your own personal problems aside when your country needs you. Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country. Be proud to die for your country and your economic system.
This will be the war to end all wars. We fight for the greater good. Right is on our side. Might makes right and we are the mightiest nation on the face of the earth. We are righteous and just and our enemies are cowards and liars. We fight to make the world a better place to live and for future generations. Our evil enemies only fight for themselves and their ill-gotten gains. Our battle is wondrous. Glory, glory, hallelujah! Our God is marching on. As he died to make men holy, let us die to make sure that all men are free. Ours is never to reason why, ours is never to make reply, ours is simply to do or die. There is no try. Greatness awaits us in heaven for this small price we must pay on earth. Never fear, you will get your rewards as all good soldiers must. Remember old soldiers never die. Their memories may fade away, but the glory of the valiant men and women who will give up their lives today to protect their native land will never be forgotten. Stand firm now, toe to toe, shield to shield, rifles to rifles. Be ready, be able and be willing. One can ask no more than that you are willing to give up your life to end all wars.
Over the past few months, the vitriol between Hillary supporters and Bernie supporters has increased in both intensity and animosity. I have had numerous arguments with Bernie supporters. I suspect many of them were once my friends and are now no longer so. This is interesting since you would think that we would have more in common than not. It would not surprise me if you were a Republican or Trump supporter and banished me from your Facebook, Twitter or any other list of friends that you maintained. However, it seems sad that so much rancor has been generated by the Hillary/Bernie battle as to result in lost friendships when we have so much in common. I must take some of the responsibility though since I am not and never will be one to shy away from a fight. If a fight is what you want, I will give it to you and no holds barred. I support my candidate and I will explain my reasons but when you get personal or insulting that is the end of the line. It would seem to be a line that is easily crossed and that reasons and emotions are two very different things.
Aging Capriciously 