The older I get, the more questions concerning virtues, values, morals and ethics concern me. Like most people, I thought that I learned what these concepts meant through church, parents, school, books, fairy tales and movies. What I never really learned was: 1. Why are they important? 2. What do they mean for society? 3. Why should we care about the differences? 4. How do they actually play out in real life? Real life meaning in war, in peace, in times of societal disasters and even in everyday living. Now with a few years left in my life, I am immensely concerned with the above questions.
I started reading more about virtues and values and morals and ethics a few years ago and did not make even a slight dent in the literature. Recently, I looked into YouTube to see what some videos had to say about the same questions I am concerned with. I found more videos to watch than I could review if I lived 100 more years. Nevertheless, I spent some time scanning a few of these videos to see what other writers had to say about virtues, values, morals and ethics. After reviewing these videos, I decided I would just wing it from my own perspective and experience. In this blog, I will try to answer each of the questions I posed based on my own experiences. Before we begin, I would like to provide a very simple definition for each concept. No ChatGPT or Google here. This is my own simple and probably not very profound definition of each.
Virtue: A gift to be earned. Examples, “Patience, Honesty, Faith”
Value: Something we think is important or worthwhile. Examples, “Happiness, Love, Frugality”
Moral: A principle we want to live by. Example, “Do unto others etc.”
Ethics: Principles others think we should live by. Examples, “Always respect your customers”
1. Why are they important?
The simplest but most compelling answer to this question is that they help you to lead a happier, more fulfilling life. People adhering to these concepts will have character and integrity and be both respected and admired. They may not make you rich. They may not make you famous. But true happiness does not come from fame and fortune. Here are some quotes that I like on happiness:
“True happiness is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” – Helen Keller
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi
“Happiness is a warm puppy.” – Charles M. Schulz
“It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.” – Charles Spurgeon
You might be asking yourself “Well, do we really need to pay attention to each of these concepts?” Why not just worry about virtues or ethics? My answer is yes. We need to pay attention to all four of these concepts because they work together. Like a car needs a transmission, engine, battery and wheels to get anyplace, you cannot become the person you want to be if you ignore any of these ideas.
You cannot be virtuous and have shallow values. You cannot have great values but no ethics. You cannot have ethics but no morals. We need to understand and embrace all four of these concepts. Values and ethics deal more with external influences on our lives while virtues and morals come more from inside us and deal with our own abilities and character. Can you have good character and embrace “bad” actions? Can you have “bad” character and pursue good actions? I think the answer to both these questions is “very unlikely.” Actions flow out of character and character is developed by actions.
2. What do they mean for society?
First let me ask you a few questions and see if your thinking about these questions answers my question above. Are you happy with the way people drive on the freeways today? Do you feel that politicians and leaders today really care about you and the country? Do you think that poverty and homelessness are inevitable or that good leadership could help to amend these problems? Is a good leader ethical, moral, virtuous and guided by good values? Do you think the above problems can be taken care of simply by higher incomes and fewer taxes?
Now, I would ask you to go back to my question number 2 and take a few minutes to think of how you would answer it. What would it mean for society if everyone practiced good virtues, morals, ethics and values? Would we have as much unhappiness in society as we seem to have today? Would our crime rate be high? Would we constantly be involved in fighting wars in other countries?
“Virtue does not come from wealth, but wealth, and every other good thing which men have comes from virtue.” – Socrates
“No people can be great who have ceased to be virtuous.” – Samuel Johnson
“A country cannot subsist well without liberty, nor liberty without virtue.” – Daniel Webster
“The first principle of value that we need to rediscover is this: that all reality hinges on moral foundations. In other words, that this is a moral universe, and that there are moral laws of the universe just as abiding as the physical laws. – Martin Luther King Jr
Once upon a time, I thought that the most important thing I could teach in schools would be critical thinking skills. However, after having been teaching since 1975 in every class from kindergarten to Ph.D. programs, I have come to believe that the most important thing I can teach is an appreciation of these four concepts. I have no illusions that I can or should force any particular virtue or values or ethics or morality down anyone’s throat. I think that while each of these concepts is universal, each person must identify his/her own ideas and beliefs that are most important to them. I have my list of virtues and morals that I try to live by. Each day, I start out with a little prayer to remind myself to practice a particular virtue. Today it was patience. Tomorrow it will be kindness. I do an inventory at the end of each day wherein I ask myself “how did I do today on my virtue.”
As for morals, I have several principles that I try to live by. I have listed five of my most important moral principles below. You may have five, ten, fifteen or twenty that you believe in and not one that matches any of mine. I think that what is important is that each of your principles is a building block for positive character. A character that other people can admire but even more importantly, a character that you can be proud of.
- Do no harm to others
- Stand up for what I believe
- Do unto others as they would have done unto them
- Demonstrate integrity in all I say and do
- Do not be afraid to do what is right
3. Why should we care about the differences between these concepts?
Dr. Deming was famous for his quote that, “Experience without theory teaches nothing.” I strongly support his axiom. What it means is that if you keep doing something and it works or perhaps does not work, without an underlying theory of causality, you will never understand what factors or actions have resulted in your success or failure. Without understanding these factors, it may be difficult to replicate your success but also likely you will not be able to improve on it.
For instance, what if people seem to shy away from me and dislike me? Or what if I seem to aggravate people but I cannot figure out why? Going to school to study psychology or reading “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie might be just the theory that you need to better understand yourself and your behavior. Socrates said, “Know Thyself” and also that, “The Unexamined Life is Not Worth Living.” Reflection and knowledge can lead to wisdom and wisdom will help you to lead a good life.
I also support the opposite belief, that “Theory without experience teaches nothing.” You can read all the psychology books you want but unless you act on your theories, you will also learn nothing. You cannot understand an apple or a steak without biting into it. We must couple action with theory in our lives, or we risk going through life with a tank ½ full.
4. How do these concepts play out in real life?
This is a very challenging question. I can tell you that in my life I tended to ignore the theory part in favor of experiences. I learned a great deal through the proverbial trial and error, but my life has been in the past like a rubrics cube that came apart and I could not put it back together again.
I did not understand the relationship between the concepts we are discussing now and how they could and should play a role in my life. I looked for a better more meaningful life by working harder, making more money and acquiring more diplomas and certificates. Only in the past few years have I began to understand that without a firm grounding in morality, ethics, values and virtues, I could never live a life that measured up to my goals and aspirations. These concepts form the bedrock and foundation for a life that exemplifies integrity and character.
“Despotic power is always accompanied by corruption of morality.” – Lord Acton
“Where the roots of private virtue are diseased, the fruit of public probity cannot but be corrupt” – Felix Adler
“Moral decline has become a growing concern in many societies around the world. As the traditional values and principles that guide human behavior weaken, we see a shift in attitudes, actions, and even societal structures. This decline in ethical standards, often characterized by increasing selfishness, dishonesty, and a lack of accountability, has widespread implications for individual lives, families, communities, and nations.” – Virtuous Magazine, 10-9-24
“Those who conduct themselves with morality, integrity and consistency need not fear the forces of inhumanity and cruelty.” – Nelson Mandela
Conclusions:
I wrote this blog because as many people have attested to, there is an alarming decline in morality, ethics, values and virtues in our world today. Many people now subscribe to an opportunistic philosophy which states that “If it is not illegal, than I can do it.” To these people, it does not matter who they will harm by their actions. The only things that matter are their own personal wants and desires. Some people have referred to the present generation as the “entitlement” generation. Others call our present times a time of Amorality. Amorality is between immorality and morality, but it does not denote a Golden Mean. Rather it is more like a zombie state that ignores the negative effects of a lack of morality on society. It ignores the harm that Amorality does to individuals in any society.
Opportunism, Amorality and Entitlement have become strong values for many in American society. In this respect, I see them as “bad” values. The difference between Good Values and Bad Values might seem to be merely a matter of opinion but I disagree. I have argued in my previous blog that there are Bad Laws and Good Laws. So too there are Bad Values and Good Values. Bad values devalue life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for private profit and gain. The opposite is true of Good values. Good values enhance life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness for the greatest number. James Madison said that a Democracy is a “Rule of the Majority with a concern for the Minority.” What we see in America today would seem to be the rule of an Oligarchic Rich Elite exploiting minorities for their own benefit. Perhaps more emphasis on morals, values, virtues and ethics in the media and press and less emphasis on violence and mayhem could reposition our country. I think many of us would like to live in a nation that is based on empathy and compassion for all rather than revenge and retribution for those who are more vulnerable, poor or less powerful.
The Diagram that I used in this blog was created by Sudir Vigneshwar. He has a very good blog on the subject of Morality and Virtue at his website. I think the diagram depicts in a model what I have been saying in so many words. Look for
Faith is number five of my seven essential virtues for leading a happy and successful life. Every Friday I start my day with the following prayer:
I decided that I must first understand what Faith really means. To do this, it is helpful to deconstruct how we think about Faith and how we use the word. I thought about how we use both Trust and Faith in common language. For instance we use trust in English as follows:
I think you can readily see that there is a certain degree of overlap between the two concepts. However, Faith generally seems to convey a more sectarian or theological concept of belief whereas Trust is generally used in more secular terms. Thus, we don’t “trust” God but we have Faith in her. Faith seems to be a term that is not contingent upon any kind of physical or logical proof. We might not trust a person with our money without proof that they are “bonded” or trustworthy, but we would not expect such displays of material evidence when it comes to having Faith in God. So what is the relevance to this in our lives? What good is Faith if we can substitute trust for faith and have more security in the long run?
The answer seems to be (IMHO) that sometimes we can trust without evidence but generally we are better off trusting with some element of surety that can mitigate the risk of our trust being unfounded or mistaken. Whereas, there is little or no evidence that can prove your need or desire to have Faith. You must have Faith like a parent has love for a child. It is unconditional. You have Faith simply because you want to believe. You have Faith because you accept something without conditions. You need no proof or evidence to support your Faith. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Should you have Faith without proof? What would a life without Faith be like? Would we be safer or happier with less Faith?
Fortunately, the 3.4 percent of respondents have been more than enough to help me keep my Faith. (Should I really need such sustenance if I have Faith?) Yes, I have Faith that my writing is making a difference to the world but alas, I have no proof for the empiricists, the materialists or the skeptics. I have to ask you as well as myself to believe that I am. It is Faith that keeps me motivated. Without Faith, life would appear to be a futile waste of time. Faith helps us to carry on when everything and everyone is saying to quit. The woman in the life raft, the athlete with a severe injury, the parents with a disabled child, the poor fighting hunger, the righteous fighting injustice are all sustained by the power of Faith.
Faith can believe everything
Kindness is number four of my seven essential virtues for leading a happy and successful life. Every Thursday I start my day with the following prayer:
There were few heroes when I was growing up who could measure up to my standards for clear and unemotional thinking. I grew up with a father who demanded toughness. My father’s motto was not to “get even” but to “get one up.” If someone hit me, he taught me to make sure that they would never think of hitting me again. My father was 6’ 4” tall and had been a professional boxer with a 21 and 3 record. He taught me fighting skills at a very young age. My neighborhood taught me to disregard the “rules of boxing” and to fight with whatever I had to win. I could easily protect myself and few people would bother me. Somehow, I became a protector for those kids who were less aggressive and who were picked on by the ever pervasive bullies. I kicked more bullies asses then I can count. I was always proud to help the underdog. Paradoxically, these traits did not make me more compassionate but made me harder and tougher.
Through hardness and toughness I began to forge a wall that nothing could get through. Sentiments, compassion and empathy were increasingly blocked out by my need to be tough and to not take any shit from anyone in the world. Each episode where toughness prevailed was another brick that helped to build my wall higher and higher. I never thought I would get married but after getting my first wife pregnant, I “did the right thing” and married her. It was the manly thing to do. My dad had always taught me to take responsibility for my actions and my baby Chris was a direct result of my actions.
One day we were in a grocery store just before Christmas. An apparently legless man pushing himself along on some kind of a wheeled board was inside the grocery looking for some money. I walked by him with Julie (my first wife) and ignored him. My wife turned back and started to give him some money and I said: “Shit, don’t give him any money, he can probably outrun me. I will bet he is just a fakir.” She gave him the money anyway and replied “What if he is not?” I never forgot that comment. I am not sure why my first wife married me. She once said that she thought all people had feelings and emotions until she married me. We subsequently divorced but I have to say that I probably owe my life to my first wife. She cared for me when I was suicidal and she always looked after me when I was hurt or needed help. Through her, I began to see what compassion and kindness were. This journey has continued with my second wife Karen who is one of the most considerate and most compassionate spouses anyone could have. Every day I learn something about kindness from her.
I disagree with Shaw. I am getting older and I still respect and uphold the values of our Founding Fathers, but I refuse to live in a gated community or allow a homeowner’s association to tell me what color holiday lights to put up. I am not a believer in mincing words but I respect the rights of minorities and anyone else to be referred to as they want to be referred to. I respect the rights of Indians to have their ancestor’s graveyards not dug up for commercial or even academic reasons and I respect their rights not to be depicted as silly mascots for some college team. Trump and his supporters believe the US has become too PC. They blame minorities for this. They would like to live in a land where it is ok to call a Black person a nigger since we call Italians wops and French frogs. A Black person they argue has a double standard or they apply a double standard for Blacks and Whites. The bottom line of all this double talk is not too much PC but a lack of empathy and compassion and kindness towards others.
Yes, there are extremists who want to take Huckleberry Finn out of the library just like there were Popes that knocked the genitals off of statues in Rome. But if you have any empathy or even the slightest understanding of culture and history, you will be less apt to say “My father didn’t own any slaves.” That is a little like replying to a woman who was raped “Well, I did not do it.” To which I can now hear someone replying, “Yes, but no Black people alive today were slaves, so why should they be so upset?” Yes indeed, why should they be so upset? If you are serious about looking at a reason, please regard the following article:
The people that we will remember in our lives and who make the most impact on our lives are not the rich and famous. They are the people who most cared about us and looked after us. They were kind and loving towards us and somehow showed that we meant something to them and to the world. They may have been our fathers or mothers or an aunt or teacher or perhaps a close friend. How much money they had or how successful they were did not make a difference to us. Indeed, what they gave us could not have been purchased by money. Money doesn’t touch us but kindness does.
Our second scenario involves going to church service. At the end of many services, the minister (Do Rabbis and Imams do this?) will wait at the door and greet the outgoing parishioners. Do you?
Our third and final scenario finds us on our ubiquitous freeway system wending our way to some appointment that we will probably be late to if the traffic stays so slow. Do you?
I want to talk about Gratefulness today. It is the first in my list of the Key Seven Virtues that I think are worth developing. Gratefulness is the opposite of ingratitude. It is easy to fall into the trap of being ungrateful. The world besieges us with evidence of our incompetence and faults. Hollywood glamorizes the mundane and makes the rest of us feel inferior in comparison. American Idol becomes the graven image that we now worship. It is not an image of a gold calf or a prophet or a saint. It is the image of success and fame and fortune that we all desire. Even as I write this, millions of people are buying a lottery ticket in the hope of achieving instant wealth. How many of these people are grateful for what they have? I suspect many of them are very grateful in their daily lives, but it makes you wonder how grateful most people are when they will spend their money against all odds to become an overnight millionaire. What don’t they have that they will buy if they do win?
I thought I would start the year of 2021 off with a positive slant. Namely, some things we can all do or practice to be better people. However, before anyone should pay any attention to what I am about to say, there are several questions they must ask themselves. I would advise you that the veracity and hence credibility of an author is critical to your acceptance of what the author is trying to sell you or convince you of. Do not buy an argument from someone who cannot be trusted. Think about the comment that “If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.” An uncritical acceptance of any idea is dangerous to your own integrity and responsibility. Hence, the questions I would want answered (If I were you) would be as follows: Who is this writer to say what the “greatest” virtues for a human are? How did he come up with these Seven Virtues? What is the difference between a virtue and a value? Is this an important difference or is he about to sell me another new religion?
I would like to answer that I am a seeker of truth and knowledge. I am very opinionated, often highly judgmental and have frequently been accused of being a “know it all.” Many people would write my opinions off as being too liberal while others would say that I am too rational. I place great value on being logical and trying to stay open to many possibilities. I have been studying philosophy and religion since I was eighteen. I have no degrees in either. But the number of books and articles and stories that I have read number in the hundreds. I have attended many different worship houses and types of religious services. I was brought up as a Catholic until I rejected its teachings at about the age of 10. When no one would give me a good answer for “Who made God?” I more or less decided that most religions were based on superstitions.
Given that one could easily comprise a list of ten or perhaps one hundred important virtues, why do I believe that my seven are the seven greatest and most important? How do I have the audacity to make such an assertion? I might have been sitting under an apple tree one day, or perhaps simply thinking about life at one of my yearly silent retreats at the Demontreville Retreat Center, when I compiled a list of seven virtues. While I truly “value” these ideas, I understand them more as virtues than values. I will address this difference later. I decided that I want to live by these virtues. Each day for the last fifteen or more years, I have selected one of these seven virtues to help guide me through the day. Whether it is patience, kindness or courage, each day I start by reflecting on this virtue and trying to make it a part of my life.
The danger in this discussion lies in your taking a sectarian or religious approach to my writings. I assure you that I am not a religious person. I may be a spiritual person but I do not think of myself in either of these categories. I am an agnostic who wants to live a better life and help build a world that is a better place to live for future generations. Living by these seven virtues is one way I believe I can contribute to this goal.
If I have satisfactorily answered the questions that I posed above respecting my integrity and credibility, I will now set off to address each of my Seven Virtues and explain why they are so important and the difference that I think they can make in our lives. Look for my virtues over the next several weeks in my blogs.
Aging Capriciously 